Mid-September Sabado Footy Extravaganza!

Oh men!  (and the occasional Nel and Dok visit!) There is some good stuff this weekend.  And if you want to be primed for the full RedZone dopamine rush, you need to limber up on Saturday.

If you want to wake up early and count the teeth (o/u – 60% of capacity), Liverpool are hosting Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN).  Realistically, it will just be a 2-hour Jurgen Klopp blowjob.  Make sure you have Scope at the ready, DonT!  😀  Christ knows that if I unfortunately wake up, I’mma go to ESPN+ coverage of Mighty Whitey hosting West Brom.

Chelsea at Wolves is the highlight of the 10:00 window, though you need NBC Gold (or a dodgy Belarussian stream) to watch.  United hosting Foxy Footy is also on Gold.  VERY surprising not to televise both Chelsea and United, against decent opposition, on the same weekend.  Spurs and Palace (sneaky, train wreck of a draw is possible) are the NBCSN offering.  NO THANKS!

12:30 spotlight dance dips into JV NFL time, which is good, because it’s a snuff film – angry Man City at Norwich.  Remember when Other Trash Birds briefly looked competent and exciting?  Didn’t last long.

Continentally, one might theoretically enjoy Juve/Fiorentina (9:00, ESPN+) and/or Barca hosting Valencia (3:00, BeIn).  Oh, and Bayern visit the Red Bulls in HAWT Nazi action (12:30, FS2).  That’s…pretty good shit!

Sunday Funday brings a quality doubleheader, with the Hippo/yeah right Derby to start (9:00, NBCSN), followed by Arsenal at the Moose Hornets (11:30, NBCSN).  The desperate Moose Hornets – classic “banana skin” match.

Likely, we get more interesting fixtures, which one of the Crack Lesser Footy Team will note in the comments.  To the perv content!

Litre_Cola’s Obscure team that Hippo (probably) bets on!

Today we stay in the East and profile  Football Club Anzhi Makhachkala (  Футбо́льный клуб «Анжи́)

They are based in Makhachkala in Dagestan and owned by a billionaire who I am sure got his money  completely legally. Shall we dive in to see what  Suleyman Abusaidovich Kerimov is all about?
He purchased the club in  2011 after he made all of his cash from the disintegration of the Soviet Union very oligarchish. He’s a very private man and has not given an interview in 20 years (snitches get dead in Dagestan). I am sure nothing shady goes on in business in Russia but I have already said too much as the bots will be after me. .
The reason I selected this lot is because I recall when Samuel Eto’o went there and it was insane that a superstar like that would end up in Dagestan. (Just found out Roberto Carlos played there too!) I remember reading that it was so dangerous there that the club would practice in Moscow and helicopter in for the games and leave right away once the match was complete. During this time Guus Hiddink was hired as the manager as the club was to be a feather in Kerimov’s papakha.
Once Kerimov got tired of his new toy in 2013/2014 they sold everyone off, had huge budget cuts and the results tanked. These cuts made them awful and they ended up only winning 3 games that season and finish with 20 pts making them the worst last place team in Europe! After being relegated that year they came back up the next, so basically after the owner lost his interest they became a yo-yo club.
Were their problems gone? No. No they were not. They were relegated again in 2017-2018 but were saved by some shady Russian Football federation stuff involving Amkar Prem, however the next year they were relegated again.  Вы получили то, что вы заслужили 
They are almost bankrupt. This year in June they received a license to play which was in doubt but they were not allowed to register new players because the club had so much debt. They’re playing in the second tier with mostly their under 20 team from the year prior. So basically bet against them whenever they play away from Dagestan.
This year in the Russian League which is divided into regions they are currently 13th in the South region having played 8 games with 1 win and 5 draws. This week they play Volgar which I would imagine is a club near the Volga River. Volgar is in 2nd so they should kick the shit out of Anzhi although with match fixing you never know.
They play in Anzhi arena which was opened in 2014 with a show headlined by Cher and Flo Rida (the man?). The concert was filmed but for legal reasons, Cher was not shown on Russian TV. Flo Rida ran through the entire stadium through the crowd celebrating with the locals during his set. From the Moscow times  “The stadium opening was marked by a show featuring American pop singer Cher and the ’80s action star Jean Claude Van Damme, Rossia 1 reported.” Jesus, they also brought in JVC, hell yeah that would have been a party.
Hooligans? Once again, Eastern Europe, you know they do, but nothing too spectacular to put here.  This story is about how the Dagestani police beat the shit out of the Zenit Ultras, which I have 0 problem with.
*most stuff taken from wiki and Russian sources that I am not allowed to talk about.

