So I was listening to the fantasy football channel on my way home from work today (not a sponsor) when I heard a yeller describe a specific play as “bananacakes!”. Sure it could be just a coincidence but I think the long reach of DFO is manifesting itself, peoples! Let’s head over to that thing that gets done on Mondays…
Fallout:
-Is this the year of the backup qb? Sure seems like it. The whole football got rolling with a bit of news that resulted in Brissett being under center. From there we’ve seen Minshew, Rudolf, Bridgewater, (Taysom is just a matter of time) Rosen, McCown and tonight Sieman. And Daniel Jones is right around the corner. That’s about 20% of teams leaning on the guy they feared they wouldn’t have to lean on. And we’re all of two weeks in.
-Speaking of the Giants Jones, coach Shurmur won’t commit to Eli this coming week. He’s in a wee tight spot because owner Mara/GM Gettleman are Eli guys but now he’s asserting himself. He’ll win out eventually with the help of the NY media.
-Those fantasy owners that took a flyer on the Steelers James Washington, don’t throw in the Terrible Towel just yet. New qb Mason Rudolf and JW were teammates at Oklahoma State very recently and did some good things together. I’m not saying that they’ll be gangbusters but just give this a chance.
–“J’accuse…!” So says a lady mural painter employed by Mr. Antonio. An unsubstantiated rumor started by me just right now was that the mural was of an id running wild…
-Broncs fans can take solace in the fact that Manny Sanders is back and doing damage again but be aware that he was matched against the incredibly awful cb Buster Skrines yesterday.
-Adam Vinatieri, unless you get your shit together next week, the noble thing to do would be to take the decision out of your coach’s hands and hang up that kicking tee for good.
TO THE GAME!
Browns/Jets:
Good lord, New York is almost literally limping into this tilt. I fear that rb Bell and his wonky shoulder are going to be called on to carry far too much of the load because Siemian and he’s going to break down. Cleveland had a letdown last week and should come out super aggressive. As with all things Cleveland, this one won’t be pretty.
Do that thingy that you do. It’s so sexy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNUI3PAVfag&ab_channel=fendergibsonsounds
Goddam, someone else knows who The Tubes are! My night is complete.
“Hey, I know who the tubes are!” – Ted Stevens
NSFW? https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/1173795020312338434
Great reply…
That’s the only way most Jets fans can see one.
Maybe he’s pre-med and has an OB GYN quiz in the morning.
When the library is too noisy for you
Look at all of the “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!” JFC.
Miami traded Minkah Fitzpatrick to the Steelers for a 1st round pick.
They may as well run out 7 men next week.
Miami will be trading players from the Washington Generals next
I feel like I am watching a movie right now where you have two fake teams competing in a made up league where fake announcers are trying to convince you something important is going on.
Well isn’t that just what
lifefootball really is?Based on that scenario, either the Browns or Jets will win the championship.
…you’re not a real football team…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a-W4IKoaBE
I remember when they filmed that scene; I was two lockers down at the time.
The clapping sound that started it all was just you banging on the door asking to be let out.
When in all actuality Bruce Willis is running around thwarting an assassination plot
The head coach is Goldie Hawn
Next thing we know, people will say Houston has a team.
Keep feeding Th’Ernest! NO MOAR LESSER CHUBB
I’ll give ESPN some credit for calling out the Godawful officiating.
I love when fast food commercials try to pretend that anything they make is actually spicy.
Its like when I first moved to Virginia from texas and couldn’t find anything more than mild in the stores
The Diablo hot sauce at Taco Bell is too fucking hot, so there’s that.
I haven’t been to Taco Bell in a while. (Not being snobby, just haven’t bothered.) I know their old “Hot” and “Fire” sauces were a joke.
Yeah, the Fire was just about right for my New England “don’t put cinnamon on my oatmeal, that will make it too spicy” heritage, but I tried that Diablo stuff and it is too much even for my south Texas adjusted taste buds.
Infinite Jets? Infinite Jets!!
Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment sounds about right
I am here, and I see you, and I love this comment very much.
David Foster Wallace was a Jets fan who unfortunately was able to see into the future. That’s why he capped himself.
Cowboys lose Gallup for 2-4 weeks, so my guess is that Jerry Jones offers the Patriots his first picks in 2020 and 2021 for Antonio Brown, which the Patriots will take, and then Brown will get sentenced to 24 years in prison for various sex offenses.
Unfortunately, we are currently inhabiting the WORST timeline, not the BEST timeline.
Hit in thigh, flips, coughs up ball in mid-air. Peak Jets right there
So, New England might pitch back to back shutouts next week.
Oh Jests, this is going to be a glorious season to watch.
McFarland has been comparing Mayfield to Favre all night, and now he calls him a “gunslinger”? Ugh.
Ok, I’ll bite. What the fuck is Juul and why do talking animals not like it?
No idea, but it’s clearly more dangerous than assault weapons.
