This is a bit of a footy desert for us degenerate #HAILGAMBLOR types. There is less to pick and choose from, so we tend to…force the #ACTION a bit? Anyway, happy me that Sweden, Norway, Finland, Brasil, Belarus, etc. are all kicking back into gear today. Them’s is leagues I sort of pretend that I understand.
Oh, there are also tons and tons of friendlies. DO NOT try to bet friendlies, therein lies the path to madness.
For the MOAR casual viewer, things must wait until Sunday. BeIn has you covered with two truly Raging Semis – Senegal v. Tunisia (noon EST) and Algeria v. Nigeria (3:00p). In particular, I recommend the earlier match, as the Merseyside duo of Idrissa Gana Gueye (no, I never get tired of the announcer calling him “The Everton Man”) and Sadio Mane (the least revolting member of the Redshite) have worked in perfect combination for Alou Cisse’s hipster perfection side. If Senegal aren’t the side playing the best football, then it’s Tunisia. Should be an absolute cracker of a match.
P.S. While looking for the above pic, I learned that Gana and Mane stop speaking to each other the week before the Derby. That is a beautiful juxtaposition of friendship and HATE right there. I tip my cap to y’all.
The nightcap has perhaps the two teams one might have EXPECTED to be playing the best, especially if one pretends Algeria is really Egypt. Hey, it’s all desert amirite?? But Nigeria in particular is loaded with attacking talent, albeit talent that hasn’t really jelled as a unit. But they had a pretty rousing Afikan Flacco Eight win over Team Apartheid, and that could really push them forward.
In short, it’s been a great tournament, and well worth 5 hours of your Lord’s Day time.
Our Young Boys play one of those interminable friendlies today. But like, at 4:30a normal ppl time. Fuck a duck, that’s early. Plus, el beisbol is back, and even though I slept through last night’s match (stupid, sexy, blood orange cider), I am comforted to know my beloved #BFIB are still shitty. I didn’t miss out, you see.
https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2019/07/12/richie-incognito-suspended-two-games/
Btw I know you all care a lot more about soccer, but this Essendon-North Melbourne game from the other night (hooray replays!) is riveting.
What is that, darts?
Queef off
Queef Offs are great, and it is a great sport.
Honestly, I think Australian football has become my second favorite sport behind the NFL.
YES!
I always mean to watch it, but always go to sleep instead. Melatonin production strikes again!
That’s why the replays are awesome!
#BFIB should have played in the afternoon, so I could go to sleep at 7p again.
Part 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB6b5puSpLw
The early 80’s was a complicated time.
No, it was a WONDERFUL time!
My voice changed like 3 times!
I am still waiting for a manlier voice. NOT THAT AH AM BITTER OR ANYTHING
When looking good in a bikini led to a recording career Part 1.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShSA8IbPDnk
The late 70’s was a complicated time.
Jiggle TV ruled the airwaves. Charlie’s Angels, Three’s Company… oh, the good old days!
Pia Zadora. God, how I miss her!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HJ7r-sue-I
I’m shocked she never did porn.
I think the Tour de France would be more interesting if they all had to ride Huffy’s. Specifically this one:
Ugh. I can’t see the word “huffy” without thinking of Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Fitting, since she can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting huffy.
That actually looks pretty fun.
The most aggressive rider in the Tour de France gets a red jersey? Did I just hear that right? Man, I’d just start kicking everyone’s bike over at the start and spitting on the other riders. It’s my only chance.
Is it red so that it hides the blood of the other riders? Or is it so it hides your own blood in case you overflow while doping?
Yes
Today is just whatfor teh necessities!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_rCRgu9qTg&list=RDN_rCRgu9qTg&start_radio=1
I should make breakfast, but alternatively I could go back to sleep…
Or you can get in the bathroom and start losing that spare tire, Mister Man!! – Karen C.
Whoa whoa whoa you cant just go throwing up Karen Carpenter jokes without TWBS’ permission.
Just made waffles and am considering going back to bed anyway.
no ofence ,, obvs, but in case of zombie apolcalypse, I would kill each and every one of you FOAR opiates and K-cups
“Threats like this are why I had them reduced.”
– Simona Halep
My heart goes out to all those French folks that had plans to drive to their local patisserie this morning.
“Mon dieu! They’re cycling again? They just did this same thing last year around this time!”
[crosses fingers] “Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… Don’t give the women’s winner a dish… AWW, CRAP!”
Second place gets a vacuum cleaner smh
but a nice Dyson with special dildo attachment
https://www.newsweek.com/female-athletes-vibrator-prize-hair-removal-kit-spanish-squash-federation-1431416
my sick fucking mind can no longer keep pace with actual reality. I’s scared.
Simona Halep has won. They’re dancing in the streets of [wanders over to wiki] Sibiu!
I remember watching video of her from over a decade ago before she got the breast reduction. It’s cool that worked out for her.
[immediately hires Simona Halep to teach him how to finish Serena off in less than an hour]
– Alexis Ohanian
Tour De France Update:
Not a single rider is yelling “Wheeeee!” while the peloton coasts down this mountain.
Me: “Pffttt! Halep barely held serve.”
Also Me: [is lazily licking soft serve]
Tour De France Update:
The countryside is still lovely. Some rider’s legs might be sore after the race.
Damn, I forgot to invest in hypodermic blood transfusion needles before the race.
THIS NET CORD I CALL IT AN ALABAMA JUDGE BECAUSE IT CLAIMS IT DOESN’T SEE COLOR BUT FOR SOME REASON TREATED SIMONA HALEP MORE FAVORABLY THAN SERENA WILLIAMS.
I cannot help myself from thinking that Simona Halep has a harelip, even though she absolutely does not.
Today is arms day in the gym for me. I should probably tape that photo up as motivation.
I did the same, but because it’s boob day for me.
Oh right, I forgot that was her!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcpXYb6Kma0
So strange. I don’t have belN but in my travels I found a throwaway channel that is devoted exclusively to World Cup cricket.
/related: In the 1,000+ community of Valemount, BC, Judy O. is celebrating a birthday and Bites and Bikes* is open at 9am.
*not a sponsored comment
LiveScore is where I track most of my Lesser Footy matches, and they constantly put these goddamned World Cup of Cricket interview videos in the right margin.
I honestly had no idea there was a Cricket World Cup. Hey, gotta make it sexy, hips and nips. Otherwise, I ain’t eatin!
I think a very strong argument could be made that cricket is the least sexy sport in the world.
Agree to disagree
Eating competitions, eSports, and competitive enemas are my top three least sexy.
Of those, competitive enemas is the only one I’d actually consider a “sport”.
How far can you squirt?
I think the channel you are thinking of us called Willow.
Which is weird, because all I can think about is the lesbian from Buffy The Vampire Slayer
That’s all you think about like 40% of the time