I decided to toss this thingy up a bit before the messiness that will begin at 4:30 eastern because there is quite a bit going on sports-wise on this fair Saturday.
The Autonation Cure Bowl sounds like a nasal remedy invented by Robert Smith-if you scan it quickly as I did. That one already started.
There is the New Mexico Bowl starring the good folks at Utah State and North Texas. Will they play football or have a tent-pitching/land-clearing competition. The natives in the area won’t be pleased no matter who ends up winning.
At 5:30 the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl featuring Georgia Southern and Eastern Michigan will kick off. Reports of members of the Eagles suffering from dysentery was proved to be false. Damn those scribblers at The Times-Picayune!
For those that like college basketball a number of top 25’ers are on in this window. #5 Michigan, #14 Buffalo(!), #25 Indiana, #23 Furman(! again), #19 Kentucky and #20 Arizona State all look to throw another W in the left-hand column of their record.
TO THE GAME!
Texans/Jets:
Any way I look at this tilt I can’t see New York winning. They just don’t match up well vs. Houston. Sure, that’s an easy thing to say of any 4-9 team playing their betters but them Jets are down to McGuire and Cannon running the ball in this rush-heavy offense. They are both below the 4 yards per carry threshold. The Texans have the league’s best or second-best rush D depending on what combo of stats you want to prioritize. So DARNOLD! with his 55.9% pass rate and 19 total turnovers is going to have to win the game with his arm to…. who? Robby Anderson is the best of a bad lot but he only stands out because Enunwa is down, Pryor is gone and Kearse is invisible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure at some point DARNOLD! is going to make some sort of throw that will cause my jaw to go slack but the Jets O is a shambles but I don’t blame the players one bit.
Huh. Cuse is up 3 on Old Dominion already…
Can we send the 49rs to Vegas instead of the Raiders? No one gives a shit about the 49rs, and the East Bay is awesome and deserves a team. I know we don’t need more examples of how shitty the owners are, but it’s so goddamn hypocritical to talk about how they support the military and family and communities and shit, when they’re ripping the teams out of all the places that have that stuff
If the NFL gave a shit about the cities and the fans, the Cleveland Browns wouldn’t have moved in ’95 and the NFL would’ve stripped the owner of the Baltimore Colts before the moving vans left Maryland.
Oh, absolutely, this is nothing new, but it’s still shitty every time it happens. Next time there’s a labor dispute, I’m starting a GoFundMe to hire a damn good law team for the NFLPA
Players should form their own league next lockout. We don’t tune in to watch the coaches or owner’s box.
Oh hell yeah!
I still cannot fathom how Florida got yet ANOTHER NFL team for it not to support…instead of rewarding an expansion NFL franchise to Baltimore.
And you got to love how the argument for the Panthers was they were going to draw from both states, hence why they are the “Carolina” Panthers.
Florida is an anomaly in every way, and the ‘Carolina’ thing is just bizarre. While we’re at it, why don’t we just locate all teams in regions? I’m sure people would be all about the Pacific Northwest Fake Seabirds
This is last weekish. Jets got stung by Allen’s legs early, then started racking up the sacks.
Actually there’s some truth to that strategy. If an offensive line gets tired before the defensive line, that offense shuts down. Inverse is true, if defense get tired before the offense, then the running back has a career game in the 4th quarter.
See?
LACEY CHABERT’S OVERBITE!
The Jets can get this!
I was just apologizing to my 7 (SEVEN!) year old son for yelling at the football game. He said, “That’s why you should listen to king hippo.”
“Door Flies Open: Fun for the Whole Family!”
Looks around to empty one-bedroom apartment. Starts crying.
Shank’hor will not be denied!
That missed extra point is SO JETS
NINE HAS BIGGER TITS THAN TEN STOONAHDZ
“A lot of time to score points.”
It’ll be a field goal, it’s always a field goal.
The problem with naming your team after cutting edge technology, tech moves quick. Jet engines are still super useful, but they’re everyday, not exciting. You might as well name your team the Laser Printers, or the Microwaves
Another season like this, and I will be happy to root for the Topeka Inkjets.
The Walla Walla Zunes
“Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2019 Jackson Hole Can Openers!”
The Idaho Ipods
Idaho iPod Shuffles, thank you very much.
“Goddamnit Zymm!”
-fax machines
Given the state of my microwave, that is actually an appropriate name for this football team.
Fuck Citi. They issued a credit card in my name to an identity thief who DIDN’T EVEN GET MY NAME RIGHT.
Ricky-Ticky-Dead Lee is a FRAUD!
