INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
ASHLEY MANNING releases DANIEL JONES’ wrist and he steps back, rubbing it. At that moment…
— [door flies open] —
ELI MANNING: …so about those pizza rolls…
ASHLEY: [frowns]
ELI: Oh, hey Ashley.
ASHLEY: Hello, Eli. [looks at him more closely] Eli, what’s going on with your eyes? Did you catch pinkeye again?
ELI: [nervously] No no, I just, uh…I got something in my eye and was rubbing it.
ASHLEY: Both eyes?
ELI: Uh, yeah. I accidentally sprayed, uh, cologne on my face.
ASHLEY: [smiles knowingly] Trying to be your best for all the ladies, eh?
ELI: Yup.
Everything in the kitchen is silent for a moment.
ELI: So…just gonna get some pizza rolls.
ASHLEY: Sounds good, kiddo. You help yourself.
As ELI takes a step towards the refrigerator, DANIEL sidles over to him and speaks softly in his ear.
DANIEL: Ashley can tell.
ELI: What?
DANIEL: Ashley can tell how high you are. She can tell how high you are and she’s gonna tell your brother and he’s gonna tell your mom and then you’re gonna be grounded. Probably for like two whole months.
ELI: I’m not…wait…am I high? Is this what being high is like? [looks at ASHLEY] Can she…can she hear us?
ASHLEY nods.
ELI: Oh man oh man oh man…
DANIEL: And it’s even worse than that. You see, Eli, you and me, we’re just figments of Ashley’s imagination.
ELI: Huh?
DANIEL: She’s asleep right now. She’s having a pretty ordinary dream, and the two of us are characters in her dream, and as soon as she leaves the room, you and I are going to cease to exist.
ELI: [freaked out] No…
DANIEL: Yes. Sweet oblivion awaits.
ELI: But…
ASHLEY: [has finally had enough] Okay, okay, that’s enough, Daniel, stop fucking with him. You’re making him paranoid. Eli.
ELI freezes.
ASHLEY: Eli, look at me.
ELI: [refuses to make eye contact] You’re gonna yell at me.
ASHLEY: No I’m not, Eli.
ELI: [finally looks at her]
ASHLEY: You’re going to be fine, Eli. You’re just a little high. What did you take?
ELI: I…uh…
ASHLEY: [to Daniel] What did you give him, you asshole, and how much did he have?
DANIEL: [giggling] Just some CBD gummies. He’ll be fine.
ASHLEY: How many?
DANIEL: I don’t know, like a dozen?
ASHLEY: Jesus. Welp, Eli, looks like you’re gonna be riding high for a little while.
ELI is now staring at the refrigerator, eyes glazed.
ASHLEY: Let’s get your stomach settled, at least. I guess I’d better give you a hand with those pizza rolls so you we don’t end up with the fire department showing up. Again.
—
Today’s topic is FEAR. Should be pretty straightforward, and there’s no limit, so go wild! Sorry for my absence, I was sicker than I can remember being in the last ten years. If only I had known the “t” in “tWBS” stands for “typhoid”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P-TP1pV1FU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16JmV-FvGP4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ynXjDfEBYQ
(One of my top 5 favorite Morrissey songs)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gar_K-S-BmE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu26KarcWD8
1st Round Pick right here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KutXyPEEbQs
[pours a sip out on the concrete for Bushwick Bill]
This song makes my shortlist for “songs I might want to be played at my funeral”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SneuvKIkM3A
“There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M_Gg1xAHE4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMAq_oNsNWI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k01ENkWk9LM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvlTJrNJ5lA
Ah yes, the good shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNls6VZypoo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK2BtdablXw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-GuSaiQEB4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnzIrRykilA
Damn fine pick right here!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZeaCohfWsY
Hey!!!!! I told all of you I was sick BEFORE the pub crawl. I stayed to the periphery to try to keep from infecting anyone. But had I not showed up you’d all have given me hell.
And all of you should be ashamed for leaving this on the board this long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD-E-LDc384
I asked you not to touch me and you INSISTED.
Like I haven’t heard that before.
But usually a restraining order follows.
I’ll just get this in before tWBS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-45sR2rDhlE
You magnificent bastard.
Polka dots ftw.
