Your “It’s On Every Channel” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Crimebeat! Hall of Fame member Adam “Pacman” Jones was arrested on charges of public intoxication, disorderly conduct and intimidation early Wednesday morning at the Rising Sun Casino in Indiana.
Chuh chuh!
  • The Bears have made it official – they are releasing the Crown Prince of DOINK!, Cody Parkey.
    • Despite Robbie Gould, their preferred replacement, having been franchise tagged by the 49ers.
    • I look forward to Pete Carroll talking about what a good young man he is, and how he’ll be an asset to the team.
  • Not to be outdone, the Eagles announced they won’t be tagging Nick Foles, so he’ll be allowed to hit the open market.
    • So far, only Jacksonville is known to be interested – especially since Denver signed Joe Flacco.

Finally, no one seems to know exactly why the CFL forced the Alouettes to release Johnny Manziel, nor why they also took steps to ban him from the league.

  • All that’s being said is that he “contravened the agreement which made him eligible to play.”
    • When asked for clarification, the league commissioner Randy Ambroise offered a statement that,
      • “Those conditions have been violated and we feel it’s best, and Montreal feels its best, to let Johnny move on. And we think it’s best for our league that he do the same. And we wish him well.”
  • Although proffered, no one is suggesting he broke those rules in order to become eligible to play in the AAF or XFL.
    • Manziel was due a $75,000 bonus March 1 and scheduled to earn a $202,000 base salary in 2019.

Jesus – that Cohen hearing. Between Democrats furiously trying not to masturbate while asking questions,

to Republicans having rage strokes & forgetting the words on their scripts,

no wonder Trump finally went to Vietnam.

Days like this, you want the sweet release of a sporting event just to turn off all the noise for five fucking minutes. Oh hey, look –


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Oilers at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Lightning at Rangers – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Flames at Devils – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Canucks at Avs – 9:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Blackhawks at Ducks – 10:00PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Pistons at Spurs – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Pelicans at Lakers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Georgia Tech at Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma State at Texas Tech – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Marquette at Villanova – 9:00PM | FS1
    • Auburn at Georgia – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • Texas at Baylor – 9:00PM | ESPN2

Good luck with all that. Canada’s got it’s own problems. Never mind the politics, Justin – strengthen the dollar. I WANT TO VACATION IN AMERICA!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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yeah righttheeWeeBabySeamusRikki-Tikki-DeadlySenor WeaseloUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now I’m in Zurich. I feel like I should be pulling a diamond heist.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, I realize I appear to be traveling the wrong way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL I love that scene.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Greetings from the airport in Porto. I’ll be home in 18 hours or so, which is coincidentally the same amount of time between Robert Kraft’s handie appointments.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was funny.

Senor Weaselo

I did not need to know that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wakezilla

“Manziel was due a $75,000 bonus March 1 and scheduled to earn a $202,000 base salary in 2019.”

That much for Manziel? With that kind of spending on an unnecessary good, you’d think Quebec Premier François Legault was running the team.

theeWeeBabySeamus

CAD?

theeWeeBabySeamus

If you know who this girl is….?
THEN YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!

Wakezilla

I have no idea who that is, but she seems friendly. What’s her name?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lexi Belle.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She might have done some porn.
But she does like weed, so at least there’s that.

Wakezilla

She’s hot, likes to bang and chill out? Sounds like someone you could have a great time with before it gets way too intense and then ends horribly

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Holy shit. I just did a spit take.

From @NFLTotalAccess: The #Jaguars are the front-runner for Nick Foles, in part because the #[*Redacteds] seem confident that Colt McCoy can be their starter. pic.twitter.com/YrNpvSIbbU

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) February 28, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Wakezilla

What a hilarious, yet sad tweet

King Hippo

it really is a criminally run organization

Senor Weaselo

I’m impressed even Rapoport used Redacteds!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s very pretty.
And would probably stab me in the neck.

They all do.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yeah, but so would we.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tough but fair.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Shit, man, it’s worse than I thought. You’re listening to Switchfoot.

