Your “It’s All Garbage” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Free agency updates:
    • late-Monday:  
    • Tuesday: (up to 6:00PM ET)
      • CJ Mosley to the Jets for $85 million ($51 million guaranteed) over 5 years.
      • Sheldon Richardson to the Browns for three years & $36 million.
      • Three players to the Packers:
        • Za’Darius Smith – 4 years/$66 million
        • Adrian Amos – 4 years/$37 million
        • Preston Smith – 4 years/$52 million
      • Latavius Murray to the Saints – 4 years/$14.5 million  
      • John Brown and Cole Beasley to the Bills.
        • Brown – 3 years/$27 million
        • Beasley – four years/$29 million
      • James Carpenter & Jamon Brown to the Falcons.
        • Carpenter – 4 years/$$$ undisclosed before I posted
        • Brown – 3 years/$$$ undisclosed before I posted
  • Non-free agency news:
    • The Patriots placed a $2 million tender on Josh Gordon.
    • Teddy Bridgewater is staying with the Saints.
    • Ryan Shazier will remain on the Steelers payroll, with his contract “tolled” so he can go on the PUP list & gain a pension year & keep his team medical benefits.

**Ahem**

I’m sure we’ve all heard about the college cheating scandal announced today – “Operation Varsity Blues” –

with the highlight being that Aunt Becky rigged entrance exams so she could get her kid into USC.

Deadspin has all of the gory details, because – Deadspin.

As an educator, the part of this scandal that really gets me going is how the parents got their kids special-needs designation so they could get extra time on the tests.

Or, put another way…

A large part of what I have to deal with on a daily basis are kids whose parents have gotten them designations because the kids aren’t performing the way the parents expected them to. Maybe it has to do with “kids these days”, parents not actually being parents but more a “best friend”, or rises in autism designations as we learn more about the condition, but only one of those three is legitimate versus the other two. But when parents go get their kid labeled so they can get extra services (test time; special aides; exemptions) simply to get their kid an advantage, they weaken the construct of a system designed to help the legitimately needy within public education.

Most of the kids I get have been designated at one point, and experience has shown me that about half of those are utter bullshit, because the kid was more difficult than the parents could handle (because teenagers are the worst). So the parents paid a diagnostic clinic to assess their child, and LO & BEHOLD what was a simple pain-in-the-ass is now “learning disabled”.

We all know the type.

By the time they get to me, they’ve been so coddled that they actually are learning-impaired, because no one has shown them how to do work & instead done the work for them. One of my students is almost 19, and I don’t think he knows how to read – yet he’s just four courses short of graduating. And I get to be the asshole that keeps him from doing so, because I refuse to shove the kid out the door. Plus, helping a kid who’s clearly more interested in doing social media while here like that takes away from my ability to help students who have actual learning disabilities, because the 30 minutes I’d like to spend with that kid has to be split 15/15 with the other one.

I’ve got all the time in the world for the kids who need my help. It’s a shame I have to waste some of that time on kids whose parents need a good punch in the mouth.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Capitals at Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Predators at Ducks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Mavericks – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Lakers at Bulls – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Timberwolves at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Horizon League Basketball Tournament:
      • The championship – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • ACC Basketball Tournament:
      • Boston College vs. Pittsburgh – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Northeast Basketball Tournament:
      • Fairleigh Dickinson at St. Francis (Pa.) – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Big East Women’s Basketball Tournament:
      • The championship – 8:00PM | FS1
    • Summit League Basketball Tournament:
      • The championship – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • West Coast Basketball Tournament:
      • The championship – 9:00PM | ESPN
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • Will we learn why Shane McMahon turned on the Miz?! Shirley?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Overcompensating for the trip to the vet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s going to be me in an hour except instead of tennis balls it will be macaroni and cheese.

SonOfSpam

“Mom, little Bailey just gave me a career idea!”

– teenage Asa Akira

Spur
Spur

Derrick White is the new Sean Elliot. Dude is killer.

