I fell asleep watching the West By God Virginia self-cousin-fucking last night. No worries, I caught Wazzu (who I mostly bet ML at -140, thankfully) eking it out from 3-5am compressed. Yeah, that’s an old trick from when my oldest was an insomniac baby.
Today’s fun:
Florida (+5.5) v. Meeechigan, No Homoes Chikin Bowl (Atlanta, GA – Noon, ESPN)
Yes, they put Peach back in the official title, but I mock them anyway. I trust the Gators to be even shittier than the Wolverine backups, but don’t have any bets on it.
Virginia (+4.5) v. South Carolina, Dying Redneck Town Department Store Bowl (Charlotte, NC – Noon, ABC)
My system says to fade both the ACC Coastal (except Duke) and SEC Paaawwwwwlll East, so I am at a loss. But Wahoowa has been pretty good as an underdog this year. May throw a $50 down.
Arkansas State (+2) v. Nevada, Martin Luther Tha’ King Bowl (Tucson, AZ – 1:15, CBSSN)
Because AZ legislators would want it that way, obvs. This is notable only for the Lesser Wolf Pack aspect (and yeah, they spell it as two words, weirdos). Don’t watch this.
Notre Dame (+13) v. Clemson, Raging Semi #1 (Arlington, TX – 4:00, ESPN)
Now, the real fun starts! I am more than a little surprised at the heavy spread, given that SO MUCH of the Tiggers’ dominance can be attributed to their fearsome DL, how missing its best player. Hmmmmmm. Still, I hate both these sides mercilessly and equally. Get fucked, dickasses.
Oklahoma (+14) v. Alabama, Raging Semi #2 (Miami, FL – 8:00, ESPN)
This also seems kind of high, though betting against Roll Damn Tide is a fool’s errand. Still, UGA showed some exploitable weakness…so an upset can’t be ruled out.
#BreakingBarriers
Eddie Izzard: Gluttonous
hahahaha, fuck you DABO!
Fumble
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpwesfKJ1AI
TACKLE, you shitty molested choir boys
Ark St. and Nevada saw that 12 interception game the other day and thought, “we can do better.” 7-3 in the fourth quarter, 5 total ints
You what I’ve never understood? Hatred for certain sports teams. Why the hate? Is it that important? It’s just a sports team. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel hatred. Hate has no place in my life. I don’t hate anything, except maybe for this one guy I work with and boy I’d like to saw that motherfucker’s head right off, but that’s a rare exception. God bless.
Because they’re different from us!
/And more successful…
I hate people that don’t feel hate! I tend to knife them in their major arteries.
For that last damn time, hobos don’t feel anything because of all the sterno-booze in their systems.
I want Dame to get this. I sick of watching Clemson vs Satan.
Me too. My brother went to ND, and his oldest son is a freshman there now. I just want them to be happy.
Agreed
Off to the gym. I’ll watch the start of this one from the elliptical while sweating like a pig and making weird noises until someone comes over and helps me actually start the machine.
It’ll be downhill from there.
Don’t forget to stretch
Folks
OU/Bama has an over/under of 80?! Did Saban forget how to coach defense?
Vegas overcompensating for the UGA game?
Alright, let’s get to the blowouts that matter!
I’m stuck at work. Is Michigan shitting the bed as gloriously as the score indicates?
Harbaugh…more like “Har-GONE”…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZUw8LYOQ-g
Floriada winning: that’s bad.
Michigan losing: that’s good!
I give Gators one point in their favor in my mind because Gainesville is the home of Tom Petty and most of the Heartbreakers.
I dunno, maybe lay off “Hail to the Victors” when you’re down 34-15 with less than 5 minutes to go in the game.
ZACCHEHAUS!!!*
*might be spelled wrong
the B1G is having some strange results. Punching bag Minny and a bad Wiscy side have lit it up, Purdue and Meeechigan look like microwaved dogshit.
Watching some World Cup skiing, and the only thing I’ve seen go downhill faster this afternoon was Arsenal.
Brian Kelly is the Coach of the Year, and they say you can’t get ahead by murdering student assistants.
that is some epic bullshit. Mike Leach all the way, or Saban even.
@balls: https://www.instagram.com/bundleofbrittany/?hl=en
Swoon…
Such a happy headline: https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2018/12/29/tom-brady-set-to-earn-none-of-his-incentives/amp/
Hopefully this gets him an extra aggressive (and dry) pegging from Giselle!
$5 million is a rounding error to Giselle.
Hopefully it’ll cause him to yell at his teammates, and they’ll respond with the kindness and understanding professional athletes are known to give showboating dickheads.
The ad trackers have a sense of humor to have this on the page for the above gif (stupid gfycat making me turn off my adblockers just to get the gif URLs.)
Even better if she uses the dildo she named Big Nick.
Eli has to be bigger though. You know … God taketh and God giveth. I don’t want to spell out the joke.
Which, ironically, is what we’d do to make sure Eli didn’t get the joke.
I haven’t seen South Carolina get pounded this hard since April of 1861.
I think you mean February of 1865. When General Sherman was done “making Georgia howl” he pretty much shoved a cannon barrel right up South Carolina’s ass.
Not far enough. Strom Thurmond was still born shortly thereafter.
I wish I had tripped and crushed him that one time when I had the chance.
Are there two conventionally-attractive-brunette-media-personality-Allison-Williams’s?
yes, but only one does butt stuff
Speaking of “butt stuff”….
Was I the only one expecting a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” reference in teh Chik-Fil-A Army/Navy game commercial just now?
Well, I’m bored. Let’s see who facebook wants me to become friends with today and see if….
OH MY GOD KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!
Better than nazi Australians…
Pat Sajak?
LOL….she finally got smart and blocked me on Google+.
