Let’s go directly, TO THE GAMES!
Jags/Bills:
Had I told you at the birth of the season that the Bills would be matching the Jags win for win after 10 games in you’d most likely say, “I know you’re fucking with me but I don’t know exactly how.” Each team has but three wins but Buffalo has rook qb Josh Allen back but he’ll be in tough against cb’s Ramsey and Bouye and his own 54% completion rate. Bortles doesn’t have it any better though-the Bills d-line gets things done. So I figure this’ll be a sloppy game that will be determined by who profits most on turnovers.
Browns/Bengals:
Shefter is reporting that A.J. Green is a no-go but I’m leaving Tyler “Can’t Play Against #1 CB’s Yet” Boyd on my bench. (watch him go off) Browns players are giving short shrift to the notion that Hue Jackson joining the ‘enemy’ gives the Bengalis an advantage. “We didn’t respect him when he was coaching us, why would we start now?”, I imagine one player saying. Cincy’s lb’s can’t cover and their interior d-line has been decimated by injury so the Browns will be able to score. But when all is said and done, this will be a sloppy game decided by who most profits from turnovers.
Pats/Jets:
The New Englanders have the New Jerseyers number these days. Here’s hoping that the game will be a sloppy, turnover-heavy affair.
Giants/Eagles:
Them Giants won last week by introducing Saquon to the ball early and often. This week they’d be dumb as hell to do the same thing because 4 of the Eagles 5 top cb’s are out and the 5th is questionable. (gently kicks Gronk to the curb, inserts Engram into lineup) Philly is so short of players (How short are they?) that wr’s were filling out the secondary during practice this past week. More good news? That D of theirs ranks dead-last in defending the big play and (somehow) the Giants are 5th in generating big plays.
Niners/Bucs:
Weapons charges, possession of pot and now domestic abuse-“the million dollar body with the .10 brain”, Reuben Foster hit the trifecta last night and won a night in jail. If this isn’t a dead giveaway for a sloppily-played game filled with turnovers, I don’t know what is.
Seahawks/Panthers:
Which Carolina team will show? Will it be the one that tarred and de-feathered the Ravens or the one that rolled over vs. the Steelers? Asked to comment, Riverboat Ron Rivera exclaimed, “Well, we’re 5-0 at home this year with a +10 turnover differential so I’ll take my chances with a sloppy game that’s filled with turnovers”.
Raiders/Ravens:
Baltimore is only a .500 team but one can’t help thinking they’re going to whup the snotgiving out of pre-Vegas. What’s left of Gruden’s Grinded Gears have to be looking at Mack leading a killer D and Cooper going off just a few days ago and questioning their Dear Leader’s cognitive abilities. All in all, I think this game will be a.) sloppy and b.) filled with turnovers.
Who smells burnt toast?
The conundrum, have a nap or drink wine, get stoned in quiet time while the family sleeps.
found a funny:
me: i keep asking myself basic existential questions
therapist: why?
me: yeah, like that
uttt oh…sony michel looks out for patriots…..
It looks like CBS is still an active participant in the war on Christmas with their Happy Holidays bullshit.
Eagles Fans presented with some sort of penalty call:
“BOOOOOOOO!”
Eagles Fans presented with a first round draft pick of a black QB:
“BOOOOOOOOO!”
Eagles Fans presented with Santa Claus:
“BOOOOOOOOO!”
Eagles Fans presented with someone holding open a door for them:
“BOOOOOOOO!”
Eagles Fans presented with a first-born baby girl:
“BOOOOOOOO!”
Eagles Fans presented with a youtube video documenting their poor behavior:
“BOOOOOOOO!”
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I booed my boss after his presentation during our yearly opening day. His last joke bombed and he couldn’t look up while he walked back to our table, but I let him know how it went because I’m a nice guy.
A sold-out Garth Brooks concert at Notre Dame? Look, I’m not saying I want the plot of Tom Clancy’s ‘The Sum Of All Fears’ to actually happen, but if it was ever going to…
Myself, I didn’t know that the French were fans of country music.
After the Garth Brooks concert, the deluge.
The Thunder Rolls?
oh, LAMAR!
Is he just not running anymore?
Huh. Giants may actually be tied by the end of the half. How Gints.
Welp nevermind that shit
Not over yet
OK, now it is
gahhhhhhh
halftime tied at 10-10 for the jets vs patriots
“His parents were huge Cowboys fans hence the first name ‘Dallas’ Goedert. His grandparents were asked to give him his middle name so he was christened Dallas “Front-Running Sons of Bitches” Goedert.”
My parents could never done that to me, since none of my kids were born before ’98.
When his mom was pregnant she was, “waiting for Goedert.”
“My favorourite entertainingment.”
-Sir Thomas Of The Becket
Needed that Ertz to stop BFC
At least Ertz is still good
Is it too early to start making Grey Cup jokes?
The RedBlacks will always be the Roughriders to me. Oops, I mean the Rough Riders.
