Being allergic to cocoa, I consider Valentine’s Day to be nothing more than a plot by BIG CHOCOLATE to try & kill me.
NFL News:
- Denver’s veterans seem on board with Joe Flacco coming to town.
- According to one report, Flacco is a cheaper option than Nick Foles, because Flacco is guaranteed $18 million for 2019, and Foles is likely not going to sign for less than $25 million per.
- Flacco’s deal escalates to $20 million in 2020 and $24 million in 2021.
- With $37 million in cap space, the Broncos are expected to use some of that to bolster the O-line, something Case Keenum could have used.
- According to one report, Flacco is a cheaper option than Nick Foles, because Flacco is guaranteed $18 million for 2019, and Foles is likely not going to sign for less than $25 million per.
- The 49ers are not picking up the option on Pierre Garcon.
- Missing eight games & finishing the season on IR will tend to lead to this conclusion.
- Apparently, at least one owner thought about giving up on Roger Goodell.
- PFT reports that ESPN reports that an anonymous NFL owner reached out to NBA commissioner Adam Silver in August 2017 to gauge his interest in becoming NFL commissioner.
- He said no, and later that year ol’ Rog was given a five-year, $200 million extension.
- Meanwhile, Gary Bettman sits by his phone, wondering why no one ever calls.
- PFT reports that ESPN reports that an anonymous NFL owner reached out to NBA commissioner Adam Silver in August 2017 to gauge his interest in becoming NFL commissioner.
Finally, the Jaguars have done something right & locked down Lambeau for four years.
Oh, sorry – that’s kicker Josh Lambo.
Doggone good news!! We’ll be in Duval for 4 more years, as I’ve signed an extension with the Jags!! #Duuuval pic.twitter.com/mdJnW7UsBQ
— Josh Lambo (@JoshLambo) February 13, 2019
Still, given his 92.7% conversion percentage, he’s also a very good boy.
I had a bit of a back & forth with Ape today after he tweeted about the National Gridiron League, “America’s Premier Spring Football League”, which is apparently a real thing that is starting its inaugural season on Saturday, March 30th:
The National Gridiron League (NGL), is a professional football league comprised of 12 teams across North America featuring the best-undiscovered football talent in the country. Teams are separated into Eastern and Western Conferences. The Eastern Conference is home to the Georgia Wildcats, Indiana Blue Bombers, Indiana Firebirds, Virginia Destroyers, Virginia Iron Horses and Pennsylvania Pioneers while the Western Conference consists of the Mississippi Mudcats, Arkansas Twisters, St Louis Stampede, Kansas Kapitals, Louisiana Red Sticks and Texas Bighorns.
Games will be patterned after the traditional rules of American tackle football with some variations adapted to accommodate playing the game within an indoor arena versus in a stadium. With each team only fielding eight players on offense and defense with each team having just two timeouts per half, keeping the action both fast-paced and exciting.
With training camps opening March 7th, it appears not all teams have full rosters yet, which Ape noted. It resulted in the following tweets:
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1096097382926819331
Further proof that brilliant writing over a laconic photo can sell anything. I just added a qualifier at the front. pic.twitter.com/0YmMwxb9p9
— Official cicerone to King Charles III (@beerguyrob) February 14, 2019
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: all Canadian teams are regional broadcasts only tonight
- Stars at Bolts – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Thunder at Pelicans – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Houston at Connecticut – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Illinois at Ohio State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Arizona at Utah – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- Murray State at Austin Peay – 9:00PM | ESPN2
The folks over at the John Wick III marketing department get top marks for coming up with their own sly Valentine’s ad tie-in.
BEATS SPENDING REAL MONEY!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H7cR4Vg4vg
Who’s the redhead?
