Check out the smashed-into-the-windshield-several-times visage of Blake Jarwin. The toothfull grin that indicates that the keys shaken by the photographer please him. The too-small, beady eyes that have no doubt silently observed more than one grandmother undressing at bedtime. The throat devoid of an Adam’s Apple. The sloughing forehead that indicates him thinking, “I hate that Mr. Purrsident Trump! He ain’t bombed a single Guata-mawcallit Caravan yet, like’n he promised!”. Why do I call attention to him? He’s got himself the ‘Questionable’ status after not practicing all week. He showed what a weapon he could be after scoring three TD’s vs. the Giants and the Evangelicals are a bit worried because you know how much they love their ‘Revelations’. [Snickers to self-also, Milky Way’s to self]
TO THE GAME!
Wr Cole Beasley is in the same boat injury-wise but as everyone’s cliche-dar goes off, yeah, he’s going to ‘gut it out’ like the hero puppy he is. “Gut it out” also just happens to be the title of my evisceration-centric autobiography.
Worrying Trend: In their last four games DAK!’s QBR rating has been 4th best in the league. Goff? Before the bye week he was ranked 4th-in the last 4 tilts he’s ranked 25th. Probably has something to do with Kupp’s ACL snapping and Josh Reynolds not doing nearly enough to fill the void despite single coverage.
Just Plain Silliness: The Cowboys D is being called The Hot Boyz? Way to embrace the homo-erotic undercurrent running thru your sport, fellas.
Rams Other Wideouts: They go by the name of Woods and Cooks. That’s also the name of the YouTube channel I head to when I want to watch animal-skinning vids.
Gentlemen, place your bets. You too, commentariat.
Where’d you get that video of me?
The one damn time I go out to eat in months, too.
I don’t like this one bit.
/anyone but the Saints or Pats
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuRxmapiDeU
these cuntrockets are gonna kick another FG
Oh ye of little faith.
Gonna borrow cuntrockets though.
I presume Berman calls him “Eleanor” Higby?
I saw him on ESPN this morning and literally said “not again” out loud.
take out Sean Lee. he’s not up for this
I was just thinking that. Leighton Whitest Name Ever must be hurting.
Playing consecutive snaps without getting hurt?
Sean Lee made a tackle and stayed on the field?
THIS IS OUR NIGHT!!!!
/Sean Lee explodes like a Spinal Tap drummer
Legit just assumed Sean Lee was injured
I’m not sure at what point my manual dexterity started to fade, but I’ve been playing Smash Bros Ultimate while watching these games and I think I’ve somehow severed my thumb while keeping it attached. Good times.
Most importantly, who do you main?
In my Melee/Brawl days I mained Fox, Marth, and Pit. When I played my friend’s Smash 4 Corrin also seemed pretty nice, and Lucina felt fine because my distance for tippers was hit and miss. I need to see which of my friends have a Switch to check stuff with Ultimate.
Honestly, I’m probably better with DK from years and years of DK play back in the day, but I’ve been rolling through the world of light thing with Marth the whole time since I didn’t get DK yet and it’s at the point where I don’t wanna switch up because I finally feel the tiniest bit competent again.
So when do you start to practice holding a fork in your toes?
If Wade Phillips fucks over the Cowboys, am going be pissed, Double J better fuck his daughter in revenge.
Phillips’ daughter or his own daughter? That’d be very Trumpian.
Yes.
What’s up with Dak? This shit is weird.
Oh that. He’s bad.
Carson Wentz is on the bench.
I think Philly should trade him for a high 1st and 2nd. Keep Foles.
He’s 1 for 1 on the bench in Eagles Super Bowl victories.
They only won because Charlie stuck his leg in a bear trap.
Twice.
Trent Green’s spelling has improved.
Please tell me you also see Big Bird in this photo.
— T. Marinovich
his head is made of processed ham. But he’s still (mostly) a human being, so be nice
FUCK YOUR FUCKING WITH MY GAME PROMOING THIS ABORTION ADAPTATION OF A GOOD BOOK-Y BOOK TRILOGY
Only read the first two. Don’t remember anything except thinking it was pretty good.
oh fuck, gotta read the third, then
TO THE KINDLE!
remarkably good writing and world-building
gosselar and vince Vaughn in a bloat off
What happened to Gurly?
Jaylen Smith knee
Just ordered Lebanese. Take THAT, MAGA chuds.
Two chicks who’ll do each other will come to your house??? AWESOME!
Hey I love chick pee – Donald Trump
Shame his wife can’t say that she never had a vegetable on her face.
Part of me would like to see the Rams lose badly just so all the teams that just ran out and hired his friends as their new head coach can spend the off-season shitting themselves.
The other part of me wants to see the Rams lose because I’m an asshole Cowboys fan.
/gives Redshirt side eye
Redundant.
I can be patient. I can wait until February for the defecation.
Haven’t seen a Mcvey bomb this hard since the 90s
This joke is gonna blow up in your face.