SonOfSpam

Aw, a little boy who loves ballet dancing? Adorbs!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Be sure to follow my Taco Adventure™ as soon as the moderators approve it! (lots of pictures)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The actors named above in this scandal can either serve jail time or work their sentences off doing a community service, such as free MILF porn for the homeless.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Even though I’ve enjoyed the Kraft-handie scandal it has it’s low points. I regularly order Chinese take-out food from one place. When ordering the food it was not busy so the hostess said in her thick accent “Mr. Moose, you come now.” At that moment naked Kraft fought his way into my mind.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Who flies to Florida for just a handy-j?

blaxabbath

Spring Break Tebow

Spur
Spur

Young teenage girls (or even younger girls). The owner had something special everyone traveled in for.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He couldn’t get that in Boston or New York?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Brick Meathook Presents Taco Tuesday Starring Brick Meathook™

Last night if you’ll recall, I set out to make tacos entirely from an animated gif. Here it is to refresh your memory:
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I had no idea where the gif was from; everything I did was gleaned solely from watching it. I don’t know what was used in the gif, but I used an Instant Pot. I looked up that flank steak took 12 minutes in an Instant Pot so that’s what I did. Here goes:

I forgot to buy an onion, but I had a diced sweet onion in the fridge so I used that. The Instant Pot is on “sauté” right now:
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Here’s sliced red, green, and yellow peppers:
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1.5 lbs of flank steak. I did absolutely nothing to it:
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“Old El Paso” taco seasoning from a packet:
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Lime juice, garlic, and diced tomatoes:
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The Instant Pot is closed and set to go. 12 minutes at high pressure:
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DING! Vented and opened:
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The flank steak looks OK:
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I had uncooked soft tortillas that I heated on a griddle:
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And here is the fill. I had to drain it a bit but that was OK:
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And then a secret that I had never done before. Earlier I made Tzatziki sauce, which I’d never done before or ever had before on a taco. I just felt like it; sort of a taco/gyro. It’s just greek yogurt, diced cucumber, dill, garlic, and lemon juice, all pureed together. It came out perfect. I applied it to my taco, as never before:
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And HOT DAMN! This is the greatest taco I’ve ever had anywhere in the whole universe!

ballsofsteelandfury

Nicely done!!

SonOfSpam

That looks really good. Wish I had a horrible pedo joke or something, but naw, that just looks really good.

ballsofsteelandfury

Perhaps a fine, “The last time I put tzatiki on a taco, my wife made me sleep on the sofa” ?

SonOfSpam

That’ll do, Balls. That’ll do.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I thought of the tzatziki as more of a “Peter North finish” but then again I was actually eating those tacos, so I didn’t go there. Nor should you.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

GOD DAMN that looks amazing, yeah right-hook.

yeah right

I would be hard pressed to compact Sunday Gravy into GIF mode. It would end up being longer than the Lord of The Rings Trilogy.

With fewer Orcs.

Post this magic!

Don T

Bravo.

Spur
Spur

If you’re not watching Corporate on Comedy Central, DVR it. Give it a try.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not big on fat jokes…….. wait a minute….. anyway; the banner is still perfect.

Spur
Spur

Dallas Secondary to Beckhamcomment image

Sharkbait

Brother and law and Mrs. Sharkbait are pissed about the OBJ trade. Me?
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SonOfSpam

Your brother-in-law is kinda hot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“So, whaddaya think?”

– Marketing guy pitching EXXXTreme Goatse

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Spur
Spur

Is there going to be a NCAA BB bracket for DFO?

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Spur
Spur

Are the strip clubs in Cleveland decent? Asking for a friend.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Is anything in Cleveland decent?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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At least they are cheap.

blaxabbath

Jiggly Fuckin’ Knockers!

King Hippo

Adam Goddamned Humphries got 4/$36M??