Any league that puts two teams each in Virginia and Indiana is disqualified from my fandom.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and wifey has a 24 hour shift at the hospital. Do I get to declare a national emergency and have the taxpayers pay for strippers to dress up as Cleopatra and remove their clothes? No? SOSHLIZM!!!11!1! INPEECH NOBUMMER!!!111!1
Oh, before I forget. I want to get a Porsche 911 GT2 RS, but if I cannot get the money, I’m going to declare an Emergency and take the money from other people.
Hell yeah, dude.
I am in my bunker waiting because of the pending national emergency…. still internet, still TV, still radio…….
Guess it will go back to its original use; underground masturbatorium.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but Seth MacFarlane’s Star Trek is kind of growing on me.
Sure, Murray St. doesn’t have a killer schedule, but this Ja Morant kid is gonna be a heck of a pro. He good.
Happy Singles Awareness Day!
(sniff)
A man who has at least one hand is never truly single.
My dominant hand is seeing someone else. Its an awkward situation for all involved.
(picturing Redshirt’s dominant hand wearing a leather glove and mask)
Nice, you get to have a one night stand with your awkward neighbor.
He bought the night stand at a yard sale.
And THAT’S why he can’t ride the bus anymore.
…yes…that’s the reason.
Third strike doesn’t have to be a major crime….. especially with your hands.
I propose 15 Feb for “Dying Alone” day.
EAST: GEORGIA, INDIANA, INDIANA, VIRGINIA, VIRGINIA, PENNSYLVANIA
WEST: MISSISSIPPI, ARKANSAS, ST. LOUIS, KANSAS, LOUISIANA, TEXAS
Well that covers North America. Since when is St. Louis a state?
Since when are there TWO Virginias?!
I would also mentioned two Indianas, but I’ve been to that state. I can confirm there are two different Indianas.
Watching Life of Brian with the boy and we’ve gotten to the Biggus Dickus bit and it’s possible he may never laugh this hard again
I commend you sir. That is one of the best movies ever. Shoe v Gourd = Catholicism v Protestantism.
thats some good dadding rite there…..
If he makes a “People’s Front of Judea” crack at least once a year, you done good.
So I survived my DMV visit earlier today. It was almost for naught, as the address on one of my supporting documents was an older address. Luckily, I had thrown another random bill into my pile of stuff, and that’s what saved me.
Ended up being done in exactly an hour. Thanks to everyone who went before me and wrestled with the insanity to let me know how seriously to take this. You folks are the true heroes.
You went out in the rain? Are you ok?
Nothing years of therapy can’t fix.
So how soon do we actually need this?
I think I think 2021. MAYBE.
Oh good. At least 38% chance I won’t see that.
I’m still wondering why I had to jump through all those loops for a Black-and-white License Photo. I spent two hours getting my parent’s Safe Deposit Box key to get my Birth Certificate for early 1990s photographic technology?!
Black & White is truth, man.
found a love-day funny:
roses are red / violets are blue
who let the dogs out / who who who who
It’s 9:11-time to read that story about a goat and fall asleep…
Never Forget to do this.
Every time I’ve seen 9:11 on a clock for the last 18 years, I’ve chuckled and said “never forget”. I may be a horrible person. Jury’s out.
You’re among friends here.
Resolution Update:
Bought a yoga mat and have done 4 half-hour beginner sessions on the Utube. The reason why I always experience an injury when trying to run in the spring was made evident in the very first stretching exercise. If there be others out there that have gone thru the same experience while trying to get back into shape-give yoga a try. It also identified a back pain issue that has plagued me the last little while.*
*I’ve not accepted any quinoa on behalf of Big Yoga
Been doing DDP yoga for almost a year now and it does a fantastic job of pointing out exactly what part of your body is fucked up. First time I did the pigeon pose with my right knee on the ground, I shrugged it off. Switched to the left and it felt like I was going to black out. My left hip still doesn’t open up anywhere near as much as the right, but at least I don’t feel like I’m going to die every time I start to open it up.
Double-Double Penetration???
That’s some kinda commitment.