I just spilled some dog food while I was transferring it from the bag to its container. My dog right now (artist’s conception):
—
I have done that with dry cat food, but felines just look at you as if you’ve offended their dignity
finally, can’t believe I overlooked what should have been mah 1st pick:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG8fugqFn9Q
Ooh, thanks for the reminder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0K9xzPJoB-U
Hey, this is some purty scary Goth shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bMM61Y5CEU
MOAR Bowie!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne5XyG4VrmQ
These magnificent weirdos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yaPp7fiPBI
Dude’s afraid of being CUCKED like a sheeple or whatever idiots say
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE
“…and I’m scared shitless of what’s coming next.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhLrKGEwhKQ
I know it’s a lot of responsibility, but someone had to UP THE IRONS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p32b5nNq1zw
Mainly using for the album title, but threats *are* meant to inspire fear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm8Y1jr7yfg
I mean come on DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qanF-91aJo
I mean come on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K50UVfgwVuA
DOUBLE SHOT with the impending fear of a fascist government. Good thing we can’t relate to that here in the old U.S. of A.
Burn the Witch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI2oS2hoL0k
(Psst. Look at the end of the article.)
Oh. Yeah. I shoulda done that.
Most apropos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j44lZ-JQS0k
The fear of being the third wheel with your good friend and the girl you love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3xIib0VE_4
LOVE this band.
/also, just masturbate quietly in teh corner = everyone wins!
Maintain eye contact while doing that, of course. Pointing with the other hand at the person adds to the effect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnPlJxet_ac
HAH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnL0VwXPhsk
Okay. Fine. [sighs] I’m afraid of some Canadians as well.
Hippo thinking of the outside world be all like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZFK2lhJJXA
I’d be horrified if I was accused of the things the West Memphis 3 were jailed for.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbGlhVHvBkU
The irony or honesty, singing this song in concert.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6QxPkXzEQ4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qYQHc8hwuM
I will defend Shannon Hoon’s talent to the death. My death, of course. He’s already dead.
That happened like 10 miles away from my house!
He’s another one who at least went out doing what he loved (heroine), yeah?
A blast from the past to all those listeners in the 9th Ward:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwiTs60VoTM
I don’t think Elisha would go to a place called Terrordome.
Also, Public Enemy was really fucking great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Zey7o04Qk
damn skippy, a full album listen was always great FOAR Hippo’s white liberal guilt.
“Jubba wabba atta lucha.”
[translated] “Hey, can you give this one a spin for me?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWkty6Ux36g
Huh. Great minds and whatnot.
Modest Mouse – Shit Luck
THIS PLANE IS DEFINITELY CRASHING!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmhp_NEH12Y
Talking Heads – Life During Wartime, from the album, Fear of Music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3oQyz3Gya8
Is there a greater fear than nuclear war?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4Dcd1aUcE
John Bolton’s greatest fear is the exact opposite: nuclear war not happening at all.
Can you imagine the depression he felt when Trump (ok, Putin) called off the bombing?
Poor guy.
Putin deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. He’s kept us out of land wars in Syria, Venezuela, and now Iran. He deserves it a lot more than Obama ever did.
it’s hard for my kids to understand, but on my OPTIMISTIC days growing up, I felt like nuclear annihilation was a 50/50 proposition
/and reading now about how many close calls there were during the Cold War, me calculus weren’t far off
Yep, I was in high school during St. Ronnie the Forgetful’s admin, and I thought it was a coin toss.
You guys remember Offspring’s first album that is entirely horror metal? Just me?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hQx2cWzwSg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gORKiQ0h1ZA
So there is going to be a lot of metal in this thread, I am assuming? Or is that just me? Anyway, DOUBLE SHOT!
Trapped under Ice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwDftMCOMZE
Creeping Death
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXWq3f01e2U
Pfft the only thing Metallica is afraid of is that someone will obtain a copy of one of their albums without paying for it.
Oh, and tour busses!
Stay in control…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WJ6FbcWYRU
This I like.
All time paranoia classic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY
And one of my favorite Onion headlines: https://politics.theonion.com/fbi-discontinues-surveillance-of-rockwell-1819564900
Good song about anxiety
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY7S6EgSlCI
Old school!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClQcUyhoxTg
Oh no – there goes Tokyo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muUZjovOFRg
Let’s get things moving with a DOUBLE SHOT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hYMIPQw84
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp42V938eBA
Let’s make it a TRIPLE. Strangers are scary!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSeldKAqM-w