Good hangover and fat shame morning, Commentist Party members! The footy gods are kind today, at least.
/also LMFAO at Colt McCoy
Texas at Kansas (Noon, FS1)
All the Steerfuckers have to do is beat Waiting-on-Les-Miles to make the conference title match. Can they possibly fuck this up?
Houston at Memphis (Noon, ABC)
In case you missed all the scoring from MNF, and can look past the lack of quality.
Arkansas at Missouri (2:30, CBS)
Pig Sooey are 23.5-point dogs, but they ALWAYS play well on Thanksgiving Friday. I am smelling upset!
Virginia at Virginia Tech (3:30, ABC)
The Seminoles’ fall from grace has camouflaged the fact that VPI has fallen every bit as far, and as rapidly. 4-6 entering today.
Oregon at Oregon State (4:00, FS1)
Civil War, bitches! I love rivalry matches with clever names. The Quackers might be a little hard on the Beaver this year, though.
UCF at South Florida (4:15, ESPN)
Only the Bulls stand between us and more hand-wringing about the Hitler Mice only being able to beat the schedule that’s in front of em, yada yada.
Oklahoma at West By God Virginia (8:00, ESPN)
We really might have lost Sen. Manchin if not for all the various conservative coaches cutting that ad for him. As such, much good karma to Fuckers du Cousins. Nobody will even pretend at defensing.
Washington at Washington State (8:30, Fox)
Finally, the main event! Oh, how I want to see Pirate Mike Leach take Wazzu to the PAC championship. So, a moneyline bet on the boring-ass Huskies to win the Apple Cup is the only sensible play.