Fallout:
-T.O. opened up his bridge-burner again and to no one’s surprise threw hc Garrett under the bus for having the gall to lose to a superior team. Several wanks were wanked.
-Harvey Dahl awaits his inevitable fine and perhaps a flurry of ‘random’ drug tests(?) for not expressing himself like an Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of The Day during the heat of competition.
-Aqib Talib awaits his inevitable fine and perhaps a flurry of ‘random’ drug tests for not expressing himself like Peter Sellers in Being There during the heat of celebration post-game.
-not exactly fallout but one of the linemen, Bob Kuechenberg from The ’72 Dolphins, passed away. He was one of those classy racists (like Matt Birk and Tim Thomas) that turned down a White House visit back in 2013 because a black fella happened to be running the nation at the time.
TO THE GAME!
Muscle Cars/Tea Party Throwers:
This doesn’t bode well-Rivers has never beaten Brady head-to-head in a game. However, in the man-to-man matchup in The Game of Life he’s way up 9-3. (I’m assuming Tiffany will come through with the deliverable-she’s a seasoned pro in her own right)
If you’re a history nutball like myself you’ll happen to know that the very first time these two met in a championship game (back in January of ’63) the Chargers came away with a 51-10 victory.
Sorta looks like near the end of the line for both Brady (maybe another year?) and Gronk especially after you saw the latter stumble and totter while trying to chase that Fins player during that miracle win.
It’s time for a bloody… Ceasar.
And you people want to EXPAND the playoffs?
The Chargers defense is putting up as much resistance as Mrs Rivers ovaries.
They have as much give as her uterus at this point
Is he wearing lipstick? Because that would certainly call into question whether you can, in fact, put lipstick on a pig.
[jots down an idea to make a barbecue sauce called “lipstick” and market it to the Andy Reid demographic]
I went to their website for three seconds to see what it was. Now I’m clearing the history and debating formatting the harddrive to ensure its completely removed from my computer.
I love the “caution” warning. BE CAREFUL, LADIES, THIS MAN IS GOING HIS OWN WAY!
I think Next-Gen stats have hit the “more harm than good” stage.
New Magnum P.I. has as much chest hair as a 10 year old. Tom Selleck had a bear-fur welcome mat there. How times and styles change.
When my cat sleeps on my chest it brings me to about 50% of Tom Selleck’s level of chest furriness.
“When he stared at the girl’s butt during the swimming lesson and then smirked at the camera? Good times. Good Times.”
-Pretty Much Every TV Executive Employed During The ’80’s
How much did maroon 5 have to pay the NFL to perform?
Maroon Five: “Is the gig sold out?”
The NFL: “No, but you did.”
Bob Kraft gets to spend fifteen minutes with Adam Levine’s wife.
Looking for the sliver lining here, but perhaps this will kill Dean Spanos?
If a team loses and there are no fans to hear it, did it ever play at all?
With these new leagues starting up, will we get to see relegation from the NFL?
Well, there is Kaep.
Buddy of mine bought two tix at Gillette, 9 rows up from the field, 10 yard line, this morning from someone that didn’t want to go, for $230 each. Apparently lots of folks were dumping tix because it’s cold out. Pussies. I think even NE fans are starting to get bored with the monotony of winning all the fucking time.
They may be bored watching it but I can assure you they won’t shut up about it.
I just spent 15 minutes explaining to my parents that Digital Antenna Over-the-Air Broadcasts isn’t exactly like the Analog Rabbit Ears Over-the-Air Broadcasts.
What did I miss in the game?
A snuff film broke out.
/continues watching “Genius” because he don’t know much about Thomas Wolfe and the Chargers are shit in football form.
They’re gonna beat KC, aren’t they? Brady just gets rid of the ball too damn quick.
It would have been really stupid to bet the Bolts on the ML, huh?
I’m sure happy I don’t know anyone who did that.
/looks around sheepishly
//goes and weeps in corner
So, with nothing to lose, will one of the ostracized Charged Ones please cripple Tawwmmmy?
Division playoff week sucks.
We now go to our studio for more Brady-fellating.
The Pats missing out on a field goal at the end of the half is going to be a key turning point in this game that no one will remember two days from now.
Oh no. ONly up by 28? Fire this fucking coaching staff.
Could score at the end of the half? Patriots are over. Cancelled.
Derwin James doesn’t deserve this.
The vaunted, patented Pats “score before halftime then receive the ball and score again” strategy that no other team ever thought of could put them up by 38 instead of 35.
Maybe in the second half Brady will only throw left handed, all the receivers and backs will move to the offensive line, and all the offensive lineman will play at receiver/back. It might make the game a little more competitive.
/takes dog for a long walk
//rebuilds the outdoor cat’s winter survival structure while she meows what are probably curses at me
///removes dog shit from backyard, adds to neighbor’s yard
////makes delicious PB&J sandwich and settles in to see how his deal with the Universe to give a Cowboys’ loss last night for a Patriots’ loss today is going
Ah, yes. Well then.
THE PATRIOTS TOOK A TIMEOUT! STOP, STOP, THEY’RE ALREADY DEAD!
Pats up 35-7. Sure looks like cancer-stricken Timmy is going to get his Make-A-Wish dream of quarterbacking the Pats through the entire second half of a playoff game come true.
What do we want?
GAYS IN SCOUTS!
When do we want it?
TIMM-AY!!
Grumble grumble what you think I’m going to take my foot off the gas so some snot-nosed kid can live out a dream? There are plenty of MILFs who don’t have sick kids, thank you very much grumble grumble.
A couple days ago, I got into a really dumb online argument about salary caps and competitive balance (NFL vs MLB) and dude didn’t seem to realize the NFL is still dominated by a handful of consistently good teams and almost everyone else is just a pretender.
