Good hangover and fat shame morning, Commentist Party members! The footy gods are kind today, at least.
/also LMFAO at Colt McCoy
Texas at Kansas (Noon, FS1)
All the Steerfuckers have to do is beat Waiting-on-Les-Miles to make the conference title match. Can they possibly fuck this up?
Houston at Memphis (Noon, ABC)
In case you missed all the scoring from MNF, and can look past the lack of quality.
Arkansas at Missouri (2:30, CBS)
Pig Sooey are 23.5-point dogs, but they ALWAYS play well on Thanksgiving Friday. I am smelling upset!
Virginia at Virginia Tech (3:30, ABC)
The Seminoles’ fall from grace has camouflaged the fact that VPI has fallen every bit as far, and as rapidly. 4-6 entering today.
Oregon at Oregon State (4:00, FS1)
Civil War, bitches! I love rivalry matches with clever names. The Quackers might be a little hard on the Beaver this year, though.
UCF at South Florida (4:15, ESPN)
Only the Bulls stand between us and more hand-wringing about the Hitler Mice only being able to beat the schedule that’s in front of em, yada yada.
Oklahoma at West By God Virginia (8:00, ESPN)
We really might have lost Sen. Manchin if not for all the various conservative coaches cutting that ad for him. As such, much good karma to Fuckers du Cousins. Nobody will even pretend at defensing.
Washington at Washington State (8:30, Fox)
Finally, the main event! Oh, how I want to see Pirate Mike Leach take Wazzu to the PAC championship. So, a moneyline bet on the boring-ass Huskies to win the Apple Cup is the only sensible play.
So, I just spent a few hours with this guy I work with and have known for over 10 years as a contractor, also happens to live about 4 miles up the road, and also ex Navy (12 year sonar tech CPO, then a nuclear physics degree, followed by 12 years SWO/ship driver, retired as O-5 LCDR). A real fucking poindexter, makes his own wine, tequila, and whiskey, all of them exemplary, and knows how to fix all kinds of shit. I’m going to go live on his property after the Trump-induced post-apocalyptic hellscape becomes a reality. Dude just put in a huge solar array, solar powered water well, he’s practically living off the grid already. Should at least extend my lifespan by a few months… Did I mention he made good booze?
At a Christmas themed bar. It’s actually pretty cool. I am about to order a yippie kay yah mother fucker.
Just woke up from a 30 minute nap induced by tryptophan.
So what am I doing for dinner now?
More turkey.
So, apparently Bob McNair, the Texans owner, just died.
Shotgun or…
may that racist fuck rot in hell
Guess he’s just an inmate at the funeral home now.
Canada won the repechage playoff & qualified for the Rugby World Cup in 2019.
Their reward: Pool B at next year’s World Cup alongside top-ranked New Zealand, No. 5 South Africa, No. 14 Italy and No. 23 Namibia.
So you’re saying there’s a chance?
It’s a damn shame they cut rugby funding in Canada. 6 years ago, if Canada were to get this group, they’d be praising Xenu because 3rd place and an automatic World Cup birth in the next World Cup would seem very attainable.
Interesting that Repechage is also a skin care product line.
Yay?
Yes!
UCF QB Injury (not NSFW, but its graphic)
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRdnbM3F56A
So I went to four hardware stores looking for a dirty water sump pump with a float and at least a 15 foot cord (my backyard is low and all water from the neighbors drains to my backyard) and all I found was indoor clean water sump pumps with 8 to 10 foot cords. I didn’t know devices could be downgraded to Theoretical or Hypothetical.
So apparently something fucked up and the Tiger-Phil no-one-cares-a-thon is streaming free.
That makes it a 1% chance I’ll watch.
I believe it’s been re-marketed as the “We Got Paid Already-Care For A Bit Of Empty Nostalgia?”
I’d rather watch a sex tape involving Donald Trump and his dominate hand.
“Phil Versus Tiger: I Ran Out Of Money For Elin” would be a more accurate title.
Still too expensive for me.
Hate seeing the cart go out on to the field….
