Your “Game Sponsored by Hatey McHaterson” Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I hate the Cowboys. I have for quite some time. Let’s go back to the days before home computers, cell phones and social media. The written word was just beginning to take hold despite what the naysayers were nay saying. A rock applied to the head with varying degrees of force was a good enough means of communication for my grandfather and it’s good enough for me-whatever my name is! Then, as now, oldish white guys decided what was going to be placed before your eyebulbs and as far as football was concerned, they didn’t think they could do any better than the Dallas Cowboys. Little boy me didn’t know what ‘market over-saturation’ was then and still don’t now.

You couldn’t escape. Prime time TV, Sports Illustrated, Sport magazine, Inside Sport magazine-they extolled the countless virtues of a Roger Staubach, a Tom Landry, a Tony Dorsett (until he got a wee bit uppity) or a [insert white player’s name here]. I was able to free myself from the shackles of this form of mind manipulation for the most part. (I sometimes get half a chub when footage of Golden Richards is shown)

I therefore understand the hate/contempt that some have shown for the Seahawks though I don’t partake. To me, Coach Carroll is just another silly millionaire-type coach-guy that lives in a wee bubble of his own making so, whatever. He can loudly chew gum, strut the sidelines and conduct tours of Tower 6 all he likes.

Oh right-the game

Seattle/Dallas:

Gimme Kit Carson and Co. and a late field goal. No more talk of Dallas.

Conduct yourselves accordingly. To what? No idea.

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Unsurprised

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Spur

SIT DOWN BOY

Sharkbait

He’s double fisting the feed me bullshit now?

Horatio Cornblower

Next week he’ll work Allan Hurns’s severed foot into it.

litre_cola

This timeline sucks.

Spur

Great 1st down run by Zeke. that was nasty

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, he stuffed that 1st guy.

Redshirt

Okay, Field Goal Dallas. Seattle scores a game-tying TD. Dropkick XP for the win?

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

rockingdog

please?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When did a soccer game break out?

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

She’ll get her order before me and I ordered 10 minutes before her.

Spur

Imagine walking up to that in Costa Rica. I would be too scared to talk

Doktor Zymm

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King Hippo

the ball hair peeking out is tres classy!

Gratliff

This is violence

Brick Meathook

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Gatoraids

Everything Zen – Bush

Brick Meathook

This open thread is on track for 1000 comments.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, that was a legit PI call. You can’t hit a white guy like that and expect to get away with it in Texas.

Brocky

Oh shit has Goodell figured out that hardly anyone watches these Saturday night games?

Gratliff

All those weeks of respecting flags finally paying off for Dak.

Unsurprised

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rockingdog

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litre_cola

You get a bad call! You get a bad call!

fleshwound_NPG

spoke too soon, here comes the BLEERGH

Senor Weaselo

All the bailouts!

Gratliff

booooooooooooooooo

Sharkbait

3rd down Dallas??

*throws flag*

Spur

YES

Redshirt

https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/05/politics/elizabeth-warren-iowa-campaign-native-american/index.html

If during your first official stop as a Presidential Candidate you have to say “I am not a person of color”, that cannot be a good omen about your chances of winning.

King Hippo

You know the “when you’re explaining, you’re losing” saying?

Horatio Cornblower

As someone who favors the Democrats I am not really inspired by Warren’s candidacy.

King Hippo

this would be an own goal nomination, if ever there was one.

Senor Weaselo

Are you not entertained by continuous foot shots?

Redshirt

Democrats are playing from the ’84 and ’88 playbook: “Republicans are going moderate-ish and are popular? We’ll just go further left; it’ll work out.”

King Hippo

I guess this is counter-Karma to having Obama win the 2008 nomination.

Redshirt

She should’ve worked to be Schumer’s successor as Senate Leader.

herodotus450

Worked in 2016 didn it?

Unsurprised

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litre_cola

Anyone else see 20-20 coming?

King Hippo

teh SEQUEL

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bullshit call? Bullshit call.

ballsofsteelandfury

No, the flag came in because they are making up for the one they missed.

Horatio Cornblower

” A Flag Flies From The Secondary: An NFL Story”

King Hippo

sorry, I meant “teh SEQUEL” here

Spur

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Gratliff

Makest uppest of calls

Brocky

Bail out flag is bail out. Fuck you goodell

Spur

Finally a flag

Gratliff

FOH WITH THAT

Senor Weaselo

DPI on 3rd down, HAIL BLEERGH!

rockingdog
litre_cola

Is Garrett protecting the lead here?

Mr. Ayo

Of course. There are no SMRT coaches here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mmhmm, yes, have Buffy pull the car around

Spur

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rockingdog

I hope she remembers to brush her teeth after eating that candy

King Hippo

you mean after the vomiting?

King Hippo

Like that song, get AJR some royalty scrilla

herodotus450

Is there any state where it’s legal for a man to marry a dried, sweetened fruit? Asking for a friend and his bag of mango.

Senor Weaselo

Most existential league: NFL (what is a catch/PI?), NBA (why call travels ever?), MLB (what is the strike zone), NHL (what counts as slashing/boarding/embellishment?), lesser footy (what is a foul/offside/embellishing?)

herodotus450

I say NBA, but for “What is a foul?”

King Hippo

travelling

Gratliff

Better NHL one: Why call a penalty on a player and embellishment on the victim? This is a binary decision.

Senor Weaselo

My best friend has made the same point. It’s quite silly.

Gratliff

Do NAWT trust the wifi connected door cams. They are bad in every conceivable way.

fleshwound_NPG

[breaks into side bedroom window]

Redshirt

[cuts power to house; backs moving van into driveway]

Doktor Zymm

Dear Seahawks, there’s this thing called a ‘deep threat’ that has nothing to do with porn

King Hippo

DAL will now beat NO, setting up Glorious Prophecied NFC Title match in Soldier Field.

litre_cola

In my timeline it will be DAL v NE.

King Hippo

NO SMIRE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That would be a difficult NFC title match

Redshirt

I saw the player’s name FLUCKER and I misread it the first time I saw it.

WCS

So, because Tavon Austin went to WVU, he’s going to muff this punt.

Mr. Ayo

Two straight screen passes?

GAME. OVER.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You sound like you have a notebook

Mr. Ayo

A CLOSED notebook

Gratliff

Fucking Schottenheimer needs to be fired before the 2 minute warning

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s gonna burn with all that sun reflecting off the snow.

Brick Meathook

I knew a guy who went naked skiing on a sunny day in the Sierras and got sunburnt on the bottom of his balls.

ballsofsteelandfury

How long did your balls hurt?

Brick Meathook

Nah wasn’t me, that guy is a big animation supervisor at Dreamworks now and whenever I see him I know his deal.

Doktor Zymm

If she’s not wearing fur booties and doesn’t have a giant fur robe standing by, she’s dumb as shit

King Hippo

this is a TOTES REALISTIC body image goal, y’all

Horatio Cornblower

Just throw it to whoever Awuzie is covering. You’ll be fine.

Spur

your advice isn’t over morse code. Pete wont believe you

Redshirt

If the Seahawks have to kick a field goal, they may not be complete screwed. They may have an Emergency Kicker. When Chad Johnson played for the Bengals, he was their Emergency Kicker and in one preseason game, he kicked an extra point that looked like it would’ve been good from 30-40 easily.

Doktor Zymm

So you’re saying ochocinco gonna seahowk?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else excited for the game tying field goal attempt from the Aussie?

Doktor Zymm

Baldwin is all like ‘IM A SPIDER, LOOK AT ME SPIDEY IN PLACE’