[looks at entire slate of games] “Jesus! I guess the bye weeks are all over and done with.”
Shall we? TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Atl:
On the outside looking in it appears that the Falcons have had a disappointing year as they sit at 4-7. However it’s important to note that 6 starters have been sent to the IR. There’s only so many times you can yell, ‘next man up!’.
Den/Cincy:
Who has two working thumbs and is starting for the Bengalis? Not Dandy Andy Dalton, that’s for sure. Third year fella Jeff Driskell out of Florida or Louisiana Tech or both gets the start. What does he bring to the table for the last five games of the year? He can run on designed plays or to escape pressure and according to one observer, is willing to throw the old pig bladder into risky spots that Dalton wouldn’t dare consider. That might be fun to watch or he might go down in flames against a D the likes of the Broncos.
LAR/Det:
Tate is gone and Jones is out so Golladay gets to go up against a returning Aquib Talib. Ouch. Speaking of cb’s, the Lions Teez Tabor is the 114th ranked guy at his position so feel free to start Woods or Reynolds if you have them.
Ari/GB:
This is the kind of blah game that not even Rodgers can make watchable. Much like him, I’ll pass.
Buf/Mia:
The starting qb’s in this one have a combined 9/9 TD/Int. ratio. The starting rb’s have a combined 2 TD’s. The top receivers for each team have totaled 862 yards and 3 six-pointers. No thanks.
Chi/NYG:
Truth Biscuit was throwing this week but you don’t need that much to get the W vs. the Giants so we’ll be treated to at least one more Chase Daniel Experience.
Car/TB:
If you throw out the first 4 weeks of the season when he was finding his footing, the first wr selected this year in the draft has put up some quality numbers. D.J. Moore leads all rooks in yards after catch, yards after contact and yards per catch.
Indy/Jax:
The Colts have put together 5 straight W’s and are ready to take on Tom Coughlin’s Unguents. Man, Jax is in a lousy free fall, aren’t they?-Fournette is suspended for this one and is definitely unhappy. Norwell, their best lineman is on the IR and the team is moving on from Bortles. Here’s your (second? third?) chance, Kessler.
Cle/Hou:
Is this here a trap game? Them Brownies have all those young playmakers at the skill positions and sport a league-leading +14 turnover differential with 27 in total.
Talk away.
Needs more barbed wire and fire.
(Civilization Is) Burning Man
If you play FIFA ’18 as Neymar you have to hit the ‘flop’ button every ten minutes or your controller blows up.
I think that out of respect for the Browns giving me what I truly, truly craved (exposing Hue Jackson as the worst coach in NFL history and then firing him) I will pledge them my allegiance for the remainder of the season.
/Cleveland immediately signs Kareem Hunt.
Puhleezeeeee, the KHunt is going to where all KHunts go eventually – the Redacteds or to JerryWorld
I will say this here and now and demand that people remind me of this repeatedly if I try to break this pledge in the future – if the Raiders sign him, I will permanently and irrevocably sever myself from that franchise and find a new team to root for. Perhaps even the Chargers.
Now I actually kind of *want* them to do it, so I’ll be free.
Mate, if the Gruden experience or the shittastic way they forced the Las Vegas move hasn’t caused you to do that, then nothing will…
No, I mean I’ve given up on them for the immediate future, but I don’t want to close the door on jumping back on the bandwagon if they get good down the road. But if they sign Kareem Hunt I promise to not even do that.
What disgusts me is there’s no difference (imo) between the Rice tape and Hunt’s. The only difference is his usefulness to the NFL. Rice? Oh, he’s DONE. No question. Because he’d been running like a fat kid in a snowsuit for three years. Hunt? Oh, SOMEONE will surely claim him. They’ll sure take a PR HIT THOUGH, AMIRITE?! Because he still has 6 more years on those legs. It’s so fucked up.
There is no pushback for NFL teams. We know this. Anyone who needs a back and can live with Hunt’s suspension should sign him.
