Howdy, folks! It’s your Friendly Neighborhood Balls here, filling in for TequilaHomieRoberto while he’s off doing… something.
First things first. Here are your sports options for the evening (all times Pacific):
- 8:10 PM – Collingwood Magpies v Gold Coast Suns, Watch AFL app
- 10:20 PM – Carlton Blues v West Coast Eagles, Watch AFL app
- 11:40 PM – Brisbane Lions v Western Bulldogs, Watch AFL app
What? You think there are other sports?
Fiiiiiiine. Lemme see…
- 3:00 PM – Querétaro v Cruz Azul, TUDN USA, UniMás
- 5:00 PM – América v Tijuana, TUDN USA, Univision
- 7:00 PM – Monterrey v León, Fox Sports 2, Fox Deportes
- 7:00 PM – Necaxa v Veracruz, TUDN USA,
I hope you’re happy now.
Now, normally our good friend MezcalNiñoMiguelÁngelRamírezSanchez shares some fun tidbit in these here intros to set the mood and get the conversation going.
What do you think good ole Balls is gonna do?
I’m so predictable, aren’t I?
Actually, not so fast, my friends! While I do enjoy the gif above, I do have a brain and I do have some important things to talk about!
That girl would be perfect if her hair was blonde.
No, seriously, we all have our preferences. Some people like butts. Others like boobs. Others like legs. Hippo likes shoulders. Rex likes feet. Some people like hair colours. Some like certain hair styles.
It’s actually quite beautiful and amazing that there is really something for everyone and every single one of us can be considered attractive to some poor deranged person on this planet.
I pass by some rough streets on my way in to work. There are usually a gaggle (is that the official term?) of hookers working the streets at the time I pass by around 6 AM.
None of them are what I would consider my cup of tea. My work buddy called me once as we were passing through the gauntlet and asked me if we should bring hookers or donuts to the meeting that morning. I replied, “We’re SOL cause I think the hookers ate all the donuts!”
However, they still have customers!
Seriously, there is a fucking traffic jam on those streets at 6 AM from all the potential customers checking out the wares!
So, as I’ve said in these pages before, we should take a moment to realize that beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder and be thankful for that.
God knows my penis is thankful someone besides me is goodly enough to play with it.
Please discuss in the comments your likes and preferences. I’m sure we can all learn something and maybe, just maybe, we can discover something new and exciting that we didn’t know existed.
(90/69)
I bought a MAD MAGAZINE today! First time since I was a kid! It’s the October 2019 issue, and it was just sitting there on the magazine rack down at Ralphs, so I bought it. It’s not too bad either, although MAD was always a bit corny, I even thought so when I was a kid, but I always loved the artwork and draftsmanship, particularly the parodies drawn by Mort Drucker and Jack Davis. There’s a Tarantino parody here very much in that style, plus a few reprints from classic issues as well (the fold-in is from 1967). I heard very recently that they were no longer going to print MAD anymore so this might be the last one. It cost $5.99, and I told the 18-year-old cashier that I bought a one year subscription when I was twelve for $7.00 and his head exploded.
I was thinking about taking a cruise.
Whaddya think?
This was live footage of you.
Nah. Seamus has more hair.
It’s true, I do. I need a haircut.
KITTEH!
Big Kitteh.
He just wants a big hug!
I’m not judging. I’d have tried to jump through the glass at her too.
Too bad she’s so quick.
She’s got panties full of poop, I would surmise based on the available evidence.
Soft kitteh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tDtNUEKZDQ
Fun fact: Andrea True was a porn star.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlJGrIyt-X8
Wait, wait wait….ah shit….
At least she cleared the dock. More or less.
If you know who this is, you are a horrible human being.
Just like me.
And Balls.
Dammit.
Yeah, I knew you would know.
freaking pervert.
Can’t deny that…
James on Wednesday!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOOKy8-V4Vo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj6UNM8WANU
Bonk!!!!
Rubber head is a side effect of steroid use
Velasquez looked real good in his first match, though he wrestled the whole thing in a mask which was unexpected and a bit fanboyish. Was odd that they had him doing more athletic flippy moves to start instead of just pretend MMA, but it was a good start.
He did not look as good at Scarlett Bordeaux did, though.
I would totally Bordeaux that.
Would totally wrestle her. If she pins me, I win.
It’s not even totally dark out.
There’s a white nationalists joke here but I’m too lazy to figure it out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2flANhkdZs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D00M2KZH1J0
Time to give up on el beisbol and queue up this “Euphoria” show
Hope you don’t have a daughter.
only three of them. Don’t worry, I harbour no illusions already.
OMG.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBsZbL-Akms
That’s real good.
Can’t span two woods. 2/9 would not tag team.
The splash is what makes me laugh.
Gravity sucks.
The 2019 Baltimore Orioles in gif form.
Hey, we’re not as bad as Detroit anymore.
The Orioles, or the city in general?
Gimme a sec to think on that…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOx38GLyYRY
BREAKING NEWS: Moving sucks
Bite the bullet and hire movers.
We did. Boxing everything sucks.
Have you heard the Good News about a cleansing fire?
ain’t nuthin’ holier!
Insurance is a wonderful thing.
I plan to die exactly where I currently reside
Wait, I always paid extra for that.
#BFIB falling out of first. I feel like we is letting AMERICA down. Sorry, y’all.
