NFL News: One day until the Draft
- BEN EXTEND CONTRACT!
- BEN STAY IN RIVER CITY UNTIL 20 OR 21.
- BEN NOT SURE HOW YEARS WORK, BUT KNOWS 20 OR 21 IS AGE OF CONSENT!
- BIG BEN SO HAPPY, LITTLE BEN EXTEND!!
- BEN STAY IN RIVER CITY UNTIL 20 OR 21.
- Also getting an extension is Ravens kicker Justin Tucker.
- He set a record for the position, receiving a four-year extension through 2023 worth $20.45 million, with $12 million guaranteed after two years.
- Beastmode has retired again.
- With the Raiders expected to target running backs in the draft, Marshawn saw his role declining & got out with his pride intact.
- Also, not being a “GRUDEN GRINDER” likely had an influence.
- With the Raiders expected to target running backs in the draft, Marshawn saw his role declining & got out with his pride intact.
- Rumours are that Dan Snyder is taking over the first round selection for the [Redacteds].
- And he wants to choose QB Dwayne Haskins from THE Ohio State University.
- Partly because they need a new QB, unless Jesus himself has fixed Alex Smith’s leg; partly because the kid went to high school with Snyder’s son, so Danny might think he can work a home town discount.
- The last time Snyder got this involved was 2012, when he traded three consecutive first rounders to the Rams for RGIII.
- Currently slotted at 15, they will likely have to trade up to get him. It’ll depend on how long he’s available & how long Snyder can avoid pulling the trigger and overpaying.
- And he wants to choose QB Dwayne Haskins from THE Ohio State University.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: let’s see if we’re equally spoiled tonight
- Game 7: Hurricanes at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Jazz at Rockets – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Clippers at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- MLB:
- Phillies at Mets – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- MLS
- New England vs. Montreal – 7:30PM | TSN3
The esteemed Horatio Cornblower, Ph.D, has you covered tomorrow night for the draft, and Seamus, DVM, brings you a sexy draft on Friday. SEE YOU ON THE WEEKEND!
Dear Dodgers fans, hope you got a deep dish pizza while you were in town cuz there’s no shelter here.
Fucking Javy!
The Air Force should advertise to women by pointing it that it’s the branch where they are the least likely to be sexually assaulted (assuming that’s true).
The only peeps I know that attended the Air Force Academy were expelled for exactly that reason. YMMV.
Start your 3 and 1 related jokes!
Pretty badass of the Clippers to force a game six.
yooooo warriors not looking good…..
Dammit. Now I remember why I don’t watch the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs.
Honestly this Warriors team can beat anybody with ease when they feel like it.
KD is balding though. lol
“You call that balding?” -L. James, Los Angeles, CA
His neck beard is magnificent
found a funny:
me: sorry, i usually last longer
date: [staring at her phone while i see how long i can hold my breath] you’re good
Yankees with the bases loaded and nobody out down 5-2. Let’s see how they fuck it up!
Hidden ball trick, but after the game got tied, so… they didn’t?
warriors fans chanting “Hey you suck”… yoooo
Down by 12? Uh…
/Also it has not been very good for teh ROARicle the last couple games
If the warriors can’t win this game, they can’t win it all. I’m out on them.
I agree….
drayond you gotta calm down….
Good to know I’ll be rooting for hockey perennials Columbus and Carolina in the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs.
warriors you gotta start playing defense….
Well, that sucked.
Time for bed and few more days of advanced depression.
Nifty visual representation of the Caps-Canes game
https://twitter.com/datarink/status/1121260751069618178
Don’t particularly care for the Canes, both as a division rival, and they should be in Hartford, but, Don Cherry is sick to his stomach tonight. That makes me smile.
Now if Boston can somehow score 0 goals for the entirety of the second round, everything will feel right again
And give up eleventy billion of course. And have the Monty Python foot land on something at some point.
STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS BANANACAKES ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
All four division winners out after the 1st round. lol
Pre-Cup Caps confirmed.
Orrrrr…maybe not.
Was he fined for a uniform violation?