I am scared that the Eagles will do it.
Nah, you should be scared WHEN they take him, that he may react … poorly… to the “atmosphere” and “traditions” of Philly fandom 😀
Edit: Damn it, now I want to see that, if only because the NFL really needs its own “Malice in the palace” for this generation of fandom
I just wanted to cheer for a football team, you know? Not have my core morals put to the test once a week.
Then football is not the sport for you.
It’s not unusual, but I missed something, when did Hunt get cut?
Last night
They’re looking into another incident where he apparently blasted some dude in the face.
Better than getting ass-blasted
If someone does sign KHunt, does this help Kap? “Your honor, no one would hire my client at all, all for doing a lawful protest; however, this man KHunt, attacked a woman on camera and was immediately picked up by the Patriots. And for those who would say that KHunt, was still in his prime and could contribute, so could my client be an asset to a team instead of some who were used, see exhibit A – Nathan Peterman.”
Does it matter anymore?
Not really, but I would love to see him somehow take a huge chunk of money from the NFL, he gets paid and walks away even richer and without CTE and his original knees.
Morning folks. Just gonna say this; I really like the ATL and Denver today. Place your bets accordingly.
Vegas begging folk to take Bungles (Donks -4.5 on the road??)…so you’re probably right
I really like the new pajamas I bought yesterday at the Korean mall.
ah FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!
That was some save by Pickford.
“Buf/Mia: … No thanks.”
Hey, if the Dolphins win, their season is saved and they are back in playoffs contention, baby!
YUUUGGGE Save
Speaking of anchovies, I guess I’ll say maybe. Sometimes they’re good, sometmes not so good.
good anticipation by Pickford
godfuckingdamnit
That was as close as it gets.
4-leaf clover up their rancid arseholes
Speaking of Arseholes… ’tis I with a quick PSA – Arsenal made me happy today, so put ALL OF THE MONEY on the Pats shitting the bed tonight!
Everton can’t even score on Anthrax Castle
https://youtube.com/watch?v=4_ucQVitRFs&feature=youtu.be
u on mah list ,, smgdh
Or this castle?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey0wvGiAH9g
Fun Fact, John Cleese was 25 when he lost his virginity
/not so fun for John Cleese
Only 25!?!
I thought this game started now, Fucking Liverpudlians, the lot of them.
Well, here’s Everton’s problem. Pickford’s in goal.
I mean, look at the form. On the ground, leaning on one post, everything to the left wide open.
How ‘bout that Torreira, HC?
I’m sort of new to this Premier League thing, so could someone please explain what exactly “heavy metal football” is? Are?
just imagine Collinsworth saying it re the P*ts offense
I won’t, and you can’t make me.
MANEEEEEE!
Tch.
bottle job!
With that kind of educational pedigree, what on earth is that man doing playing football? He should be a research scientist or a legal scholar or something.
dude named Kavanaugh is reffing the Derby. Deffo a rape forthcoming.
Mina SO CLOSE!!!
Is this a “gritty” Bumblebee movie?
https://twitter.com/TopRopeTravis/status/1068926291896864776?s=19
Syphilis-induced dementia is a motherfucker.
God, how I hate the Redshite, COYB!!!
Oh, is there another game today?
/smug guy who’s been rooting for Arsenal for maybe three seasons.
hey, it’s only human to feel all Bobby Big Bollocks after a Derby win
Folks
/nods
Folk.
Good God, is nowhere safe from Sweet Caroline?
It’s ‘We Will Rock You’ for people who don’t rock
Oh. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh.
You mean like the people in Shelbyville?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiaWwjZS50s
Still better than Seven Nation Army
Other teams (possibly) having trap games today: Rams @ DET, and Seahawks vs SF. Rams are at Bears next Sunday night. Seattle hosts Minnesota next Monday night.
Both are laying big points today, too.
