Have we eaten all of our digestive cookies that were dipped in Pepto? Good. It’s time for round two or three of drinking. But make room for that turkey sandwich on sourdough bread with non-E. coli lettuce and fresh-cracked black pepper and Hellman’s Mayo or somesuch. If you abominate that holy treasure with Miracle Whip we can no longer be pretend friends. If you know your history, Miracle Whip was invented by Pol Pot’s grandfather after he witnessed a Leopard regurgitate a Sun Bear’s afterbirth. That’s something that the good folks in Kraft Foods marketing department rarely make mention of and rightly so. Uh, maybe a slice of cheese also. Not that ‘American’ cheese either. Did you know… What? Oh. There’s a tilt on tonight? Right.
TO THE GAME!
Falcons/Saints:
Atlanta’s super stud lb Deion Jones was going to be ready for this game having been lifted off IR but he’s a no-go. Not that he’d make much of a difference against this year’s version of Drew Brees. The 39 year old six footer that was once knocked as being too short for the game is flinging the ball at the intended target and being successful at it 77% of the time. Yeah, the passing game has become all that more complex and sophisticated in this here day and age but Brees is the master at the moment. Let’s hope that Ryan is on-we know Julio will get his. I’m hoping wr Ridley will as well.
Somebody rub my back for good luck.
Highlight of the night was my cousin Samantha who just got from the Peace Corps saying grace at the dinner table and ending it with a God Bless America and God bless the next Speaker of the Nancy Pelosi. Lets just say our drunk Trump supporting Uncle Kevin was not too happy and picked up the mash potatoes and threw them in rage screaming about the liberals.
So… How was the rest of dinner?
Is she single?
yeah, sounds pretty great!
IS UNCLE KEVIN SINGLE?
“Uncle Kevin throws like a Trotskyite”
Uncle Kevin can go fuck himself
am now so bored I am doing rookie research (for my baseball league, draft starts a bit before Xmas). In the league where I have the 12th pick, likely looking at Willy Adames (TB) or Lourdes Gurriel (TOR). Any thoughts is welcome.
/or could go homer pick with Tyler (Pillar of Meat) O’Neill
nick senzel nick senzel nick senzel
dagnabit, he is nae eligible b/c no MLB at bats
what are the criteria for this league?
We get 34-man rosters (all 30 teams), can keep everybody year to year (subject to salary cap, which can ding FA money and draft picks). We re-play games based on prior year stats on Diamond Mind Baseball. Unlike FF, trading is extremely active.
what do you need?
Likely SS and/or 2B. Really have fuckall there. Could go 1B, but likely punting another year because Luke Voit will be a short-term band-aid (though likely will get a limit where I can only start him v. LHP – I can get a platoon caddy pretty easy).
All “MLB debut” players from 2018 are eligible for rookie draft. Don’t have the free agent list yet, but MIF is usually pretty bleak.
Defense counts in this league, too. It’s as addictive as crack.
I have Syndegaard and Rodon at top of rotation, decent catching, Matt Chapman at 3B, and OF is Pham/Mallex Smith/Piscotty.
Hoping to get Miles Mikolas in free agency, been hoarding fake moneys for him.
If you can snag Jeff McNeil because sites like fangraphs think he has “no position” because he played 3 games at third last season, do it.
Failing that: Garrett Hampson (COL) for SS, and Ronald Guzman for 1B (TEX)
I know none of these people. Go homer pick
I wish PoM could make it to the 28th pick, that side is weak in OF. My MIF is hot fucking garbage for the team picking 12th.
Dungy always sounds like he has taken a xanax and had a few bong rips.
So did his son
Me: Ugh, why is Peter King there?
Bro in law: Peter King drove Gleason across country
Me: That’s worse than having ALS
he can’t even run away from that fuck
“So there I was on the Acela and I really had to shit because of this colonoscopy thing and I says to this guy, I says wait where are you going?”
“Hey Steve, do you know who else had ALS? It’s not football related so I, a football writer, can tell you all aboout it.”
“I WISH I COULD CONTROL THIS STEERING WHEEL WITH MY EYES”
BECAUSE I’D TAKE THIS FUCKER RIGHT INTO A RAVINE IF IT WOULD STOP THIS ASSHOLE’S STORY!
God really hates him.
Hmmm, he has ALS but he does get to fly first class…
Think his cell ringtone is “Roll Out”?
/Punches ticket to hell
Yo folks. Driving home (Mrs is behind the wheel) from family thanksgiving. Blaxito did pretty well overall. How’s yall doing?
