JV NFL – Prelude Exhibitions and Raging Semi Open Thread

I fell asleep watching the West By God Virginia self-cousin-fucking last night.  No worries, I caught Wazzu (who I mostly bet ML at -140, thankfully) eking it out from 3-5am compressed.  Yeah, that’s an old trick from when my oldest was an insomniac baby.

Today’s fun:

Florida (+5.5) v. Meeechigan, No Homoes Chikin Bowl (Atlanta, GA – Noon, ESPN)

Yes, they put Peach back in the official title, but I mock them anyway.  I trust the Gators to be even shittier than the Wolverine backups, but don’t have any bets on it.

Virginia (+4.5) v. South Carolina, Dying Redneck Town Department Store Bowl (Charlotte, NC – Noon, ABC)

My system says to fade both the ACC Coastal (except Duke) and SEC Paaawwwwwlll East, so I am at a loss.  But Wahoowa has been pretty good as an underdog this year.  May throw a $50 down.

Arkansas State (+2) v. Nevada, Martin Luther Tha’ King Bowl (Tucson, AZ – 1:15, CBSSN)

Because AZ legislators would want it that way, obvs.  This is notable only for the Lesser Wolf Pack aspect (and yeah, they spell it as two words, weirdos).  Don’t watch this.

Notre Dame (+13) v. Clemson, Raging Semi #1 (Arlington, TX – 4:00, ESPN)

Now, the real fun starts!  I am more than a little surprised at the heavy spread, given that SO MUCH of the Tiggers’ dominance can be attributed to their fearsome DL, how missing its best player.  Hmmmmmm.  Still, I hate both these sides mercilessly and equally.  Get fucked, dickasses.

Oklahoma (+14) v. Alabama, Raging Semi #2 (Miami, FL – 8:00, ESPN)

This also seems kind of high, though betting against Roll Damn Tide is a fool’s errand.  Still, UGA showed some exploitable weakness…so an upset can’t be ruled out.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Redshirt

FIRST DOWN! LORD, ITS A MIRACLE!!!!

JustStopDude

The Oklahoma defense trying to stop Alabama #CFBPlayoff pic.twitter.com/tK0cM2ol9h

— What the Sports (@realwtsports) December 30, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Spur

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Redshirt

At what point does Alabama start resting their backups and puts in the cheerleaders and the elephant?

Mr. Ayo

Looks like Tua will get another 4th quarter off.

Spur

Bama Defense should hold Murray for ransom to get back Tua’s stolen Heisman.

Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

Jesus Christ this game still has 3 and a half hours of left to broadcast.

At this pace, we could see Alabama up by triple digits.

Spur

Oklahoma AD checking with rule book to see if they’re allowed to play Tulsa for the 2nd Half.

JustStopDude

Obviously this is a disaster. They need to make the games more competitive.

Adding more teams into the playoffs is not going to work.

So my solution is as follows…

1) Alabama gets the Championship by default.

2) A four team playoff for the 2nd place. 3 teams are from the SEC, the fourth team is the best undefeated team that plays in the bullshit conferences.

litre_cola

8 teams and winner gets bama.

Redshirt

Ah, the rarely used Karate Kid Part III tournament bracket.

herodotus450

Alabama/SEC giving out special patches just for the players who graduate? The mold growing in my walls could probably graduate from Alabama.

herodotus450

[looks at “Browns” brand mold remover]
Dammit, that’s why I can’t beat this mold.

Redshirt

I don’t know. I graduated from a Big 10 school and my paycheck shows how I’m “benefiting” from that.

Spoiler
My fault, though. I’ll admit it.

Spur

Murray couldnt handoff that football any faster. PUSSY

Ian Scott McCormick

Kyler Murray is getting confused again. He’s putting up a baseball score in a football game.

litre_cola

Just turned the game on and Bama is covering already. Seems appropriate for this timeline.

Brocky

Hail Satan?
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JustStopDude

How is that not a forward pass?

Spur

Kyler Murray is going to shit himself before halftime. GOOD.

Mr. Ayo

This game should confirm his decision to play baseball.

Brocky

Jim ross is rolling over in his grave.

Don’t worry he’ll be dead by halftime

Spur

ACC Zebras are fucking blind

Mr. Ayo

These refs are morans.

Mr. Ayo

I’m used to Pac12 refs. Didn’t realize the bar was so low elsewhere.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wait, Captain Marvel is a chick? They weren’t even allowed to be assigned to combatant ships when I was in the fleet.

herodotus450

Isn’t there already a Ms. Marvel?

Spur

The Hellspawn’s scoring is fun and all but I enjoy watching them tear apart the other teams offense.

herodotus450

Hail Satan?comment image

herodotus450

Hail Seitan indeedcomment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That’s right; take it out on the leftovers.

Spur

Hail Satan!

Spur

Kyler Murray is such a scumbag, Texas A&M kicked him out. Texas A&M. The same Texas A&M that put up with Manziel

Redshirt

Wow. It almost looks like Oklahoma’s defense is horribly overmatched and the CFB Selection Committee made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Redshirt

Georgia should’ve made it in obviously. Ohio State and Central Florida as the fourth team, leaning towards UCF.

herodotus450

I think we can all safely blame Jerry Jones’ turf for injuring Nick Bosa week 3 and causing all of these matchups.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Ballroom Dancing 101 was his blow off class.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He got hurt making huge money for the school, so have at it.

Mr. Ayo

RIP all over bets

Spur

Satan demanded a “family” sacrifice

JustStopDude

Time to just start taking knees?

Spur

You’re not playing Kansas motherfuckers!

JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That works!

Spur

Bike Bike Bike

Spur

“We are the show” – ACC Zerbas

Mr. Ayo

You can spell Oklahoma without a D. ppl forget that.

Spur

Get’em Tua!

Spur

Reasons to hate Oklahoma :
Stole the Seattle Supersonics
Gave us Jim Inhofe
Gave us Scott Pruitt
The movie “Stone Cold”
Trail of Tears

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In all honesty, Oklahoma seems like the worst place in the United States to me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, IDOLATROUS CATHOLICS OF INDIANA???

—Mike Pence,

Col. Duke LaCross

“Also, drop me off at the nearest highway rest stop.”

Spur

Hail Satan!

The Land Thieves are vile.

...

DABO DABO DABO DABO DABO DABO

...

Pretty much every time I remembered that I had this game on, I said that aloud.

Brick Meathook

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Ian Scott McCormick

Clemson/ND is so brutal the NCAA is going to deny any knowledge of the incident having occurred.

blaxabbath

That game is a low level broadcast that filled in for some scheduled programming once years ago.

Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

Dad?

theeWeeBabySeamus

King Hippo has really let himself go.

litre_cola

He totally is in to inappropriate touching.