Your “All Quiet On The NFL Front” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets: Pretty quiet post-Draft

  • Sea-bass has retired.  
    • Janikowski retires after 19 seasons, leaving only Tom Brady the remaining active member of the 2000 year draft class.
  • Tyreek Hill – he of the “You need to be terrified of me, too, bitch. That’s why you can’t keep a f–king man” audio – is likely to be put on the Commissioner’s Exempt list this week.
    • Usually used to suspend without pay pending further penalty, in this case it would be used to keep Hill away from all team activities & facilities.
      • They have to do something, since the Chiefs got rid of Kareem Hunt for tossing a woman down a hallway; Hill is accused of punching his three year-old kid in the chest & breaking his arm.
  • As the Monday signing of undrafted players begins, the Cowboys have done what many teams usually do at least for PR – sign a relative of a former star.
    • They signed Larry Allen Junior, an OL from Harvard.
      • His father, Larry Sr., was a seven-time first-team All Pro, and was on the Cowboys Super Bowl XXX team.
  •  

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blues at Stars – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • 76ers at Raptors – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Trail Blazers at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Athletics at Red Sox – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Eight weeks until summer vacation. Mr. Scott?

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook

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ALXMAC

Anyone else watching American Gods? Book reader or not, this is some outstanding TV.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been meaning to.

ALXMAC

Season 2 just wrapped up this weekend. If you’re into Mythology/Fantasy/Sci-Fi with a spin on current events you might like it. I can’t compare it to any other TV show I’ve ever watched.

Unsurprised

I keep seeing people rip on season two but your opinion matters more. I’ll watch it when I get a chance

ALXMAC

Orlando Jones (yes that guy from Mad TV and Evolution) should get an Emmy nod for his dramatic portrayal of Mr. Nancy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUFjm-u6RO8

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Imma try this again; from season 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCxFnVe6RiM

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t get over these Miller Lite ads that are basically “Hey! Have one for the road!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Larry Allen’s kid went to Harvard? Big deal, Nate Newton’s kid went to Blount College.

blaxabbath

Were there qbs in this draft at all that hippo would have liked for DEN?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No. He needed to be pissed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, just got a gander of the Baylor girls at the White House. They look like they are being held at gunpoint.

blaxabbath

“When you’ve raped as many women as me, you learn the line that makes the women feel filthy and violated— but without ever having to show them your mushroom-head-that-has-been-pecked-at-by-a-blind-woodpecker.”

-White Trash Jesus

Unsurprised

Goddammit. They make it too easy.

Senor Weaselo

Did they blink twice?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just waiting for my drug cake to cool down.

DRUG CAKE!

blaxabbath

Which is what Tom Brady calls a slice of strawberry on cauliflower-cracker.

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

To this day I’m still amazed that thing could float, let alone fly.

Brick Meathook

Of course it could float, it was made of wood! Not just any wood, it was thin strips of near-flawless birch that was cross-grain laminated under heat/pressure with adhesives that Hughes Aircraft had to invent. That’s exactly how modern carbon fiber structures are formed. The Hercules was one of the first fully composite-material aircraft ever built, and certainly the largest. (Fun fact: to aid flotation in case the hull flooded during this test, portions of the cargo bay were filled with inflated beach balls in nets)

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Unsurprised

And afterwards HH had plenty of starlets on hand to make use of those and other balls.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anytime a pitcher issues a bases loaded walk, he should immediately be lined up and shot.

Senor Weaselo

Dirt Bengals had TWO different pitchers issue 4-pitch bases loaded walks back-to-back. And still won.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Baltimore doesn’t have that much wiggle room.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe if the fucker would get that 2lb gold chain off before he takes the field it would be easier for him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh look, his slider didn’t slide. Double to left.

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo…

We gotta go to Chi****. White Sox having a Carlos Rodon bobblehead night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, never mind. I just saw the date. I’ll be in Baltimore.

Now THAT is depressing.

Sharkbait

Might wanna cover that Seguin guy. He’s good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They should do some kind of green screen practical joke on Dallas’ sweaters during play.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Q: If I’m drunker than hell, and a mosquito bites me, does the mosquito get drunk?
A: No…because I just smashed the shit out of his little mosquito ass.

King Hippo

#BFIB/Dirt BOLTMEN! is shaping up to be a fascinating NLCS, though

/but to be swept by the Yankees’ AAA side

Senor Weaselo

Hell, AA at this point, even Urshela got hurt!

King Hippo

a lot of Lesser Footy sides have gone into half-ass mode, and I don’t bet on baseball no more. The lack of sports and #HAILGAMBLOR crisitunities are killing Hippo.

