Your “And Then There Were Only Three” NFC Champeenship Game Open Thread

But scrotchnat, you slur through your 5th mimosa, there’s two teams playing and four teams remaining. You can’t count worth a McFiggins! Well, you got me on the the ‘not being able to count’ observation but I will counter that I was talking about the number of games left.

Yup, that reality that everyone knows about but no one wants to address. (It’s a lot like a beautiful woman letting rip a real stinker in an elevator full of strangers) There’s only three to be played and 66% of them will be gone in mere hours. We’re winding another season down folks and much like me flexing in a mirror, it ain’t pretty.

TO THE GAME!

Ewe Bangers/Halo Huggers:

Injuries:

The Rams have not a one fella on the injury report but the Saints will be missing te Watson with an appendicitis and wr Kirkwood as well. The latter didn’t get the ball often but in five of the last seven games of the season his longest catch ranged from 19 to 42 yards and he picked up a couple of TD’s along the way.

Surprise!:

With the emergence of C.J. Anderson the Rams have morphed into something of a power running club. This is a huge advantage for The Other Sean because there is so little game film for defenders to look at and you gotta know that McVay is scribbling new plays and formations on a napkin as we speak. On top of this development is the fact that qb Goff has a solid stats vs. the Saints-he’s throwing at a 66% clip and his TD’s far outnumber his INT’s.

Scoreghazi? Nah.:

As mentioned last week by yours truly, the Saints finished up the latter part of the regular season averaging 19 a game and tossed up just 20 last week. Brees is content with Kamaro, Ingram and wr Scott moving the chains rather than looking for the big play. (though he will toss one up if it’s available-Ginn Jr. will be the one to drop it today) Witness last week when the New Orleans O took an entire quarter out of the game on that long drive in the 3rd. Also, cb Talib was missing last time these two met and Scott went off for 200+ yards against cb Peters. Talib is just as physical as Scott and should be able to push him out/off of a route or two.

Ace up sleeve:

I think the edge belongs to the Saints once again. Taysom Hill is what Tim Tebow would be if he was possessed of any humility whatsoever. Secondly, Payton’s proclivity for chancing it on 4th downs tends to pay off. [pulls stat out of nutsack] He’s gone for it 18 times this year and been successful on 15 of them. This could be the difference in a tightly-contested game.

Prediction:

That’s for everyone else-I just know this is going to be a great game. [whispers] Saints by 3.

Let’s tie one on.

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fleshwound_NPG

yas, good 1st game blowout 2nd game plz

Mother Puncher

I’m at a bar. Why did they kick a field goal on 1st and goal?

King Hippo

just have to stay in 2-minute mode rest of the fixture. Unreal this is only a 3-point deficit

bk109

An’ the latest of your projections is ded’n’gone by the half
“20-3 at the half, 34-9 FIN”

King Hippo

tis a happy wrongness, freaking N-whatever Suh is a HERO!!

bk109

AAAAAAAAAnnnnd I think you should stop drinkin’ for the moment, you’re actually praising Suh…

King Hippo

he CHANGED TEH GAME!!

/and maybe spoiled Narrative Owl?

bk109

GODDAMN IT, STOP JINXING IT!

Sharkbait

Interesting game?

...

NOOOOO! That just means the Patriots will win by three touchdowns!

Spur

RAMMITT comment image

King Hippo

a’ight, OKC bomber won me back calling that trap on 1st and goal after the bomb

Doktor Zymm

Hey, rams and gurley did a thing!

fleshwound_NPG

GURLEY. NOT DED.

...

Hey look, there’s a football game happening here.

fleshwound_NPG

GOFFCANNON

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

Christ, too bad LA has no credible backup QB

fleshwound_NPG

goff listened and is throwing deep(er) now

King Hippo

took long enough WOO

Horatio Cornblower

Troy Aikman hasn’t disliked a call so much since last call at The Anvil.

makeitsnowondem

If you’re talking about the one in Houston, he’s got fine taste.

Horatio Cornblower

The one in The Simpsons. so Springfield, I guess.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I know for a fact that Bud Light does not have barley in it. So they’re off to a strong start right there listing it on their “ingredients” label.

Horatio Cornblower

They make the label out of barley, smart guy.

bk109

Yes, but barley works better than “water, horse piss” …

Mother Puncher

To be fair, they feed the horses barley

bk109

they BARELY feed the horses, common misconception…

...

