Your “That’s a Face Only a Mother Could Love” NFC Playoff Open Thread

Check out the smashed-into-the-windshield-several-times visage of Blake Jarwin. The toothfull grin that indicates that the keys shaken by the photographer please him. The too-small, beady eyes that have no doubt silently observed more than one grandmother undressing at bedtime. The throat devoid of an Adam’s Apple. The sloughing forehead that indicates him thinking, “I hate that Mr. Purrsident Trump! He ain’t bombed a single Guata-mawcallit Caravan yet, like’n he promised!”. Why do I call attention to him? He’s got himself the ‘Questionable’ status after not practicing all week. He showed what a weapon he could be after scoring three TD’s vs. the Giants and the Evangelicals are a bit worried because you know how much they love their ‘Revelations’. [Snickers to self-also, Milky Way’s to self]

TO THE GAME!

Wr Cole Beasley is in the same boat injury-wise but as everyone’s cliche-dar goes off, yeah, he’s going to ‘gut it out’ like the hero puppy he is. “Gut it out” also just happens to be the title of my evisceration-centric autobiography.

Worrying Trend: In their last four games DAK!’s QBR rating has been 4th best in the league. Goff? Before the bye week he was ranked 4th-in the last 4 tilts he’s ranked 25th. Probably has something to do with Kupp’s ACL snapping and Josh Reynolds not doing nearly enough to fill the void despite single coverage.

Just Plain Silliness: The Cowboys D is being called The Hot Boyz? Way to embrace the homo-erotic undercurrent running thru your sport, fellas.

Rams Other Wideouts: They go by the name of Woods and Cooks. That’s also the name of the YouTube channel I head to when I want to watch animal-skinning vids.

Gentlemen, place your bets. You too, commentariat.

 

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PetronelMoose -The End Is Well NighMr. AyoBrettFavresColonoscopyDoktor Zymm Recent comment authors
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fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

cowboys are giving up

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like C.J. Candy-erson, amirite?

Spur
Spur

how can something so thick, move so fast?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ok Spur, I’ve asked you not to talk about my penis several times now.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

He said “move,” not “shoot.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, well played, Sir.

Romonobyl

I’m oddly curious about the circumstances concerning the other times.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What happens in Vegas….

Horatio Cornblower

You spelled “morbidly” wrong.

Gratliff

Cowboys getting their ankles broken by present weight Bo Jackson

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Horatio Cornblower

Changing up my drinks in honor of that 4th down call.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just downed a Sierra Nevada Holiday Haze and am probably switching to whisky shortly

Horatio Cornblower

No way that can go wrong.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not planning on leaving my apartment for at least 15 hours

theeWeeBabySeamus

I killed off the last of my SN Celebrations today.

SonOfSpam

Quality beverage. Huzzah!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Zeke didn’t get his pre-game snack of lead paint chips?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game has had more fourth downs than a couple whose youngest child has trisomy 21

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think that might have been a RAMMMMMMIT!!!!
Was that a RAMMMMMMMMIT???????

GO SIT DOWN ZEKE.

Spur
Spur

fuck, Zeke hit the wrong gap.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, compared to other things he’s “allegedly” hit, that’s not the worst thing.

Gratliff

Was the gap male?

Horatio Cornblower

That’s so much better.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Went to the well once too often. Ha ha.

Romonobyl

Seven Nation Army? Now all the stadiums will start playing that!

Horatio Cornblower

Sure. Run it up the middle at Donald and Suh. What could go wrong?

King Hippo

finally a stop

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

STUFT

Gratliff

Yaaaas

SonOfSpam

FUCK YEAH RAMMMMMMM ITTTTTTTTTTT

Romonobyl

Mebbe it’s the boots, but that Geico “Best Of” chick is oddly hot.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s the jeans.

Spur
Spur

Am second wind Drunk. The Best kind of Drunk

SonOfSpam

For me, that’s the “Hey, that PS4 is just SITTIN there!” mode.

SonOfSpam

FYI Aaron Donald is motherfucking beastly.

Spur
Spur

no one blocked him, AM sure they could, if they tried.

SonOfSpam

Good point, but he still a monster. Love the way he plays.

Horatio Cornblower

Smith lunged at him. Does that count?

Horatio Cornblower

Little White Guy Down!

Romonobyl

I love that little bastard.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

He’s a gritty lunchpail kinda guy!!!

Spur
Spur

Fucking Rico

Spur
Spur

come on. Do this!

King Hippo

dumb fucking RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! blowing it

SonOfSpam

Take a valium, it’s ok.

