Your “Game Sponsored by Hatey McHaterson” Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I hate the Cowboys. I have for quite some time. Let’s go back to the days before home computers, cell phones and social media. The written word was just beginning to take hold despite what the naysayers were nay saying. A rock applied to the head with varying degrees of force was a good enough means of communication for my grandfather and it’s good enough for me-whatever my name is! Then, as now, oldish white guys decided what was going to be placed before your eyebulbs and as far as football was concerned, they didn’t think they could do any better than the Dallas Cowboys. Little boy me didn’t know what ‘market over-saturation’ was then and still don’t now.

You couldn’t escape. Prime time TV, Sports Illustrated, Sport magazine, Inside Sport magazine-they extolled the countless virtues of a Roger Staubach, a Tom Landry, a Tony Dorsett (until he got a wee bit uppity) or a [insert white player’s name here]. I was able to free myself from the shackles of this form of mind manipulation for the most part. (I sometimes get half a chub when footage of Golden Richards is shown)

I therefore understand the hate/contempt that some have shown for the Seahawks though I don’t partake. To me, Coach Carroll is just another silly millionaire-type coach-guy that lives in a wee bubble of his own making so, whatever. He can loudly chew gum, strut the sidelines and conduct tours of Tower 6 all he likes.

Oh right-the game

Seattle/Dallas:

Gimme Kit Carson and Co. and a late field goal. No more talk of Dallas.

Conduct yourselves accordingly. To what? No idea.

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Mr. Ayo

Bump, set, drop?

Gratliff

Is the joke still “touchdown seahawks” or has “Cowboys maintain possession” officially taken its place?

Doktor Zymm

If I was watching live classes on an exercise device I would be amazingly motivated to eat a slice of pizza, drink some booze and mock.

Gratliff

Peloton: We glued a TV to a treadmill. Give us $$$$$$.

King Hippo

But I feel like such a plebian with my exercise bike and bedroom TV unattached!!

Spur

Jaylon Smith is a two legged BEAST

litre_cola

The space needle is in Seattle.

King Hippo

JUST WIN THE FIRST HALF, YOU NON-GENDERED FUCKHOLES

Mr. Ayo

That’s a SMRT bet. The HOX biggest weapon this half is their All Pro punter.

Doktor Zymm

I can root for a Notarealbird safety

King Hippo

yep, Hippo will allow. 3-2 would be mighty fun. Or better, 5-4!

Spur

KILL Wilson!

litre_cola

Did you know they throw fish at Pike’s Market?

herodotus450

“Don’t Let’s be Beasley to the Germans.”
-Cole’s agent after seeing his injury and not yet aware that NFL Europe folded years ago

Doktor Zymm

There’s gotta be at least one club owner in Europe who isn’t aware that American Football is not Soccer

fleshwound_NPG

tony romo should be awarded a medal for that wild card loss to seattle

he forced asshole parcells into retirement

Spur

Do you really need to show the Romo FG hold. FUCK YOU FOX!

litre_cola

Ohhh yeahh, that is the good stuff.

Doktor Zymm

Got a new BlackBerry over the holidays, it’s kickass 😀

ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo is crying tears of joy right now.

litre_cola

I also immediately thought of Hippo.

SonOfSpam

Also tears of terror because of the six foot pink dragonfly speaking Danish to him.

King Hippo

ah keep a-tellin’ it ah ain’t speak no Danish!

King Hippo

ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!!

Doktor Zymm

BLACKBERRY4EVER

herodotus450

Usually takes a whole bowl of em to kick my ass

The Maestro

I thought my 60-year-old father was the last person on earth still using a BlackBerry. I am shocked.

King Hippo

BOO THIS MAN!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what this game needs? Terry Glenn.

SonOfSpam

She’s busy.

Spur

My idiot cousin got a Drew Henson Jersey. Yes, he’s a Trump supporter.

SonOfSpam

I like the “it’s ironic because he sucked even though he was so hyped” but since he’s a Trump supporter he probably doesn’t do irony.

Spur

Crappy 3rd down play.

SonOfSpam

“Throw to Cooper…lookin for blocks…”

Eli Manning knows the feeling.

Doktor Zymm

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SonOfSpam

Jeff Sessions was excited to watch the show, but it wasn’t what he’d hoped.

Spur

i see Beasley is ready to die tonight.

Doktor Zymm

LOL, confused receiver

Spur

I would always take a Honda over a Chevy .

SonOfSpam

Well yeah, unless you wanna lose at Street Fighter II.

Gratliff

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The Maestro

FUCKING GLORIOUS

Doktor Zymm

lower total cost of ownership

Doktor Zymm

The only time I’ve been unable to get up with an ankle injury was after tripping on a cat, and the cat was sitting on my bed like she knew she wasn’t supposed to and was staring at me, and I assume, doing the cat equivalent of laughing

Spur

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herodotus450
Spur

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SonOfSpam

Is that a takedown or a reversal?

Spur

Crap Beasley already hurt

Col. Duke LaCross

Rattail ded?

Gratliff

Just like Obama was trying to explain, Cole is dead.

herodotus450

Damn shame that Barkevious Mingo never got to line up opposite D’Brickashaw Ferguson.

SonOfSpam

“Barkevious, D’Brickashaw…D’Brickashaw, Barkevious”

– David Letterman

The Maestro

Still wish Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix didn’t play in the secondary so we could get more direct man-to-man funny name matchups.

herodotus450

Dallas with 14 men on the line of scrimmage there, idn’t that a penalty?

