INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

We join our regularly scheduled programming in progress.

JON GRUDEN: …AND SO WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU’VE FOUND YOUR GUY, YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM.

PRODUCER: I mean of course that make sense, but when you see a consensus that’s going the other way, doesn’t it give you some pause?

JON: LISTEN WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN GRINDING ENOUGH TAPE THAT YOUR JANITORS WARN YOU THAT A SECOND DUST BOWL IS A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO LISTEN TO THE GROUPTHINK OF A BUNCH OF JERKS WHO HAVE NEVER COACHED AT ANY LEVEL OTHER THAN ROOKIE ON MADDEN ON THEIR PLAYSTATIONS. NOT TO MENTION THAT HALF THOSE MOCK DRAFT GUYS GET THEIR DIRECTION FROM MAYOCK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

PRODUCER: That’s true, it’s hard to discount Mayock’s influence on pre-draft speculation, and it seems logical that he wouldn’t have relied on a leaky scout room to evaluate someone he liked as much as Clelin Ferrell.

JON: THIS GUY MIKE MAYOCK I CALL HIM ROGER STONE CAUSE HE USED TO TALK TO THE MEDIA FOR A LIVING BUT NOW THAT HE’S LOOKING AT LIFE ON THE INSIDE HE HAS KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT FOR MONTHS.

PRODUCER: Well, we’re certainly looking forward to see what kind of surprise the Raiders have for us on Day 2.  But first, let’s get to the music.  Have you got a theme for us?

JON: I SURE HAVE – THEY TELL ME THAT REQUEST LINE RECENTLY CELEBRATED ITS 100TH EPISODE IS THAT TRUE?

PRODUCER: [blushes] Well, we don’t really like to make a big deal out of milestones…

JON: NONSENSE SON WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS AND YOU MAKE LEMONADE OUT OF IT YOU GOTTA DRINK THAT LEMONADE, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?

PRODUCER: I’m not sure I…

JON: AND SINCE IT’S DRAFT WEEK I THOUGHT IT WAS THE PERFECT TIME TO SHOCK THE WORLD AND DO SOMETHING THAT NOBODY HAD ON THEIR BOARD.  INSTEAD OF REQUESTING SONGS, WE’RE DRAFTING MUSICIANS.

PRODUCER: Come again?

JON: EACH LISTENER CAN PICK FIVE MUSICIANS TO ASSEMBLE THEMSELVES A BAND.  LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.  WITH YOUR FIRST PICK YOU GOTTA TAKE A TRUE GRINDER, EVEN IF THAT MEANS GRINDING UP PILLS AND SNORTING THEM SO I’M GOING WITH C.C. DEVILLE OF POISON.

PRODUCER: That’s, um, a bold pick.  Are you sure that you couldn’t have traded down and still…

JON: LIKE I SAID WHEN YOU KNOW WHO YOU WANT YOU GO AND GET HIM.  SECOND ROUND YOU KNOW I LOVE VETERANS SO I’M GOING WITH ONE OF THE FOUNDATIONAL PIECES OF THE GREATEST BANDS OF ALL TIME.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyNv588P5jc

PRODUCER: Now you know that “Best of the Beatles” was actually…

JON: MOVING ON WE TRADED OUR THIRD ROUNDER FOR A CASE OF BEER AND PENNY LANE’S SERVICES, SO ON TO THE FOURTH ROUND I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS GUY IS STILL ON THE BOARD.

JON: AND WE NEED OURSELVES A VOCALIST SO WE’LL ROUND OUT THE TEAM WITH ANOTHER BEATLES CONNECTION.

JON: THIS BAND I’M CALLING THEM REACH FOR THE SKY CAUSE WHEN THEY GET ON STAGE YOU ARE GONNA LIFT YOUR HANDS UP.

PRODUCER: [puts head in hands]

—

You heard Jon, you’ve got FIVE picks to use on musicians (living or dead) to assemble your dream band.  You can build it any way you want – if you want to draft four vocalists and a drummer and make yourself a nice percapella squad, go for it.  Once you’ve made your first pick, wait at least ten minutes between picks, and PUT ALL YOUR SUBSEQUENT PICKS IN THE SAME THREAD AS THE FIRST. Once your squad is fully assembled, give it a name!