Your “Game Sponsored by Hatey McHaterson” Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I hate the Cowboys. I have for quite some time. Let’s go back to the days before home computers, cell phones and social media. The written word was just beginning to take hold despite what the naysayers were nay saying. A rock applied to the head with varying degrees of force was a good enough means of communication for my grandfather and it’s good enough for me-whatever my name is! Then, as now, oldish white guys decided what was going to be placed before your eyebulbs and as far as football was concerned, they didn’t think they could do any better than the Dallas Cowboys. Little boy me didn’t know what ‘market over-saturation’ was then and still don’t now.

You couldn’t escape. Prime time TV, Sports Illustrated, Sport magazine, Inside Sport magazine-they extolled the countless virtues of a Roger Staubach, a Tom Landry, a Tony Dorsett (until he got a wee bit uppity) or a [insert white player’s name here]. I was able to free myself from the shackles of this form of mind manipulation for the most part. (I sometimes get half a chub when footage of Golden Richards is shown)

I therefore understand the hate/contempt that some have shown for the Seahawks though I don’t partake. To me, Coach Carroll is just another silly millionaire-type coach-guy that lives in a wee bubble of his own making so, whatever. He can loudly chew gum, strut the sidelines and conduct tours of Tower 6 all he likes.

Oh right-the game

Seattle/Dallas:

Gimme Kit Carson and Co. and a late field goal. No more talk of Dallas.

Conduct yourselves accordingly. To what? No idea.

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Redshirt

Janikowski got hurt? How does a kicker hurt himself kicking?

Doktor Zymm

That’s what happens when you’re off the chorus line for a couple weeks and don’t stretch

King Hippo

1) Be a fatass

2) Try to kick it an extra 7-10 yards

Horatio Cornblower

Being overweight, over 40 and trying for 58.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Coincidentally” is Buck’s favourite new word.

King Hippo

He has a very rudimentary “word a day” calendar

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

“OK, OK, everyone line up and waggle your hips, good, go…Goddammit Tiffany!!!”

Petronel

Buncha basic bitchez trying too hard

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ezekiel Elliot hit that hole like he was dating it

Doktor Zymm

But they aren’t in a relationship type dating

Unsurprised

God DAMN!

Horatio Cornblower

This better be on the banner come tomorrow.

rockingdog

yayy points!

litre_cola

Does Aikman still live in Dallas?

Horatio Cornblower

Like he knows.

Senor Weaselo

“Hey, where does Trent Green live?” -Trent Green

Spur

He and Buck are Olive farmers in the Bay Area in the off season.

litre_cola

Like Malone and Stockton, a jazz filled tryst.

herodotus450

Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry

American Pie is probably the most ver boten song in Louisiana.

Redshirt

My mom just called and said I have to wake up early tomorrow for church, and then go out to dinner with the family. On my only day off of the weekend.

So obviously I have 10 hours to fake my own death. Any ideas?

herodotus450

Just put some ketchup on your wrists and claim stigmata.

Spur

Catholic mass or other? You know damn well we’ll have breakfast after.

Gatoraids

1-800-Rap-Ture

Horatio Cornblower

I call 1-800 Rap-True to find out when the next Tupac album is coming out.

Horatio Cornblower

Are you 12? No?

Then you don’t have to do anything.

litre_cola

Go challenge Jared Lorenzen to a pancake eating comp

Doktor Zymm

Give me a number and a name. I’ll make a call.
‘Mrs. Redshirt? I’m sorry, I have some bad news about your son. He’s not dead, as far as we know, but we found his car….’

WCS

I’m glad Uncle Jack is getting work, but, seriously, fuck this commercial.

Spur

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Doktor Zymm

Did one dude say ‘your money’ when Dak audibled the QB run?

Horatio Cornblower

No, “You’re money”, like in ‘Swingers’

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

My God did the two of them have an all-you-can-eat bet after that movie?

Horatio Cornblower

I fucking love Dak.

And ham.

King Hippo

but you repeat yourself

Spur

Look at that no huddle is working.

Senor Weaselo

He is a half yard short.

Mr. Ayo

–Deanna Favre

Horatio Cornblower

Just like my prom night.

Doktor Zymm

I’m sure her upper calf was hella hot

fleshwound_NPG

short

litre_cola

FUCK YOU AIKMAN! IS JERRY IN YOU RIGHT NOW????

Doktor Zymm

Dallas is shitty at COOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

King Hippo

DAK? DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!

WCS

Gonna be a lot of effort here for Princeton Red to kick a field goal, and lose 14-13.