Filled with love. All my offspring were here.
So there’s something I did very right.
Best to you Blax and family.
Very well. Had 9 people over for dinner, plenty of leftovers. A few still staying over watching football. Great day overall
We really need to put a stop on running to the endzone to celebrate a turnover. You can only celebrate in the endzone for a touchdown, safety or 4th down goal line stand. You have to earn the endzone celebration!
Anybody seen Fozz lately? Imma be in Baltimore next week and I want to fuck his life up just a little bit while I’m there.
Just a little bit.
An anonymous police complaint will do that quite easily. “Mr. Fozz, we’ve received complaints about you running in the park chasing squirrels with a hammer.”
LOL. You jest, but I can actually picture that.
His name was Logan Paulsen.
how the absolute tittyfuck is Steve Gleason still alive? Poor guy.
I have a ton of left over turkey. Apparently my family does not adhere to the pound per person rule. Although a larger bird means more turkey stock. So there’s that.
as long as whoever made the gravy did it RIGHT, leftover turkey is even better (at least for first 2-3 days)
Oh yes. The gravy is top notch. Stock will be made Saturday
I can prepare and bake the shit out of a turkey breast. Have an innate sense for when to remove from the oven. But I SUCK OUT LOUD at making gravy. Have to rely on the formerly vegan kid (who is now eating poultry, just nothing else) for that.
Fortunately, she is the kid most likely to still be speaking to me in 10-20 years
Wondra is your friend.
I over did the dressing. But I did it on purpose.
Gotta love the dressing or GTFO.
The dressing was epic. Everything was. Hell even the former mrs. was here. Great stuff.
Once you’ve raised a two generation family and EVERYBODY’S cool?
Somebody said there would be laurels to rest upon.
Not so much myrrh next time.
We have leftover turkey breast and pork loin. We’ll be okay.
I’ll be right over.
hey there! DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!
I still find that creepy as hell.
Poor doggie.
There was food. Not a death level, but a satisfied level. And we’re watching The Godfather because Padre Weaselo will keep the first two movies on loop. Which is totally okay.
I would shame y’all for the lack of FOOTBAW, but both pro and JV matches are shite
My mother has always loved knitting. To feel a sense of worth, she has now begun knitting various things for hospice and one of the local hospitals, things to be donated for patients, preemies, etc. Pretty cool thing to do IMHO.
But tonight, she moved all of her knitting stuff to the kitchen table and pulled out a tape measure.
tWBS: What are you doing?
tWBS’ Mom: I’m measuring my thing. They need it to be a certain length.
tWBS (giggling): I haven’t measured my thing in years. I don’t care how long it is I’m just happy it still works.
tWBS’ Mom: Shut up. Why are you such an asshole?
tWBS (laughing uncontrollably now): Ummmmm…genetics?
This game is not the shootout I need it to be
anybody ever know a guy who went to the nudie bar on Thanksgiving nite? I want to tell a friend how it might theoretically be.
If its anything like a casino at 4:00 AM on Christmas Day, everyone is quiet and focused on distracting themselves from being in a casino at 4:00 AM on Christmas Day.
fuck, I would LOVE to be in a casino on Xmas!
/just nae 4a
I was bored. I was working third shift, everyone was asleep and watching Skinemax on Christmas morning seemed too wrong.
yeah, I suppose Xmas and Easter are the two days one feels weird masturbating on
Drove by one of the higher end chi-chi bars on the way home, only a few cars in the parking lot. That would be the pinnacle of depression.
I like testing mah bounds, and the footbaw has disappoint
Has Matt Ryan forgotten how to play football?
he only has brain capacity left for John Tesh lyrics now
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/spain/5224797/Thieves-flee-after-breaking-into-Dolph-Lundgrens-Spanish-home.html
Old news, but with Creed II out its sort of relevant. Not for Lundgren’s wife, but just to imagine the look on the burglers’ faces.
am I supposed to know who the fuck that is in the “my mom died” Nike hoops ad?
I just came back from pho. Why are Dungy and Harrison doing play-by-play now?
because they couldn’t have us in praise of the lack of Collinsworth
So last night I spent a ton of money at a Goose Island Bourbon County tapping (tasted all the variants without having to wait in line for bottles) BUT the unexpected treat of the night is when a nice gentleman let me taste a 23 year old Elijah Craig and some Pappy Van Winkle because the bar had a 40% of whiskey special before the beers were tapped.
Does Pappy Van live up to the rep?