Well except for that one time
Might have to spend the weekend in the land of ice and snow and slow internet and in-laws that never stop gossiping about people I don’t know. Fuckballs.
[drifts off into a ten minute dream sequence about the land of “ice” and “snow”] – Jim Irsay
smh they make devices that can scramble cell phone signals but where are the in-law scramblers?
Nice closeup of birdshit on the goalpost there, Mr. FS1 camera guy.
[Assembles “Sociopathic Roy Williams Haters Club”]
“Perhaps you’re wondering why I asked you to come here…”
RANGERS: [pull goalie]
FLYERS: [score]
RANGERS: [put goalie back in]
FLYERS: [score again]
It was close for the first 55 minutes until the puck rang off the post!
How generous and giving is this commenting community? No one threw me under the bus after I did same to Amari Cooper and he proceeded to go off. Thanks for recognizing that I’m just trying to maybe bring a smile to your faces in the intros by being a sarcastic/cynical fool almost all the time.
I’m just biding my time waiting for Cowboys fans to confront the sticker shock after they see what kind of contract he’ll demand.
I never read your posts. I only accidentally read this one.
[points down to your drill press pic]
Oh really, now?
Hey look! Here I am at work!
This sucks as much as I expected!
Ray Liotta is doing Chantix ads now but his best work was in…. Something Wild.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzBDW-uBdVo
Looks like Hou-Mem switched to make-it-take-it rules in the 4th quarter, Memphis up 52-31.
Battle for the corn all tied up with 42 seconds to go
Coach Martha Stewart iced the kicker!
East Corn pulls out the win
Iowa coach wearing lipstick! Or blood. Or something. I don’t care.
Seamus will be happy to know that the Baltimore Orioles dominated 90’s baseball.
He’ll be less happy when it’s clarified that it was the 1890’s.
Shrug. Makes about as much sense as us getting excited about stuff the Raiders and Cowboys did before we were born.
Uh, I’ve been alive for every Super Bowl the Cowboys, (and Raiders, for that matter), have ever won.
/crumbles to dust
Horatio Cornblower (artist’s conception):
Horatio Cornblower looks like Tony Dungy?
Is Virginia a good basketball team? Yes. Are they as boring to watch as a drill press? Also yes.
against Bucky Badger, no less
“Boring”? “Drill Press”? C’mon, man!
As a former machine tool operator, I always get a kick out of these old pictures where the guys are wearing long sleeves and have no eye protection etc.
Look at those exposed gears waiting to eat somebody:
“Are they really though?” -UMBC basketball
Watching some of Ken Burns’s baseball documentary and there’s not much that pisses me off more than the brutal racism that kept blacks out of the game until Robinson. What a fucking waste, and by that I mean a waste of lost talent from the black players and all the oxygen wasted on the fucktards that kept them from playing.
Racism will always be a refuge for people (and this goes for people like myself who try their best to resist it) who are confronted with a situation where someone with different color skin is better at something they want to be good at than they are.
When I can pay for a ride on a time machine I’d like to go back and see Paige pitch against Ruth and others during the barn-storing tours that were done in the off-season. And I’m not that big a baseball fan. Maybe on the third or fourth trip I’d take care of Hitler.
#priorities
After you bang Bettie Page, of course.
[turns on Houston-Memphis game]
[frowns]
I don’t care for Beth Mowins.
I lasted 30 seconds on that game. Her “sports” voice is grating, like it’s a parody. Does that mean I’m sexist? No, it means that I have ears.
“‘Sexist’ ears.”
-Andrea Dworkin
Hey Balls – is it right for me to have Leganes feeling?
Nah, I’m thinking tie or Alavés.
I think the best vacation we had with the kidlings was taking them to the Atlantis water park. Everybody was happy and I discovered a treadmill with a tv screen attached. I lost 5 pounds in ten days.
There’s almost too much sports on.
Who has 2-ish thumbs and got a $50 bet (at +464) in on the JV 500s ONE PLAY before they scored tying TD?
Who had two thumbs, you mean.