JustStopDude

How do you not have Romo calling this game…and all the other games?!?!

ThePirateSloth

Why not the trifecta of Aikmen, Witten, Romo calling this game?

ballsofsteelandfury

He said night club, not strip club.

Spur

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Fronkenshteen

YAAAASSSSSSS

Brick Meathook

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Fronkenshteen

Do NAWT STAWP

Col. Duke LaCross

They look like the Jesus Twins.

fleshwound_NPG

GAH

SonOfSpam

“More than words could make you feel, that my love for you is real…”

Mr. Ayo

These are great. MOAR

Don T

That Troy’s look is roofie chic.

Spur

Intro by the XX. Good Shit

SonOfSpam

I assume that means you started your drinking with Dos Equis.

SonOfSpam

“Ooh, Dos Equus sounds HOT.”

– Catherine the Great

Fronkenshteen

Aikman played pro ball for over a decade and took shots from the likes of Reggie White, yet Joe Buck is the one whose skull looks damaged.

The Maestro

His dad was an artist with a belt buckle, I’ll bet.

Fronkenshteen

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

I’d rather listen to real retarded folk than these two

SonOfSpam

Nah, CPAC is boring.

Brick Meathook

You know that sometime in the near future you’ll be able to hear an internet simulcast of football games that is exactly that.

King Hippo

I mean, it’s not quite sex robots, but this vision of the future pleases me

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m stealing this.

King Hippo

tomorrow’s roundtable header??

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m using it for a post midweek.

Mr. Ayo

That really is the most annoying sound in the world!

...

It’s a little late but

I know it's a sin but I have a crush on Sara Palins feet….

— Jim Irsay (@JimIrsay) December 23, 2010

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

SonOfSpam

HOW DID I NEVER SEE THIS BEFORE

Also…

“Stay away if you know what’s good fer ya.”

– Rex Ryan

The Maestro

What the fuck is up, you debaucherous miscreants??!

ThePirateSloth

I apologize for any profanity laced post from this point forward.

SonOfSpam

Why the fuck would you do that cunty shit?

SonOfSpam

Let’s go not-Cowboys!

My sister (a bandwagon Seahawks fan) flew out there with her son (a bandwagon Cowboys fan because his asshole father jumped on the bandwagon in the 90s), and they are sitting in the lower section on about the 40 yard line. I kinda sorta hope neither team wins, but I hope the Cowboys don’t win a little more.

fleshwound_NPG

and with this, killing her would not be murder, but an act of counter-terrorism

https://twitter.com/jaredlholt/status/1081716992913100800

herodotus450

Jared Holt!

King Hippo

She hasn’t heard of the Gay Communist Gun Club?

SonOfSpam

She’s as smart as she is stylish.

yeah right

Christ, Curt Menefee looks like he swallowed an entire long horn steer.

It’s like a reverse New Year resolution.

Spur
Fronkenshteen
King Hippo

wow, this (muted) Fox panel really buys into the Clippers and Iggles Narrative

fleshwound_NPG

slight ot: sorry maestro (or…thanks!)

https://twitter.com/AJHaefele/status/1081716078600871936

Gratliff

Who the fuck says Dallas has the best front seven in football?

King Hippo

somebody who hasn’t seen Chi**** this season?

Fronkenshteen

People who think you’re talking owner’s teeth.

Fronkenshteen

More Total Rushing Yards:

Zeke

or

Carson City

WHO YA GOT?!

King Hippo

Thinking Zeke hits 2 bills tonight, or comes damned close

Mr. Ayo

Zeke

Spur

Zeke

Fronkenshteen

I got Carson, ya bastids!

Brick Meathook

The ABC-TV affiliate in Los Angeles just had the greatest commercial for a hot tub expo I’ve ever seen.

HOT TUB! HOT TUB! HOT TUB! FAIRPLEX IN POMONA! HOT TUB! HOT TUB!

Brick Meathook

The weekend anchorgirl’s name is Veronica Miracle. There’s a big storm coming in (with the snow line dropping to 5000′) so star weatherman Dallas Raines was on duty. Every Los Angeles TV news person looks like a soap opera actor.

SonOfSpam

Dallas Raines is awesome in that he’s a caricature. The name! The tan! The gestures!

yeah right

He looks like he died 15 years ago and is propped up with a stick.

SonOfSpam

Undead Dallas Raines is a pretty good name for a new commentist.

Spur

Zeke looks a week younger.

Gratliff

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Spur

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Just found out Durgin-Park in Boston is closing it’s doors after 192 years. So tomorrow I’ll be getting one of these for lunch.
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Spur

Gross, what twisted sociopath eats peas?

Spur

Cowboy Haters are you ready?
Let’s get it ON!

Gratliff

Russel WIlson after the game: comment image

yeah right

My Dallas hatred has been simmering for over 45 years. Motherfucker, Drew Pearson pushed off!

Gratliff

I still make fun of Quincy Carter’s stupid tongue and I think he works in a Verizon store or some shit now.

Gratliff

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litre_cola
King Hippo

hey man, Watford ain’t playin’ until tomorrow

SonOfSpam

I’ve been to Watford. I had a lovely afternoon in Watford. It’s a beautiful little town. It’s now my EPL team. You, sir, had better not be denigrating Watford.

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