I know we talked about white male privilege already but COME THE FUCK ON…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I’m exactly “laughed aloud at this” drunk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

JESUS; go to water!

SonOfSpam

Nope, this is gonna be a full-on Regretful Tuesday Adventure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are laughing at my stuff blackout is immanent.

*May no be racist.

rockingdog
rockingdog

better funny:

BREAKING: Prosecutors allege that Rodney Dangerfield committed fraud to enroll in college at age 65

Spur
Spur

Why are the Mavs playing Luka ? He can only get hurt. Cuban is playing with fire.

SonOfSpam

He’ll definitely get hurt if Cuban sends him to the second floor.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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rockingdog
rockingdog

cue the music!

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
[date]

HER: I absolutely love Star Wars

ME: Oh me too

HER: What’s your favorite part?

ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war

Spur
Spur

Saquon’s legs are going to fall off by week 4.

King Hippo

Tebow saw 9 in the box, Saquon will maybe see 10.

Not that Tebow is comfortable with any association with box.

SonOfSpam

“Guys, let’s do the 4-3 Coathanger”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’ll be the 5-4 Coathanger soon enough.

King Hippo

man, you ON FIRE tonite!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Funny. I didn’t think I was a black Chavista in Venezuela.

(Our allies in that country are … not good, folks.)

King Hippo

Somebody was talking about how fucked up the Middle East is and Venezuela was all liek hold our beer!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Same bad guys at the end of both, though.

King Hippo

John Bolton masturbates over you while you sleep ,, ppl forget that

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Understandable. My boobs are probably nicer than his wife’s.

litre_cola

I am sure he has done a female circumcision too.

blaxabbath

So it’s official — blax fam is moving to Vegas next year.

I’m getting Raiders tix.

Sharkbait

I get out there for NAB every other April. I’ll be reaching out.

SonOfSpam

Somehow the M L and A disappeared.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wooo! Hopefully that’s a good thing!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Leaving Arizona is never a bad thing.

SonOfSpam

Blax moving to Vegas? So…North Las Vegas then.

blaxabbath

Yeah — I need to research housing….

SonOfSpam

I have no idea about that except Strip hotels are slightly less bedbuggy than Downtown. MAYBE.

Spur
Spur

look me up.

Move to Henderson or the Southwest valley. if you’re buying a house, invest in the solar panels. Do not buy a 2 story house.

You will forget to replace your windshield wipers until you need them. try to replace them every 10
months. Replace your car battery every 3 years. The Sun will eat both.

Lee’s Discount is the best place for liquor and the weed is legal.

blaxabbath

I will be working in Henderson so that is kind of a driving factor bc I don’t care for a long commune.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you need friends there? A couple that I was friends with in South Africa just moved there. They have a kid not too different in age from yours, too.

blaxabbath

Zero years old?

Also yes.

Spur
Spur

Great news from this afternoon, Beckman is now an employee of the Factory of Sadness. If the Giants sign Eli for 2 more years I’ll piss myself.

/fires pistols in the air.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is my favorite take so far.

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Beek is a good guy.

SonOfSpam

Oh that is just fucking great.

blaxabbath

I don’t get it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Beek was in Varsity Blues. This was his signature line from the movie.

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blaxabbath

Crap.

Next time I’ll pay attention to the author of the tweet.

ballsofsteelandfury

I DON’T WANT… YOUR LIFE!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I am in a (lately) rare, great mood. Let’s see how long it lasts!

Gratliff

My son recently had his iep classification changed to ASD. He’s been in sped programs since he was 2, starting as SI, then OHI, then EI, and finally ASD as he got older and the social impairments became more prominent. The stress and costs and time investments involved are staggering. As a parent with such a child and also a school employee, I can’t help but identify kids that are either falling through the cracks by not getting the services they need or being outright failed, usually by parents too ignorant, indifferent, or lazy to do everything they can to help their child. The idea of a parent intentionally having their child labeled to make life easier/more palatable is several levels beyond enraging to me.