Awful rice beer bullshit

makeitsnowondem

Wait, that’s not right, is it? It’s not all rice malt.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That’s what I’ve been told from someone who analyzed it at White Labs.

Doktor Zymm

Is it a gluten-free dealy?

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! special teams are awful

hippofant

That seemed like a pretty BS call to me but I couldn’t hear any of the commentary describing it.

King Hippo

muted since 4th down offside penno, imaginary buddy-guy!

Horatio Cornblower

Also, I’m rooting for the Saints, on the theory that their owner is less of an asshole that Kroenke, in that the Saints owner is dead.

Mother Puncher

Give Kroenke some credit: he told St. Louis to fuck off

Doktor Zymm

I would dig a gritty Pokémon movie, where they portray the more sordid aspects of hunting and imprisoning wild animals in order to make them fight each other. There must be Pokémon bookies right? Why not a movie about them?

Spur

Andy Reid ate his snorlax

Redshirt

A pokemon abuser who captures Pikachus, Pichus and Raichus because he’s too cheap to pay for electricity.

Doktor Zymm

I would totally watch that

Horatio Cornblower

Weather’s so shitty up here I’m literally working while keeping the game on.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Someone get this man a beer!

Gratliff

Likely the coldest day of the year. We’re at -9 wind chill from 10 degrees. The low is supposed to be -3 and the wind is howling, so outside doesn’t exist currently.

Gratliff

Did I see Carrie-Anne Moss in that? Are they going full Matrix reunion now?

King Hippo

Maybe that’s what sucks worst about being 45 in the current era. Beer and other spirits have finally gotten super-good, and my decrepit body no longer really allows me to enjoy them.

makeitsnowondem

There are some really good low-alcohol beers now but a bunch of them are super-acidic which is probably even worse for your old-man stomach.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I had to stop drinking beer about five years ago when I hit 55. I probably drank enough by that time to float a battleship.

...

Off Color making a sub 4% ABV stout is one of their best things.

...

It’s sort of a curse since there’s so much to drink and trying everything is inviting liver death.

Mother Puncher

On a serious note: I think we’re on the verge of a huge NA beer surgence. Sober people are a huge untapped market in the new microbrew culture

makeitsnowondem

The big obstacle is that no one’s found a way to make NA beer that doesn’t taste awful. It’s going to take a technical breakthrough for this to come true.

makeitsnowondem

My God, Suh looks like he’s back in college.

Mother Puncher

Oh cool, John Wick got a new dog to kill

Senor Weaselo

Oh, and you know someone’s gonna kill the dog. Sadly.

Doktor Zymm

There’s a website where you can check for that. It’s literally doesthedogdie.com

Gatoraids

Sarah McLaughlin on the soundtrack

fleshwound_NPG

RAMMIT has (finally) entered the chatroom

Spur

Double Brees SACK! Ass slaps for SUH and COcomment image

makeitsnowondem

Ted Ginn Jr. has been in the league so long he might as well be Ted Ginn Sr.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Steve Gleason fought through adversity, almost as much adversity as I am facing in trying to get my beautiful wall funded. #ObstructionistDemocrats.”

—Some anthropomorphic colostomy bag on Twitter.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That counts as a Ted Finn drop! Drink!

King Hippo

20-3 at the half, 34-9 FIN

Redshirt

Its sad how much that awesome real-life Pokemon effects are being wasted by that crappy movie.

fleshwound_NPG

who dat gonna haveta repair dat ceiling

https://twitter.com/Julie_Boudwin/status/1087089436532371457

Gratliff

Aw yes. Ticket Price Hikes for 2019!

Redshirt

In my mind canon, that cocky “I got a smart camera door bell” guy returned to an empty lot, a missing house, a hole in the ground and the smart camera door bell right in front of the hole.

hippofant

These short out-routes are not open. Drag/crosser was though and Goff missed it. He’s panicking in the pocket.

King Hippo

yup, he’s completely unwilling to go downfield, even with single coverage

tundrajim

First it was Romo saying “pissed,” now it’s ass slapping; it wasn’t enough for the NFL to steal my virgin ears, now my eyes are bleeding.

King Hippo

worthless shit-sniffers

Redshirt

Yes?

Spur

What’s up with that Zebra eavesdropping on RAMMIT coach and Goff?

makeitsnowondem

Hey what the fuck are you guys drinking? I got Chocolate Orange Dragons Milk.

Mr. Ayo

VODKA

makeitsnowondem

I hate it but I respect it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing because I drank too much last night.

makeitsnowondem

Six months ago I probably wouldn’t have understood this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh have you made the transition into middle age hangover territory?

makeitsnowondem

At the tender age of 33… yeah, definitely.

King Hippo

oh God, they are sooooooo awful at 45

bk109

QUITTIN’ IS FOR FRENCHIES AND RAY LIOTTA AND YOU SURE AS SHIT AIN’T EITHER! Once more into the drink, mate, that liver won’t kill itself!

Sharkbait

Goose Island Porter at the bar I’m at

makeitsnowondem

Good, right? I know they’re Anheuser-Busch now, but they’re still making great beer.

bk109

10yo Bushmills and smokin’ a Julieta

King Hippo

Vicuprofen and coffee, per usual

...

Founders 2018 CBS

makeitsnowondem

Holy fucking shit. Canadian Breakfast Stout is my favorite beer ever.

...

This year’s Prop was a lot like CBS just sans the coffee.

makeitsnowondem

My ongoing refusal to shop on Black Friday kept me from getting a Prop.

Mother Puncher

Moeller Baked oatmeal stout. If you’re ever in western Ohio and feel like driving to a brewery in the middle of nowhere, I suggest Moeller

makeitsnowondem

Ohio has regions?

Mother Puncher

Ohio may not have much, but there’s a lot of it.

Mr. Ayo

On the plus side, BLEE’ERGH has been unusually quiet today.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

He’s resting up for the night game. Pats aren’t gonna win by themselves.

...

Goff literally tapping that ass

Spur

comment image

Mother Puncher

Interesting thing about living in a small town: everybody wears a Carhart jacket. They’re either a Republican dipshit cosplaying as a farmer or a lefty union member that will try to fight you for drinking Yuengling

Unsurprised

I just got mine because it was on sale for $20 for some reason.

Gratliff

This is the first year in about 5 that I don’t have a Carhart jacket, so no longer meet the criteria for the latter. Alas, no more MAGA camouflage for me.

King Hippo

Fat Guy WOO!!!

herodotus450

Was that ass tap consensual!!?

bk109

Well, the center isn’t currently tearing Goff in two, so… maybe consesual?

King Hippo

So the score is really NO 10, LA 7, Gurley -6

fleshwound_NPG
...

Her Horny Watchgoose account is the only watch animal account that is good.

makeitsnowondem

I’m so happy Veronica has gotten big enough to show up on a football blog with 90% male readership on championship Sunday.

...

She’s great people.

litre_cola

Is it loud there?

Redshirt

https://operations.nfl.com/media/3277/2018-nfl-rulebook_final-version.pdf

Oh, crap. Its not illegal anymore? I’m bring an jet engine with me the next time I go to a Bengals game then!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Might be tough getting it through the metal detector.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ryan Reynolds as the voice of Pikachu? Nah, fuck that.

makeitsnowondem

I’m super into it sorry

Mother Puncher

I approve as long as his only line is “pikachu” like when George Clooney was the gay dog on south park

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I really wanted Danny Devito.

Spur

Ryan Reynolds is a douche.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t have a problem with him, but definitely don’t need to see him as anything other than Deadpool.

bk109

Deadpool is overrated… I wouldn’t mind watching more of his wife in a remake of Basic Instinct tho?

Mother Puncher

That’s a pretty simple Google image search, actually

bk109

… Eh, she also did that artsy C4/F4 movie before her first kid, but y’know… moar Scarlett is Always Better…

Ian Scott McCormick

Mississippi Grind is great and should be appreciated more.

Gratliff

Some serious nightmare fuel in the Pokemon movie

tundrajim

It’s a cautionary tale for today’s youth about using fentanyl.

Senor Weaselo

Yes, this.

Senor Weaselo

Saints… stopped?

Spur

Does Cincy have a coach yet? Were they at CES looking for a “Smart” Coach?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Going to CES alone would be farrrr too expensive for Mike Brown.

Doktor Zymm

Is that why Alexa has a ‘NFL coach’ skill now?

Redshirt

Alexa: “Hand the ball more to Mixon, you dumbass.”