Your Wednesday Evening & Another Game 7 Open Thread

NFL News: One day until the Draft

  • BEN EXTEND CONTRACT!  
    • BEN STAY IN RIVER CITY UNTIL 20 OR 21.
      • BEN NOT SURE HOW YEARS WORK, BUT KNOWS 20 OR 21 IS AGE OF CONSENT!
    • BIG BEN SO HAPPY, LITTLE BEN EXTEND!!
  • Also getting an extension is Ravens kicker Justin Tucker.
    • He set a record for the position, receiving a four-year extension through 2023 worth $20.45 million, with $12 million guaranteed after two years.
  • Beastmode has retired again.
    • With the Raiders expected to target running backs in the draft, Marshawn saw his role declining & got out with his pride intact.
      • Also, not being a “GRUDEN GRINDER” likely had an influence.
  • Rumours are that Dan Snyder is taking over the first round selection for the [Redacteds].
    • And he wants to choose QB Dwayne Haskins from THE Ohio State University.
      • Partly because they need a new QB, unless Jesus himself has fixed Alex Smith’s leg; partly because the kid went to high school with Snyder’s son, so Danny might think he can work a home town discount.
    • The last time Snyder got this involved was 2012, when he traded three consecutive first rounders to the Rams for RGIII.
      • Currently slotted at 15, they will likely have to trade up to get him. It’ll depend on how long he’s available & how long Snyder can avoid pulling the trigger and overpaying.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: let’s see if we’re equally spoiled tonight
    • Game 7: Hurricanes at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Jazz at Rockets – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Clippers at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Phillies at Mets – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • MLS
    • New England vs. Montreal – 7:30PM | TSN3

The esteemed Horatio Cornblower, Ph.D, has you covered tomorrow night for the draft, and Seamus, DVM, brings you a sexy draft on Friday. SEE YOU ON THE WEEKEND!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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yeah right

Dear Dodgers fans, hope you got a deep dish pizza while you were in town cuz there’s no shelter here.

Fucking Javy!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Air Force should advertise to women by pointing it that it’s the branch where they are the least likely to be sexually assaulted (assuming that’s true).

Mr. Ayo

The only peeps I know that attended the Air Force Academy were expelled for exactly that reason. YMMV.

Senor Weaselo

Start your 3 and 1 related jokes!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty badass of the Clippers to force a game six.

rockingdog

yooooo warriors not looking good…..comment image

Mr. Ayo

Dammit. Now I remember why I don’t watch the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honestly this Warriors team can beat anybody with ease when they feel like it.

Mr. Ayo

KD is balding though. lol

Senor Weaselo

“You call that balding?” -L. James, Los Angeles, CA

Unsurprised

His neck beard is magnificent

rockingdog

found a funny:
me: sorry, i usually last longer
date: [staring at her phone while i see how long i can hold my breath] you’re good

Senor Weaselo

Yankees with the bases loaded and nobody out down 5-2. Let’s see how they fuck it up!

Senor Weaselo

Hidden ball trick, but after the game got tied, so… they didn’t?

rockingdog

warriors fans chanting “Hey you suck”… yoooo

Senor Weaselo

Down by 12? Uh…
/Also it has not been very good for teh ROARicle the last couple games

Mr. Ayo

If the warriors can’t win this game, they can’t win it all. I’m out on them.

rockingdog

I agree….

rockingdog

drayond you gotta calm down….

Senor Weaselo

Good to know I’ll be rooting for hockey perennials Columbus and Carolina in the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs.

rockingdog

warriors you gotta start playing defense….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that sucked.
Time for bed and few more days of advanced depression.

Gratliff

Nifty visual representation of the Caps-Canes game
https://twitter.com/datarink/status/1121260751069618178

WCS

Don’t particularly care for the Canes, both as a division rival, and they should be in Hartford, but, Don Cherry is sick to his stomach tonight. That makes me smile.

Gratliff

Now if Boston can somehow score 0 goals for the entirety of the second round, everything will feel right again

Senor Weaselo

And give up eleventy billion of course. And have the Monty Python foot land on something at some point.

WCS

STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS BANANACAKES ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Mr. Ayo

All four division winners out after the 1st round. lol

Mr. Ayo

Pre-Cup Caps confirmed.

WCS

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Orrrrr…maybe not.

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Was he fined for a uniform violation?

#GoodellIsANationalDisgrace

SonOfSpam

So what’s the proper move when your wife’s birthday falls on Draft Day?