I like watching “experts” trying to explain putting Georgia in the CFB Playoffs. One tried to spin putting them #3 so there is no immediate rematch as that would be unfair to Alabama and Georgia and the country wouldn’t want to see that.
Georgia’s better than ND, OSU, and tOSU. They’re just not better than Alabama. Or Florida, apparently but hey, pobody’s nerfect.
Setting aside the fact that going for a fake punt on 4th and 11 at midfield against a defense in Punt Safe Formation should make you bowl ineligible, two losses is hard to explain. With that loss to LSU, they’re in the same boat Ohio State is in. If was one loss, they’re in with no argument.
That fake punt was, uh, interesting, to say the least.
probably the 2nd best team in reality, but fine giving Boomer Sooner a shot
/would be better to leave out ND as shade for not joining a conference (but will never happen)
OSU, and tOSU do not belong but will get the nod on name only. UCF should get it’s chance.
Yahoo! sprots always has had a hardon for sec teams, they have a few such articles about how georgia in the cfp would be “interesting”. Also the raggiest rag who ragged on osu and meyer early in the season.
Much like a developing fetus, this game is getting teste.
Much like a developing fetus, the government of Oklahoma will kill you for ending this game prematurely
That’s a tough yellow/red. He got the ball cleanly, then kept sliding.
If I wanted to see some guy writhing on the ground I’d knife another hobo.
Not gonna lie, Tottenham scoring one here would be fun.
I would like them better if they were TaterTottenham. Much like Fort Tater Totten
WANT.
If they would have had this game the late one then conceivably you could have gone from Stamford Bridge to The Emirates on the same day which would have been way more fun when they allowed drinking on the tube.
The Arsenal crowd is happily belting out the national anthem of Rwanda.
Thankfully the part of “Wave what’s left of your hands in the air like you just don’t care” has been edited out of the Rwandan anthem.
#JazzStumps!
JPP is a pussy – Visit Rwanda
Not sure why but I’m currently making plans to Visit Rwanda.
Sounds fun, it’s Kigali is supposed to be pretty bustling right now
catch a Hoteliers match while ya there?
Make sure you fly Emirates to get there.
And breathe O2 when you’re there!
Sex tourism
so much for whether Unai Emery would translate to the Premiership!
LOOK AT THE NIPPLES ON THAT GOAL SCORER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8sbS7VKsaA
gotta make it sexy, otherwise, I’m not eatin!
And Arsenal has blown it open.
that’un were absolutely clinical
A right cracker of a strike.
This game has been bananas.
guess the Brits would call it a BANANAPUDDING
This game has more surprises than a watercress sandwich without the crusts removed served by the footman rather than the butler. I say!
Can the announcers tell the difference between the crowd chanting “Arsenal” and “Arsehole”?
Wow, that’s a weak goal to give Arsenal the lead.
Deflected though.
Yeah, caught that on the replay.
hey, never shit upon putting THREE past Lloris!!
or muthafuckin’ FOUR??
Nothing like thinking you’d maybe wake up with a bit of a hangover and instead waking up with a head cold.
Much rather have the hangover.
Drinking moar will improve either.
Temporarily, at least.
Looking for predictions? I have $30 on a draw (+415) and put $44.54 this morning on nil-nil (+1300)
/in the REAL Derby, that is
I’m pretty disappointed that pollution and global warming haven’t produced Godzillas like Japanese film promised me
absolute cracker of a match at The Emirates
Yeah, it’s evenly played and everyone is cranky.
love to see someone put a fist to Harry Fuckface Kane’s fuckface
My favorite French word is Pamplemousse
VIVE LES PAMPLEMOUSSES
“Je suis demandez une recount!”
-Aubergines everywhere
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9KMgg7T_sg
OH, and let’s talk about households where it is a faux pas to wear your shoes inside.
I get that it’s a cultural thing for some folks. And far be it for me to insult you in the moment.
