Your “Game Sponsored by Hatey McHaterson” Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I hate the Cowboys. I have for quite some time. Let’s go back to the days before home computers, cell phones and social media. The written word was just beginning to take hold despite what the naysayers were nay saying. A rock applied to the head with varying degrees of force was a good enough means of communication for my grandfather and it’s good enough for me-whatever my name is! Then, as now, oldish white guys decided what was going to be placed before your eyebulbs and as far as football was concerned, they didn’t think they could do any better than the Dallas Cowboys. Little boy me didn’t know what ‘market over-saturation’ was then and still don’t now.

You couldn’t escape. Prime time TV, Sports Illustrated, Sport magazine, Inside Sport magazine-they extolled the countless virtues of a Roger Staubach, a Tom Landry, a Tony Dorsett (until he got a wee bit uppity) or a [insert white player’s name here]. I was able to free myself from the shackles of this form of mind manipulation for the most part. (I sometimes get half a chub when footage of Golden Richards is shown)

I therefore understand the hate/contempt that some have shown for the Seahawks though I don’t partake. To me, Coach Carroll is just another silly millionaire-type coach-guy that lives in a wee bubble of his own making so, whatever. He can loudly chew gum, strut the sidelines and conduct tours of Tower 6 all he likes.

Oh right-the game

Seattle/Dallas:

Gimme Kit Carson and Co. and a late field goal. No more talk of Dallas.

Conduct yourselves accordingly. To what? No idea.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.1K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Sharkbait

Princeton’s face matching his colors there.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

King Hippo

Just think, in all the new no-GLOREEE Boy footbaw leagues, guys like Hurns will be making essentially minimum wage, with no benefits!

SonOfSpam

Tavon Austin with a touchdown that counts for nothing, perfectly summing up his career.

The Maestro

La’el Collins got away with one there.

ThePirateSloth

The words… they fail me.

Spur

Fucking blatant facemask, fuck off

litre_cola

There is a strange a strange and incredible retro-looking Coke machine on the corner of Broadway that gives random sodas for 55 cents.

Mr. Ayo

So facemask is no longer a penalty.

fleshwound_NPG

as long as it is a black qb, anything goes!

SonOfSpam

Cam Newton would agree, but his back really hurts today.

King Hippo

The Uppity Corollary to the rulebook

Spur

Watson will be in Arlington by halftime?

King Hippo

the defenses are a wee bit ahead of the offensing units today

litre_cola

Pioneer Square is where you want to be for drinks.

Doktor Zymm

Thing I’ve learned over the past few years, I’m way more sensitive to vicarious emotional pain than vicarious physical pain

SonOfSpam

Vicarious Emotional Pain is playing Saturday at Coachella.

“Uh, yeah…I know,”
comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Gratliff

comment image

Gatoraids

NFL going to implement baseballs strike zone for hitting next season.

Gratliff

“Was it a clean hit?”comment image

herodotus450

Split screen commercials might be the final nail in the me-watching-live-football coffin.

Gratliff

Very important to monetize the 1.2 seconds between plays during 2 minute drills.

fleshwound_NPG

IndyCar and then NASCAR really invented/perfected that shitty concept

ballsofsteelandfury

They tried that in soccer and people rebelled. That shit ended REAL quick.

Doktor Zymm

Is your ankle pointing the right way? Yes? GET THE FUCK UP

Spur

Zeke got ran over

litre_cola

Sea-Tac is a great airport to sleep in, not dangerous.

Col. Duke LaCross

I don’t think I’ve ever flown through there where I didn’t have a three hour layover, minimum.

fleshwound_NPG

Ah NASCAR, where the previous year’s champion team closes shop due to funding

ThePirateSloth

Well, I am certainly disappointed, to say the least.

King Hippo

nvm

Gratliff

Wrong: How you are doing it

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— King Hippo

King Hippo

FOAR teh morbidly curious:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I20iKREE180

rockingdog

Nope!

Doktor Zymm

Between this and Alex Smith, I would say this is the most gruesome lower body injury year in a while

Sharkbait

GAAAAHHHHHHH

Gratliff

I love how the preview thumbnail has the foot already aligning itself to the GPS satellite

King Hippo

goddamned thing won’t me spoiler tag it

SonOfSpam

Haven’t seen a Carson blow up like that since Jack Paar left The Tonight Show.

Doktor Zymm

Hurns has been in the league for a while, hopefully the NFL covers his medical and he’s got some decent savings

SonOfSpam

Fortunately he won’t remember the injury in about three years.

The Maestro

Some decent savings, if he’s been smart with his money, that is. I honestly hope that he has. It’s a tricky thing, honestly, with pro athletes coming from a background of poverty/low privilege/etc… I think all leagues need to work harder to ensure that players have stronger financial planning abilities, in order to ensure long-term success post-career.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like that having a hot latina wife is the new symbol of success.