PUT ON SOME BOSTON AND RAWK.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Never mind. Go back to Swtichfoot.

I mean, I try. WAIT I TRY IS BY MACY GRAY DO THAT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh I love that one.
But I won’t. Here have this instead….

SonOfSpam

Sorry, but

Dude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

SonOfSpam

Wife picked up a sixer of Sculpin at Costco tonight. Viva life!

King Hippo

life is better when you can’t remember it

SonOfSpam

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT YOU HANDSOME MOTHERFUCKER

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

theeWeeBabySeamus

My sleep schedule is severely fucked up.
I just woke up.

SonOfSpam

Good morning starshine
The Earth says “Hello”

JerBear50
JerBear50

Hey man, everything good?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No. Nothing is good.
Sorry I haven’t answered your email yet.
Life is fucked.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Shit man, I’m sorry. I won’t pry, but reach out when you feel like talking brother.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, you’re all good. I really wanted to pass by your way while I was in FLA but things got so messed up.

I’ll email you in a few and explain.

JerBear50
JerBear50

No problem man. Whenever you feel like it.

SonOfSpam

Hey man. Smoke a j and let us know backstage or whatever if you need anything.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. I will have no access to a J until June when I’m in California again.
But my reservations are made. And you better not duck me this time.

SonOfSpam

I am there. Glad you are too. WE GON DRANK.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll warn you ahead of time…
I’m a hugger.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just ignore that thing against your leg.
It’s probably not my penis.

SonOfSpam

It’s cool, I got black friends.

Oh, “hugger” sorry…That’s cool, I’m a fingerblaster.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Naggers

Senor Weaselo

comment image

Don T

The subtitle suggests at least some nudity. Nope! 🤬
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Don T

The film, pretty good. Joe’s natural charm, otherworldly.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

There’s a great scene where a New York cop says they saw Namath stagger out of a Manhattan penthouse apartment building on a Sunday morning game day, at 7 AM, hammered, with two chicks holding him up and helping him into a town car. So the cop and his buddies went and placed big bets on whoever the Jets were playing that day. Namath won the game.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Since many crotches are now routinely depilated these days, isn’t the “beaver” term somewhat anachronistic anymore? It’s really a shame, working on waxed floors always makes me feel a bit like a pedophile. I like a sense of mystery down yonder, prefer a bush like a crow’s nest any day.
Joe Namath has been my hero ever since he delivered the SB III win he guaranteed back in ’69. I really hated the Colts and that buck toothed crew cut Unitas guy, even though he didn’t start that game.

King Hippo

Like they say, if they’s grass in the field…ewwwww, gross, SO OLD! – Marc T., Parts Unknown

SonOfSpam

I always thought the term beaver came from how women use their vaginas to tamp down mud which keeps logs in place to hold water back.

Do I have that wrong?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe that was in Olde English, like Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.

SonOfSpam

Yes, the tales were from the fishwife, the beaver, the semenboy, etc.

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACTS: My favourite local coffee shop is named Chanticleer

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Two goals in 6 minutes, and my boys are level with 25-ish to play.

/NAWT DED YET

King Hippo

Now 2-3 to the good, and I am reminded of the good part of compulsion.

#HAILGAMBLOR

King Hippo

2-4, must have been one hell of a team talk at halftime

King Hippo

4 goals in 20 minutes!

King Hippo

What is the most viscerally disturbing book y’all have read?

I will start the competition with The Death of Sweet Mister by Daniel Woodrell

/Woodrell also needs to be writing MOAR booky-books

Don T

“Something Happened”. Woof. It made American Psycho feel like consumerist whimsy.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Do you mean the Something Happened by Joseph Heller? I must have read that 30 years ago and if I recall correctly, I just thought it sucked.

Don T

Yep. I read it while recuperating from an ACL operation while hopped up on Percos.
I stand by it being disturbing (to me), though it sagged often.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Cormac McCarthy “The Road.” Disturbing, depressing, whatever.

King Hippo

that’s my runner-up

SonOfSpam

That’s right up there.

