NFL News:
- The Bucs have inked Ndamukong Suh to a one-year deal to ply his wares in pirate country.
- This will mark Suh’s fourth team since being drafted, having played for the Lions, Dolphins, and Rams previously.
- To use nfl.com‘s assessment, Tampa released the 2010 #3 overall pick (Gerald McCoy) so they could land the 2010 #2 overall pick.
- FYI – the top pick in 2010? Oft-broken & released Sam Bradford.
- It has to save them money, because Suh was paid $14 million by the Rams in 2018, and McCoy was scheduled to make $13 million in 2019.
- OTAs have brought down another star, as Nick Bosa has injured his hamstring.
- He limped off the training field under his own power.
- Somewhere deep inside Bristol, Mel Kiper screams “I TOLD YOU SO!”
- He limped off the training field under his own power.
- Because you don’t leave the cult until the cult lets you leave, Julian Edelman has agreed to an unspecified multi-year extension with the Patriots.
- His deal was set to expire after the 2019 season, but what Tommy wants, Tommy gets.
- Because it never gets brought up, he was drafted in the seventh round in 2009.
- The Bills have allowed Senorise Perry to use #32, as the number has not been retired.
- He wore the number in college at Louisville, and when playing for the Bears.
- He had to wear #34 in Miami because Kenyan Drake wanted to keep the number.
- The previous user of those digits had some opinions on the matter:
- “Whatever they do is fine with me,” Simpson told [The Athletic]. “That’s how I feel. When I played there, I tried to honor the team. Since I left, I always tried to honor the Bills. And, to be honest, it’s not something I think about. There’s too much else going on in life.”
- He wore the number in college at Louisville, and when playing for the Bears.
- Ben Roethlisberger acknowledged that he “lacked in leadership” during the 2018 season, and admits that might have been what helped drive away Antonio Brown.
- “I never really saw any of it coming. I would have loved to have had the chance to talk to him. That’s why I said yesterday, whatever I did to offend him, I apologize for it. I tried to do that in person, talk to him. He wouldn’t allow me to.”
- AB84’s response?
Two face
— AB (@AB84) May 20, 2019
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Sharks at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
- Game 6; Blues lead 3-2
- If the Blues win, it’s their first Cup final since 1970
- Game 6; Blues lead 3-2
- Sharks at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
- CHL:
- Memorial Cup : Guelph vs. Prince Albert – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Bucks at Raptors – 8:30PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Phillies at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Atlanta at San Francisco – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
GO BLUES!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtP8dzrlo4E
FOAR tWBS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yrs4bLJUA2U
She just called.
Too late. Next.
Yep.
Amazingly she did ask if we could do lunch tomorrow though.
Sure, call me….let’s see if I’m available.
So what time is the reservation?
Quarter past never.
tWBS turned into Andrew Jackson so gradually no one even noticed.
Leave me hanging like this then give me a bullshit excuse?
You’ll be buying your own dinner and drinks tomorrow.
But she won’t know that for sure until she calls tomorrow thinking she’s got another free meal.
Fuck this.
Need a gif?
OK, so no shit. We were supposed to get together around 10pm. She called around 10:40pm and told me she would send me the address of where she wanted to meet. It’s now 11:30pm and I have heard nothing.
Fuck this.
My apologies to Unsurprised’s wang.
…Banner?
Unsurprised’s wang always belongs on the banner IMHO.
Unsurprised’s wang is very mad at her. Aren’t we, Unsurprised’s wang?
We are, Unsurprised.
Boo this woman. Booooooo
Since O.J. was referred to downthread I need to post my 2 favorite OJ jokes:
“Charles Woodson, congrats on the Heisman, that’s something no one can take away from you…. unless you kill your wife and a waiter”
“Who is the last Jew to win the Heisman trophy? Ron Goldman.”
I’ll share the joke I heard on the “People vs. OJ Simpson” that was one the best wrong jokes I’ve even heard.
“Who? O.J. Simpson? He’s so rich and popular, he’s practically white.”
“Well, he’s running from the cops. He’s black now.”
As an aside, that scene when Johnnie Cochran joins the Dream Team and they show him entering to Black Superman fucking rules.