Doktor Zymm

Only on the left, if you’re GOP it’s still Eastern Europe mail order bride

ballsofsteelandfury

Should have guessed that a company called PROGRESSIVE was leftist…

SonOfSpam

Well yeah, you can’t just buy her from her father for a pack of chicle like in the old days.

Gratliff

lol Dak gonna get all post-traumaticy and overthrow every receiver from this point forward

Petronel

Good of Princeton Red to be out there squeezing Hurns’ hand. (Seriously.)

Spur

what’s the sound of one hand clapping?

ballsofsteelandfury

Golf clap

Spur

Double J is going to get Hurns some of Jim Irsay’s good stuff.

litre_cola

Screaming Trees are from Eastern Washington, not Seattle.

Sharkbait

The hell happened to Hurns?

Brick Meathook

He was decapitated.

rockingdog

you missed it. his head rolled across the field like a potato down a hill…

The Maestro

Foot pointing the wrong way.

Gratliff

Foot was planted, dude fell directly on ankle, ball of ankle was rolling around in the sock like a cue ball

fleshwound_NPG

he got carted off, his foot is still on the 40 yard line

Gatoraids

Too brutal to use in the new Mortal Kombat footballalities

fleshwound_NPG

this showing up on everybody’s timelines tonight cursed us all

https://twitter.com/JimIrsay/status/17753889839255554

King Hippo

if not the hospital

NO WAY, Joe, they will just point his foot back the right direction and stick some duct tape on it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I made some awesome crab soup today. GF’s mother said it’s the best she ever had (she grew up in Baltimore). Now I’m about to go out to dinner.

Oh shit….who ded on the field?

SonOfSpam

I love regional dialects, like how in the South, taking your monthly bath is “making awesome crab soup.” Delightful!

Senor Weaselo

Well it is Florida.

Doktor Zymm

Allen Hurns, low leg/ankle snap to the outside 🙁

Sharkbait

Home made risotto doesn’t suck.

Brick Meathook

They’re taking him straight to the funeral home.

SonOfSpam

Joe Buck just rhymed “foot” with “boot” and Canadians love him now.

Doktor Zymm

Was looking away, but that’s probably good. At least not life threatening, although still sucks 🙁

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t rewind.

Spur

The foot was looking away too.

The Maestro

Even Doctors Kevin Ware and Joe Theismann didn’t like the look of that injury.

Gratliff

Fuck. How is this not done yet?

The FOX nfl injury music is so repsectful someone should put it over the zapruder tape

— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) January 6, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Brick Meathook

comment image

rockingdog

bravo!
they should try out for RuPauls drag race

Spur

Troy looks like El Debarge

SonOfSpam

Joe looks like Zack from “Saved by the Bell” found mom’s makeup kit.

herodotus450
Gratliff

We gonna get a Charles Rogers Memorial Broken Clavicle here too?

Spur

Can we get Hurns some Bud Light or a Pepsi?

litre_cola

Boeing is located in Seattle.

herodotus450

Oh there’s a cart on the field in Dallas?comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

The part that cracks me up is the dude bailing out in the passenger seat.

Gatoraids

if only was Jerry’s hearse
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s pretty good that they’re not going to show it again. That was brutal.

Mr. Ayo

–Bizzaro Twitter

The Maestro

Allen Hurns is fucking dead. RIP, Allen Hurns.

fleshwound_NPG

cowboy receivers made of peanut brittle tonight

Doktor Zymm

Ok, everyone’s okay with Quantum Leap leaving it at Sam never getting home, how about a Beavis and Butthead revival? Where they’re in their 40s?

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe they tried that and it didn’t take.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’d love a Beavis and Butthead revival, but I will say Mike Judge’s “Tales From The Tour Bus” is fucking phenomenal.

Gratliff

Confession: I still haven’t watched Unbreakable.

Spur

That doesn’t look good

Careful with that Axe Eugene

His foot is pointing to magnetic North.

litre_cola

THe movie Singles was underrated.

Spur

Properly rated. Kyra Sedgwick is weird looking

King Hippo

ah will FIGHT yeeeewwww

King Hippo

yes, I basically am the Campbell Scott character. Just not good looking.

fleshwound_NPG

OH FUCK

The Maestro

DID NAWT NEED TO SEE THAT.

Col. Duke LaCross

GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Gratliff

RIP shoulder

Mr. Ayo

GROSS!! OMG!

SonOfSpam

Didn’t see…what was it?

ballsofsteelandfury

Everything.

Gratliff

Ever see the opening to Jurassic Park?

Mr. Ayo

Foot pointing the wrong way

SonOfSpam

Ew.

SonOfSpam

I was saying Hoo-urns