Hey, there is a national emergency in San Diego right now! There is water, and, get this, it’s falling…. FROM THE SKY!
LOL! here in new England we had sunshine and blue skies!
Add all the invading browns in the mix and it’s like Armageddon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHL2Fc0XD50
Josh Lambo is a hipster?
I wanna know how he’s dating Jessica Chastain.
“I’ll take, ‘What is the perfect example of the phrase, Artsy Fartsy for $400’, Alex.”
“National Emergency? S’cuse me while I catch the sky!” [guitar riff plays]
-Chicken Little
“S’cuse me, while I catch this guy…”
– Robert Mueller
“S’cuse me, while I kiss this guy…”
-Michael Sam
“S’cuse me while I eat this pie…”
-J. Lorenzen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZHuCkhWrVY
Are all of you armed in case any of the infidels cross the border during this emergency? Thoughts and prayers to you.
I propose a [DFO] gofundme for alcohol in the clubhouse to calm everyone’s nerves.
I’m ready to get drunk and shoot Canadian border jumpers.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE COMMENTING DON’T YOU KNOW THERE IS A NATIONAL EMERGENCY GOING ON?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzybAS7zltE
“So many layers to peel regarding RTD’s faux over-reaction to the media’s over-reaction.”
-The Onion
I actually think it’s a pretty big deal, but I also think that McConnell put it out there to take the wind out of Trump’s sails (because he wanted to tease it as a “big announcement”). I have no idea how it all games out, but if they actually go forward with it we’ll find out whether the conservatives on the Supreme Court actually give a tin shit about the Constitution after all.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was just making teh joking…
They don’t. They never did and never will.
I’m going to steal this and use it on all my Trump-supporting coworkers at the office. “WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME WITH THIS STUPID BULLSHIT ABOUT THE LABOR RATES THAT CONTRACTOR IS USING? DON’T YOU KNOW THERE’S A NATIONAL EMERGENCY? JUST LIKE 9/11 OR PEARL HARBOR!!! WHY ARE YOU EVEN AT WORK?!? WE’RE ONLY 150 MILES FROM THE BORDER, YOU SHOULD BE HOME DUCT-TAPING ROLLS OF CONCERTINA WIRE TO THE TOP OF YOUR 6-FOOT PRIVACY FENCE!!!”
So what happens to those folks that own property on the border?
From my read of it, they’re mostly calling bullshit on a “crisis” of any kind.
If they bleed Maple syrup, they belong on your side, if they bleed meth, our side.
I really enjoy that the furthest west that the Western Conference of the NGL goes is Beaumont, Texas.
Happy alentine’s ay for those of you who won’t get any V or D tonight
And an extra-happy Valentine’s Day for those of you who get VD tonight!
As I walk across the college, I see the international students association doing a Valentine’s Day thing and the library doing a blind date (with a book). If you’re single, I’m thinking you could not only probably score, but you’d also score while over kicking your coverage by a mile.
#randomthoughts
Today is the 20-eleventh and a half anniversary of this piece of art. Guernica? You fourth-rate scribbled garbage-fuck you. This is art in the modern age #neverforget
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqhrPa_7LVA
/A few years ago I read a well-researched Hitler bio that was published back in the mid-60’s.
/I’ve recently tried to cut out all red meat and drilled down on raw veggies, fruits and boiled egg whites.
How are these connected?
I recall a passage whereby Adolf (a staunch vegetarian) was trying to coerce Germany’s Elite to his cause. Apparently after he had left one such function, an upper-crust gal waved her hand in front of her nose and stated, “Can these windows open any wider? The stench is terrific!”
Explosive flatulence is not a very useful super power.
This guy disagrees:
Wasn’t Hitler only a vegetarian because of some stomach illness later on in life?
From what I remember of the bio*, he adopted it in the early 1930’s but there was no reason given.
*not an iron-clad memory
I know he gave up most meats, d’you?