SonOfSpam

Childhood division: Old Yeller.

WHAT THE FUCK, FIFTH GRADE TEACHER???

King Hippo

yeah, that’s MOAR 2nd grade level wen u think about it

SonOfSpam

Well, most of the kids were in 2nd grade. I are slow.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I read The Shining when I was 19 (this was well before the movie so I had no preconceived images) and I was reading one part about being in the hedge maze yet the hedges were moving and shifting places (this is not in the movie). It sounds goofy but when I read this part on a sunny afternoon in Florida it scared the shit out of me. I was looking over my shoulder. It’s the way it is written; holy shit Stephen King knows how to press your buttons.

yeah right

I have read every mentioned book.

That’s either impressive or I seek out disturbing things.

yeah right

American Pastoral by Philip Roth.

Sharkbait

How the fuck was that not interference on the Tampa GWG?

Senor Weaselo

Shh, you don’t want the Ice Giants to get two points, one’s bad enough. #NotEnoughLosingforHughes

Sharkbait

Good point.

Sharkbait

Evening gentlemen.

Also, time to break this out again:
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Senor Weaselo

Apparently T-Pain was the Masked Singer winner.

King Hippo
Senor Weaselo

That would make them the Los Angeles Angels of Long Beach… of Anaheim.

blaxabbath

I believe that is the Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim at Long Beach.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Los Angeles Angels = “The The Angels Angels”

SonOfSpam

Not a chance for many reasons, but Arte wants leverage when negotiating with Anaheim.

Fans not living in Long Beach would have to leave about 3 hours ahead of game time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, getting to Long Beach from ANYWHERE is not easy. Everything funnels to the 710.

King Hippo

yeah, sounds like the Fightin’ Tomsulas playing in Santa Clara, but even stupider for 81 games as opposed to 8 (almost all on Sundays)

SonOfSpam

Also, the Doyers can block anything closer than Anaheim…although the LB coastal area might be a similar distance? Anyway, not sure the ground could handle a stadium anyway. “The Incredible Sinking Angels!”

King Hippo

This being hilarious on multiple levels. I would love a subterranean el beisbol pitch, and the Angels couldn’t compete with Los Doyers if (i) their stadium was also in Chavez Ravine; and (ii) admission was free.

Sharkbait

Granted I’ve only done the LA (Studio City) to Long Beach drive once, that seems like a hell of a drive for a three hour baseball game, seems excessive.

King Hippo

LD Alajuelense is fucking me over SO VERY HARD, y’all. It’s almost like betting on Costa Rican Lesser Footy is a bad idea or sommet.

/fuck you, YOU have a problem

litre_cola

I can’t say shit because I dropped money on 2nd division Argentinian footy.

SonOfSpam

Wife is going to Costa Rica (business – she imports cocaine and various other illegal stuff like monkeys and whatnot) next month, so I’ll have her scout some games.

King Hippo

Much appreciate! Also a cocaine-serving monkey butler makes a GREAT Xmas gift…

SonOfSpam

Pray. For. Mojo.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Cohen claimed in his testimony that trump never wanted to win and called his candidacy the biggest infomercial of all time. I guess we know what happened to [redacted] Bimmons.

Duchess

Cohen: I have talked with Trump numerous times and have known him for over 10 yrs. He didn’t want to win

Rep House Member: I don’t believe you, we talked on the phone a couple of times and he told me he knew he was going to win!

herodotus450
herodotus450

“And he said he wasn’t lying, so you know he was telling the truth.”

King Hippo

AOC’s direct, strong cross examination makes me think we should elect MOAR bartenders to Congress. And surely Sam Malone would have been a better Presidential candidate than Dukakis or Kerry.

litre_cola

Vote for Litre!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Uh sir? The polls are in and if we want to have a chance it looks like we’re gonna have to change it to Quart_Cola, or at the very least Liter_Cola.

King Hippo

His first proposed piece of legislation will be adding the superfluous “u” eh?