King Hippo

they deserve to be dipped in honey and left hogtied for the fire ants

SonOfSpam

See, this is the thing. Narcissistic assholes like this don’t care that what they do has real fucking consequences for real fucking people (assuming you’re a fucking person). It’s kinda like when rich assholes (sensing a theme here) dodged the draft. It’s not about whether you can get away with that, it’s about some other kid dying in your place. If I had been old enough, I would’ve fucking LOVED to dodge the draft. War is stupid and pointless (Nazi-killing excepted). But could you imagine the fucking eternal guilt involved with running away only so some other poor bastard dies instead?

Come to think of it, no, I guess narcissistic sociopaths CAN’T imagine that, so there’s the rub. (Why the fuck is Robert Kraft walking over here?)

herodotus450
herodotus450

Much as I love to hate the Canadiouln hockey teams, most of the non-Ottawa ones do have “good” fanbases, at least judging by how well they attend home games.

LemonJello
LemonJello

They have to go in order to get their ration coupons for poutine, Molsons, syrup and back-bacon.

litre_cola

We. Have. Nothing. Else. To. Do. In. The. Winter.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Ya got sheep, dontcha?

SonOfSpam

Um, um….Things A Scotsman Would Say To Cheer Up His Divorced Friend!

litre_cola

My fam left sheepshagging country many moons ago.

King Hippo

#UppityLitres

scotchnaut
Senor Weaselo

Rappoccio is not doing great from the looks of it.

scotchnaut

I’d love to play golf with Giants GM Dave Gettleman, what with his 23 million handicap.*

*Eli

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

https://entertainment.theonion.com/usc-insists-lori-loughlin-s-daughter-was-admitted-solel-1833246244

the 19-year-old Bel Air native demonstrated that she was Trojan material by listing an elite all-girls private school with a nearly $40,000-per-year tuition on her Common Application. “Since our founding in 1880, applicants have been assessed purely on strength of social class, and Olivia’s name jumped right off the page. From extracurriculars that are exclusive to the top 1 percent, to college prep classes exclusive to the top 1 percent, to recommendation letters from other members of the top 1 percent, Olivia gained entrance to USC on her economic merit and her economic merit alone.”

These people never stop. They’re the ones who weasel their way into handicap placards, fake support animal vests and papers, and basically go through life grifting the system because they can. There have always been shitty people like this, but it’s just easier to get away with shit now. Meanwhile, people who need help and these resources keep getting shit on. I read the most infuriating tweet a couple weeks ago because a family was denied service because an autistic kid had a service dog and they wouldn’t allow it because people’s fake service dogs have barked and bit at people. And it was illegal, but so the fuck what. What mattered is that it destroyed this kid who was already fragile by being told he and his dog were bad because assholes have abused the process and so now it’s ruined for everyone and the people who need service dogs or other services/resources. And I’m not being controversial when I say the offenders are exactly who you think they are, the exact people every fucking time – entitled and spoiled upper-middle and upper-class white people, usually women, because no one has ever fucking told them “No” their entire worthless lives and they demand everything and everyone bow down to them every fucking second of every fucking day every fucking place. And, of course, they’re also the same people who turn around and are the first to complain about affirmative action or diversity or anything that offends and annoys them because, again, they are used to being told yes and think they are God’s gift to the universe even though they have earned nothing and contribute nothing.

King Hippo

I am an upper middle class white person.

This assessment is SPOT. FUCKING. ON.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Earning your way into that club makes feeling like belonging there is bad but also that there’s no way in Hell we’re going back.

King Hippo

chuh chuh

/my mom and her sister were the first folks on that side of my family to attend college

SonOfSpam

Obligatory:
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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I told you I’m never going back.

Redshirt

+1
+Rhodes
+BLEERGH
+Ape

nomonkeyfun

I’ve met the support peacock lady. She is exactly as annoying as you would think. I met her before the airport incident, but didn’t find out she was the one until a couple of months after.