#GoodellIsANationalDisgrace
So what’s the proper move when your wife’s birthday falls on Draft Day?
Got a nice dinner planned (at home, where I can be thrifty), but I’m not sure she’ll enjoy listening to me tell Kiper to go fuck himself 100 times.
Maybe I just skip watching it. Are there any websites that might recap the first round?
Divorce.
She’ll never sign the papers. Paying palimony is a bridge too far.
OK, skip the draft, but take your resentment out on your coworker.
Oh, I’ll masturbate alright. You can count on that.
I like her.
Christy Brown thinks Rovell moves awkwardly.
Zach Anner agrees.
Was he that chick who was occasionally on Facts of Life?
It was a turtle on its back.
Elaine Chao’s favorite position.
Great, now I gotta write this one up too?
Last 3 Utah possessions: open look airball, turnover, turnover.
Rikki; will you be nude watching the draft?
….. maybe in a sports bar?
I doubt it. I will probably hang around in Lodi long enough to see the Raiders trade #4 to the Potatoes for a haul, but will be on the road for the rest of it.
Damn, on the bus would have been a good one too.
Andy likes the sound of the last two.
This one time at band camp……
Now THAT is a helluva drum solo.
Mom: Hockey doesn’t seem all that fun to watch.
tWBS: We’re Caps fans mom, get used to it.
You’re sounding like a Pats fan. The cup is still literally in their house.
Not for long. Give it about 20 minutes.
Let’s go 20 years, then you can bitch.
I rooted for the Whalers. Die in a tire fire.
Free hockey!
Found a funny:
From Batman: Arkham Knight:
After Batman is unmasked at the end, a mook comments to another one that Bruce Wayne being Batman is capitalism’s fault, because the 1% get so bored with their life styles that they do outlandish stuff like buy suits and gadgets and go around beating the crap out of people. The guy talking to him doesn’t even bother to argue with the idiot!
Non-Spoiler: Rich people aren’t corrupt; they’re just very lazy and unmotivated.
Damn. Furry porn is very detailed.
Bullshit. Pandas don’t get horny for other pandas.
If we can just knock the Bruins and Caps out, there might not be any dark timelines this summer
The idea of a world where BAWSTAHN has a World Series, Super Bowl, and Stanley Cup at the same time is the Seventh of the Seven Seals to be unlocked.
Bears will buy trucks.
It is unacceptable to me that so many people actively rooted against the Leafs
Would have been like me rooting for the Cowboys.
It’s against the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Suddenly Seppuku starts making a lot of sense.
I think in that scenario, Jesus Christ and the Antichrist unite their armies against a common enemy.
Hello, pre-2018 playoff Caps.
I can’t believe they’re really going to blow this.
On the other hand, watching the ice cams do anything isn’t offensive.
Interestingly enough, I can believe it.
Ice-cams; now there is a VERY specific porn fetish.
Here at DFO we often have bear sightings as well. He goes by the name Buddy.
There is no ‘ladies night.’
Banner this.
Does any hockey player do the referee goal signal as a celebration?
That would be better than this.
Shorthanded goal, or as Robert Kraft thinks of it, a very satisfying goal.
I wish Ellen Barkin was MY boss. I would do whatever she told me to.
she right purty
Elway is being an idiot.
“Rikki, take out the trash.”
“Um, Rikki…why are you unzipping your pants?”
Why was I wearing pants in the first place?
Goddammit. Details. That’s why I’m not a professional writer.
You can call me… Snoozy McBoozy. I’m the Bond villain that was written out of the second draft.
LOL
Hey remember that old ksk advice letter about the guy who married a retired Brazilian porn start? Did we ever figure out what her name was?
I think there were some educated guesses, but there was never any confirmation.
Remember any of the guesses? I looked up lists but nothing is ringing a bell.
Nobody guessed any shemale names, so no.
So far so good for Caps. Even got my mom watching and yelling.
I’m not sure she’s ever watched hockey before in her life.
Petr Mrazek suddenly remembering he was a Flyers goaltender
Just blocked Fox News on my hotel TV. Man that is satisfying.