The other week I made fun of the Bears’ weak franchise QB records, but that graphic they just showed for the Browns is … well, Browns-like. Mayfield could tie the franchise record for “most consecutive games with 2+ TD passes” with…. six?
yeah, pretty weak sauce. Speaking of sauce, you would think Kosar did better than that.
21-0 Browns? Hue Jackson was an inside job!
yoooooooooooooooooo
First time in a while I’ve actually wanted to watch Battle Ohio.
The Eagles don’t have a Superbowl hangover, it looks more like full on alcohol poisoning.
[pictured]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrqTVFuHxkQ
jesus fuck
SaquonDown!!!
yup, that’s me ded ($$ league)
No shutout woo
…sigh
need MOAR Breida pls
Subscribe
Bengals giving me a good excuse to just play red dead for 6 hours straight instead of the 3 I was planning on
Ironically, “Red Dead” is also a good description of the Bengals’ QB right now
Dunstan. Is…is that you?
I feel like I’ve missed a joke here, but … yes?
Perhaps it’s just me but I feel you should comment more. No joke.
Ah, thanks. I’ve popped in here and there, but in truth haven’t been watching much football this season. And when I have, it’s usually just been background noise. But always fun to drop in on the DFO’ers.
suck it bengals!!!!
Also known as, “Harvard Graduate Speaks To The World”.
I just wish Pacman was still around for this beatdown. I’d love to see how punchy he’d get.
BLEERGH is in control in New York
I’m still hungover and my wife refuses to feel bad for me
“Get another one?”
-a Mormon
Ive got some weed if you want some…
Isn’t that stuff illegal?
Update: she’s angry and going for a walk because I complained about her doing dishes too loudly
Methinks you fell into her trap. She was angry already and baited you. You’ve so much to learn, Grasshopper.
Naa I was nice to her parents last night. I’m just a dick
Just be sure that the dishes are still in the sink when she gets back home from the walk. She’ll be even angrier if you take those away from her.
This is excellent advice. Maybe make yourself some lunch and toss those dishes in as well.
If that’s because you weren’t sharing your booze yesterday then she’s right to be mad
This Eli that doesn’t check down interests me.
Couple that with a Browns team that isn’t inept and I feel like we’ve all been raptured to an alternate universe.
Best thing about this place?-President Level-Headed Guy That Makes Good Decisions. I really like that dude!
“Jah-queez?” Fairly sure that’s not how it’s pronounced, KNBR-68 dude.
Exactly.
Fack off, Gronk.
my choice of Elisha over Red Rocket is working. Thanks to Litre for confirming my gut there.
I believe his kids are currently playing DB for the Eagles
No worries. Homeless secondary.
LAMAR! has some issues as a passer
My daily fantasy bets are noticing.
Decision time, do I get dinner on my last night in Athens at the Irish pub that I heard shows american football, or do I go get some delicious souvlaki? I’m thinking souvlaki
Chinese!
An Irish pub in Athens? I bet the potatoes are actually delicious for once.
It’s called The James Joyce, and they probably are
What do they call a Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese in Athens?
Unaffordable.
Last time I was in Athens, UGa beat the dogshit out of Kentucky. Can’t remember what year that was.
We might be talking about a different Athens.
I’m willing to bet that the kid with head lice probably hasn’t had any of his vaccinations, either.
good news, I moneyline bet the Bills!
/bad news, also the striped pylons
yooooooo
Circle da wagons!!!!
On the bright side, getting blown out by the Browns could get Lewis fired.
Meet the new boss.
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/55d7558ce4b07e6652248770/t/57d4e00e15d5db80eaddf732/1473568793870/
Same as the old boss.
“Blown out by the Browns” is the name of my Battle of The Alamo/Davy Crockett biopic.
There’s stupid, then there’s Jets brain-trust stupid.
Hold my beer! – Dakota Jeebus
Gronk looking more and more like a cyberpunk heavy. I expect his wrist to flip back to expose an RPG launcher.
Despite being on the Pats, that would make him my favorite player of all time
This is the worst first quarter I’ve suffered all year. And I’ve had some fucking first quarters.
throw it to THE JEW you MAGA asshole
Let Cam throw it in the red zone.
McCaffrey is not strong enough to be a bell cow back.
misdirection always = run up the gut
MotherFUCK Evan Engram up his fucking weak ass with a fucking pineapple.
He has everything you need to succeed as a te except for hands that can catch a ball.
Hey Grat, down 9-0 after this dumpster fire start is alright, I guess…
About the best you can hope for with a secondary filled by Make-A-Wish
Cleveland Block Party..bring your own knife.
“Saquon? Say no more!”
-Giants offensive game plan
J-E-T-S
JETS JETS JETS
SHOW ME YOUR TITS!
[unzips pyjamas]
They score?
New England Defense looking as solid as they were 2 weeks ago
Bills look like they having fun!
circle the wagons!!!!!!
What was the point of trading for Golden Tate?
Fuck my ff team right in the asshole.
The Mormon loophole
Why are the Jets wearing Gotham City sideline gear?
Benjamin caught that ball like it was a loaf of garlic bread.
Ted Ginn Jr catches the ball like a vampire targeted by a load of garlic bread.