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Your Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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I was lurking in the DFO Slack chats the other day, as one does when home sick, when a discussion broke out about when one’s own child hears parents arguing. What do you say to someone so precious to the both of you in the heat of a moment when you almost want to kill the other person? Pithy missives were passed back & forth, with much snickering, when SonOfSpam dropped the banner pic nugget into the conversation and mic dropped the whole discussion.

I was bored, so I thought, ‘Y’know – adding a picture would really up the humour’, as if I’m a comedy writer or something. (Ron Howard voice: “he is not.”) After about 20 minutes, I was quite happy with the result.

So it got me to thinking – how would some of the banner quotes look when supplied equally suitable stock photos as backdrops? So I went through last week’s voting results and added some images to the daily winners.

Day 1:

Day 3:

Day 5:

Okay, I may have gone too far.

Tonight’s sports:

  • AAF:
    • San Antonio at Arizona – 8:00PM | NFLN
  • NHL:
    • Jets at Capitals – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Bruins at Penguins – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Vegas at Calgary – 9:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Kings at Ducks – 10:00PM | NBCSN
  • MLS:
    • Los Angeles FC vs. Portland Timbers – 7:30PM | FS1
  • NCAA:
    • Women’s Championship Tournaments:
      • Big Ten Women’s Basketball Tournament – 6:00PM | ESPN2
      • Pac-12 Women’s Basketball Tournament – 8:00PM | ESPN2

Don’t forget – free agency unofficially starts Monday, when agents can contact players to discuss terms. WHO WILL SIGN CODY PARKEY?!

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Brick Meathook

Here’s a P&W J-58 engine, used in the SR-71 Blackbird.
In the rear is the Hughes H-1 Hercules.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The girl formerly known as tWLS and I are over.
For good now it seems, I’m sad to say.

Meh, if after 3.5 weeks she won’t commit enough to even tell me she wants to at least TRY to fix it (knowing we might not, admittedly) then I can’t stick.

Later tater.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

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Wakezilla

Someone is going to have nightmares about not scoring tonight

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Senor Weaselo

That last one’s definitely getting us on watch lists, I assume?

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blaxabbath

I can’t believe AB cost only a couple fives. I feel like Oakland got a steal.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Wife and I are taking blaxito to LA the weekend of the 22rd. I expect she will land us some qualify seafood.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Woo!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You know when life has caught up with you? It’s when your mom is living with you and she asks you to make a book order for your brother, who is serving double life for murder, and you do it. While simultaneously arguing with the girl who you thought was your future happiness, by text message.

Yes, I swear to God this was my evening tonight. I am not lying and I am not exaggerating.

Time to either load the pistol or move to California for legal weed.

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Redshirt

I’ll pray for you, tWBS.

If you believe in God, He wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle.
If you don’t believe, consider faking your death and move to CA for the weed.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

God never gives you anything you can’t handle.
Until he does.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

All those people can handle bullets to the head.

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SonOfSpam

Don’t bury the lede…what was the book?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Books….plural.
My brother ruined my entire family, yet I still have to buy him books every month.

Tried to kill him in prison about two years ago.

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blaxabbath

Like — you tried to kill him in prison?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, had my hands around his throat during a visit.

Still can’t believe they didn’t charge me.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

They didn’t rough me up either, which was nice.
Just pulled me off of him.

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FelonySqwrrl

For what it’s worth, he probably gets that a lot.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish someone would go ahead and finish the job then.

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Redshirt

Here’s an idea. Ignore him. Cut the tie. If he’s doing nothing to help your family or nothing to help himself and dragging the family down, consider him dead to you. Not literally, of course.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh trust me, he’s dead to me.

I do this for my mother, not him.

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Mr. Ayo

I don’t believe in matricide, so I advise the California route.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The pistol is for me.

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Mr. Ayo

I mean, duh. Your mom wouldn’t know what to do with it.

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blaxabbath

Going going back back to Cali Cali….

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rockingdog

lets dance!
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Redshirt

I can’t dance. The judge was very specific in his ruling.

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Mr. Ayo

We don’t tolerate Ryan Shazier shaming here sir.

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herodotus450

Lightning have a +85 goal differential after 69 games. The most of any other team in either direction is -57.

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yeah right

I’m going to write the untold Dr. Seuss book “OH The Dishes You Will Wash.”

My editor gave me an advance on it.

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Redshirt

(watching “Hacksaw Ridge”)

Andrew Garfield: “What do you want from me?”
(bomb explodes)
Jesus: “Go away from the explosions.”
Andrew Garfield: “I can’t hear You.”
(bomb explodes)
Jesus: “Go away from the explosions!”
(cries of “Medic!” from the explosions)
Andrew Garfield: “I understand.”
(stands heroically; starts to run into the explosions)
Jesus: “No, away! AWAY! Ah, I’ll tell you when we meet in a few minutes.”

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Fronkenshteen

Not a big Glen Campbell fan, but god DAMN this is beautiful. The guitar solo is fantastic!
https://youtu.be/ETkzK9pXMio

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Brick Meathook

Glen Campbell was a member of “The Wrecking Crew” before his solo career

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like Christian Hackenberg, you haven’t gone far enough

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Unsurprised

o7

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yeah right

Just had one of those moments.

