NFL Nuggets:
- Actual good news: Fitty’s coming back for a 16th season.
- He signed a one-year deal with the Cardinals.
- He is second all-time in receiving yards (behind Jerry Rice) and receptions (behind Tony Gonzalez).
- He’s only 23 receptions behind Tony G, but 6,000 yards behind #80.
- Two days in a row, I’m stealing from Crimebeat!
- Saints CB PJ Williams was arrested for DWI in New Orleans.
- He also faces excessive speeding charges, for doing 80 in a 50 zone.
- It’s also his second DWI, but that one was picked up before the draft (and the charges were later dropped).
- Saints CB PJ Williams was arrested for DWI in New Orleans.
- Tumult in Dallas as Cole Beasley drops accusations the front office pushes who gets the ball, and that influences play calling.
- He claimed he gets more throws during two-minute drills when there is no script & things happen on the fly.
- Otherwise, according to him, he only gets 3-4 directed passes per game.
- He claimed he gets more throws during two-minute drills when there is no script & things happen on the fly.
Honestly, the front office pushes who they want to get the ball to. I haven’t been a huge priority in that regard. Maybe that will change but I’m not sure. More balls come my way in 2 minute drill where nothing is planned. https://t.co/ioih9BJJv1
— Cole Beasley (@Bease11) January 22, 2019
• Which led to this speculation:
• …and now he’s walking back the comments.
• probably because his current benefactor, Stephen Jones, had this to add to the conversation:
“We don’t get involved in that. The only thing we ever do is decide if we’re going to pay players a lot of money. Or if we’re going to trade for players and give up big picks.”
That’s why they’re called “nuggets”, folks.
In response to a query posed by Unsurprised last night:
I’m still up because I suck, but anyway, this post-season seems to have murdered the site. I don’t care about the NFL, but come the fuck on, folks. This is a good site with good content and people.
I will offer up that:
- You don’t suck; and
- We’ve never been more popular than right now, thanks to everyone old and new.
As the self-appointed monitor of our Alexa stats, as of yesterday we rest here:
While that might not look like much, remember that a lot of those numbers are porn sites. If you look at the chart, back in early July, we sat at 425,000th, and have since been making steady progress towards some form of legitimization.
So while we aren’t Deadspin (2,793), Pornhub (29), or The Old Place (5,876), we are having a good time being ourselves, and other people are coming along for the ride. Many, many thanks again to all who read and contribute to the site.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Capitals at Leafs – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Coyotes at Habs – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
- Predators at Golden Knights – 10:00PM | NBCSN
- NBA:
- Raptors at Pacers – 7:00PM | TSN
- Spurs at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN
- Nuggets at Jazz – 10:30PM | ESPN
- NCAA:
- Providence at Xavier – 6:30PM | FS1
- Tennessee at Vanderbilt – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
- Texas at TCU – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- DePaul at Marquette – 8:30PM | FS1
- Oklahoma at Oklahoma State – 9:00PM | ESPNU
This week is awful. There’s fake hype for the Professional Bowl, faker hype for the Senior Bowl, and Peter King trying to turn those turds into Skyline Chili.
I’M NOT HAVING IT!
God Damn
Accident?
Nobody Could Have Prevented This
Thoughts and prayers.
“Ex-Detroit Lions CB beats up man masturbating near daughter’s window”
https://amp.freep.com/amp/2594829002
The baby is great. Still so young. 4 weeks tomorrow. Not even cooing or babbling yet. Just gazing up incredulously, startling, hiccuping, and in fact waking up right now! Good night boys!
/ throws smoke grenade at own feet
To be fair; gazing incredulously, startling, hiccuping is pretty much my routine.
When my first was born while looking at her she had the same look on her face as someone who took two hits of blotter acid. The world is wide open and the future is endless possibilities.
Amazing and frightening at the same time.
And the inability to control one’s own sphincter.
Political handicappers: is Warren the prohibitive favorite at this early juncture? Nomination, not Presidential victory.
Hell no. It’ll be Harris. She’ll lose. Trump will either serve two terms or die in office from an overdose of McDonald’s secret sauce.
This is going to be the most fascinating two years in American political history. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
I’m thinking there were a few other years that were much more “fascinating” in our history, this will be depressing though, I’ll give it that.
Other award shows have a lots in common with the AVNs.
I was hoping thursday would be 69.
It’s next Tuesday….. it’s supposed to be ….. NICE.
