Check out the smashed-into-the-windshield-several-times visage of Blake Jarwin. The toothfull grin that indicates that the keys shaken by the photographer please him. The too-small, beady eyes that have no doubt silently observed more than one grandmother undressing at bedtime. The throat devoid of an Adam’s Apple. The sloughing forehead that indicates him thinking, “I hate that Mr. Purrsident Trump! He ain’t bombed a single Guata-mawcallit Caravan yet, like’n he promised!”. Why do I call attention to him? He’s got himself the ‘Questionable’ status after not practicing all week. He showed what a weapon he could be after scoring three TD’s vs. the Giants and the Evangelicals are a bit worried because you know how much they love their ‘Revelations’. [Snickers to self-also, Milky Way’s to self]
TO THE GAME!
Wr Cole Beasley is in the same boat injury-wise but as everyone’s cliche-dar goes off, yeah, he’s going to ‘gut it out’ like the hero puppy he is. “Gut it out” also just happens to be the title of my evisceration-centric autobiography.
Worrying Trend: In their last four games DAK!’s QBR rating has been 4th best in the league. Goff? Before the bye week he was ranked 4th-in the last 4 tilts he’s ranked 25th. Probably has something to do with Kupp’s ACL snapping and Josh Reynolds not doing nearly enough to fill the void despite single coverage.
Just Plain Silliness: The Cowboys D is being called The Hot Boyz? Way to embrace the homo-erotic undercurrent running thru your sport, fellas.
Rams Other Wideouts: They go by the name of Woods and Cooks. That’s also the name of the YouTube channel I head to when I want to watch animal-skinning vids.
Gentlemen, place your bets. You too, commentariat.
Great catch by Elliott on a play that was never going to count anyway.
I call Dak Prescott, Bird Box, because he doesn’t look at anything
Well, there we go. Dallas just runs the triple option the rest of the way and we’re good to go.
So there’s a movie called “The Baxter” which is told from the perspective of the guy who gets screwed over in romantic comedies.
Coming soon: The Daxter.
#shortofthesticks
The Cowboys are going to get this to 23-20 before going on to lose 42-20, just to crush my dreams.
I never should have run over that old Gypsy woman.
It’s her own fault for immigrating illegally before the wall got finished being built.
As badly as DAK(!) has played so far, (and he has been very, very bad), the fact that this game is as close as it is seems a testament to Goff not being all that great either.
yep, Buster has no killer instinct.
N-GCP need the C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER this drive.
As close as it is? The Rams are up by 16 points!
I know. They should probably have two more TDs.
I blame Dak, He can’t sustain a drive. Run the ball asshole. Use your feet dummy.
It’d be easier if his own men stopped tackling him.
“It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you place the blame.” — Oscar Wilde
Oh, that’s wonderful, and not remotely credible as actually having been said by Wilde.
Oscar Wilde was way into Cowboys
Oh really? Well hello, sailor!
Actually, I read somewhere that was a quote from a Dallas player sometime back in the 70s, but could not find the reference with a cursory Google search, so went with what I saw without even opening a webpage.
I have to set this to Ginuine’s “Pony”
https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1084231234090225664/pu/vid/640×360/MfORe7gPL9tLrOKJ.mp4?tag=6
3rd and 3, maybe not so much with the cuteness
@balls – my wife has discovered that Dine LA is happening.
Tell her it’s Fast Food Dine LA.
We actually have been making pretty good use of the fast food coupons that show up in the mail.
So Saints and Eagles is for home field in the NFC Championship. I wish I had the smallest amount of faith in Saints losing.
How would the Eagles get home field over the Rams? Or the Cowboys for that matter, assuming LA quits and goes home in the next three minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=488vSxfHR3w
I see. You, however, are failing to account for LA’s propensity to show up en masse and scream and yell for a team that is winning, regardless of the fact that they couldn’t name three players on said team.
Hey now, I live with a Lakers fan. She has watched AT LEAST 1 quarter of basketball since 2011.
I’d rather have Foles then Brees. Brees is fake Christian
… really?
I’ll take his take on righteousness over rivers and tebow any day
Rivers has single-dickedly created the next generation of Christian Right.
I don’t know about his Christianity, but his willingness to shill for Advo has put me off Brees.
He was more wide open than a chick attempting DVDA
Like a Thanksgiving Turkey.
So this trivia is hard to believe but… Mahomes if the first Big 12 QB to *ever* win an NFL playoff game. EVER.
Yes, Kordell Stewart won a playoff game and went to Colorado, but that was when it was a Big 8 school.
Aikman attended Oklahoma before transferring to UCLA, but again, it was a Big 8 school back then.
Injun Eyes didn’t at some point?
For real? Actually a pretty cool stat.
Sam Bradford
Colt McCoy
Rg3
Chase daniel
Vince young….
Uh…..