But not before I alerted both the Aussie Federal Police and the NSW Bar Association about her death threats against me.
I would put ‘eating a Filet-o-Fish sandwich’ in the exact same category as cheering for Notre Dame. Never.
I have a buddy who loves Filet O fish sammys. Calls them the most underrated fast food in Canadia.
Guy must love a mystery because that’s what’s in that sang-gich.*
*how my kid pronounced it when he was a toddler
LOL. My niece used to call bananas “Niminis”.
To this day, it’s our “safe password” I have to give when I pick her up from school.
Kids are stupid.
You obviously don’t know many Clemson fans.
For clarification purposes, most of them need a Filet-o-Fish forcibly placed in their rectal orifices.
I’ve just imagined some tartar sauce squirted on their faces as well. You’re welcome.
Yikes, that reminds me of an old lesbian joke. And when I say “old lesbian joke”, I mean both the joke is old, as are the lesbians in the joke.
Imma shut up now I think.
Oh that poor…dead…kicker…
This gif is sponsored by $10 khakis from Walmart.
Best inter-sport coaching matchup I’d like to see? First one to bust a blood vessel wins.
Harbaugh vs. Frank Martin
The real winner is America.
If I was John Harbaugh, I would have to bring up all the time that I had a superbowl win over my brother.
But I would give him credit that we both have the same number of NCAA championships.
Does this appear as a static jpeg to anyone else unless I open it in a new tab?
So a bunch of Clem-zon players got busted for steriods? So that means they have to vacate the season, right? Because they were actively cheating in a way to directly impact the outcomes of those games? No? Oh, ok.
Next you will be wanting them to go to classes…
You have U*NC’s attention.
they should have at least made ’em trade bowls with UGA!
remember, one of their horse steroid folk was their very best player
It’s not like traded gifted gear for a tattoo.
I remember that-Herve Villechaize was really pissed!
OK come on ppl….that was funny!!!!!!
Not even a tattoo, a discount on a tattoo.
To be fair, it was completely legal until they got caught.
Florida/Mich. isn’t unwatchable…
/Gators up 13-10
I’m gonna need a couple of more double negatives before I draw any conclusion…
I aren’t incapable of doing that.
not hardly!
Coppin St. is beating Notre Dame in basketball. Foreshadowing?
WahoowaDOWN: The Seconding!!
Did you toss a 50 their way?
yup, ML. Just insured it with $25 at +375 on Chickens
was REALLY unnecessary, but my luck has been fuckety today
Hippo, does this Zaccheaus character have a pro future?
I have not seen scouting reports, but he looks like NFL slot level to me.
I was thinking the same thing. Betcha the fucking Pats draft him.
Gigantes could use a slot buddy for OBJ?
Giants need a little bit of everything. What I like about this guy is that he doesn’t look like he’s lean, meaning he won’t get knocked around by defenders despite his size.
like a JuJu (no ofence)
RIDICULOUS! What next? Frank Castle fighting the police?
Good thing we semi-converted Redshirt before this came out. 😀
😀
I still don’t trust him.
– Art Schlichter
“Hey! Us Nazis are people too!
Unlike brown kids.”
– B. O’Kavanaugh
Ginger Franks.
Sounds like a really bad hot dog.
Soylent Green is hot dogs. It’s HOT DOGS!!
Coors Light just showed an ad with a black guy and a white girl talking to each other in a bar. I can’t see the Busch family signing off on that.
Yew goddamned right!! – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
“I give the first hour and a half of Get Out 9/10 ‘The South Will Rise Again’s'”
-J.B.S., Lickspittle, AL
The real “Grand-daddy of them all”?
Genghis Khan
DAMMIT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A ‘GRANDDADDY OF THEM ALL JOKE” AND YOURS IS FUNNIER.
You suck.
/deletes bad joke
I owe it all to scotch and beer and wine and vodka. Yay, Team!
Somebody has a bunch of grandchildren? WHERE?? – Marc T., Parts Unknown
I can’t think of a single circumstance under which I would cheer for Notre Dame. Clemson it is.
/am even wearing a green shirt
//more certain they will lose to Bama/Northern Steerfuckers, that confirmed it
///also Dabo Swinney blatantly lying about his horse steroided-up players
I bet the Redshite to win the first half. If they don’t, will bet on ’em again at halftime. THEY MUST NOT WIN THE FOOKIN’ LEAGUE.
GOAL ARSENAL WOO!!!
/lead lasted THREE WHOLE MINUTES
/1-1 draw lasted TWO WHOLE MINUTES
//thanks for nothing, Arseholes
Someone needs to tell that stupid kid in that commercial that she’s not allowed to jump across the line while shooting free throws.
But nicer than what I just said, I guess.
She?
Someone needs to explain the difference between sports for boys and the kitchen.
Hey oh!!!!
Stupid Wolverines put their strong safety on Florida’s #1 wr. Long gain ensues…
WahoowaDOWN!
I might have a new fave player.
Who on God’s green earth watches every bowl game?
#CompulsiveGAMBLOR
Bookies don’t watch this much meaningless football
They don’t have to. They collect no matter who wins.
MY EYEBULBS MUST BE SATED!
/besides, baby it’s cold outside
That Zaccheaous dude for Virginny is one helluva speedster.
/tries to formulate a Rock Me Amadeus joke
Fiesta Bowl Parade broadcast just interviewed Grand Marshall Mike Bidwill. After the little back and forth, we get: “Now I’ve got to ask you the tough question…..IS FITZ COMING BACK?!”
Fuck you, 3TV.
GET HYPE!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYG7–AH-jc
I was curious as to what a ‘Belk’ is…
it’s like Tim Horton’s, only shitty, doesn’t serve food, and only in The South
This made me laugh.