OK gents, it’s been fun. But GF gets in in a day and a half and Imma be busy dealing with stupid shit tomorrow….And I have a “date” with a cute black chick tomorrow night (relax, it’s platonic…old HS friend) so I need to get some stuff done tonight.
tl;dr: I gotta shave my balls while I have the time. Then finish Friday Open Thread.
I only believe in the death penalty for pranksters.
This animatronic puppet is sitting at the bottom of an uncanny valley as deep as the Marianas Goddamn Trench.
https://twitter.com/davefranklin/status/1087816952981176322
The first 3 “innings” of Ken Burns’ documentary “Baseball” are cinematic Valium.
I really need to rewatch that.
Championship Sunday till NCAA Hoops Conference Championship Week is a nice window to slowly drift through it on wet weekends.
Mmm…
https://youtu.be/64oOmUzNLvs
I once dated a girl who could be her twin sister, swear to god.
That was fun.
You bet.
I just love that she looks down at her…dimensions… then celebrates like she just hit the lottery, which she has.
Katee Owens; I wonder what her incu….. income is. She has a LOT of traffic to her site.
Behind The Music: Family Ties?
She’s throwing me a bone?
Al Dente would suggest it’s a tooth, but, sure, let’s go with bone.
That is so goddamn creepy.
Per Redshirt’s comments on how Dems should propose something to cut pay to Congress and the president if there’s a shutdown, Sen Mark Warner (D-VA) already did that:
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/426459-senate-dem-introduces-stop-stupidity-act-to-end-government-shutdowns
As a lurker who has not contributed much to the good of the order, I offer my apologies. I have been coming to the site since day 1 (I lurked for years at the other place too, although I never did write anything), and I think that this site has some infuckingcredible writers. I have laughed until tears fell on so many occasions I couldn’t begin to count. I’m not good at live-blogging (or other kinds of multitasking scenarios – unitasking is actually a pain in the ass, if you want my opinion,) but I read this site when I want to feel good. So there it is.
Still, I got an email today from ESPN saying it’s almost AFLW footy tipping time… I will contribute more once that gets up and on the go, I swear it.
Atta boy.
ALL HAIL THE UNITASKER!
Am I alone here, or is Broad City just not funny? Do you have to live in New York to understand it?
I didn’t even smile once.
It’s funny. It may not be your cup of tea. Both can be true.
Do you have to be a broad to understand it?
/checks genitals
No, I don’t think so.
Brave. Brave. Brave.
You know how cops will sometimes pull you over for a taillight or a headlight being out and give you a fix it ticket?
Yeah, Baltimore County cops totally do not like it when you point out to them they’ve got one out.
tWBS: Officer, your headlight is out.
B’more Co Cop: Move along, Sir!!!!!
At least they didn’t shoot you
And I got my greasy drive thru food too!!!!!!!!
#whiteprivilege
I mean, NYPD traffic cops don’t like it when you tell them they’re parked at a hydrant while you’re moving the ass of your car out of a crosswalk.
You’re welcome.
Longer
KICK HIM IN THE NUTS! KICK HIM IN THE NUTS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u4oXXL1a5A
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LxDWSYgiUc
Holy shit. (I’ve never seen Bad Santa)
Video with sound: https://giant.gfycat.com/AbsoluteDesertedHeron.mp4
WHAT?!?!? How? Why? Do it!
Bad Santa is the third greatest Christmas film!
3. Bad Santa
2. Christmas Vacation
1. Die Hard
Scrooged better be #4 then
I can’t argue that.
As I said, best hit by a Jets player on a member of the P*ts in years.
/TEAR FLIES OUT OF REVIS ISLAND
To Unsurprised: I’m truly sorry I’m still 90/10 lurker/contributor. I’m uninteresting, unmoneyed, and uncultured. Also, I tend to be more cynical and angry than funny. If I ever ended up in the same BUILDING with you guys, it’d be because I’d be cooking your steaks. You guys are also the best friends I have in the world right now, besides my brother. When I had a nervous breakdown, I checked in with you guys before driving to the VA hospital. Redshirt is VERY important to me. In a VERY positive way.
I have ideas, but I’m so fucking technologically useless, I couldn’t carry them out. I’d LOVE to Open Thread every day and liveblog the various impending investigatory hearings sure to pepper cable news in the coming months. But I don’t even know what I don’t know how to do in order to do a thing like that. Anywhoozle. I’m drunk. You’re right. Can I help? [hits head on counter]
We love you, buddy. Take care of Lil’ Fronkenshteen and all will be good.