Unsurprised

I wish this proceeded differently
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Gatoraids

28 losses later

Spur

nice

Unsurprised

Hell yeah, dude

Horatio Cornblower

I fully expect them to leave the same way.

Unsurprised
Senor Weaselo

Like the doors holding and people still running and it just smushes everyone?

Unsurprised

Something like that.

Spur

Come on!

fleshwound_NPG

yes, defense, have the best receiver be wide open

Mr. Ayo

No need to cover that guy I guess.

litre_cola

just put Ukrainian kolbassa, feta, onions and tomatoes on a frozen cheese pizza.

I used to like Amari Cooper, now, no.

Redshirt

So I saw the leg breaking, and I think it broke twice.

Doktor Zymm

Wait….what is hims? Why does the small print mention a prescription if it’s just hipster shampoo?

Sharkbait

Internet dick pills I think

herodotus450

Plus Rogaine.

Doktor Zymm

Did you know you can buy tattoo equipment on Amazon? Do you know someone who shouldn’t know you can buy tattoo equipment on Amazon? Please, let them know!

Sharkbait

Better Amazon than Ebay?

Doktor Zymm

Quicker shipping I guess? How long do you want to give to rethink?

Senor Weaselo

That or Marsha were the answers.

Horatio Cornblower

Bobby. 100% Bobby.

Unsurprised

o7

Brick Meathook

What’s the NFL rule on kickoffs and field goals? Does it have to touch the ground first, or can you just drop kick it?

ballsofsteelandfury

You can drop kick both.

Horatio Cornblower

Unless you’re Kareem Hunt.

rockingdog

man I miss that show Milf Island. I still don’t understand why NBC cancelled it…..

herodotus450

Can you believe D’Borah was just a struggling actress in LA before she got on the island?

Horatio Cornblower

Can you sign a kicker during the play-offs? Asking for a city in Washington state.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yup

Spur

Just pay some backup receiver to take out the Seattle Punter. You suck Princeton

Horatio Cornblower

If he gets fired because of this loss I will consider it worth it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Will he EVER get fired though?

Brick Meathook

You go to Princeton you get powerful friends.

Spur

the rumors are he need to go “deep in the playoffs” or he’s gone

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I think if they lose this game he’s gone.

Spur

Kris Richard needs to take over ASAP

Horatio Cornblower

Jerry will hire Marvin Lewis.

Gatoraids

sweep the leg Beasley

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have an AFL chubby right now

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too!!

Horatio Cornblower

Replay shows that someone was blatantly holding Jeff Heath, but I can’t get upset about that because Heath would’ve missed the tackle anyway.

Spur

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Redshirt

Was that a drop-kickoff?

Mr. Ayo

It’s the aussie way

Horatio Cornblower

That’s pretty much an insurmountable lead right there.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, okay, I can’t be mad, I complained via Messenger, and the dude who responded started talking about the soccer team he supports and how he gets phone notifs before seeing it via Sling

herodotus450

How far behind are you? I’m on OTA, and the game juuust ended.

rockingdog

making it interesting…. I LIKE IT!

Spur

Dallas needs a long TD drive here or it’s over.

ballsofsteelandfury

HOLY SHIT PETEY RAN IT FROM THE 2!

Senor Weaselo

I was totally expecting a pass and a pick-2.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

You’ll want to watch it in fullscreen HD video: https://gfycat.com/NewEcstaticDuck

Mr. Ayo

I’m going to do more than watch it.

Senor Weaselo

Going for two? Boo, I wanna see punters kicking!

King Hippo

the world needs to see the punter kick placements

BrettFavresColonoscopy

grumble grumble I’ll believe it when I see it grumble grumble

Horatio Cornblower

And Dallas says ‘We’re going to stop you, until you throw it 30 yards downfield to the guy that beat Awuzie by three yards, but please don’t do that too often.”

The Maestro

S U O M I

Sharkbait

Well shit.

Spur

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herodotus450
Brocky

It’s just occurred to me that I’ve never seen that padme outfit used before

Mr. Ayo

That’s what you took away from that?

Brocky

Well my thought process was how damn good she looks, how revealing and shapely it is, and mild surprise it hasn’t been utilized before.

And you know, I figured, I didn’t have to state the obvious “hot nerdy girl is hot line” but hey now I know.

Spur

padme was a prude

rockingdog

Baldwin is a savage

herodotus450

[See’s Scotchnaut post]
[ctr-v post about Ottawa losing 7 straight]
[See’s their last win was against Detroit.]

Sharkbait

Hell of a catch there.

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