Wait, isn’t he describing something positive? Are you suggesting that in addition he won a third thumb?
teh ish is key!
Koko the gorilla?
Kansas takes it away, then gives it right back after not putting up much of a fight. I haven’t seen a Kansan side do that since 1866
day drinking whilst in the office, and now need to do documentation, what could go wrong…hahaha
I’m reporting you to Health and Safety.
/back in the day we all drove home drunk from work on Xmas Eve.
i think Health and Safety is drunk too.
Wait proving your point.
Instituting a “No Alcohol on the Premises” policy in a blue collar town of 1,100 people went over about as well as you’d think.
/”But drinking on the job on New Year’s Eve is a tradition!” was said to me. He wasn’t being sarcastic.
I haven’t seen a Kansan cut like that since 1863. Jayhawks score a toucheddown.
My wife is begging me to take her out into the maws of Black Friday shopping (Target and Costco). What do I do?
Get high to make it tolerable.
Tell her ok, as long as she brews beer with you then services you, then don’t go anyway.
Call Lionel Hutz about a divorce
Go for it. I’ve been out there. It’s not bad at all.
I would follow this advice, but won’t this set a bad precedent for the next time when it’s NOT fine?
You just need to avoid the super early crowds. Mid morning all the crazy people are gone.
Gotcha.
Only if she agrees to refer to it as “African American” Friday out of extreme pre-emptive PCness
Basil Fawlty trick knee!
Nothing like getting back from the gym/bookstore, (if I ever win Powerball I am opening a bookstore/bar and I am never leaving it), to find my wife is making toasted open-faced turkey sandwiches.
And there’s hockey on!
Counterpoint: Mike Milbury is still alive.
That sounds excellent
I want to trade wives. Wait, no, not wives. Sandwiches.
I put guacamole on my sandwich and now my wife is trying to have me condemned as a heretic.
I regret nothing.
I want my sandwich and/or wife back.
Both wives went to Kohl’s. I’ll tell them the deal is off when they get back.
Anyone land any good deal today? Wife and I bought a mattress. Guess that was fine. But I don’t even know what I’m getting anyone this year so I don’t even know what to look for.
Bought two pairs of sweatpants at 30% off, so that’s pretty much the same thing.
Also spent some poker winnings at the bookstore. Got Beschloss’s Presidents of War and a book about Siberian exiles during the time of the Tsars called “The House of the Dead”. which has been on my list for a while, and is now on the enormous pile of “to-be read” books that is threatening to topple over and take out the chimney.
I got a free flu shot. At least that’s what the dude told me.
It’s ok, fentanyl addictions are easy to kick.
I was THIS CLOSE to getting a Kitchenaid 5 Pro stand mixer for $220, but then I pulled out. Might end up getting a Trager grill instead.
Well, if you pulled out it’ll probably show up in nine months anyway.
Trager may or may not be your best grill option.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q84nfWkLsYU
Steam had a lot of my wishlist on sale today, so I went a little crazy.
Memphis qb likes to make bad decisions.
How very Tennessee of him.
I first read that as “Memphis bbq bad decision” and thought you had lost your damned mind.
I cannot find the words to adequately portray my level of disappointment this morning when Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. announced that she did not have the slightest interest in learning how to brew beer.
“You know what to do.”
-R Rice
I used to, but there’s so many brewers around now that it seems my time is better spent making money to spend with them.
Somewhere near my computer, some time ago:
So I just went to Total Wine for the very first time. HOLY SHIT! They have pretty much anything alcoholic you can think of…
TOTAL WINO
That place is incredible. The one in Redondo is practically a mall by itself. I found a bottle of Pappy there, 16 year old.
Two months in LA and LeBron is already opening up a storefront…smh
I’ve always been sorely disappointed by mine. More in terms of the service — when they had neither the beer nor the rum I was looking for, each time it was just like, “nope, ain’t got it.” Without any help getting it or something similar/adequate as a substitute.
That’s too bad – the one nearby us has excellent (and even knowledgeable) service. I guess what I’m saying is, Arizona sounds awful.