I mean, like, another one or two.

hippofant
hippofant

I think Gordon Ramsay yelling loudly at someone who’s burnt out to get the fuck back to work is a great way to lower their stress.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll say it now. I’ll trade a Cowboys loss tonight for a Chargers win tomorrow.
/I live in new England
//the radio will be fucking glorious

WCS

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Spur
Spur

oh shit Cowboys. Please make the Rams pay for this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: Johnny Hekker was a guest judge on “Nailed It”.

Horatio Cornblower

Ben Rothlisberger wrote the book.

Oh, sorry. That was called “If I Nailed It”

My bad.

Senor Weaselo

He wrote a book?

Gratliff

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh Christ, this is going to be a 3 9.5% beer night.

Fuck tomorrow morning.

Love getting old.

Senor Weaselo

That was a big-ass coffin!

Senor Weaselo

Why was that not a reply to Rikki?

Horatio Cornblower

You’re drunk too?

Senor Weaselo

I wish, I blame my phone.

Senor Weaselo

Sort of a thing?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Fake it!!

SonOfSpam

Oh, you’re my wife’s life coach?

Spur
Spur

-my last girlfriend on a Wednesday

Horatio Cornblower

Fake it all you want, Sweetie. I’m not.

Horatio Cornblower

Pass interference on the offense on a ball that was 5 yards out of bounds?

Sure, what the hell.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I thought the P*ts had the bye

Brocky
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Awuzie wanted nothing to do with that tackle.

And he had nothing to do with it!

Spur
Spur

kinda dont blame him

Romonobyl

If Dallas miraculously pulls this one out only to lose the the Eagles later…well, let’s just say the result of my behavior will probably put me on the no-fly list for life.

Gratliff

your lips to god’s ears

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Romonobyl: IS THERE A LAWYER IN THE HOUSE?

DFO:comment image

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, you worked for Jim irsay. Let’s not leap to conclusions here.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The video probably didn’t need to have such large dimensions, but fuck it. Here’s the soundless gif for God knows what use.
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SonOfSpam

Dunno when that’s from (today?) but holy shit that’s funny.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I guess it was from today. I got it off Ape’s timeline.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is. You’ll never guess which team Denico used to play for before he joined the Cowboys.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Tampa Bay?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This would definitely get stolen by NFL Memes if anyone but you degenerates were to ever see it.

Gratliff

Hey now. They did the lord’s work by archiving all of the best KSK images. The giveaway is the nfl memes watermark on the bottom of the image.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If I got paid to make gifs like I do all the time anyway (and which I genuinely enjoy making), I wouldn’t need to do this lawyer shit.

Spur
Spur

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m in a fantasy playoff thing where you pick one position from each team. 114 teams. Not a single one picked Dak at QB.

Spur
Spur

it’s on now. Pressure is all on Rams and the wonder boy coach.

Senor Weaselo

Why’d they reset the play clock? Because they had to re-spot?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

teams should do that every time, almost like getting a free half-timeout

Horatio Cornblower

It’s amazing what Jerry can accomplish with a phone call, a couple of 100’s, a gram of coke and an “escort” named ‘Titania’ who’s just trying to work her way through college.

SonOfSpam

Oh yeah, she’s worth a twenty.

Spur
Spur

Dallas has lifecomment image

Horatio Cornblower

Pete not being mauled by a bear in the finale of ‘Mad Men’ is one of the great disappointments in my life.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He not only doesn’t get mauled, but he gets Alison Brie back! What the fuck!?!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, listen.

That tailgate looks awesome. But that ad is terrible.

WCS

NO NOT AGAIN

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Spur
Spur

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Once again, I must acknowledge the brilliance of the actor playing the tech bro in the Turbo Tax commercial.

SonOfSpam

Why – IS THAT YOU ARE YOU AN AKTOR NOW?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I wanted to be an actor I’d learn to speak Korean and then go work there. The American guys are always wonderfully evil.

SonOfSpam

(Johnny Carson voice) I did not know that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, it’s great. Anytime an American shows up you know they are going to be incorrigably corrupt.

SonOfSpam

I mean…not totally wrong

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I can’t imagine why South Koreans would think that. It makes you wonder what roles American actors would have in North Korean movies.

Spur
Spur

challenge what?

Romonobyl

Not a smart call, he pulled it in.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

catch

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, the only way I see this call changing is that it becomes a touchdown.

Horatio Cornblower

What did I tell you?

23-20, then the deluge.