Sharkbait

Did you see the madness in the Championship between Leeds and Aston Villa? Imagine betting on THAT game

King Hippo

oh, no doubt! And I like betting lower division matches

Brick Meathook

Perhaps if you made Jesus Christ your personal Lord and Savior you wouldn’t have these little fucking problems now would you

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Sharkbait

Evening peoples. Go Stars

King Hippo

Let’s Go Cardinals! loudly audible from Gnats Park

King Hippo

I have work calls and parenting shit at bad times this week, so I could nae take Amtrak up there to commune with mah ppls. The BEST fans, u noe…

/also humble

King Hippo

daggum KMOX keeps talking about the Blues score, and my inner Catler doooooon’t caaaaaaaaare

herodotus450

Stl-Dallas is like the Houston-KC matchup in the nfl playoffs: people say they’re good teams but I just dont care

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was just thinking teh same thing.
I am bored off my ass watching this.

herodotus450

You can take Ken Hitchcock out of a franchise, but you can’t take the Ken Hitchcock out of a franchise.

King Hippo

Jordan Hicks only hitting 102 tonight. I hope he’s ok.

Gratliff

Those Stars’ dives are just…
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scotchnaut

Whoa. Way past my bedtime-thought by now one of you would have tucked me in. Btw, ‘Goodnight Moon’ is back in the rotation…

Gratliff

“M-O-O-N. That spells ‘GO THE FUCK TO BED! I’M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN! DON’T THINK I DON’T SEE THE LIGHT FROM THE TV UNDER THE DOOR!'”

scotchnaut

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

King Hippo

ur fault

Senor Weaselo

-S.L. Jackson

herodotus450

“(Sniff Sniff) Finally, someone notices me.”
Warren M.

yeah right

Regarding the banner image I had to read Zeit zu Leben zeit zu Sterben in German and give a book report in German to pass German IV.

I got a B-.

Achievement unlocked!

herodotus450

I thought we stopped the Germans at 3?

scotchnaut

Wow! I’m very grubenbratwurstschiesseblitzdoppelgangerautobahn!

Gratliff

My german is limited entirely to schadenfreude and große titten

scotchnaut

Having watched a few of those vids, some of those girls are not that grobe.

King Hippo

I’s sure y’all were worried about that early 3-nil deficit for beloved #BFIB, but we got 6 in the top of the 5th.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Top of the fifth, bottom of the fifth, doesn’t matter to me, I gotta get home.”

— Steve Keim

scotchnaut

“Herodotus’ ‘Kinnison was pretty subtle’ joke will be lost (by Horatio)-like tears in the rain.”

-Roy Batty

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ah, I see the Braves still play “The Chop” without any reason every 15 seconds.

[Mutes TV]

King Hippo

u noe how Teh South feels about change ,, smh

herodotus450

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scotchnaut

Hippo, any second thoughts on Lock?

King Hippo

No. He’s shit. Elway’s “in love” type. Big, dumb, strong arm, no grasp of fundamentals whatsoever.

King Hippo

/just avoiding any Donks news now, like the Tebowtard Invasion

scotchnaut

/watching Maria Bamford’s ‘Old Baby’ for the third time

I watch a fair bit of stand up stuff and she’s the only one that (I feel) requires multiple viewings in order to grasp exactly (sorta) what the hell she’s going on about.

herodotus450

I don’t know, Kinnison was pretty subtle too…

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, the subtle nuance of Kinison screaming “I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood!!!”

King Hippo

It makes sense when you recall he was a former preacher. Assume he was heavy on the hellfire.

Gratliff

Also, in the hellfire

King Hippo

/insert Kinison’s screaming routine, which I no noe how to type

Gratliff

O

Horatio Cornblower

One of his better lines, about Jesus responding when asked if he was heading back to Earth any time soon: “Yeah. Yeah I’ll go back…just as soon as I can play the fucking piano again!!!”

King Hippo

his routine re corpse fucking was my favourite.

King Hippo

here you go, for the uninitiated

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ0sNZ5M1nE

King Hippo

psssstttt…it’s vagina

Gratliff

God damn it

old man captain america, sitting there on his bed, on the night of september 10th 2001, trying to remember something he was supposed to do by then

— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) April 30, 2019

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This better not be a spoiler.

Horatio Cornblower

Larry Allen, Jr. is never gonna get along with someone who went to clown college.
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Gratliff

Brett Brown is a surprisingly good coach for a man who is physically incapable of speaking at a pace understandable by humans

Gratliff

BRETT BROWN: "Ayy, I'm from Brooklyn. Ayy, I'm from Jersey. Ayy, I'm from Boston. Ayy, I'm from Philly."
INTERVIEWER: "It actually says here you grew up in Maine."
BRETT BROWN: "Ayy, all those prior statements were part of a subterfuge. You can trust me now. Ayy, I'm from Maine"

— The Joke Calculator (@DewNO) April 30, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Senor Weaselo

Stupid Dirt Raiders… giving up a 6-spot? I’m actually rooting for you tonight!

scotchnaut

Was reading a thing on reddit and was reminded of the time (I was 22) when a dude that would eventually flunk out of an ill-regarded Engineering program proved to me that “jumping up at the last second” would not save my life if I was in a free-falling elevator.