Keep trending!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI
Why can’t I just go to the office, do my job, and have a fucking hobby that consumes my downtime like everyone else so I don’t have to acknowledge that the rest of the world exists?
This should be the catalyst for just obsessively starving myself and working out nonstop to hit that 200 pound goal.
Dude I can make a smoothie that will clear your soul.
I aint lyin’.
You need to cook for yourself.
Seriously.
I do that. And I’ve cut way back on snacking.
NUT!! I mean, OUT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYItTxqTc38
Cain Velasquez debut up next. If he so much as does a proper headlock, Vince McMahon is going to send him a billion dollars to come lose to Brock Lesnar.
And a convivial day in April to you too!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7mj6LZ-z74
Oh, Francis!
I think Bandhu is still in the trunk.
At least his remains were there for a bit.
This is the first SFW gif I’ve seen of the new big titty HBO wonder, Sydney Sweeney from Euphoria.
yowza
oh snap, may have to check that show out
For science
h
ttps://giant.gfycat.com/SpiffyPersonalEider.mp4
I like science!!
Submitted for your approval:
1971: Don McLean writes and performs “American Pie,” containing the lyric:
1982: Stanford-Cal, the Big Game, the band is on the field!
The halftime show of that game? A tribute to Richie Valens and The Big Bopper.
The leader of the California band? Don McLean, in cognito, tripping on Palo Alto’s finest psylocybin.
The quarteredback for Stanford? Bob Dylan in a John Elway mask.
Mick Jagger gets a strange green fungal infection.
The Baltimore Orioles won tonight.
37 wins baby!!!!!! The push to 50 continues.
WTF. They’re out of first place now.
37-73
How’s that for symmetry?
Are we good or what?
I have to go with the option of “what”.
What?
“Not good”
Who’s on first?
(nobody)
So 1330 bucks later I’ve got a new TV! AND a new PC. The PC is so fucking strange. I bought it strictly because I use it to write. And there was so much porn.
So much porn.
I spent about 500 bucks for a digital typewriter.
It’s what I’m used to.
The TV is the bright shiny balls.
It will be delivered on Tuesday.
New tv!
4k?
Oh you betcha!
I hope this becomes a trend.
La Parka showing up at TripleMania is actually written into Mexico’s constitution
“El Paso? Who fuckin’ cares about a shooting in Mexico?”
-Don T. (the other one)
No Google, I do NOT want to see the stats or highlights of the Mariners game tonight.
Asshole.
Watching the Dirty Dozen, which reminds me of my dad and is fucking awesome. However, just for giggles I did a little research and learned that Lee Marvin was only 43 when this movie was made. I’m 44. Not sure how to feel about this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff1V6ywnWcY
I’ll bet you’re a big Lee Marvin fan!
I see the usual people are insisting we refuse to give the shooter the satisfaction of being identified
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I’d be kinda bummed to get killed by Tejano McLovin
Was it Nino Hamburguesa?
He looks guilty.
Did not realize the President was a fellow kommentist. Good evening, sir!
Bring on the motherfucking apocalypse already. Humanity is a lost cause.
I’m sorry for everyone who died in El Paso. Wal-Mart is offering a free holster for all the family and friends of the deceased.
Battling a summer cold and took the family to some park in Jersey. Then after a 2 mile walk, a few hours at a playground and a bunch of other things. I get roped into paddle boating because they look like swans. And my daughter has been on her worst behavior for the whole day. I deserve anal tonight. From one of the really good call girls.
Make sure she lubes up the strap-on before she sticks it in you.
What are you, my mom?
What happens if you sneeze while getting pegged?
Don’t tell me you’re at Echo Lake Park
I am so very happy you typed that final sentence.
Stella Stevens is the same age as my mom. This photo was taken the year I was born. Hot dang!
Any pics of your mom for comparison?
Looks like you won the gene pool. Congrats!
Gonna do the dumb thing and watch AAA’s TripleMania tonight. There will undoubtedly be lots of extremely good wrestling mixed in with an equal amount of extremely bad wrestling, as all lucha libre events guarantee. Of note, though, Cain Velasquez’s pro wrestling debut.
HOLY SHIT
Blue Demon Jr. VS Dr. Wagner Jr.
Texano Jr.
Myzteziz Jr.
Mocha Cota Jr.
Carta Brava Jr.
and . . .
Villano III Jr.
plus . .
Fabi Apache
Maximo Mamba
Chik Tormenta
Nino Hamburguesa
Australian Suicide
Matt Jackson
and of course . . .
PIMPINELA ESCARLATA
This poster represents every fake name I will ever need for the rest of my life.
Dr. Wagner Jr has a son who goes by El Hijo De Dr Wagner Jr. Lucha is wonderfully goofy sometimes.
OMG
Chastity is a very important quality for a lady.*
* whom I’ll never date.
The new PR Governor and First Lady
‘Cause he’s getting divorced, see?
I’ll bet he has the soft clammy handshake of a wealthy man who does no labor and uses lots of hand lotion.
FWIW my ring is on the other hand. Not sure which side they prefer in PR though.
Fought off the Hobo, asserted my dominance over two Latinos wearing wife beaters and got the 2nd picnic table like a champ. In-laws stupidity aside, Toddlerzilla’s birthday party was a success. It’s 5pm. I’ve been at Riley Park since 9 am. The party is over, I’m going home and I’m drinking and if I’m not drinking, I’ll be sleeping because that was a long fucking day.
I’M KING OF THE PARK!