Dude, that’s not cool. I think most banks have fraud departments that have just given up. I’ve had fraudulent charges on two cards recently (the Mexican pharmacy in July, and some jackass buying Disney merchandise earlier this week) and in both cases, despite the purchases being WAY outside my normal spending patterns, I was the one who caught it. The only fraud alert I’ve gotten in the past year was also in the last week, when I was buying a new video card.
So yeah, they’ve given up. You should go open a card in the misspelled name of James A. Forese, Citibank president. I bet they would give Jomes B. Foresee a YUGE credit line
“See if Darnold can do a Mahomes impression while running for his life” is sort of a game plan.
Not to be a negative nelly, but Darnold has Pennington writ large all over him
If he was half as accurate as Pennington I’d have more faith in LegoHead.
Legohead is an AWESOME nickname!
Look at him, sing “everything is awesome” just once, and it will stick forever.
Nothing against Pennington of course. My dad met him while he (Padre Weaselo) was rehabbing a torn labrum, and he confirmed he is a nice guy.
I loved him! He was fantastic! A true leader. Just unlucky injury-wise.
Miss him. The East-Tennessee Dead Leg was the greatest NYJ play of the last 25 years.
I agree. Penningtin was easily my favorite QB of the last…. damn near forever.
THROW IT TO MICKEY SHULER
Thank God its First Responders Night, so someone can do something after the Jets get murdered tonight.
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2011/0824/ny_memorial_02_800.jpg
Let em bleed out
I totally forgot about Saturday football just like some kind of malaka
That’s okay, we like malakas!
She’s into malakas Dino!
This announcing team is christing awful.
The scrambled eggs comment made my ears bleed too
This next drive is gonna be AWESOME.
“Coach, nothing we’re doing is working so far.”
Bowles: “well, then we clearly need to do MORE of it. They will never expect that.”
Look at Mr. Let’s Try Something Else here…
The HopkinsDOWN may be all that goes right today, but WOO
Oh hello!
*RAGE SCREAM*
I hate everything!
[Eats double dose of expired Seroquel. Begins punching thighs.]
If it’s expired it loses its potency so it cancels out!
This is the crossing of the streams I feared:
A) Almost against my will, I have a $200 bet going. That’s WAY WAY WAY out of my range.
B) Doing the strongest analysis I could muster, I ended up having to trust a Jet. I am a Jet fan.
C) I quit gambling on NFL games a couple of years before I started dating my wife. I never wanted my family to see my behavior while losing bets. It’s shameful, but blows the cholesterol out of the pipes. They hadn’t. Until McGuire fumbled.
Everything is different now.
Nice impression of me tomorrow, but it needs to be a bit more nasally. And way more whiny.
Goddamn it. I just bit my tongue while sneezing.
Nick Cannon was shot out of something that wasn’t his namesake.
Are you happy, Rikki? Texans not only lurk on DFO, but they read your comments.
Be fair. The Jets shot themselves in both feet AND the dick to get the 500s that fumble recovery.
I was happy last night, so I kept on drinking so as to bask in my happiness. Now, sixteen hours later, I am still paying for it.
What the ever loving fuck was THAT?! Two Jets in the vicinity essentially standing still at the end of the play.
The Jets, you know that!
/Good to see you’re not dead, arrested, or deadrested.
Nah, just a busy Fall. Still hasn’t quite calmed down but I’m trying to be more social.
That reminds me, I need to get some rest from Red Dead.
I honestly can’t wait to see the total non-adjustments Bowles makes for the second half here.
Why is Houston only winning by three? Are they playing left-handed or something?
Either that or something even more sinister…
They wouldn’t be called the 500s if they could stop advances.
It’s the only way they can be satisfied. If they use their right hand, over too quickly.
That, in hindsight a possibly very dirty line, was from “The Princess Bride”.
“My favourite team? Gotta be North Gonzaga State! Go Escalators, Go!”
-Trent Green
(watching Titans)
Me: “You know, this isn’t not that bad. All the characters are well grounded and its not dark just to be dark.”
(Season Finale trailer)
Jason Todd: “Hey, Dick. Joker crippled me and killed Commissioner Gordon. Bruce flipped his shit and killed his entire Rogues Gallery. You need to stop him.”
Me: “…or not.”
All he has to do is say “Martha” three times, right?
Also is Dick Robin or Nightwing at this point, because then why is Jason Todd there?
Neither. He quit Batman, due to him become too violent, but still was Robin as he wore the suit a few times. However, he hated it because when he put on his domino mask, he’d become too violent.
Jason Todd showed up as Robin to save him, so for one episode there was two Robins. However, this Robin was just like Batman, way too violent.
Dick burnt the Robin suit, but he’s not Nightwing yet. Currently, he still just Det. Dick Grayson, Detriot PD with a very understanding Captain as he’s hasn’t been to headquarters of even the city or state in about a week or ptow, by my estimation.