Me: “But, but, but….” [shoulders droop]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My wife makes fun of me for having thought that at like age 6.

scotchnaut
scotchnaut

Finally (FINALLY!) finished The Whiskey King and am now on to Infomocracy by Malka Older. It’s apparently the first of a triad of books that are highly regarded. We’ll see. That’s book #14 in my quest to read 35 by year’s end.

Horatio Cornblower

My father and I have the same birthday later this week. We met up this weekend and exchanged gifts. I gave him ‘Say Nothing’ a book about an IRA murder and its aftermath.

He gave me…’Say Nothing’ a book about an IRA murder and its aftermath.

scotchnaut

Wow! Just so you know, one of you is gonna eventually have to say something.

Horatio Cornblower

Ain’t gonna be me. Based on my current pile of “to-be read” books I’ll get to that one sometime between 2024 and the heat death of the universe.

SonOfSpam

It’s like Gift Of The Magi but even sexier.

King Hippo

I hope you each at least punch one stinking Protestant

blaxabbath

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blaxabbath

Damn I haven’t read a book this year. I’m dum

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey look at that, our equations don’t quite explain everything because we’re stupid. Let’s make up some stupider shit to try to explain what we don’t have the power to fully understand yet and we’ll name it…..Dark Matter and Dark Energy.

Gratliff

I for one will no longer kowtow to the whims of Big Dark Energy

Gratliff

Just went by the living room TV and heard the narrator ask if dark matter killed the dinosaurs, so I’m switching to your side now

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eh, just call it “Jesus Energy” and see if maybe you can get the evangelicals on board.

Redshirt

Watching Ghostbusters II, and I don’t get why people don’t like it. Its not as good as the first one, but the first one was perfect; nothing could’ve beaten that.

Its like the 1973 Dolphins. They may have won the title, but everyone only remembers the 1972 Dolphins.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They literally just said “You need to view the galaxy with IMAGINARY dark matter goggles”.

When does hockey start?

Gratliff

Is that the lens they used to shoot last night’s GoT?

herodotus450

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Gratliff

It always made me feel real dumb because the next level of explanation is like an 8,000 character physics equation that made my eyes bleed. There may be things not worth understanding.

herodotus450

When you run out of Greek letters for an equation you know you’ve gone too far.

Redshirt

I once had a college course with an equation ten lines long, composed of most of the Greek letters, about a third of the Latin letters and the same letters used with different subscripts.

I was half asleep during that class, so I may have the equation that proves Time Travel, disproves God, or the Anti-Life Equation in a box on my closet shelf and not even know it.

Redshirt

So someone took the time to point out the flaws to the ending of “Avengers: Endgame”. Surprisingly, they are blind to the flaws in their own life.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I saw it last night and the girl next to me SOBBED for the last 20 minutes.

Gratliff

Liked that they kept it silent for about 30 seconds so you could hear every single person who took it too far. If you’re gonna tear up, do it when you’re supposed to like I did: When all the superheroes do the superhero poses.

Senor Weaselo

Did you get her number? Unless you already had it.

Horatio Cornblower

Shouldn’t have put your dick through her popcorn box then.

Senor Weaselo

James survives and advances, winning by $18.

Redshirt

Someone wake up Watson. This guy needs put in his place.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I watch a lot of documentaries, and read a lot about the cosmos.

I’m getting tired of hearing about “Space-time”, “Dark Matter” and “Dark Energy”.

It’s fucking gravity you assholes!!!!! You just don’t understand why, which is understandable, but now you’re just making shit up to sound smrt.

Senor Weaselo

James with the “Vegas Strong” Daily Double wager to take a commanding lead in Double Jeopardy. After fucking up the initial clue. But now it’s a game after the second guy hit a Daily Double.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tonight I’m drankin’ shrimp and eating rum.

No, wait…

Senor Weaselo

Bubba approves.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When does hockey start?????

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Shrimp cocktail and rum ham? Sounds legit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I make my own cocktail sauce, truth be told. I’m fancy.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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I don’t want any of your special sauce friendo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!!! My homemade cocktail sauce and my homemade tartar sauce are better than you’ll ever find at Ralph’s.

yeah right

Hope you use lots of horseradish.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup. Bought two new bottles today in fact.
Makes my nose run, but worth it.

yeah right

Like wasabi and Chinese hot mustard I love to assualt my sinuses.