Jesus Bananacakes! I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I should welcome all you folks back from your non-self-imposed hiatus from the football. It’s nice to see you and my, that ‘no pants’ look really suits you. That chip dip stain on your wife beater should come out just fine, if ever you decide to do laundry again. Hey, I’m kidding. So yes, hello there all you swiggers, sidewalkers, ne’er do-weller’s, hellcats, harlots, schemers, backdoor men, railway cops, geezers, sneezers, dreamers, jive bombers, beard holders, machinists, taffy stretchers, Barbie dolls, tailpipe enthusiasts, shoe smellers, cis-goths, rhubarb lickers, Big Daddies, greasers and what have you.
I’d also like to give a shout-out to all the fellers that pitched in to make all that off-season content. (’cause I sure didn’t but I was very active in the comment section ) We learned quite a bit about soccer, cycling, tennis, golf, basketball, baseball and most importantly, each other. I mean, who knew that the mere presence of a 19 or 20 year-old competitor in the Women’s World Cup could so easily bring out the inner creep in all of us. Maybe some of us. Okay, a select few of us. Whatever, that’s in the past-we’re looking forward now. I’ll never forget you Becky…
Unlike the NFL. Did you hear it’s the 100th season of that little underdog league that morphed into the goliath that it is now? If not, you will and you will be sorry-at some point. My guess is that tonight there’ll be some Walter Payton shots accompanied by the delicate plucking of strings.
Enough of this. You know the drill. TO THE GAME!
Packers/Bears:
I don’t think I’m much wrong perspicating* that this tilt holds a fair bit of weight, even this early in the season. The Vikes as well as these guys will be jostling for position in a ‘should be’ competitive NFC North division all year long. I larfed a bunch when rook coach Matt Lafleur (no relation to Guy Lafleur) said that qb Rodgers would be ‘allowed’ to audible plays as though Mr. New Head Guy had any choice in the matter. The Chicago D is good but if you’re in a deep league and have 6′ 3″ Geronimo Allison, go ahead and play him. He’s up against 5′ 7″ slot corner Buster Skrine. Not only is Skrine small, he’s also lousy! Given that Bears te Burton is out your touchdown vulture tonight will be a certain Adam Shaheen. Prepare to shout his name to the heavens.
That’s it. Comment like you’ve commented before!
*perspicating is not a real word. Do not use in real-life situations unless trying to fuck with someone. Continued use of this ‘word’ may result in quizzical looks, disparaging comments behind your back, a sit-down with HR, divorce, indulging in necromancy and chronic back pain.
You have 7 points you fucking jagoff
“Stop calling me that!”
– B. Bortles
3rd and 40 screen? Yes, we can all go home now.
Throw it deep
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ahV4fYTaq0
I won’t be all night, but right now I am completely sober. Which means I am qualified to say that this game is shit.
Welcome to the club, I am deeply regretful that I didn’t trust my gut.
Did your gut say to skip the game or drink heavily?
Both
Please call a WR screen
loooooooooooool
Nailed it!
LOOKIT NOSTRAGRATLIFF HERE
just goddamned punt already
a screen? why not just a draw play?
Has a team ever punted on 1st Down when it not raining or blizzarding??
2nd and 37 would have been so much more manageable
That didn’t look like a push to me
Had to make up for making the correct call somehow.
In Australian Rules, that’s a mark.
Just sayin’
The Flag Gods are pleased..
This is so stupid
I don’t think I’ve ever seen 1st and 40
BIG TIME… OPI.
1st and 40? Super NFL Blitz!
No Fun League
for fucks sake.
what is 1st and 45, WCS??
Green bay literally holds every play.
And they call shit like this
LMAO
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGH
“The is a nice Defensive Struggle.” = “You have a lot of inner beauty.” = “We love all of our children equally.”
Fuck ,i might need other drink before this game is over.
Can a typed sentence sound drunk? This one does.
1st and 30? NFL BLITZ!
1st and 30? NFL BLITZ!
1st and 30? NFL BLITZ!
Triple Jinx, y’all all owe each other beers
Calling a holding penalty just so they don’t really have to sort out whether or not that was a catch?
starting to self-destruct, Al?
They’ve decided to play their whole season in the space of one game
FUck that kind of looks like a catch
Hmmmm…. No I don’t care for this
You should lose a timeout and 10 yards for a PI challenge. Down and distance remains, however.
Chosen randomly, an assistant coach is executed by guillotine.
A little grab ass happens on all footballs plays.
nods
Aaron Rodgers
Al Michaels asking “what are we doing” is the complete history of my football fandom.
So… they should cut the preseason to two games, and anyone who doesn’t play in one of them is automatically suspended for the next eight games.
Wat
Fuck us all
That is ambitious, but doable.
-Houston
Well, I guess Dallas had its turn, so it’s only fair…
— Debbie
Huh.
It sets a really shitty precedent if this gets overturned
And we already have a really shitty precident.
BUT it DID have a chance to hit Alabama!
an OPI challenge? That’ll run maybe an hour or two.
OPI challenge, drink all the things!
And snort coke.
Because things go better with coke.
These games don’t have enough stoppages. Thank god for VODKA.
I hate that PI is challengeable
The NFL is just catching up with the CFL, really.
Blame the Saints
This season is going to be ludicrous in this, as in many other, situations.
it is the worst thing The Shield has done since giving Ginger Hammer his title
Well I for one can’t wait for the regular season to start.
Please see below…..
And a few times below that
and lower.
and deeper?
Wider too (look where the game is being played)
How’s everyone enjoying this puntkakke?
It’s awesome.
*breaks out razorblade*
I’m so excited for the Bears this season.
*runs blade down arm*
There’s so talented and last year was so much fun.
*blood gushes from open vein*
Hahahaha!
Excuse me. I was told suicide is painless.
I assume the number is non-zero, but how many people do you think there are who have legit sexual fetishes where they are aroused by punts?
Average hang time.
I’m fine with it.
This game, Jesus Christ.
I like defensive FITBAW, but Chi**** is so out of synch offensively it’s hard to watch. Like snuff schiesse porn.
It’s a comforting throwback to like, half of the last 20 years. The other half being years where both the defense AND offense sucked.
[has nightmares]
– Eli Manning
Oh no, man with homicide-inducing level of annoyance is back for Chevy ads again this season! FAAAAHHHK!
I’m also pretty impressed that we’re already in midseason form as to bitching about game quality. Well done!
You knew that would take two fucking minutes.
That’s the accumulated wisdom of many seasons
*Phrasing.
if there were two MOAR games just like this, I’d stay up all night watching
/sooooo, MNF 2 in the Black Hole, y’all
Who has a ticket to Chiffs/RAIDERS next weekend? THIS GAL!
That has TWO thumbs.
oh, that be fun
Dok Zymm has tix to a game? I can’t be the only one looking forward to a ‘Boobs on the Ground’ post. Am I?
It’s really cool that a fluky missed field goal in a playoff game has seeped so deeply into Nagy’s head that it appears to have broken his brain.
It’s almost like Trump with the Alabama hurricane damage prediction.
But the chart……
Cue the sharpie showing it was good the whole time!
He barely touched Rodgers