Week 15 Fallout:
These are the teams that were officially sent to a farm upstate. They are the Bills, Jets, Broncos, Bengals, Giants, Packers, Lions, Bucs and Falcons. No need to worry about them though, at this particular farm the refs have a very firm grasp on the ‘catch’ rule and have explained it to every player and coach. In addition, every game is a home game. No travelling! And meeting all the teams at the farm gate? Why, the one and only Colin Kaepernik! I’m sure the bidding war for his services will be quite the spectacle!
In other news-Gore Gone. For the rest of the year. Don’t even let the idea of his career being over escape your lips. I sure as heck am not going to commit to writing him off like I did last year and the year before that. Just a thought-a very smart organization would hire him as a player-coach next year. Should this occur I know for sure that he won’t be mentoring [spins the wheel] “Joe Mixon”.
Derrick Henry remains the biggest bastard man ever. Like, ever.
Eli is worse than you think he is. Also worse? The Giants other options at the QB spot.
Kenny Golladay went for 146 yards on 7 receptions. Yeah, he traversed nearly a football field and a half in a game where the winner scored 14 points and it wasn’t the Lions. smgdh.
I’ve called this a ‘passing league’. You’ve called this a ‘passing league’. I’ll just mention the rb’s that ran for a 100 yards or more this week. Here goes-Somebody Samuels, Kit Carson, “Gus” Edwards, Bastard Man Henry, Dalvinci Cook, Merlin Mack, “Tricky Dick” Mixon, Television Coleman, Nickolai Chubbovsky and Kato Ballage. I’m sure that there were more total tight ends and wr’s that ended up over that arbitrary number but you get my point, right? [wonders what his point was]
TO THE GAME!
Saints/Panthers:
Oh boy, I’ve waited all week to talk about this game! I don’t even know where to start! [presses listening device to ear] What’s that? The intro is over the 250 word minimum? Okay, then. See Ya!
“If you take out the ‘e’ away from Gore Gone, you’ll get something else entirely.”
-Perseus
Just yelled to who Dat guy: “I hope the Rams don’t use lube!’
/also Who Dat now, motherfucker??
Touchback? lol
Facebook is interesting….
It is suggesting I become fb friends with one ex-girlfriend’s father, whom I actually did get along with very well but that’s been like 35 years ago….
And also with another ex-girlfriend’s daughter, whom I’ve never actually met but is quite attractive and could probably get me shot. Ooooof.
An ILLUSION Michael. A trick is what a whore does for money. Or cocaine?
Ratio of white ppl to McCaffrey jerseys: YES
“Such a better role-model than that ungrateful Cam Newton thug.” — Colin Cowherd
Interesting observation.
Out Xmas shopping today, I held the door at Columbia Sportswear for a white girl wearing a McCaffrey Jersey.
Did you get her number?
22
What are the other 5 digits?
She likes them in the butt.
So you noe she’s motion in teh ocean!
What a hero.
I want this to be a thing in the movie.
There is a thing in the movie about how we dump all our garbage into the ocean.
Best things re having your kid be 20:
1) you can kick them out the house without the County being all up in you shit
2) you can make them drive home from MNF because you rittre dlunk
3) Old enough to betroth to the wealthy widower merchant the next town over. ++Dowry.
You forgot #3: you can guilt trip into almost anything because you know they won’t say no.
grumble grumble gets dad’s dry cleaning
Canada…..
My god.
Guys I don’t think teh Panthers is very good.
These Panthers, I call them an engine because they don’t work very good with a broken Cam
He’s like a REALLY sunburnt Chad Pennington out thar
Agreed; his shoulder is a lot more fucked up than they are letting on.
I bet he ain’t out there weeks 16 and 17
aint
Uh oh, Someone reboot the Hippo app. It’s broken.
She found them.
I am out of the game. Fuck bars that play Christmas music.
Bars are places for misanthropy, not “the Christmas Spirit.”
Well, aren’t you a buzzkill……. and I absolutely agree.
Unless you can drink the Christmas spirit, of course.
Literally the only interesting thing that has happened so far.
There have been TWO sightings of my Equine ppls
Pick Two is a miracle, right?
At least worth of teh Virgin Mary fingering herself imo
Pretty sure I heard she can fit more than two.
PICK TWO, BABY
Hilarious and amazing.
What a game. lol
A THING A THING THEY DONE A THING
Thirty second movie review:
The Mule was a surprisingly light hearted pseudo crime drama. Won’t win any awards but it was very watchable and featured topless cartel hookers! Clint Eastwood is old as fuck and this feels like a siren song but then again so did Gran Torino.
