Today is the debut of Paraguay and Uruguay in the Copa América. Fish out of sand Qatar takes on Paraguay and the better Guay (YMMV) takes Ecuador. But let’s acknowledge the significance of this day.

Via giphy.com

Happy Vasectomy Awareness Day, reprobates.

The smell of baby powder makes me squirm like a vampire before a cross. Going over the list of dealing with a fussy baby—hungry, diaper, sleepy, lonely, WHAT?!—is a riddle I will never have to solve again. Yes, fatherhood has its perks, like telling the world “I’m into coitus”, plus having the honor to extend the familial line of cold and distant rearing.

Via Michael Crawford / The New Yorker

But yeah. It’s an ineffable burden privilege to have a child and have a hand to develop an upstanding citizen. That is very much needed today; on the pitch at this Copa, there have been few, as shoving, elbowing and shin-kicking have been plentiful. Well, it’s Suramérica: the games are supposed to be rough.

Bolivia parlayed lack of skill into hard fouling in their 3-0 defeat against Not-That-Impressive Brasil. Perú and Venezuela put out 90+ minutes of purposeful disdain and maiming in their 0-0 deadlock yesterday. Colombia and Argentina almost turned into a steel cage match: Los Cafeteros treated Messi like an Uncle Sam effigy in Tehran and made two dazzling goals. Colombia are feeling themselves; Argentina had been unbeaten by COL for 12-years. James (“Don’t call me James”) Rodríguez became the interim captain after Colombia skipper Radamel Falcao was substituted, and here was Ha Mez’s post-game interview:

Now THAT is the proper way to create a QB controversy.

Qatar vs. Paraguay – 2 PM Central

That is the start time of the game. I have a Telemundo channel and they put the time a half hour early, which is the start of the pre-game. I rather get my info in-house, thank you. As noted in these august pages, Qatar are a buncha mercenaries. Methinks this is how it will look for the qatareños this afternoon:

Ecuador vs. Uruguay – 5 PM Central

When you think about Uruguay [Editor’s  Note: shameless, 1,500-word cribbing of The Ilyad deleted.] That sucks, but fútbol is even more screwy.

Ecuador made the 2014 World Cup in Brasil and since then have been true to form: middling.  Their coach is Colombian Hernán “Bolillo” Gómez, who took Ecuador to their first World Cup in 2002. Bolillo means biscuit, which suggests a warm demeanor. But his last gig was being the coach of Panamá, truly the dirtiest team at the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Counterpoint: Bolillo rocks the Dad Bod:

Via americatv.com.pe

It’s fair to say this game will involve several yellas. I’d put the forecast at 40% chance of blood.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all. May progress someday endow us dads with the tender and dedicated associations that are the cultural provinces of motherhood: