My diary is filled with various loving tributes to the many, many blades I have in my collection. (Thankfully, no one talks about Knife Control) Much like any artist I’ve felt the need recently to expand my skill set, but how?
The non-profit I visited did so many things for those without a home. They seemed to have an answer for every issue for guys and women trying to get back in the work force. No address? They set up a phone number that prospective employers could leave a message at. Lost ID? They provided assistance to those jumping through the various hoops required to get birth certificates and Social Security cards. Lack of transportation? Temporary bus passes and volunteers to drive the newly-employed to work. I had a Dodge Caravan and this was my way in.
Four guys every day. That was the routine. I’d drop them off in the morning, maybe pick up one or two at night-the rest would get back to whatever passed for shelter one way or another. The organization would subtly lean on me to grab their most promising prospects at night. Giving them a bit more structure than most made their ‘numbers’ look good in the long run. I knew the game-funding doesn’t just bubble up from empty space. Stats matter when the board is making a presentation.
Jason was a likable kid-he was that long-limbed, gawky type that never quite grew into his body. He was-I’m guessing-about 24 or so but looked as though he was 10 years older. Deep down the youngster was an optimist but his back-story was one I’d heard before. When he was 16 he got his 15 year-old girlfriend pregnant. He lived in a small town and his parents were prominent members in the church and business community. His Dad claimed to have sent him off to a boarding school but when they arrived at the bus depot he was handed $200 and a one-way ticket to a city three states away. After the money ran out he was sleeping in parks and hanging out with addicts-“I’d been beaten up so many times, I stopped counting after a month and a half”, he once told me.
After I did a rudimentary calculation I asked him one time, “Did you ever get your driver’s license?” He said that his dad let him drive down some back roads when they went hunting but he was out the door before he was legal. “Tell you what-maybe sometime I can let you behind the wheel and you can see what it’s like to drive again. The way things are going, you’ll have your own car in no time.” His face lit up and his grin stays with me to this day.
Back at the office I’d been letting hints drop to the effect that I had suspicions that my boy was back on drugs but I wasn’t quite sure. Everything was set.
It was a Friday heading into a long weekend and Jason was so excited. He shared with me that he’d recently met and was dating a girl he chatted up at Walmart. She was a cashier and things were going great. “Well, somebody better start practicing their driving”, I said. “I know of a lonely old road about three miles from here but I’m gonna be the passenger in the back seat and you’ll be the chauffeur like I’ve been to you.” He tipped his battered cap-“Yes Sir!” and smiled that smile.
A garrote that you’ve fashioned with your own hands is a thing of beauty in its simplicity. A small length of rope, two pieces of wood with a hole in the center that the rope can loop around and be tied to? Less is indeed more. I asked him to keep his eyes on the road and to slow down as I slipped directly behind him. I had been looking forward to the sound that would be made as I crushed his windpipe but, as I learned after doing a bit of homework online, no air to carry it, no sound. Jason, you let me down…
TO THE GAME!
DACA Killers/Time-Out Squanderers:
[prays to non-existent football gods for result that temporarily brings balance to the world]
You know what you’re here for.
at the risk of offending Coach Parcells…try a few slants PLEASE
Okay Mahomes, don’t fuck up
Well I just discovered my HuluTV feed is about one minute behind cable.
You’d think the Pats would know not to throw from the 1 yard line
Bwahaha
That is excellent.
Took me a minute, but yeah.
Well shit.
A haiku by me:
The Pats score again
Nevermind there is still hope
I wrote this too soon
Had to take the dogs out. So, are we discussing the narrative that the NFL wants Pats – Rams so the GOAT can bookend his career?
See, this is what happens when I root for a team.
THANK YOU FOAR YER SERVICE
Shit.
And sigh of relief. I mean he isn’t dead yet, but it’s a start.
Uuuuuhhhhnnnggggggggggg
Just like the end of Yinzers at Donks WOO!!!
lol @ watching my entire Twitter timeline turn into everyone making the exact same touchback tom joke
That’s a good joke
I know this is just Satan toying with us but
THANK YOU SATAN
/From deep in the woods of Tuscaloosa
“You are welcome!”
Haha, I guess that’s why they’re running so much, BRADY OLD
Oh goddammit
Eaten
FUCK
HUH
I see dinner being late has raised my hopes
YES!!!!! HE DID A TEH BEN!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NAWT FAIR! FACK YOU!
THERE IS A GOD
THERE MAY BE A GOD
Fuck it. Am streaming the Spurs/Clippers game.
At least RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! can stop the Darkness with…a gimpy star RB and a QB that hasn’t played a good game in like 6-7 weeks??
That guy kinda looks like Jay Cutler, if Jay Cutler cared.
Which is to say he looks nothing like Jay Cutler, since Jay Cutler will never care.
Person: Jay, you should seriously consider vaccinating your children. There’s no credible link to autism, and you’re causing serious harm to the nation’s her immu-
Jay: . . .
this was expected. i hate you Andy.
Brady going to dedicate this one to the Maga high schoolers who inspired him this week
dinner time, peace out, hopefully rams vs. pats 2 ends the dynasty
Chefs playing so bad they’re gonna get relocated to North Dakota after this game if they lose.
Where was KC ranked in run d during the season?
From the evidence being presented on the field thus far, I would guess…. 33rd.
*drains blood from goat in desperate attempt to summon Bernard Pollard*
he was a chief and did snap brady’s knee here
THANK YOU FOAR YER SERVICE
Wait, Bull is still on? I thought they would have canceled it after paying out that huge sexual harrassment settlement.
Welcome to Trump’s America.
Nevar Forget the victim was one Eliza Dushku, even more reason to not watch the show.
Gotta get that money back somehow.
bomani jones’ timeline/mentions right now is… [chef’s kiss]
Presenting Greg Wyshynski:
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Jesus wanted Planned Parenthood to have $100. TAKE THAT, Evangelical-Land!
oh Lord, Chefs are gonna get killed. Sound off from jump.
This game is going to be shit, isn’t it
1st game was a close one, this a blowout, so yes
first 3 times mahomes has thrown the ball and…meeehhh.
Mahomes-y looks terrible right now
Indeed, this was Championship-calibre Hobo Killin!
I can’t believe RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! pulled it off. Had no clue until 15 minutes ago.
physical
Well, Mahomes looks terrible so far. That’s promising.
Looks like BLEERGH made his flight from NO to KC on time.
Has anyone ever seen BLEERGH manifest? If he has no mass, he’ll be moving at light speed.
*maths*
Would take about 0.004 seconds for him to get there.
Yeah, but he probably only uses that option during the regular season when he has so many games to tend to. Days like today he can fly first class and have a drink or two.
Holding on the … Patriots?
Refs are just teasing the 4th quarter screwjob.
Bailout flag… against the P*ts?
Just as I thought, BLEERGH gonna make a statement this game
This feels like the kind of game where a player like Mahomes gets annihilated and it takes 3 years for him to be back in the “good” conversation
If I were in a room with David Ortiz, Tom Brady, and Hitler, and had a gun with two bullets in it I for legal reasons would not disclose my choice.
Yeah, but the two bullet holes in Brady would make it fairly obvious.
They never said anything against pistol whipping until unrecognizable, ppl forget that.
What if Hitler was a baby?
Then you shove Baby Hitler down Tom’s throat, choking him, and still have two bullets left for Ortiz.
Chiefs look like a team that won’t win it big until they change up their uniforms a la the Bucs, Broncs, and me when I started that uniform fetish site.
Paul Lukas?