I think there’s only a few teams, Pats at the top of the list, that actually have winning as a priority instead of just making money (Bears, Bengals, etc.)
This is probably the most accurate take.
Arguably this is true in MLB now too.
it is more of a meritocracy, though. Only thing that keeps MLB from being, say, Frances Ligue 1, is the inherent randomness of baseballing.
But that’s really not true. The playing field of acquiring young talent–and teams basically win with pre-FA talent now–is rigidly controlled in MLB and the ability to do it well is a skill that some teams do well and others do not.
Regardless, a cap without a floor is just salary suppression and it’s depressing how many fans uncritically accept caps as good for competition.
agree there should be a spending floor, hope the players’ union insists
/the biggest difference, now that everyone uses analytics to keep spending in line, is that the wealthy teams can cover up their mistakes with absorbing losses (whereas the others get crippled)
Some of it’s analytics, but some of it is pre-FA players have the salaries suppressed.
I’m against a floor and a cap, for what it’s worth.
But is that really the salary cap, or is that there are a handful of NFL teams with intelligent owners, like, -shudder- Kraft, while the rest of it is made up of egomaniacs like Jones, and idiots like Haslem and Snyder and Davis?
I agree with this.
My point is that the cap doesn’t drive competitiveness since intelligently run teams can win consistently anyway, so a hard cap in MLB won’t change anything (unless it comes with a hard, high floor).
Sorry, I thought you were talking about the NFL rather than MLB.
I agree about the MLB having only a handful of competitive teams. Some of that is the market; NYC and LA are always going to have an advantage over KC and Pittsburgh, but some of that, as pointed out down below, is that there are a significant amount of teams that just want to turn a profit each year and know they can do that with the revenue they get from teams that overshoot the salary cap.
There definitely needs to be a floor, and frankly there needs to be about 4 less teams overall.
I don’t agree contraction is needed, but greater revenue sharing would need to be paired with a floor so teams can’t cry poor so easily
It is — or can be — much faster going from terrible to good in the NFL, though I suspect that has less to do with the cap than it does the fact that NFL draft picks are mostly ready to make an impact right away, whereas it can take years of development in baseball (as a result of which, draft position also really doesn’t help much).
Turnover in MLB takes longer because they aren’t drafting pro-ready 22 year olds, but comparing MLB standings in 2018 to 2013, you see a lot of turnover from top to bottom.
ME TO JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER PERSON ON HERE RIGHT NOW SAVE FOR A SELECT FEW
I actually like this matchup better for the Chefs, so NAWT sad at all.
/plus #HAILGAMBLOR!
Sony. Have a day
Well at least we don’t have to waste any time coming up with a name for a Rams-Chargers superbowl, like The Subway Series of NY.
/Quietly deletes 40 GB folder containing such names
//”Private Helicopter Game, since that’s the only way to travel effectively in this god forsaken hellhole” was my favorite
to double-up last night’s joke, I like “Aspiring Actress” or “Director’s Casting Couch” Owl.
I’m awarding myself a participation ribbon for “Botox Bowl”
Oh good, that gives the Chargers plenty of time to turn it over one more time before the half.
That’ll do it
See you heroes at the next game.
Holy fuck there’s another half of this
Rivers is thinking that another progeny will fix this empty feeling. Stares off into the ether.
“New England…. (stroke)… Brady… (stroke, stroke)…… 20 first downs…. 311 yards….. (stroke, stroke, stroke)…. dominating…. (stroke)….AAAAAAAHHHHHHHYEEEE!!!”
the SAN DIEGO CHARGERS in HBO’s new series, TRUE DEFECTIVE
Season two is in Los Angeles. It’s the same old story, but just features a lot more shots of the freeway.
PHILIP RIVERS critiques his offensive line’s play in TRUE INVECTIVE.
Bud Light Kingdom looks like kind of a fucked up place to live.
#MURRICA
Lot of fetal alcohol syndrome I bet smh
People in positions of authority randomly assaulting lower-class citizens? Seems awfully familiar.
Soon Phil will have his own team and won’t have to deal with this shit.
His reaction is taking off his helmet and putting it back on the bench.
Cool, thanks CBS?
[Crosses ‘Hot Potato’ strategy off list of possible game-winning options]
-Chargers Special Teams Coach
[adds “hot potato” to a different list]
– a waitress serving Andy Reid
The Patriots getting that call is as stereotypically American as the rich getting a tax cut.
Bring back Stan Humphries
Is there like the Orb of Confusion involved that makes the opponents suddenly dumb?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zos5mEkD4e0
Oh chargers
The first question they will be asking themselves in New York is: “does New England need this call?”
Please tell me that hits the sideline
I haven’t seen a charger involved in such a disaster since I last plugged in my Samsung Note 7.
I realize I said this game would be over mid second quarter. I realize we’re a little later than that, and I shall flog myself for my failed prognostication.
Can we… watch?
I’ll set up my paypal.
I think the kids use something called a patreon
Back in my day we’d make a deal for a sex show with just a handshake and the sacrifice of a couple of goats on the altar of the endless depths
Are the Patriots gonna put up 70 on the Chargers today?
That seems low.
You’re in 4th down territory dipshits. Why are you punting?
Nantz is gonna absolutely suck Dreamboat dry after the game…
Flowers going low not called? Was that not a penalty?
Call a penalty? On the Patriots? Pshaw, my good man, don’t be uncouth.
If the Patriots do it, it’s not a penalty
If the President does it, it’s not a crime
/White House Sports Desk
So, let’s see what’s going on with this ga.… OH MY FUCKING GOD. GODDAMN CHARGERS. I expected little of you, and you delivered less.
All this WR motion is totally fooling New England