SonOfSpam

Supeurfluous?

herodotus450
herodotus450

“There’s no “u” in me but can I put a me in you? ”
/We’d only need $130,000 x 350 million for the hush payments

Duchess

Bush Sr did choose Woody as his VP

SonOfSpam

I feel like Woody coulda spelled potato.

Duchess

And wouldn’t of picked a fight with a fictional character like Murphy Brown

SonOfSpam

Christ on a cracker. GOP Veeps went from Idiot to Evil to Closet-Case Traitor.

Next one’s gonna be Ted Nugent.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

There’s not gonna be another VP, because there isn’t gonna be another presidential election after martial law is declared following Dear Leader’s return from Hanoi. “Got some good pointers from my buddy Kim.”

Col. Duke LaCross

May as well toss a pedophile in there too.

SonOfSpam

No need to vacation in the US, Beerguyrob. Just visit one of the fine three or four vacation spots in Canadia.

There’s Vancouver, which is pleasant, or Lake Louise, which is pleasant, or Toronto, which is pleasant…

SonOfSpam

(sorry, that was unnecessary,,,been cranky ever since we elected a simp)

litre_cola

Come visit Wakezilla and I! Just don’t do it right now, it is cold and shitty.

SonOfSpam

I was in V-Cou (that’s what cool kids say, right?) about 2.5 years ago. Where the hell were you?

litre_cola

We are 2 hours from Lake Louise! aka Calgary.

SonOfSpam

Ah, ok. I can never visit Alberta because of her appearance in that one movie where the kid fucks his mother. It was called Spanking The Monkey. I guess what I’m saying is I watched a movie that was supposed to be “quirky indie” and the teenage boy ends up fucking his mother and she’s played by Alberta Watson so

I guess I just wanted to get that out of my system. Sorry.

ballsofsteelandfury

HE got it out of his system!

And by it, I mean sperm.

King Hippo

Montreal, however, is just dirty and unpleasant. Drive fast through there on the only road.

SonOfSpam

But they have gamboling so that’s good.

Game Time Decision

One cannot speed on Montreal roads as the potholes will destroy ones vehicle at high rate of travel

Game Time Decision

Toronto is not pleasant
/ lives just outside of it

King Hippo

But the Kids in the Hall presented it so well. Did something happen to the Toronto Kid?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

He morphed into Rob Ford.

SonOfSpam

Anyplace that gave the world Geddy must be kinda pleasant.

SonOfSpam

Can’t say “cheat cheat” without saying “chuh chuh”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Every tim I still get a little excited when I see Pierre Magquire described as “in the glass.” Then I realize it’s just a metaphor type thing and he’s not actually subsumed by molten hot liquid sand, and I lose a little more of what’s left of me.

WCS

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Johnny Football broke an unstated rule that was written in French.

blaxabbath

Surrender all?

SonOfSpam

Ne fais pas la douche.

SonOfSpam

Ok, I wanted that to be “Do not be a douche” in French, but because “douche” is already a French word, it translates to “Do not shower.”

I am a fucking moron.

Senor Weaselo

It’s French, so both work!

scotchnaut

The Netflix wants me watch The Bojack Horseman so, so bad.

Are revenue dollars attached to that suggestion? How could we possibly know?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Gets recommended to me all the time too but I just figured that’s cause they have access to my porn search history.

Duchess

Do you feel like watching odd cartoons about a manic depressive horse with a bunch of filler awkward humor based episodes? Then GIVE BOJACK A SHOT!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Depends how big the “filler” is if you know what I mean.

King Hippo

It’s hilarious, especially if one likes marinating in one’s own crippling depression.

scotchnaut

/my on-going New Year’s Resolution goals

Books read: 10

Weight Lost: 8lbs.

Yoga?-“I’ll do another session tomorrow, I promise!”

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice progress!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oh look, the Lightning are playing their AHL team.

Duchess

Also… HardBall is so much better without Chris Matthews

Duchess

Wait were we not supposed to be masturbating while AOC was talking? fuck guys I know I have been away a whole but come on drop a guy a memo in the email or tweets!