Googling it, I came across this. I want this.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/Johnnie-Cochran-JR-Rare-2-Sided-T-Shirt-OJ-Simpson-RIP-Black-Superman-Sz-3XL-/332679011028
If anything, that series vindicated most of the lawyers, including Cochran. Before, I thought he was just above an ambulance chaser. Now afterwards, his actions make perfect sense to the point where I’m rooting for the guy to get the murderer off.
JC was the real fucking deal. He came from nothing to being a meme and an icon. It was a sad day when he died.
I’m putting this response from below up here so it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.
The issue being that I think she might be a little insane.
Having said that, she is hot enough to take the chance. So I am on my way to somewhere where I will get my kidneys removed (credit RTD for that, still making me giggle).
I mean she gave you her phone number; she’s obviously insane.
1. Use protection, so you don’t create a blessed miracle connection to her in case you need to bail out.
2. Don’t fall asleep or take any drinks she took out of your sight.
3. Use a burn phone or change your cell phone number if things go south.
4. Picture or it didn’t happen. Oh, I meant, have a nice time!
I’ll make sure your eulogy is funny
History has already assured that.
You ain’t wrong.
I’m always right.
Fuck it, I’m going to sleep now.
Gonna change my screen name to “Murtaugh”.
No! Get the drink!
Dude I am still waiting on her to call back and tell me where to meet her.
And I’m old and tired.
This is making my dick weep.
Come on man. Do it for Unsurprised’s dick.
We’re all living vicariously through you right now. Do it for us!
If she calls before I fall asleep I will go. If only for Unsurprised’s penis’ health.
But I’m starting to get annoyed. And sleepy,
Little Unsurprised thanks you.
I mean seriously. I got beer in the fridge. I can jerk off to free porn.
Who needs this??????????
The resemblance is uncanny
THIS TWBS I CALL HIM CHARLIE THE UNICORN BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO CANDY MOUNTAIN AND HIS GUIDE(S) ARE GOING TO STEAL HIS KIDNEY
Did Kyle Lowry just say “hospital environment”? Because that’s what I heard.
This shit is why people hate my city:
Not the only reason, but certainly a big one.
It’s a shame those Chechen brothers only had access to pressure cooker bombs.
There is a long list of things I would root for over the Red Sox in the World Series. Like nuclear winter, or Agent Orange to be president for life, which would basically become the same thing.
I like that Trump is around to say the quiet parts loud. And even though he’s killed more people with drone strikes, his bodycount is always going to be lower than Bush or Obama unless he nukes Iran. He won’t.
One of the few things that could break his hold over his cult is if he started getting their kids and grandkids killed and maimed in some pointless war. It’s what happened with GWB, and he was much more of a darling of the conservative establishment.
That reminds me. I saved this from some forum on November 8, 2006 (election night when the Dems retook the House and Senate). No matter how stupid or evil Republicans are, their opposition somehow manages to outdo them time and again.
I can’t wait until the big dig collapses into oblivion
If Cincinnati’s Brent Spence Bridge and Western Hill Viaduct is any indication, the rust, dirt and grime will actually keep it together.
As I told Madre Weaselo, “We root for the winner of this to figuratively curbstomp the Bruins. Possibly also literally, I think it’s just a two minute penalty.”
I think it’s funny that the killer in Silence of the Lambs was called Buffalo Bill when the real Buffalo Bill murderer turned out to be O.J. Simpson.
Come on organ player, all the stops, that goal ices it!
How is Beto doing in his Town Hall? Is he as Full Lefty as his last answer about Immigration Reform indicated?
Fuck no.
Really? Because Fox News just reported that he wants to let MS13 immigrants into the country in droves to rape the grandchildren of all of their viewers, and then force them to have abortions.
You had them debating it until the forced abortions.
I heard that he wants to pay Mexican drug dealers to come here and steal things.
They said that?! No wonder Trump got his panties in a bunch. They’re practically ACLU-card carrying liberals now!
Good, I’ve identified only two Dems I can stomach voting for, but I’m always looking for more.