Kick another FG inside the 10, and I will drive down there and skullfuck OKC Bomber
/or maybe yell at teevee
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
YOU CUNT
Goff is missing too many throws right now.
MAKE A GODDAMNED SOCCER POINT, ALIANZA!
/smugly rubs suede elbow patches
It’s called a ‘goal’
they made one, huzzah
Woot!
Simple reversal that won’t take long? Stay tuned for 5 minutes before “call stands”!
That moment when my InstantPot tells me it’s burning, and I know goddamned well I put plenty of water in the fucking thing…..
Seamus’s Instant Pot Develops A Leak
The lookaround as he’s sitting on his ass is what makes this so good.
Did anyone even come close to making this?
I can’t imagine. Kicking a football 43 yards alone is hard as Hell, let alone at a specific target.
Nope.
http://www.fox32chicago.com/news/local/chicagoans-line-up-fail-to-make-43-yard-field-goal
But I’m sure they all learned lessons in humility, forgiveness, and understanding.
NAWT a catch!
keep giving it to the fat guy, save gurley for the title game
Fat Guy Touchdowns are second-best only to Fat Guy Pick Sixes.
“How did we get this wrong?” screeched Jenny McCarthy, as the Masked Singer was revealed and her kid died of smallpox.
Much more entertaining than I expected or care to admit. (The show, not Typhoid Jenny)
I like how Troy was already laughing before Joe even finished flubbing that joke.
Once you pull the string on troy bot
CJ looks straight-up frisky.
A cold night makes a weak man bottom.
Smashin’ Libs … right in the prostate.
Yep, I see steeds…and horses too!
Basically straight Vodka or coke and whisky?
C:
Use the caffeine in the cola so you pass out later.
This is the correct answer.
will do.
$39 on N-GCP ML at +195
Translation?
Hedged my bet getting 2-to-1 on DAL to win outright. 1-5 margin is hot lava
Pepsi is gonna lose a lot of market share in Chicago for that commercial, but it’s probably worth it for what they’ll gain everywhere else.
ICRM is currently breaking into the local bottling plant to urinate in every 10th container.
I LIKE THOSE ODDS
I say Democrats compromise. They fund Trump’s wall but NASCAR drivers have to drive into it
I mean there are right turns in the border so how will they cope?
You have my attention.
Build the wall now. And on January 22, 2021 have a scrap steel give-a-way at the border.
Everyone wins!
I guess the only way to stop the fat RB is with a fatter D-lineman
finally they roll the pocket
Lucky, usually you have to pay extra for that.
Let me guess. Johnny Weir’s office when he covered Olympic skating?
Josh Duhamel is a celebrity? Who knew?
I have no idea who that be
He fucked Fergie, so he’s kind of a…um, guy with drugs available?
Or a guy that likes mc pee pants
He could be President!
A bunch of football players, LeBron James, and some z-list actors nobody has ever heard of. Truly, the Rams have arrived in LA.
I am anxious, so betting El Salvador (Alianza) y Mexico (Cruz Azul) Lesser Footy
I’d say you have a problem, but I’m probably just jealous of your lifestyle.
it can be two things!
/no meeting, no problem!
Tonight’s beverage(s)
http://www.beerawareness.com/files/2015/04/Double-Cannon-1.jpg
A double IPA at 9.5% out of Baltimore. Note the nod to the Ravens with the purple label. 3 of these and you too will need to burn a white suit!
who the fuck is Anderson?
The fat guy running through the Dallas line.
can he paid off with churros?
a very popular former member of Donks WOO!!
He prefers “Neo”
thicc rb
DAT ASS, yo
I really cannot stand Buck and Troy anymore.
I think I would rather have Dennis Miller, John Madden, and a sober Pat Sommerall at this point.
Sommerall would smell but at least he’d be quiet.
SOLD!
Go for it!!!
Currently drinking a Tropical Torpedo from Sierra Nevada. Good IPA, but really sounds like something Jim Nabors would like.
sha-ZAMM!!
Hippo annoyed? HIPPO ANNOYED.
Just got here…what’s your play this game?
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM IT!! -5.5 at -150
Way to early to worry. Like the play.
(Sorry, not trying to jinx or anything.)
I worry that they seem gun-shy like last season
That’ll go away. Rams by 17-20 in the end. (heh, end)
Keep hearing Buck say Jared Goth
You’re thinking of Mike Mayock.
Why are we sinking Mike Mayock?
REMEMBER THE MAINEOCK
What a conformist.
Is December still bad for the Cowboys? I’d like it to be.
Well, it’s January, so…
Fuck, you’re right. How’s January?
How the fuck would I know? I root for the Cowboys.
am drunk on PBR. That’s not good.
Whar Shiner whar
that’s hard to find in Vegas
I feel the headache from here.
My first and worst hangover. Hipsters deserve such a fate.
That TD calls for a beer.
And this STD calls for a shot!
No shot cures Jerrpes cept a shot to the head
gruden is so bad at everything