Yeah, I had 6 different people ask me if I needed help and one guy offered me a free sample of a beer cocktail (which I accepted) and didn’t hesitate when I asked to sample the beer by itself. I will definitely be back.
The one on Bell Rd in the North with the old people is fantastic. I found the Goodyear one lacking.
I like it magnitudes more than BevMo, which is stupid since they should be equal.
My first stop in Phoenix every time.
It’s the Canadian Tire of American liquor stores.
So, any of us doing the Little Drummer Boy Challenge? Essentially, from now until midnight December 23rd, don’t listen to The Little Drummer Boy song.
count me in!!!!
I’m in too, but that should be fairly easy.
Sold!
This time of year is particularly difficult for the most overworked of Andy Reid’s household servants, Little Drumstick Boy.
They’re counting parodies too this year. And it doesn’t help that Madre Weaselo actually likes the song.
https://littledrummerboychallenge.com/
already failed at this. heard it the other day as the kids wanted to listen to Christmas songs in the car, and 3 radio stations are full on Christmas songs now.
The Battle of the Children of the Corn, Nebraska-Iowa, is also… occurring.
The bird on the KU helmet looks ridiculous, I can’t believe the players aren’t embarrassed having to wear it. Makes me feel like having a bowl of Froot Loops.
They’re paid not to care.
found a fun:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkAwxeI6ucQ
Major Applewhite seems like a raging fuckhole.
Fun fact: Applewhite signed with the NE Patriots after the 2002 draft, but quit before camp started.
In an alternate universe somewhere, Kansas is the favorite in this game on the way to the BCS championship led by their head coach Mor Meters.
Not a lot of folks in the stadium there. Maybe the student body all went home for the holiday. Or they are attending the game in that alternate universe of which you speak.
You ain’t kidding about OU @ WVU. The O/U is 85.5!
I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was good. The smoked turkey turned out great, the sides were perfect, and the dessert was great, or the fact that I had consumed a complete growler of beer from the brewery my son works out (and he did not tell me was 8% ABV till the growler was gone) made everything taste better.
Horatio’s post-Thanksgiving weigh-in came in at a surprising 218, well under Hippo’s O/U line of 219.5.
Not gonna lie, I could have done better, but the I think the beer held me back.
Did you shit, vomit, or sommet first?
he just had a pinky finger on the counter, how much could it weigh?
Just change your scale to kilograms and boom! instant weight loss by a factor of 2.2
stone, go with stone
– overconfident casting director to a clearly apprehensive Cameron Crowe
I’m at my boyhood home back East and my mom always watches TV shows that I otherwise never ever see. Today, Ellen, The Chew, all the Food Network shows, etc. Most of these quietly drive me berzerk, but I gotta admit I have a soft spot for Hoda and Kathy Lee, those two drunk old broads. Football at noon today in this house, however.
For the record, dinner was absolutley flawless yesterday. Everything was top fucking notch.
You know what will be fun?
Going to work today will be the exact opposite of that. Every year with this Friday after Thanksgiving work shit.
Fuck productivity I showed up didn’t I?
Anyone going to go fight club for a flatscreen today?
I am more likely to stick my dick in the blender.
Good Black Friday specials on blenders are available at Walmart and Target.
My understanding is you can buy online and pick up at the store. That saves hassle.
Why go to the store to buy one when you can just wait until after Xmas and look at peoples’ trash to see who bought something that you want and then go burglarize it for free instead?
/has graduated from just stealing fruit.
NEW for December from DFO Productions: BnE w/ R-T-D!
/stay tuned, fuckos
Calgary does it as well. I’m considering going to EB games to pick up a game or two as most are half off. I might even Christmas shop
I am heading out to pick up groceries, and then may perhaps do some Christmas shopping after the crazies have pillaged everything.
My weed is still caught in the mail. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!
don’t you work for them? Like you don’t know a “guy” that knows a “guy” to help you out.
Yeah i do. I dont work in the facility that delivers to me. The strike only affects me getting stuff as I am not in the union.
Ha, nope!