I’m cooking what will be Sunday Gravy in…

/checks calendar.

Two weeks!

I sat down to eat and actually said “FUCK OFF!” Then I went outside to see if any of my neighbors were walking their dogs or something because I really wanted to share.

The bros will get fed later this evening, don’t worry.

Goddamn! I said “GODDAMN!”

No hints but this one.
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Fronkenshteen

ALFREDO IS NIGH!!!!

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yeah right

SOMEONE has been paying attention in class!

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blaxabbath

I’m a new dad, I ain’t talking on such an ordeal. That said, I think i’d like to try buying some fresh pasta to see how much better a meal would be with it.

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yeah right

Try a semolina pasta first. Simple in ingredients a challenge with the kneading but the final product is toothsome, hearty and when you get it right is very, very satisfying.

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rockingdog

found a funny:

me drinking piss coffee: who gives a shit. it’s coffee. i don’t give any shits so long as i’m caffeinated

me drinking french pressed coffee: (distant gaze) san francisco, 1972. an unusually clear spring day and there’s an undeniable electricity in the air.

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blaxabbath

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Senor Weaselo

They made a Ted Cruz biopic?

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rockingdog

suns are hanging around….not good….

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SonOfSpam

Evening folks. Just finished reading the Tucker Carlson quotes. He is not DFO material.

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litre_cola

DFO, only if you are of age and even then perhaps a bit older.

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ballsofsteelandfury

We prefer them older. And single moms.

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SonOfSpam

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ballsofsteelandfury

It would not surprise you one bit that I owned that tshirt, right?

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SonOfSpam

Awesome. Very glad to hear that!

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litre_cola

I believe that.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, is that quote from the perspective of the pole? Like, the pole is pointing out that its job is to support the weight of single moms who work as pole dancers?

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Gratliff

It works in many ways. That’s what makes it art.

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ballsofsteelandfury

The unknown beauty of the single mom is that she has another human being to take out her frustrations on and to blame for stuff. If you handle it right, you’re always the good guy and reap the benefits.

And if you can make it so the relationship with son/ daughter is fixed, oooh the appreciation you’ll get!

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SonOfSpam

This seems like the topic paragraph of a Masters thesis.

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Redshirt

Damn, Hacksaw Ridge is a good movie. It was on in the background. Now I’m pulled in.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That movie wasn’t about what I thought it was.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Jared McCann taking a break from spring training with the Yanquis to score a goal for the bad good bad relatively good guys against the Brouins.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

Well, I fell asleep in the seat. That means I have to leave the rugby. Those are the rules.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

It’s a league game, Smokey.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

2016: Too many Republicans run for President, diluting the electorate so the majority is the extreme end of the party, dooming the party to go American Nazi.

Please don’t tell me your party is doing the same thing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Yeah, that’s what I thought when I saw back-to-back-to-back townhalls on CNN in March of 2019.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Facing the wrong way…

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Gratliff

Unless Steve King is suddenly announcing himself for the Democratic primary, you’re gonna have trouble convincing me this comparison is being made in good faith.

2
Redshirt

Well the first part at least. I’m just being the Voice of Caution. No one thought my side thought Trump would even win a primary, and now my party is sucking at Trump’s teat.

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Gratliff

We’re only gonna get two kinds of wacky in the Dem primary, and that’s whatever very bad shit Joe Biden’s brain forgets to filter out before he says it and idiotic capitalism robots like Schultz who put making billionaires a protected class in his platform. Harris and Warren are probably the front-runners. Harris’ justice credentials are gonna be more palatable to the centrist types, while Warren is gonna end up endorsed by Sanders before long and end up the more leftist option. It’ll be interesting to see where the party truly stands from that point forward. That being said, whoever wins from the Dem side, there won’t be anything near as terrifying as the rise of white nationalist groups that we’ve seen the past 2 years. Conservative media likes to act as though a Bernie win would be immediately followed by a guillotine rolling up to Wall Street. It equates moving tax rates to more traditional levels and expanding social services with the rise of hate groups and systematic dismantling of everyone that isn’t wealthy that we’ve witnessed the past 2 years.

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Redshirt

If you get a Moderate Democrat that Independents and Moderate Republicans like me who can stomach vote for, the path to the White house is all but clear.

If you get a Left Democrat that will keep Moderate Republicans like me home on Election Day, you can still win, but it will not be easy. I’ll still probably vote, but you won’t get a lot of people like me.

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ballsofsteelandfury

As an Independent, nobody in the Democratic field so far appeals to me. Harris is from California and I’m familiar with her policies and I’m still not impressed.

I honestly think we’re in for another four years of The Cheeto unless he can be arrested and barred from running.

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Fronkenshteen

Moar liek
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Once the floodgates are opened by legalizing gay marriage, I’m going to marry a mango. Maybe all mangoes, then they’ll all be mine, no one else will be able to eat them!
/Or fuck them.

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Gratliff

…did they not already legalize it?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, mangoes are still against the law, except for mango ice cream.

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litre_cola

Depends on the age.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mango yogurt.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the honeymoon.