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL

Wakezilla

Speaking of education, here’s a “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Educational policy that the University of Calgary enforces.

Due to the recession, more people are applying to become high school teachers. As a result, U of C only looks at an applicant’s GPA, not teaching/volunteering experience. Which totally makes sense because a person who is really smart totally knows how to effectively communicate a message to make others understand the message, he says sarcastically.

Since it is hyper competitive, they are only looking at students with AT LEAST a 3.9 GPA to teach the social sciences. So, even though I have a 3.6 GPA, with a Master’s degree, have taught post secondary education for 3 years and taught high school courses at an educational centre for 2 years where I won teaching awards, I would not be considered for the teaching program at U of C because my GPA isn’t good enough. Meanwhile, someone with a 4.0 GPA who has never stepped foot in a classroom setting and isn’t sure they want to teach would get in.

/Drinks bleach

Redshirt

A 3.9?! They really think a person with a 3.9 would be a teacher?!

King Hippo

the U*NC School of Law almost didn’t let me in, with my 3.56 GPA in Environmental Engineering (which was good for 2nd in my graduating class, a distant 2nd but SILVER MEDAL WOO). Quite a bit harder to get than a 3.9 in underwater basket weaving. But they made no allowance for that, of course.

Good thing I was able to game theory the LSAT pretty decently.

SonOfSpam

I figured Environmental Engineering wouldn’t be that popular in North Carolina, but it still seems like there would’ve been more than two people in your graduating class.

King Hippo

it was the only engineering major with girls FFS!

SonOfSpam

Now THAT I believe.

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT! I was the only guy in my project group, which was otherwise all very smart and quite fetching young women.

/was in high demand because I was willing to write the dumb report (as opposed to do the heavy technical lifting)

//also, I have always been less sexually threatening to pretty women than a homosexual

SonOfSpam

It’s kinda hot, I guess, that they were willing to suck the sem-

Oh, FETCHING. Ok, that’s a little better.

litre_cola

This is why I come here.

SonOfSpam

Thanks, but please use a sock next time.

SonOfSpam

“Who should we let in the program, the guy who did his Master’s thesis on Mike Vernon, or the guy who did his Master’s thesis on Jarome Iginla?”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

One of my students is almost 19, and I don’t think he knows how to read – yet he’s just four courses short of graduating.

Why are you holding back this future U*NC valedictorian?

King Hippo

hee hee, the Holes made a big deal about how Kevin Madden (a ballplayer who made 470 on his SATs) was such a success story, rather than setting off alarm bells that a functional illiterate ACTUALLY GOT A DIPLOMA.

SonOfSpam

The details from Deadspin are HIGHlarious.

Even better? Dumbshit Trump Jr was trying to dunk on “Hollywood” because of the story. AS IF YOU AREN’T EXAMPLE NUMERO UNO OF A FUCKWAD FAILSON WHO COULDN’T GET INTO AN ARBY’S TRAINING PROGRAM WITHOUT FAMILY HELP. God, it’s gonna be a great day when he gets indicted. (Fingers crossed for this Friday)

Redshirt

If you don’t mind hate speech, you should read Tucker Carlson’s opinion. He makes a good point about people’s lives being ruined over a mistake the public disagrees with, but when he trashes the Liberals, it like he’s describing his own party.

https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/tucker-carlson-we-will-never-bow-to-the-leftist-mobs-attempts-to-silence-us-no-matter-what

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The rich assholes are all the same, regardless of party.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Claude Julien has two Canadian first names.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

Anyone else watching the Norse rock shit? Anyone? Fine.

SonOfSpam

Dude, we’ve all seen Thor.

Senor Weaselo

Are they playing Immigrant Song?

King Hippo

I require my kids to do (almost) everything themselves that they are capable of handling. Yes, it irritates them.