 

NC State (-7) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)

The Hippo/tWBS/WCS Derby may be an eyesore, but huzzah for local interest!  Neither side can pass downfield worth a flying fuck, and the commentary will no doubt center around how lunch pale! all the ‘Eers be.  Plus, being a significant home dog to the likes of my Shitty Wolves will no doubt piss them off.  JUST GREAT.

Maryland (-7) at Temple (Noon, CBSSN)

The One Where Fear teh Turtle Crashes Back To Reality

Kansas State (+7) at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)

The real game of the window, two 2-0 sides that nobody really knows anything about.  Shit, I don’t even recall if Unded Bill Snyder still ghouls along the sideline.  All three matches of the noon window an even 7-point spread, which I find soothing.

Alabama (-infinity) at South Cakalaky (3:30, CBS)

Means MOAR, my hairy white ass.  This here a 3-team league this go-round.  Wake me for LSU and UGA.

Southern Cal (-4) at BYU (3:30, ABC)

America’s MOST and LEAST sexualized cheer squadrons!  Oh well, I am amused.

Iowa (-1.5) at Iowa State (4:00, FS1)

Cornpone Derby, always a fun watch.  Staggered kickoff time, too!

Florida (-8.5) at Kentucky (7:00, ESPN)

Extremely lopsided historical rivalry, has produced some bananacakes in recent years.

Florida State (+7.5) at Virginia (7:30, ACCN)

Semenholes have no business being 1-1 (ie, should CLEARLY be 0-2), more than a TD underdogs to a pedestrian Wahoowa side.  I’m sure much Reacting Reasonably is going on throughout that shithole state.

Oklahoma (-23.5) at UCLA (8:00, Fox)

Laughing at Chip Kelly never gets old.  What a fucking joke he’s assembled at Westwood Klavern.

Texas Tech (-2.5) at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)

You fall asleep during the evening slate (understandable) then wake up, paw away the dried-up drool, and enjoy this sure-to-be-wacky tweaker fixture.  September is awesome, y’all.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Game Time Decision

Blocked field goal gives the Stamps the win

scotchnaut

“Cool.”

-Sweet City Woman

litre_cola

Forks Up beating Sparty at the half. I like this.

Hippo I bet on Buffalo, our last year talisman.

scotchnaut

This game is really interesting.

WCS

That was not the result I anticipated, but I don’t mind.

JustStopDude

The answer is no on all accounts. Fucking terps.

Brick Meathook

Here’s an Indian sculpture at the Fleer Gallery of Asian Art. This thing is like really really old.

Look closely: not only does this dude have ginormous gauges in his ears, but his dick is just totally dangling out like he don’t even care.

comment image

scotchnaut

“I WAS SWIMMING IN THE GANGES BEFORE I POSED! I SWEAR!”

herodotus450

The fact that Saban is undefeated against his former assistants just shows that he’s not a very good teacher.

scotchnaut

I like the butt of your jibe.

Wakezilla

Nah, his school makes sure he has the largest payroll in the nation.

scotchnaut

Cocks showing game vs. Bama.

litre_cola

Seems like today is bananacakes for Gamblor.

scotchnaut

Whoa! Dawn Davenport is simply divan.

scotchnaut

Alabama fans touched by Downs celebrate their team’s first touchdown.

ballsofsteelandfury

Barça-Valencia is a pretty good game!

scotchnaut

[googles]

Huh. You’d think more Jewish folks would go to Temple.

scotchnaut

Coach Popovich is glad that the seventh place finish at FIBA is a blemish on his record at not yet another one on his nose.

scotchnaut

Miss St. qb follows in Elway and Don Beebe’s footsteps with the helicopter landing thingy.

scotchnaut

K State just pulled ahead.

scotchnaut

Kansas doesn’t have a race issue, after all they did vote in a Brownback once.

scotchnaut

Norwich City? I don’t know enough about them to even attempt a joke.

Horatio Cornblower

I guess you could say that this is the canary in the coal mine that Manchester City might not have it this year.

Senor Weaselo

Norwich navigated their way to victory.
/Wait, they became the Connecticut Defenders and then moved to Richmond? God DAMN it.

Horatio Cornblower

Now the CT Tigers of Low A ball.