Seems legit.
Based on this reality, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Martha was a drug-addicted prostitute and Thomas was her pimp.
FUCK. I forgot to pick Myers back up.
/Breaks his own franchise record from earlier this year for most FGs in a game
Canelo vs. Rocky? Come on, Sly, I thought you were retiring the character after Creed II!
What went on in that bathtub?
BE BOLL!
Two-hand touch is now legal.
may only b 49 degrees in Joisey, but there sure is SNOWFLAEKS smgdh
single coverage on Hopkins? Throw to him EVERY SINGLE DOWN
How did the Jets qualify for a bowl game?!
You have to feel for the seniors for North Texas. This is your last football game of your life, you worked so hard all four years, and you’re getting destroyed by Utah State.
State was the best team in Utah this year, but as always were completely overshadowed by the Big Love Twins publicity-wise.
ok, 500s. HIPPO NEED a bukakke of HopkinsPOINTS.
Lets see, I can either get Bengals tickets for $17 or I can buy $17 in booze. Suggestions?
YES
You have give Pete Shelley credit for coming out as a homosapien in the early 80’s. Must’ve been tough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HwmO_GZfzI
Norteños and Bulldogs do not get along especially in a disputed area like vegas.
The ESPN Halftime show has got the fourth-stringers behind the desk. Who are these palookas? They’re perfect for interviewing a high school player though.
They’re part of the tour.
I correctly predicted North Cakalaky A&T’s win in the Black Power Bowl. WOO!!!
Shitty Wolves run out to 15-point lead in a flash. That was pleasing.
Have an offer of free tix to Black Panthers on MNF. Debating.
Do it!
Boots on the ground!
a’ight, I’m in. See if they can break my 0-5 or 0-6 streak in matches I have attended.
“Debatin’? Are you in a Target parking lot right now?
-Kellen Winslow Jr.
While we’re on a semi-related subject has anyone else seen The Ballad of Buster Scruggs on Netflix?
God. Damn.
Fun fact: The Jets have the third-longest active NFL playoff drought, behind the Pauls and the Bucs.
You’re suggesting an organization who thought it was a shrewd action to draft Christian Hackenburg in the second round might not be the most successful?!
Shitty Wolves up 6 on Paedos, buddy writes “I don’t like them hanging around like that” and I replied “That’s what the middle school playground security guard said.”
“Whoa, too old!” -Roy Moore
I’m currently reading “Suttree” by Cormac McCarthy and now wondering why I didn’t read this decades before. It’s magnificent.
“A convicted pervert of a botanical bent.”
I’ve gone through everything Cormac McCarthy has done except for The Road because I have a young son and I’d prefer not to cry for days on end.
The Road is SO DISTURBING also maybe the best booky-book I’ve ever read.
You could make a case for Blood Meridian too.
Just vastly, deeply troubling.
Blood Meridian hit me so hard. McCarthy laid bare a universe that didn’t care about anyone, ever.
#HardTruths
I’ve recommended that book so many times but the Philistines I know always complain that the lack of punctuation makes it too hard to read.
Fucking savages.
people are the worst
There is a certain type of book that gives you a sense of trepidation when you open to a certain page. She don’t come along very often but she is out there.
Child of God had a bit of that too.
I also loved the Border Trilogy but those read more like novels than hammers to the heart and sensibilities. This is the last unread McCarthy and I’m savoring it.
The Red Night Trilogy by W.S. Burroughs is up your alley if you like Cormac and a touch of the surreal.
I’ll look into it. I’ve only read Naked Lunch by Burroughs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahvSgFHzJIc
I despise Loverboy-I counter with Wet Willie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaL7P3NEo0I
ah double counter with Hippo Campus (no relation):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6utlWyGP2s
The ghost of ALXMAC has Watson. What I’m saying is I’m totally going to get upset in the DFO League, in part because Mahomes decided to throw to everyone except Hill and Kelce so between them I got half of what they were projected for.
/On the other hand he kept Melvin in who was inactive, so it might cancel out in the wash?
ha, watch it be a ghost final and we meet again FOAR 3rd
Third is the one with the hairy chest, ppl forget that once they turn 8.
and to continue ACC brilliance, Shitty Wolves down early to the Paedos
Penn State has been and will always be the most boring basketball team on any level.
Old Dominion took it? Ouch.
I can’t say it on the Cuse site that I tend to visit but The Nose Picker was out-coached by a country mile.
I like to think the name of the site is Pickin’ and Grinnin’
I counter your Hee with my Haw. I think it should be Pickin’ and Smirkin’