I did allow the non-delinquent twin to use my (along with several other family members) legacy status in her application to get into NC State. That’s as far as it goes.

I also told her if she couldn’t fill out her own college application, then she couldn’t handle college, period. That went over SUPER WELL.

herodotus450
herodotus450

What kind of colleges are you people going to these days? Fill in your name, make up some bullshit essay about how much you love being a good person, pay your $40 and you got a school goin baby.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Well, I guess we all can’t be on scholarship to Upstairs Back Alley Lawyer School like some DFOers…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I wish I got a scholarship to UBALS

Senor Weaselo

When I grow up I’m going to go to Bovine University!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We can’t all go to Gudger College.

Wakezilla

Seriously, if the kid can’t fill out their own application, he or she is going to waste their time failing out of it. I see this every. Single. Day. At the college I work.

SonOfSpam

I mean…what’s an NC State legacy worth anyway? Instead of getting 700 on the SAT, the kid only had to get 650?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Hey! He didn’t say they were U*NC athletes!

King Hippo

hee hee, when I went in, I filled out the application in 5 minutes, handwritten. Got in 2 weeks later. Shit, the deal with NC State was “easy to get in (if a NC resident), hard to stay in.” Kinda the opposite of U*NC.

But now it’s hard to get into as well. Times has changed.

Redshirt

Help with a College Application?

Ohio State’s application was only an basic information form, a transcript, an ACT score, a check and a few essays? What do you have to apply to NC State? Create a new element?!

Senor Weaselo

What’s creating an entirely new row in the table, anyway?

Redshirt
Redshirt

Nice story, Beerguyrob. I’ll admit I got special privileges in college for my ADD (sadly I had it my entire life and wasn’t diagnosed until the end of a my college Sophomore Year – and yes, my GPA accurately reflects that fact), but it was only Priority Scheduling and Time and a Half for tests with the extra time in a windowless, distraction free room. But I still had to take the notes, study and take the test though. My family wasn’t rich, so I had to earn my enrollment and degree.

SonOfSpam

Weak sauce. I have dyslexia, and you got extra help because of your father.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You threw up everything you ate? On purpose?

Redshirt

Hey! I don’t gotta take that shit! ADD is an serious condition and…

(see branch blow in the wind, leaves computer, notices clothes hamper, empties hamper, starts to sort clothes, stops two shirts in, turns on TV, watches half an episode of “Modern Family”, sees commercial for a pizza, goes to kitchen, sees cat’s water dish is empty, refills with water, notices water in the backyard, goes outside, finds notices leaves are clogging sump pump, starts raking, wonders when a rake was invented, goes to computer to look up information)

…you have dyslexia? Wow, can’t imagine living with that.

nomonkeyfun

Very Subtle.

1+

Wakezilla

My August 30, 2017 prediction of Landry and ODB playing on the same team this coming year was right.

I’ll try and remember youse when I’m on ESPN spitting hot taeks

Redshirt

Remember us when you get extra Super Bowl tickets. Or non-sexual-trafficked hookers. On second thought, you can keep the tickets.

SonOfSpam

FYI: “hot taeks” is a slang term for Chris Berman’s ejaculate.

Senor Weaselo

Cue Senor’s Facebook blowing the fuck up!
/Clearly this means Bart Scott’s “trade for AB, then you have the most ridiculous 1-2 punch in the league” isn’t happening
//In case AB going to the Raiders didn’t make it clear
///Actual suggestion from Bart Scott
////Dick joke

Horatio Cornblower

Bart might be the dumbest guy in sports radio, and that is really saying something.

scotchnaut

Old Man Gettleman getting rid of a distraction makes a lot of sense to me.

King Hippo

you’ll have all young men with crew cuts and ALL teh intangibles if u noe wut I meen

SonOfSpam

He didn’t fit in with the culture like that nice Riley Cooper kid.

Redshirt

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/26242951/browns-acquiring-obj-giants

Perfect! Yet another factory closing and laying off its workers in Ohio.