You’re a great guy and a welcome poster, dude.
We love ya Fronk. Hope the little one’s doing all right.
He’s awesome. Getting nice and chubby. Busting balls like a champ. His older brother is SMITTEN. Warms an Irishman’s heart.
Just post. These idiots have put more than one of my brainfarts on the banner.
Then post more, Doorfliers!
To clarify, do you mean post or comment?
I think I just saw that thing on Outrageous Acts of Science.
It’s always nice when unlimited pussy flies toward me.
Live peek in to the AVN awards!
That Peter King picture will never not freak me out
I guess if you’re in that part of the country that kind of smirk is contagious.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims probably recognize that look.
Beef Rendang? More like Beef, Ren, Dang!
I’d never seen this before, it amuses me a great deal to see Mark Cuban eviscerate Skip Bayless:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9w_XUQyJJQ
True Story Bro….
Hippo and meself know a guy who punched Skip Bayless in the face once. Broke his nose.
I want to buy this man a beer. Whether he wants to drink it or pour it on Skip Bayless’ stupid head and then punch him in the face again is entirely up to him.
Oh, he’d definitely drink it.
This happened many years ago, in a bar in SoCal. Bayless kept hitting on the guy’s wife. Was warned to stop. Didn’t, then got punched.
Puncher in question lettered in football at NC State for four years. Baseball too, actually. Played in the minors for a while. He’s a shadow of his former self now for various reasons, but back in the day he could deliver a punch. I wish I’d been there to see it.
Chris Washburn???
LMFAO. Wrong sport(s).
And no, I’m not giving out names.
Shit Bayless was the Fantasy Football team name one of friends chose for the league this year.
Herodotus recently linked to the awful story of Bobby Ryan’s upbringing. It reminded me of “Spinner” Spencer. Long story short-his dad wanted to see his son play on national TV for the Maple Leafs, was denied that and ended up storming the local TV station (with a shotgun in hand) and demanded that they switch over from the Canadiens tilt. The scared shitless technician complied. The RMCP ended up on the scene and daddy ended up with holes in his body.
https://thehockeywriters.com/spinning-out-of-control-the-short-violent-life-of-spinner-spencer/
Directv could make a pretty compelling commercial out of that story.
Several paragraphs in: “… and he developed a taste for crack cocaine.”
Here we go.
Then arrested for murder but found not guilty in 1987; OJ must have been a fan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi4pzKvuEQM
Sexy Roller Skaters…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HLw4ggX68I&ab_channel=ChadC.Watson
Pimpbot 5000 ruled.
Old Conan was insane. I miss it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnw7dhh5uWQ
Hell yeah it was.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXqksVCD_hM
found a funny:
[first time babysitting] hey little dude
5 year old: muffins and cupcakes are cousins
me: what the what?
Kid’s not wrong.
Would frosted muffins be any good? Yeah, probably.
Frosted Muffins – I’ve watched that porno.
Is this the Alexa you are talking about?
Total geek time. One of my favourite things to do is to make channels in the snow or ice for the water on the road to be able to get to the catch basin. Last night It snowed for 12 hours here and now has been raining since early afternoon and the temperature is now above freezing. So I’ve got (had) a small lake at the bottom of my driveway and got to make my channels. If I could, I’d be out there for hours doing it, but feel silly so go back inside. Only to find an excuse to go back out and check on the channels and play again an hour later.
Anyone else do that?
/Ya didn’t think so, carry on then
// won’t be around to see the responses as I’ll be out playing in the water
///again
In a big wet snow I have to shovel the gutter down to the storm drain.
Yep. Same for me tonight
When I lived in MD when I was a kid I did that all the time. Now that I’m up here again (only visiting) I’m praying it doesn’t snow excessively because I know I’ll do it and it’s too cold for that shit.
Also, as a kid, after a 3 foot snowfall, my best friend and I spent days building a bobsled-ish run on the long hill behind our houses. Seriously, days building it. Then iced it over with water very lovingly.
Then we tried it with the plastic sleds and seriously almost killed ourselves.
Then we did it again.
😀
I recall GT snow racers + big hill + collisions = way too much fun, but just a bit dangerous
Oh I get it. Like when it’s sunny out every day, so you go outside and don’t freeze your balls off and then either stay outside or go back in because it’s the same temperature either way and weed is legal.
I’m wearing long pants and a sweatshirt right now and I’m still cold. And I have no weed, legal or otherwise. Meaning….