I preferred the Elijah Craig, but the Pappy was excellent. It’s not worth the insane price tag, but it’s incredibly good.
I was a whiskey drinker, but had so much Jim Beam my freshman year that EVERY WHISKEY smells and tastes just like Beam now.
I still have a couple fingers of pappy 15 from 5 years ago. It’s definitely top 3. But finding it in the wild is expensive as hell
FUCK PAPPY, GIMME BLANTON’S ANYDAY OF THE WEEK
Has the “can’t start running” kickoff rule completely ruined onside kicks this year?
Yeah. Seen some pieces about how the only way to do it now is for the kicker to recover it, since he’s the only one allowed to still have a running start.
some special teams coach needs to invent some new kick strategy, b/c yeah these are just wet farts now
Maybe a backspin on the ball where it its on the 40 and bounces backwards towards the kicking team.
yup, I have seen one side try sommet like that
Thinking of really adding some spice to my holiday by doing a Twitter search for “alone Thanksgiving family liberal” and savoring the results.
My stomach can’t hold this much beer. I might need to switch back to bourble.
beer then liquor, never been sicker
Right there with you. Beer is very, very good, but also very, very filling.
Stronger Than Fire? HOLD MY BEER – teh CA wildfire
you suck, Johnny Reb and Falcons. Guess I’mma just have to get crunk.
A wide receiver leg being grazed by an intercepting defender counts as a legal tackle, but a defender Road House kicking QBs and suddenly he’s the bad guy.
but does he even got $50??
Did he fuck guys like that in prison?
“Faith” disclaimer about Thanksgiving – do ppl REALLY not understand that it is in no way, shape, or form a religious holiday?
But the Puritans liked Jesus.
You think Dungy enjoys Thanksgiving because he doesn’t have to hang with the family?
Banner this man!
Saviorception
How did Atlanta end up in the Super Bowl again?
de-FAULT?
WOOOOOOOOOOOO
Matty (Hands of ) Ice!
Matty Ice is a giant vortex of suck
Alright, like Rambo in the jungle of Vietnam, I am starting my attack on the leftovers.
Where’s the supe this year?
Its easy to say Rams-Chiefs after Monday but many high-octane offenses usually fail in the playoffs. Also, I’d be assuming a Andy Reid-led team can win two playoff games.
NFC: Saints or Rams
AFC: Patriots, Steelers or Chiefs
In order of likelihood:
1) Saints/Chefs
2) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!/Chefs
3) Bearistocrats!/Chefs
4) Saints/P*ts
Oh, right. The Bears. I’d put them 3rd, but its either Breesus or Los Embestir Eso.
My dream is for NO to fall to #3 somehow. If they have to play in Chi**** in January, they’ll lose for sure.
But so long as the Chefs keep homefield, they’ll emerge from the AFC. They are just SO MUCH better than everyone else.
Megatron’s Butthole
Jesus, Breesus plays there every year.
Which is once.
I’m really fucked up.
Super Bowl 53: Let’s Try Anal
After 53 years, you think that would’ve happened by now.
hey now, I’ve made it 45.5 years without!
/ah am the anti-Balls
Tits
Tirico and Al Michaels would be a vast improvement.
Who we got? Tirico & …
Good news! Tirico all game. Bad news! Teh Dunge.
I need Ingram v Coleman and a defensive struggle here!
Jk. FIRE THE FUCKING CANNONS BABY!!!
Payton is trying to get Breesus his first league MVP. That’s apparently why it’s looked like they’ve been running up the score a bit lately.
Also! Everyone get Tre’Quan out of your lineups. Him out.
It’s a shame this Egg Bowl is being played in Mississippi cause if it’s shit early they won’t be able to terminate it.
Banner, right?
Just do the honorable thing. Support the people that have to deal with this game in progress and when its finished, it can be adopted to a nice gay or lesbian couple that wants a rivalry football game of their very own.
Everyone wins!
I think I’ll make a picher of dirty martinis. Like, stir-it-with-my-dick ‘dirty’.
That sounds fucking disgusting. I gagged reading that
I’m with wakezilla, I’m sensng an upset.
Should I switch Brees for dalton? No one brees gets 8 400 yard games in a row
There is only one correct mayo answer.
The answer is none. Ever.
This. That shite is Satan’s jism.
Not sensing that Johnny Reb’s ONE JERB is a gettin’ done
NOW teh late thread is socially acceptable
Merry Turkeymas, cheesedicks.
Based on nothing, but, does anyone else get the impression that the Falcons are going to upset the Taints tonight?
yes, very possible