But when I’m invited to your house, and then I walk into your house with my aforementioned shoes, AS ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD…. and then you inform me that no, we’re a shoeless household, please take your shoes off inside? Even though you didn’t mention UNTIL I wore my shoes inside, AS ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD…. But rather waited until I had worn them in and invaded your “rules” and then chose to talk down to me about it.
Yes, even that I could abide.
But here in this foyer you have everyone’s nasty ass shoes lined up errantly, and you want everyone to take their shoes off before they get the clearance to depart this room into the house. YET YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A CHAIR OR BENCH OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THEM TO SIT UPON TO REMOVE THEIR SHOES SO YOU WANT ME ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT TO WHAT? SIT ON YOUR NASTY FLOOR TO REMOVE MY SHOES SO I DON’T TRACK GERMS AND DETRITUS INTO THE REST OF YOUR SHITTY HOUSE?
Then, when it’s time to leave your shitty house, you still don’t have anywhere for me to sit in this little shit foyer to put my shoes back on. So I slip them back on as quickly as I can, then I’m ushered out your door, at which point I have to stand in your fucking driveway and tie them like some hobo from Hoboken.
HEY, GUESS WHO WON’T BE COMING BACK TO YOUR HOUSE, INVITED OR NOT.
Fucking assholes. I got news for you…. My shoes have infinitely less germs and risk of infection than your little shithead kids do. Did you tell your kids not to cough in my face? Nope….you didn’t. Did you tell your kids not to pick their nose or their ass and then touch me or other people or other surfaces in your shoeless household? Nope, you didn’t.
Get over yourselves. You want my shoes off in your house….fine. But maybe put a chair or a bench there for the process, both in and out. And maybe teach yourselves and your kids some fucking basic hygiene which is way more important than me sheepishly leaving my shoes at your back fucking door.
Assholes.
You have to sit down to take your shoes on or off?
Have to? Obviously not, I got it done while standing, yet bent over.
But that’s not the point, Dok.
They’re missing out not having a storage bench tho, those things be awesome
Agreed there.
http://thingsiwanttopunchintheface.blogspot.com/2009/12/shoeless-households.html
This is why you never wear socks or clip your toenails. Oh, you want some of this instead of my shoes?
Also, my apartment complex recommends going shoeless to make it less likely that you lose your deposit because of fucking up the carpet. I mostly do it cause shoes are like pants for the feet.
The play between Arsenal/Totty is getting spotty and hotty.
A little Argy bargy
Why do I feel like you guys are watching the Teletubbies?
Just learning to speak Newfoundlander on Canadian public access teevee.
I’m still very pissed off at UGa for pulling an “NC State”, btw.
As I told Hippo last week, UGa is the better team. And for 2.5 quarters they backed me up on that. Then lo and behold they went all “NC State” on me and started inexplicably doing stupid shit.
Really happy I wasn’t stupid enough to lay some dough down on them. They obviously contracted a bad case of distemper in the 3rd qtr (see, that’s a Vet joke…distemper is a viral disease which makes dogs get stupid and then die…so that’s the joke).
Fuck off and die UGa.
Houston-
Last week: on MNF vs Tits
This week: home vs Factory
Next week: home vs Humps
If it is a trap, and the Humps dispatch JAX today, the .500s had better not fall into it, or next week’s game will be (7-5) Humps @ (8-4) .500s. Indy wins that, they’ll be tied in their division with a season split head-to-head. After that, Humps close out: vs DAL, vs NYG, @ TEN.
Houston finishes @ NYJ, @ PHI, vs JAX.
In the fairly likely event they have identical records after all this, what would be the next tiebreaker?
Sunday AFTERNOON open thread ? ? ?
I’m coming down from a three day bender that started on the East Coast and it’s not even 5:00 AM here in California.
It’s afternoon somewhere…
I am always up at this hour Brick! It is so peaceful apart from my swearing at the teevee.
Good morning! Did I wake everyone in my buolding swearing at 5:03 am?
You are god damned right I did. It was terrible D by the Mighty London Jaguras.