Him and Harris? She’s the only competent conservative Democrat. She’ll still lose, but you can’t go wrong with a black cop.
And Biden, but that’s mostly process of elimination.
Harris won my possible vote, because when Alabama GOP outlawed abortion, she included the phrase about a woman consulting with her spiritual or religious advisor. That suggests she’s willing to recognize the other’s side point-of-view and not to dismiss it because she disagrees with it.
If anything, it got me to do something I’ve never done in my life; question my views on abortion.
Quick! Somebody punch Pavelski in the face until he bleeds!
So much sleep in my eyes. Good night, sweet princes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQigSZwJv1A
The CBC broadcast is doing its best to make a seventh game happen by recounting all the times St. Louis has been close to a Cup final since 1970.
Shots currently 10-0 for SJ midway through the 3rd. San Jose is at least putting up a fight.
Raptors struggling in the third period…waiting for the Hettganian-Valanginian period when they know they’ll thrive.
I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. That won’t fuck me up at all for tonight.
So, turns out that just after my dinner with my old friend earlier tonight…..
The desk clerk girl whom I met only a few days ago, etc, etc… (who is not working tonight) called and would like to go out for drinks tonight in just a little while. On a scale of 1-10, with one being mildly disturbed and 10 being batshit insane, how fucking crazy am I if I say yes?
Bear in mind she is insanely hot.
-1. Fuck it. Grab a drink.
1.5. Just do it.
Zero point zero. Just wear protection if sexytime occurs.
Kevlar?
If I get stabbed in my sleep tonight, I’m blaming all of you.
Chicks dig scars.
But rarely do they dig graves
Just so long as you do some stabbing as well.
It’s like no one even listens to the banner quotes
What was the issue that is making you question things?
I’m serious, did you blow $250 on drinks and dinner last time or something? What’s the problem?
Do it! Do her!
I need to just man the fuck up and throw myself out there. This is driving me nuts.
God/Fate/Time/The Matrix just gave you an “insanely hot” woman that wants to see you again. Just smile and accept life’s gift.
Fuck. Mosquito season in Los Angeles has begun.
So, Fire, Brown, Mosquito, and Mud are the 4 seasons then?
This guy gets it.
It’s more like Snowboard, Hike, Little Surf, Big Surf, but yeah, having mosquitoes now does suck ass.
Glendale is literally the only place in Southern California that has mosquitos.
No one talks about the guy but if Norman Powell is effective the Raptors will get the win.
Look, I’m pretty much a nonbeliever anymore when it comes to religious matters, but after watching him testify in front of congress today, the fact that anybody actually lived after getting their brain operated on by Ben Carson is pretty much the most concrete proof I’ve found of a goddamn miracle or divine intervention occurring yet.
I saw clips of that. Smug bastard.
I just assume he had really, REALLY good nurses/PAs.
Chris Davis hit a ball to left field. The end is nigh.
Norm MacDonald was fired from Weekend Update and SNL by NBC West Coast President Don Ohlmeyer (a longtime friend and golf-buddy of O.J. Simpson) who hated MacDonald’s relentless Simpson jokes each week.
MacDonald later said:
“I guess there were three victims that night. Nicole Simpson, some waiter, and me.”
Norm was an ice-cold fucker back in the day.
and God bless him FOAR it!!
I think norm is the best.
Fun Fact: Don Ohlmeyer is in Hell now!
“In a sworn deposition this week, O.J. Simpson claimed that he never beat, choked, or hit his ex-wife with a closed or open fist. Luckily for O.J., lawyers forgot to ask if he had ever cut her head off.”
OJ says “There’s too much else going on in life,” like, for instance, his ongoing search for the “real killers.”
Can’t help thinking that the Greek Freak air-balled that free throw because he was thinking about the Allegory of the Cave. Dude saw some shadows…
It’s funny how nice the following one looked.
“You think that’s funny? Am I a clown to you?”
-Tommy DeVito
Playing the role of Chief Brody this evening, the St. Louis Blues.
Whatever they do is fine with me,” Simpson told [The Athletic].
/cannot be applied retroactively to Nicole and Ron
I forgot that the NBA these days is like a 70’s key party. Everyone scores.