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Redshirt

This is what happens when you let the courts fix society. “Make it a Constitutional Amendment,” I said. But NOOOOOOOO! I was just being an insensitive Alpha White Christian Male!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

And then you feel shame…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peAqMbF_u3w

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Gratliff

Rey Mysterio is way too fucking good at 44. He definitely has his mail sent to Peyton Manning’s wife.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry; that was TOO sexy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

What do you expect to happen when you spray the canned fart?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So was that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeremy Roenicke likes this plus 1

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blaxabbath

What’s the rule on hockey hits? Like, as long as it’s face to face, is it all good?

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WCS

Gonna be real interesting to see how Antonio Brown reacts when Gruden switches him to punter.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brown?

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blaxabbath

Obama is a Kenyan Muslim.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and a nazi socialist who is a commie.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not saying he has fleas, but I’ve heard he has fleas.

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blaxabbath

AAF is on NFLN?
I don’t know if that’s good for the AAF or not.

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WCS

Pens up on BAWSTAHN, 2-0.

LET’S DO THAT HOCKEY

1
rockingdog

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Wakezilla

-We’re going to adjust the time to give you an extra hour of sunshine.
– that’s good!
– but that means losing an hour of sleep.
– that’s bad.
– but your phone will do the change automatically so you don’t have to worry about fiddling with it.
– that’s good!
– but the phone contains potassium benzoate.
– ….
– that’s bad.

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WCS

Can I go home now?

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Redshirt

When I’m elected Dictator for Life, I’m going to keep Daylight Savings Time, but when it ends in the fall, instead of turning the clocks back overnight, it will occur during the day, in between 12:59:59 PM and 1:00:00 PM, we will have a 13th hour, where between 13:00:00 PM and 13:59:59 PM we will have a festival worldwide.

For military and those who follow a 24-hour system of time, the celebration will occur at night at 25:00:00.

0
Redshirt

RE: Ties in the Bestest Comment Tourney: Local paper may have proposed a way to deal with ties.

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/entertainment/2019/03/09/cincinnatis-favorite-beer-round-2-results-reveal-elite-9-beers/3107424002/

1
litre_cola

Oooh 3-way.

1
Redshirt

Thank Beerguyrob, everyone. If we weren’t on a FBI watchlist now, Day 5’s picture may have done it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That would put him with the other 43%.

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Gratliff

lol none of these motherfuckers end up having any redeeming qualities
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Redshirt

My philosophy: If you’re love for each other can’t wait until they’re 18 years of age, its not love they’re looking for.

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Unsurprised

Given how most adults aren’t mature for their age, bullshit about some teen being mature for theirs rings a little hollow.

0
WCS

Is the Love Sponge one of those things Elaine hoarded?

6
Redshirt

I think its what I hide in my closet when I’m finished taming my dragon. How it evolved into a misogynistic talk show host, I don’t know.

2
Redshirt

So FC Cincinnati scores a late goal to tie up the game, the game ends tied with no extra period of play after the regularly scheduled 90 minutes…and that’s considered a good result by FC Cincy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWRI1100NUg

2
litre_cola

That is a superb result for you. I think Atlanta won the whole thing last year so pretty damn good for a 1st year team.

1
rockingdog

Kind of interested in Jerome Powell on 60 minutes tonight.
I remember watching that Ben Bernanke interview when I was at school.

0
Gratliff

Hearing reports that Tucker Carlson has some opinions on age of consent laws. I didn’t even know he was libertarian.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Really? I actually would have assumed he was libertarian from the bow tie alone.

1
Gratliff

It always seemed odd to me that the road to libertarianism runs through a 15 year old girl.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, you’re thinking of the road to Republicanism, and it’s a fifteen year-old girl running *over* a high school classmate, right Laura Bush?

5
Redshirt

Please, you need to get over this hurtful joke. Do the mature thing and Just go over the bridge, crash into a pond inlet, and leave the scene with your passenger’s newly drowned body trapped in the car.

5
Gratliff

Wild LION OF THE SENATE appeared!

3
litre_cola

Watching a doco on SLC drug abuse and gangs. What the LDS church don’t know, don’t hurt em. True ostrich type shit.

3
Col. Duke LaCross

Yuuuuuuup. One of the highest opiate abuse rates in the country. Last fall we finally voted for a weak-ass medicinal cannabis law by citizen referendum that the fuckfaces in the state legislature just pretty much torpedoed because evidently democracy=bad.

I don’t know why I still live here.

3
litre_cola

It is beautiful, close to cheap(ish) skiing and Wasatch Brewing’s Polygamy Porter.

1
Col. Duke LaCross

Golf is cheap too.

0
herodotus450

Panthers up 6-1 on the Red Wings in the third, that’s approximately one goal for each fan in attendance.

1
Gratliff

Voracek gets two games. Just so we’re all clear on the standards here: Slashing wildly at an opponents head on your like 40th incident = 1 game. Throwing for a reverse hit when your’e about to get hit from behind with no prior history = 2 games.

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Beerguyrob

So, not the full Hextall.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Never too far.

Also, I really hope Spam’s banner goes viral.

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