Got a nice dinner planned (at home, where I can be thrifty), but I’m not sure she’ll enjoy listening to me tell Kiper to go fuck himself 100 times.

Maybe I just skip watching it. Are there any websites that might recap the first round?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Divorce.

SonOfSpam

She’ll never sign the papers. Paying palimony is a bridge too far.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, skip the draft, but take your resentment out on your coworker.

SonOfSpam

Oh, I’ll masturbate alright. You can count on that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I like her.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SonOfSpam

Christy Brown thinks Rovell moves awkwardly.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Zach Anner agrees.

SonOfSpam

Was he that chick who was occasionally on Facts of Life?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was a turtle on its back.

SonOfSpam

Elaine Chao’s favorite position.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Great, now I gotta write this one up too?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Last 3 Utah possessions: open look airball, turnover, turnover.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rikki; will you be nude watching the draft?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

….. maybe in a sports bar?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I doubt it. I will probably hang around in Lodi long enough to see the Raiders trade #4 to the Potatoes for a haul, but will be on the road for the rest of it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn, on the bus would have been a good one too.

Mr. Ayo

Andy likes the sound of the last two.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This one time at band camp……

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now THAT is a helluva drum solo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Mom: Hockey doesn’t seem all that fun to watch.
tWBS: We’re Caps fans mom, get used to it.

Mr. Ayo

You’re sounding like a Pats fan. The cup is still literally in their house.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not for long. Give it about 20 minutes.

Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Let’s go 20 years, then you can bitch.

Horatio Cornblower

I rooted for the Whalers. Die in a tire fire.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Free hockey!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Found a funny:

From Batman: Arkham Knight:

Spoiler

After Batman is unmasked at the end, a mook comments to another one that Bruce Wayne being Batman is capitalism’s fault, because the 1% get so bored with their life styles that they do outlandish stuff like buy suits and gadgets and go around beating the crap out of people. The guy talking to him doesn’t even bother to argue with the idiot!

Non-Spoiler: Rich people aren’t corrupt; they’re just very lazy and unmotivated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Damn. Furry porn is very detailed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Bullshit. Pandas don’t get horny for other pandas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

If we can just knock the Bruins and Caps out, there might not be any dark timelines this summer

WCS

The idea of a world where BAWSTAHN has a World Series, Super Bowl, and Stanley Cup at the same time is the Seventh of the Seven Seals to be unlocked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bears will buy trucks.

Gratliff

It is unacceptable to me that so many people actively rooted against the Leafs

litre_cola

Would have been like me rooting for the Cowboys.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

It’s against the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Suddenly Seppuku starts making a lot of sense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I think in that scenario, Jesus Christ and the Antichrist unite their armies against a common enemy.

WCS

Hello, pre-2018 playoff Caps.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I can’t believe they’re really going to blow this.

On the other hand, watching the ice cams do anything isn’t offensive.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Interestingly enough, I can believe it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ice-cams; now there is a VERY specific porn fetish.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Here at DFO we often have bear sightings as well. He goes by the name Buddy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is no ‘ladies night.’

Unsurprised

Banner this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Does any hockey player do the referee goal signal as a celebration?

That would be better than this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shorthanded goal, or as Robert Kraft thinks of it, a very satisfying goal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish Ellen Barkin was MY boss. I would do whatever she told me to.

King Hippo

she right purty

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Elway is being an idiot.

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SonOfSpam

“Rikki, take out the trash.”

“Um, Rikki…why are you unzipping your pants?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why was I wearing pants in the first place?

SonOfSpam

Goddammit. Details. That’s why I’m not a professional writer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

You can call me… Snoozy McBoozy. I’m the Bond villain that was written out of the second draft.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey remember that old ksk advice letter about the guy who married a retired Brazilian porn start? Did we ever figure out what her name was?

ballsofsteelandfury

I think there were some educated guesses, but there was never any confirmation.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember any of the guesses? I looked up lists but nothing is ringing a bell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nobody guessed any shemale names, so no.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So far so good for Caps. Even got my mom watching and yelling.
I’m not sure she’s ever watched hockey before in her life.

Gratliff

Petr Mrazek suddenly remembering he was a Flyers goaltender

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just blocked Fox News on my hotel TV. Man that is satisfying.