So I pulled off a pretty big score this afternoon. Three trees, six lemons. Plus an orange. Plus, I was smart enough to walk away when the fourth lemon tree was a bit out of my picker’s reach. It was like this scene in Heat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQzLC_ZGEbA
Lemon party at Rikki’s house?
Depends.
Jim Tomsula is both in awe of your haul and admires your restraint.
Ryan Leaf is confused about how you get high off citrus fruits.
The truth is that I really wanted a Vesper martini tonight, so I needed a lemon, and I was willing to break the law to get it, so Ryan and I are actually on pretty much the same page.
“Oui Des Nord!”
-Quebec Raptor Fans
MORE LIKE CRAPTORS AMIRITE?
If the Final is Blues-Bruins, what is the O/U on the number of times NBC shows the flying Orr goal during the series?
+16
Seems low.
It’ll be offset by how many Plager & Sutter brothers references they can squeeze in.
Raptors pre-game show consists solely of Leonard, Ibaka, Lowry and Gasol chasing small animals around and eventually tearing them apart with their beaks and talons. #Gross
Wildcard, bitches! Swapping out a ref for this hockey match.
I feel like the Eastern Conference Finals are the real NBA Finals, in that they are worth anyone’s time to watch.
Jordan Binnington might be fine in his home country, but on this side of the pond we call him Jordan Garbagecannington.
They should have to play the National Anthems of every player on both teams. Hour three of Scandinavian uvulluling would be great tv.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SSVIg4Noqc
this site needs more OJ pieces.
When you need something to be in more pieces, OJ is a natural fit.
Tropicana has a restraining order in place.
Wrestling T-Shirt art has simplified a lot since the 90’s
Is the British Conservative Party the Tories? Are then inherently pro-Brexit or have they just been hijacked by the crazies?
Yes.
The last Tory PM was literally a pig fucker.
A few years ago my son was playing Little League All-Stars and I was one of the coaches, (one of many reasons we were never a threat to win it all), and we were playing the next town over’s All-Star team, traditionally not very good. The manager and I were standing around when they took their warm-up jog and as the last kid in line, pudgy little fellow, trotted by he stopped and waved at us with a big “I’m just happy to be here” smile on his face and said “HI!” really loudly and then ran off. The manager and I just stood there and then he says “My god. We’re going to kill them.”
And we did. Something like 17-3. I know it was a lopsided football score.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure that’s what Aaron Boone feels like every time the Yankees play the Orioles.
I would have put Nicole and Ron’s corpses through a table if I did it. -OJ Simpson
Honor Mafia
I won’t be satisfied until The Juice is Buffalo’s GM
He’s the real killer…OF THE 2023 DRAFT!
Approving that probably isn’t the worst thing Roger Goodell has done this week, and it’s Tuesday.
Nick_Bosa liked this comment
So does Suh fit the description of a ‘journeyman’ player?
Based on the patriotic emoji and naked jingoism, it’s not hard to guess.
I’d say the grammatical mistakes/typos/missing punctuation/multiple punctuation would be a clue as well, but it’s Philadelphia, so it only clouds things.
/goes down “Japanese Perspective on WW2 battles” youtube hole
//sees mention of Guadalcanal Island
///is reminded of band “Guadalcanal Diary”
/X4 remembers that ‘Watusi Rodeo’ was an oddball tune
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StPPeXiQIro
Watusi Rodeo is a great tune.
I love this song and this video
Here’s another of their little ditties, “Litany”. Listening to this takes me back so much that I can smell my college dorm, and reminds me that I really need to take a shower.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfmGajfyv5A
Guelph vs. Prince Albert? What is this, my fan fiction about English monarchs time traveling to Renaissance Italy?
That is quite the stretch. Is “Down Dog” next?
I would love to have had the chance to talk to him
“But how could I possibly have done that when we were practicing together every day? I was behind center and he was out wide. How can you possibly bridge that gap communication-wise?”
-Ben R.
Look, Ben isn’t one to force conversation* if the other party doesn’t consent.
*And only conversation!
“Heh heh, gap.”
–Also Ben R.