HARF GOT MY REWARD FOR GETTING MEAN LITTLE DARK GUY TO LEAVE
– Donald Trump, after BIg Mac #5 on the evening
These Capitals I call them cool ocean currents because they are destroying these Hurricanes before they can even get started. Caps up 2-0 halfway through the first.
No real relevance here. I just occasionally here someone say “Three 6 Mafia” and this song starts burning its way into my brain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEaOaIqfAdE
On The Wheel, a couple has already won $49k in the first two rounds alone.
When Vanna finally goes on a crazy murder-suicide rampage and they have to recast and reboot that show, they better call it “Reinventing The Wheel” or Ima be pissed.
My understanding is that her parts are under a 50 year warranty.
Remember Playboy Vanna? 11 year old Litre does.
Help, I’ve got the brain worms. I just looked up dem primary poll numbers and the first primary is 10 goddamn months away.
Worry nae, they don’t really matter before October or so. I have every expectation that Biden and Sanders go down, and Harris and Warren (and maybe Mayor Pete) go up.
I hope so. Don’t want Sanders’ stank anywhere near the convention.
Water wet; Biden fucks up a primary campaign. The rest of the pack sans Biden have closed the gap on Medicare for All for Bernie, which, while fantastic, really takes away his rally cry. Boot Edge Edge is too unknown I think, and I barely trust even the Dem base to not vote against an LGBTQ candidate. We had an issue here in Michigan in November where the local NAACP leadership wouldn’t endorse the Dem AG candidate explicitly because she was openly gay. It was astoundingly stupid. Harris vs. Warren sounds right. Warren is basically running with Bernie’s platform right now, but her history really leaves a lot to worry about as far as her actually going through with anything she talks about. Harris is another one who’s adopted a ton of progressive policies in recent years, but I struggle to trust her, though I freely admit that I can’t say for sure how much of that is my inherent bias against law enforcement and, really, any type of authority. So four of them are running on fairly similar platforms. Biden should just drown under the creeper shit, especially after laughing it off and joking about having to ask for consent to give hugs. I swear to fuck if Biden wins, I’m never so much as bothering to learn who’s running for President again.
this is fair take, all around
As I said, the brain worms have burrowed in deep
2020; Trump wins the second term.
Tough but fair.
Anyone who thinks a candidate who isn’t Sanders, Warren, or Gabbard will deliver on Medicare For All is a fucking idiot who deserves to feel badly when Trump defeats that loser.
Edit: I’m a dumbass.
Policy-wise the difference between Trump and Biden is nanometer thin. It’s mostly just tone. His policies are dogshit and will sink him (along with the McCain endorsement, which will net a whole five people if he won the nomination). No one gives a shit about him being a creep nor should they. His policies are infinitely worse than anything he’s ever done as a creep.
Please peruse our porn star draft from this morning…
Y’all really did a porn star draft without Angela White smgdh
WHERE WERE YOU?!?
In an elementary school!
Damn coastal elites with your time zones, hogging all the best game 7 overtimes, it’s enough to make a guy vote (to) private(ize).
Whoa! You’re an American that votes? Seriously?
[gets down on both knees, raises hands, starts singing ‘Hall of Lou Yeah”]
-Fellow American
Just throwing it out there:
Can we watch another Game 7 Maple Leafs loss again tonight?
“WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”
-Almost all of Canada outside Ontario
Sigh. All of Canadia is out again and Boston is thumping its chest. To heck with hockey. HECK, ah say!!
/trying to finish my current booky-book so I can start that “Dirty Work” that yeah right recommended.
//oh, and don’t look now (ok, DO look) but #BFIB just swept the Dirt Packers and have the best record in the NL.
Booky book-wise, what’s next after Dirty Work?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVns5KE13gs
“Serving the Servant” (Cobain book). Then if I likes Dirty Work, likely a bunch more of that guy’s stuff. I gon’ read a lot until pre-season starts.
Servicing The Servant caused problems in the Schwarzenegger household.
It’s a dangerous game we play, hoping for the teams we hate most to get closer to the championship before falling apart in defeat.