8/10 Feel free to see it at the theater but it’s fine for small screen viewing.
found a funny:
teacher: your son doesn’t think that 6 is a number
me: oh lol totally forgot we told him that
I almost felt bad being the 7th person to like that
Sweet Jeebus, no one wants to win this game. I blame Hippo being on set.
It is some proper monkeyfuckery. I’ve been mostly in the beer line.
How is this my fault?
U noe wut u done.
lol Panthers
All right, this stream is just too damned shitty for me. I’m out. What should I watch?
Porno.
I mostly work from home, so I’m kind of all porno-ed out for today.
A dirty movie where a cougar seduces a college girl.
Gloves preferred
Elf the movie!
Watch Roma on Netflix.
Seriously. Plus it will help with your conversational self taught Spanish.
Honestly the movie is incredible.
I once heard a proposal that the first 3 weeks should be all division games, same with the last 3, and alln divison teams should have the same bye week.
And for the record, NO they didn’t suggest playing in Wichita
I… don’t actually hate this idea.
Agreed. This is great idea if they want to promote divisions.
The argument against it is that theres less chance of interesting games midseason.
They need October prime timennatchups.
Only 17 prime time matchups were divison games this year
And that’s why it won’t happen!
The Saints offense is bad and look completely out of sync.
Bad week to be 11-2
I think Donks WOO! Could beat the Black Panthers. And I don’t say that lightly.
Ran over his neighbours? More like his own wee-wee.
Beer can say “biscuitty malt sweetness with subtle notes of strawberry and honeydew melon”
DFO…behold your TRUE ALPHA
This is cute and all but YOU ARE STILL LOSING YOU CAJUN FUCKSTICKS SCORE TWO POINTS ALREADY
I AM YELLING BECAUSE HE IS YELLING BUT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HIM!!!
James Harrison’s gonna get fined for that.
Ah may have just shouted You Suck Brees! Like a plebian.
Alexa bliss
NAWT A CATCH! Don’t waste that challenge!
Even Lovie Smith be all liek NAW
So who is playing half-time for the superbowl this year?
Michael Jackson, Prince, and Tom Petty
“This year’s SB Halftime show brought to you by the Pharmaceutical Industry!”
FACK you opiates is FUN and harmless
The hydrocodone I am taking for post-surgical pain couldn’t agree more…
Gentlemen, gentlemen, you’re both right!
Maroon 5. Except nobody wants to share the stage with them, so maybe they should call themselves “Marooned 5” instead.
I can’t believe CFB got the jump on Imagine Dragons. Of course, the NFL will probably get them 20 years from now.
I feel like they played every NHL playoff game. Very impressive work ethic.
[imagines dragons]
[hides under the covers]
– Eli Manning
Sucks that we just got a new banner comment cuz that deserves it rikki
Aw, thanks. I am patting myself harder on the back for the “daughtry” one, though.
They thought about asking The Who, but didn’t have enough time to notify residents.
Beer selection #2 (they was out of Crispin) is Sycamore “Southern Girl” Blonde Ale.
I got a Plan B pill as a bonus keepsake.
You worried you are pregnant?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFBOQzSk14c
Ah mean, mah ass DO hurt
Every obnoxiously Crunk Saints fan is chugging Miller Lite. Yes, there was Who Dey/Dat, I couldn’t tell.
Also Nelly sucks whale penis.
Jesus, fuck, Daughtry? Really?
I turned it off for halftime. Is that the hip new artist they are bringing out tonight?
“Everyone liked Garbage, who should we book next?”
“Stick with garbage.”
“On it!”
Hip and new straight out of 2003!
Fun fact: “daughtry” is how President Shit-for-brains describes his ideal mate.
Man, people named “Eli” and interceptions just go hand in hand, don’t they?
“Holding hands? EeEeeWWWwwwww.Girls are gross!”
-E. Manning
Would “pants-shittingly bad” be an apt description of this half?
Mike Tomlin and Andy Reid love Ron’s clock-management here.
Wonder if Cam was supposed to go no-huddle there, but was too busy….
the actual fuck with these sides
– Andy Reid, glaring at bowls of broccoli and spinach
God dammit don’t make me like you Jason Witten!
Perhaps, aim for a little less high
His tailor should be shot for his ill fitting suits, but the man of the year thing gets my respect.
According to Twitter, the largest, adultest of sons are going to be on RAW.
The neck on this lad, g’bless
Alex Jones hasn’t taken being booted from social media very well…
When the fluoride in the water hits
Just home from work. Have more work to do. At least there will be a well played football game to entertain me, right?
Christ! Really? The emergency exits are always in the same place and the co-pilot’s zipper is always open. What more do you have to prepare for?
It took me a minute…and then I laughed my ass off.