Saw this in a tweet captioned “Dallas fans:”
welp. only hope now is the Defense do something positive.
Sean Lee is awesome from what I hear from every announcer ever, so maybe?
Aikman with the great analysis: “Going 3 and out coming out of the half, that’s not what they wanted.”
That’s why he makes the big cocks, er, bucks!
So guys, the Bears are doing pretty well tonight aren’t they?
*eye twitches*
*whole body twitches*
*blood oozes from ears, eyes, and nose*
AHahehehahaehaha!
CLANG
ICRM’s house is just the Tell-Tale Clang at this point.
Besides the two day hangover from the twister I went on Sunday night after that travesty, I don’t think a loss has ever made me feel that “empty” as a fan. Made me do a lot of self-reflection this week.
They really need to flip Dak’s switch from “suck” to “don’t suck”
Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do I.
Ryan Leaf and…um…his roommate* also abhor vacuums.
*after the SI story today I may retire Marinovich from deadbeat jokes duty. But I need a replacement, much like Todd’s shift managers do for him every three weeks or so after having hired him.
I don’t have a lot of sympathy for a guy with two kids who can’t keep his shit together, so keep ’em coming.
Gif every millisecond of that play
This game is seriously lacking in maturity.
He’ll have all spring and summer to go back to school.
Aw, you guys…
Fukushima Dakchi
Shannon Sharpe should just go all Jim-Everett-on Jim-Rome on Skip Bayless.
I’d actually watch it if that were the case.
Same
Motherfucking shit yeah.
Whenever I see Shannon Sharpe, I think of this:
Or this:
Dude I’m laughing my ass off but that’s just mean
Sark is spurning the Desert Cards to stay with Bama. Better moonshine I guess.
Higher pay.
At least for the players.
.
Dragging that one back to the workshop for “adjustments”
keep your beady eyed blonde shank, she has Dax stank.
Alexis Bledel is superior in every way.
Rory?!?!
This is what Dak gets for trying to take on the Empire all by himself.
Plus, as a Scientologist she’ll believe anything. YEAH, THIS IS ABOVE AVERAGE.
You know losing Fangio sucks but Pagano is basically a lateral move so I’m puzzled some Bears fans are throwing a fit over the hire.
Agree totally. Same scheme, competent replacement. SAME LENGTH OF LAST NAME.
They both have an “a” as the second letter, and “o” as the last!
XEROX OF UBERWEIRDNESS MAYBE
Peter King could make like eight columns out of that.
after giving it thought, he can’t call fake punts as def. coordinator
He always had good defenses in Baltimore. Even without the knives.
When you see Dak in trouble in the pocket:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4q9pHIKemk
So this is Dakashima in action.
daknobyl
DAK MILE DAKLAND
Hey now…
Halftime update: UC Irvine 32, CS Fullerton 12. I’m not sure Fullerton’s a great team this year.
ZOT MOTHERFUCKING ZOT
My old college golf coach was Fullerton’s women’s hoops coach a few years ago.
Pretty sure their ladyhoops team is bad (dunno for sure). Maybe hire a non golf coach?
Kidding, anyone can coach ladyhoops.
More importantly, what’s your handicap?
Give the team to Chris. he seems to be the only one to care.
We’ve reached the “TITS!” part of the evening already?
*Whew*
At first I thought that guy was Kevin Spacey, then I realized that probably wasn’t Kevin Spacey.
Dems is bewbs, not balls.
“a bowling ball of butcher knives” is a shitty bowling ball
Serious question. WHAT MANNER OF FUCKERY IS THIS!?!?!
An obvious sack. Why do you ask?
Obvious to whom?
These refs.
It had the leg before it two-seamed.
It’s great having a cat because you get to experience a creature that goes from psychotically darting from corner to corner of your house to just lounging about calmly in the span of a minute.
Minute?
D:
Makes sense, I mean Dak IS choking after all.
Hey funboys – get a room!
Gotta finish that suplex!
That reminds me.
I updated the image. Heres how it should go:
So, what lame band is providing the halftime entertainment?
Halftime piss when your team is up 13 is a good piss.
Tell that to falcons fans
They can’t read this, so no worries.
Greg hurt himself?
Rams looking good.
I’m out. ZOT ZOT!
last funny:
Imagine if birds had jobs. Like a little bird janitor who works all day long just to enjoy a good shit on your car. That’s how he unwinds.
I fucking hate this team. Design runs for Dak, it will make you happy.
An own sack?
Not many teams can say they collapse in the first half
If a massacre tonight gets Garrett fired tomorrow I will take it.
Aikman absolutely loathes Prescott.
…
I got nothing
More of a dry hump than in the grasp.
2/10 – were not banging.
La’el gets credit for that one, right?
Based on the quality officiating, it’s probably Greg Zuerlein
I guess that’s the NFL equivalent of an own-goal.