Horatio Cornblower

ESPN is blowing up my phone to tell me that the New York Football Giants have traded OBJ to the Browns. They’re a little light on what the Browns gave up.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Turns out the ‘B’ was a typo, the Browns just got a can of orange juice.

scotchnaut

Stupid news I have is a 1st this year, a second and Jabril Peppers. Wow.

Redshirt

Wait. All of that?. Even when the Browns do a good thing, they still find a way to Browns it.

Horatio Cornblower

Giants did a good?

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

I just hope they use those picks to get Eli some weapons before his career starts to take a downturn.

Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

“starts to”. His career is lower than a Diglett using Dig.

/ discards one MAN card

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

As an educator, the part of this scandal that really gets me going is how the parents got their kids special-needs designation so they could get extra time on the tests.

I had a roommate my freshman year of college whose parents did this for him. There was nothing wrong with him and he even admitted it to me. Two quick stories:

He went to a private high school in LA and apparently that school would not let students grow facial hair, so the moment he graduated, stopped shaving entirely and only his neck hair grew. He was forever known as Neckbeard.

Neckbeard wanted a tattoo and was a blind Demmycrat, because, 2007? I’d say he never had to think for himself. ANYWAY, he went and got this tattooed on his shoulder:
comment image

The donkey that looks like it’s raising its leg to pee. And the kicker was that he got it on his RIGHT SHOULDER, which I had to point out after the fact.

Redshirt

Most of the times its the teachers, too. My teachers and guidance counselor tried to put me into a “special needs” due to a speech impediment in Jr. High.

My parents…were not happy.

“What are his grades?”
“Redshirt gets mostly Bs, few As and the occasional C.”
“And you want to put him into Special Ed why?”
“Redshirt is having serious trouble communicating to his fellow students and his teachers.”
“Have you had a conversation with him?”
“Well with his…”
“We know he studders and speaks fast and it gets worse when he gets picked on. Does that happen?”
“What does that have…”
“Does he get picked on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well he does get picked on. In Elementary School, he got As and was not bullied. Oh, and he still had a speech impediment then, but the teachers didn’t use that as an excuse.”
“Have you had a conversation with him?”
“No.”
“He has a 130 IQ. You might want to talk to the kid before you label him, assholes.”

herodotus450
herodotus450

This Andreas Athanasiou I don’t know what to call him cause he’s lightning fast into the zone and good hands but never finishes.

LemonJello
LemonJello

So…the anti-LemonJello then?

scotchnaut

THIS JUST IN-GIANTS REPLACE SAFETY LANDON COLLINS

/his name is Antoine Bethea and he’s 35 years young.

ballsofsteelandfury

My favourite comment of the day was SonOfSpam in the back room questioning the $500K to get INTO USC!!

I mean, if you’re spending the money, go Ivy League. You can get into USC for the price of the application fee…

Horatio Cornblower

I got into college the old-fashioned way: scraping by in high school, somehow acing the SATs, then failing to get into all my top choices and settling for UConn, which back then was a safety school with a ditto for an application.

Come to think of it, I used the same tactic for law school.

SonOfSpam

“Mom, Dad…for the next four years, I’m going to Storrs.”

“(sigh) Well, I don’t know about shopping full-time, but I guess it’s better than going to UConn.”

blaxabbath

This whole scandal is dumb because Dave Ransey’s Millionaire study shows you don’t need to go to a great school.

Besides, if your parents got a hundred k to spend on admissions, something tells me you’re fine. Do you really need an OJ Mayo education?

blaxabbath

Brockmire isn’t a bad show.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s a great show, and both Amanda Peet and Hank Azaria are national treasures.

Wakezilla

After watching the Juventus/Atletico Madrid game today, I’ve come to the realization that the only thing that can stop Cristiano Ronaldo right now is being extradited to America for sexual assault.

rockingdog
rockingdog