SonOfSpam

HARF GOT MY REWARD FOR GETTING MEAN LITTLE DARK GUY TO LEAVE

Gratliff

– Donald Trump, after BIg Mac #5 on the evening

herodotus450

These Capitals I call them cool ocean currents because they are destroying these Hurricanes before they can even get started. Caps up 2-0 halfway through the first.

Gratliff

No real relevance here. I just occasionally here someone say “Three 6 Mafia” and this song starts burning its way into my brain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEaOaIqfAdE

WCS

On The Wheel, a couple has already won $49k in the first two rounds alone.

herodotus450

When Vanna finally goes on a crazy murder-suicide rampage and they have to recast and reboot that show, they better call it “Reinventing The Wheel” or Ima be pissed.

SonOfSpam

My understanding is that her parts are under a 50 year warranty.

litre_cola

Remember Playboy Vanna? 11 year old Litre does.

Gratliff

Help, I’ve got the brain worms. I just looked up dem primary poll numbers and the first primary is 10 goddamn months away.

King Hippo

Worry nae, they don’t really matter before October or so. I have every expectation that Biden and Sanders go down, and Harris and Warren (and maybe Mayor Pete) go up.

SonOfSpam

I hope so. Don’t want Sanders’ stank anywhere near the convention.

Gratliff

Water wet; Biden fucks up a primary campaign. The rest of the pack sans Biden have closed the gap on Medicare for All for Bernie, which, while fantastic, really takes away his rally cry. Boot Edge Edge is too unknown I think, and I barely trust even the Dem base to not vote against an LGBTQ candidate. We had an issue here in Michigan in November where the local NAACP leadership wouldn’t endorse the Dem AG candidate explicitly because she was openly gay. It was astoundingly stupid. Harris vs. Warren sounds right. Warren is basically running with Bernie’s platform right now, but her history really leaves a lot to worry about as far as her actually going through with anything she talks about. Harris is another one who’s adopted a ton of progressive policies in recent years, but I struggle to trust her, though I freely admit that I can’t say for sure how much of that is my inherent bias against law enforcement and, really, any type of authority. So four of them are running on fairly similar platforms. Biden should just drown under the creeper shit, especially after laughing it off and joking about having to ask for consent to give hugs. I swear to fuck if Biden wins, I’m never so much as bothering to learn who’s running for President again.

King Hippo

this is fair take, all around

Gratliff

As I said, the brain worms have burrowed in deep

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

2020; Trump wins the second term.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tough but fair.

Unsurprised

Anyone who thinks a candidate who isn’t Sanders, Warren, or Gabbard will deliver on Medicare For All is a fucking idiot who deserves to feel badly when Trump defeats that loser.

Edit: I’m a dumbass.

Unsurprised

Policy-wise the difference between Trump and Biden is nanometer thin. It’s mostly just tone. His policies are dogshit and will sink him (along with the McCain endorsement, which will net a whole five people if he won the nomination). No one gives a shit about him being a creep nor should they. His policies are infinitely worse than anything he’s ever done as a creep.

ballsofsteelandfury

Please peruse our porn star draft from this morning…

Gratliff

Y’all really did a porn star draft without Angela White smgdh
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ballsofsteelandfury

WHERE WERE YOU?!?

Gratliff

In an elementary school!

herodotus450

Damn coastal elites with your time zones, hogging all the best game 7 overtimes, it’s enough to make a guy vote (to) private(ize).

scotchnaut

Whoa! You’re an American that votes? Seriously?

[gets down on both knees, raises hands, starts singing ‘Hall of Lou Yeah”]

-Fellow American

scotchnaut

Just throwing it out there:

Can we watch another Game 7 Maple Leafs loss again tonight?

scotchnaut

“WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”

-Almost all of Canada outside Ontario

King Hippo

Sigh. All of Canadia is out again and Boston is thumping its chest. To heck with hockey. HECK, ah say!!

/trying to finish my current booky-book so I can start that “Dirty Work” that yeah right recommended.

//oh, and don’t look now (ok, DO look) but #BFIB just swept the Dirt Packers and have the best record in the NL.

scotchnaut

Booky book-wise, what’s next after Dirty Work?

herodotus450
King Hippo

“Serving the Servant” (Cobain book). Then if I likes Dirty Work, likely a bunch more of that guy’s stuff. I gon’ read a lot until pre-season starts.

SonOfSpam

Servicing The Servant caused problems in the Schwarzenegger household.

herodotus450

It’s a dangerous game we play, hoping for the teams we hate most to get closer to the championship before falling apart in defeat.