I’m starting to not like you.
Starting? What the hell took you so long?
Your inherent charm?
Quick update. Plow came by, boo but now need to make channels again. Yay
That looks to cover the something borrowed and something new requirement
Something blew too, if you want to ignore proper spelling.
Penguin North
Nice
Tom Petty’s transition to The Mad Hatter was so subtle I hardly noticed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMVjToYOjbM
Or maybe it’s Jonny Depp in the Willy Wonka remake that he looks like…
Aw, he should still be alive. Let’s trade Dylan for him.
Fitzgerald is coming back to the Cardinals? I’m guessing that BS in communications from Phoenix University Online didn’t open as many doors as he thought it would.
Congrats on the well-deserved banner!
He’d have been better off going to Simon Phoenix University
I’ve been on this earth for many years and only heard this cover of Mack The Knife by The Psychedelic Furs just fucking yesterday. Shitballs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4wuYz7sDvM
Aw. I thought someone was going to go up in the air with the blade.
I mean, it looks like at least part of his face did.
https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/bengals/2019/01/23/analysis-bengals-back-andy-dalton-but-nothing-definitive-qb/2656615002/
The more things change, the more de-derp, de-derp.
Nick Cage is going to be in a Lovecraft adaptation movie?
https://news.avclub.com/nicolas-cage-is-teaming-with-a-very-unexpected-director-1831986657
Well, sure, but who are they going to get to play BOLTMAN?
I think Cage would have to throttle back to play BOLTMAN.
No matter the quality of the movie, I’ma gonna give Nic’s performance a Bee Plus…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVCrmXW6-Pk
If the Democrats want to make the Republicans looks bad, they should propose a Constitutional Amendment to modify Article II Section 1 and the 27th Amendment so that if the US Government is shut down and an employee is furloughed with no pay, their and their staff’s paychecks get frozen too. See how they react.
Tell me more about your zero-sum perspective on politics…
That’s step one. Step 2 is put all the Lobbyists in one area, and the politician has to visit them, and sign in to Lobbyist Island so we know who is going where.
Any Lobbyist caught breaking the rules, mean the money gets returned and they donate double to their polar opposite.
“Ooh, I like the idea of Lobbyist Island…” – Mike Priefer
“…and that is why I and the members of my staff have accepted an interest-free loan from our good friends at the [XXXEvilXXX] Corporation. I’d like to remind everyone that this is *not* a bribe and we fully intend to pay them back at a later date…”
…can’t argue with that logic. All Hail Evil!
Mark Warner already did that
Sweet mother of god…I am feeling like shit. I missed every football game this weekend because I could not get myself out of bed and just grab the hotel remote.
I miss field work so much. I used to love it. The stress, the pressure, the elation when you figure something out. I miss it so damn much.
But between the hotel beds and the spina bifida…I feel like someone threw me down a flight of steps and all I have been doing is giving training in a classroom.
On a side note, Hampton Roads Boulevard is still a fucking nightmare just like I remember. I am like 5 and a half miles from the port. But the port is literally on the taint of Norfolk Operating Base. I got to get to the port parking lot by 7am. This means I have to leave my fucking hotel room by 515am. Its clear sailing until I get within about four blocks of the port. I have no other way of getting there.
I cannot believe I lived with this traffic, going to that goddamn base, for four and a half years. Its like driving in NYC, where you are two car lengths from the intersection and it will be at least three light changes before you have a chance to try and get through it.
I don’t understand how there isn’t a work place shooting in this town every fucking day.
Worth of mentioning and NOT reading the comments:
https://twitter.com/i/status/1088194463263006720
That was delightful, and you were correct.
Best tackle a Jets player has had on a member of the P*ts in years.
335,510, eat it porn sites! Wait no, no no no, don’t eat that!
“Guess I’ll just swallow.”
-Porn/Bird Watchers Synergy Site
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8kmNEo1i8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waH2dGEQpdI
Heresy Alert!
I loved the movie Dead Zone quite a bit and that got me into reading Mr. King. Several silly, elongated plots with payoffs as flat as Stephen himself after being hit and runned convinced me to never read the fella again.
I don’t like his writing style. The Dead Zone; Christopher Walken was fucking great in that., good screen play.
My feeling is that a lesser thespian would have fucked up this role in 12 dozen different ways. Walken’s under-stated approach ran against every expectation that was assumed of a protagonist in that genre, at the time.
Wait, it’s cool to hate Stephen King now? Dammit, he’s real to me!