It’s pronounced “Jew,” and it’s because Walt Disney was an anti-Semite.
It’s what the cool kids nowadays are doing! Because they’re too pussy to smoke a Marlboro Red like a real cool kid.
Marlboros are for pussies too. Camel or Pall Mall non-filters are the way to go.
*coughs up half his lung*
Baker doing his best Eli “how did THAT happen” face there.
The newest incarnation of DuckTales is too good for its own good. Also, Monday Night Football is so good, I’m watching DuckTales (2017).
I was playing RB6 earlier. No judgement
“I stopped watching around 2014” – Chip Kelly
I don’t even own a television.
“I halfed stopped watching in 2017” – Mike Zimmer
I was watching UFC reruns.
So as we wrap up week 6 of the NFL preseason, team’s final rosters begin to take shape
“Browns in complete control.”
Now that’s something I never thought I would ever hear from an NFL announcer during my remaining orbits around the sun.
To be fair, they’re playing a Jets team that even at what we would laughingly call “full strength” would still be awful.
ABC: Hey, people liked that Stranger Things show, let’s get our own show about a cop who takes in a young girl with psychic powers!
I mean Firestarter did it first, didn’t it?
Village of the Damned, if we want to get technical.
Oh yeah, not saying that the Duffer Brothers invented the concept — practically everything in ST is a reference to something else — just that the networks reflexively imitate whatever’s popular. Like, Friends didn’t originate the concept of “young single people in the big city,” but it’s not a coincidence that every network flooded its lineup with that kind of show after Friends hit.
Not only young single people, but young, single, TERRIBLE people
Could I BE more terrible?
Actually, I liked Friends, though it clearly hung around a couple of seasons too long.
I… I just don’t even have words. Fucking hell this is a BAD Jets team, and that’s saying something.
On a scale of Miami to New England, they are somewhere around a “Fort Lauderdale”.
Lehigh University’s practice squad.
I was doing it in terms of geography.
Well done.
Oh look, the old levon bell
So that 2020 draft first four will be Dolphins, Jets, Giants, Dolphins, right?
Basically, HERP DERP A-DERP HERP
Once again, people forget about the Bengals.
Who?
Somehow, the Patriots will be there after fleecing one of those teams for Brady’s third-string jock sniffer.
So tired right now. I’m going to put this last quarter under my pillow and hope that I find a tooth there tomorrow morning.
Hahahaha look at you thinking this abomination is WORTH something
Is that a merkin?
AMERICA FALK YEAH!!!!
Oh, there’s still another quarter to go. Guess the scotch glass gets a little replenishment after all.
In an effort to conserve the 18, I’ve switched to a simple vodka soda
I’ve had no Jameson tonight, which was clearly an error on my part
She seems nice.
Antonio is wishing he could run away from his problems as fast as OBJ ran away from the Jets secondary.
Gregg William’s furiously trying to save his job on the sidelines….
I need one more of those for OBJ.
Did… did Maye just run OUT of his fucking way? Like, “so sorry, after you?”
Welcome back, Odell. I know it’s the wrong MetLife team, but still… gotta feel nice.
also THANK U FOAR THE FANTASY POINTS!!!!111!!
(After taking a moment to calm down)
According to Moose’s GIF below, Elisabeth Shue has better mechanics than this Falk asshole. Sign her immediately.
FUCKING FUCK FUCK GOD DAMN YOU….. FUCKIN…. JESUS JUMPED UP CHRIST ON A BICYCLE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
I’m used to hearing that as pillow talk
I for some reason thought this was the 4th quarter.
That’s not how you spell “hoped.”
This is the first Jets QB to penetrate the Red Zone since Mark Sanchez’s girlfriend got her first period.
Calling a deep pass counts as being an “offensive guru” now?
I wish I could have been in the studio pitch meeting for Gemini Man, only so I could watch Will Smith’s face fall when they told him he wouldn’t actually get younger for the movie.
I would bet money that Will tried to pitch his son for the role of Young Fresh Prince.
“If it works for Damon Wayans….”
Remember when the Giants and Jets drafted 2nd and 3rd overall in the 2018 draft?
I seriously wouldn’t let Gase coach a Madden 2019 team.
CHUBBTOWN is a thing?
Once you’ve been to Chubbtown, you don’t want to go back. For at least 20 minutes or so. Maybe less with some Vitamin E.
“Forget it Jake, it’s Chubbtown.”, just doesn’t have the same emotional resonance for me.
I don’t hate McFarlard as a commentator, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s only one man allowed to call himself “Booger,” and he was a Lambda Lambda Lambda at Adams College.
I love that his character in Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer is essentially the same.
Seems like there’s a sellers market for backup QBs right now.
TEBOW!
He’s busy being a joke in the Mets farm system.
Except he broke his hamate.
Inflating backup qb value
They’re going to blow it anyway.
-Porn stars, discussing The Prisoner’s Dilemma
Stillers trading a first for Minkah? WTF are they doing?
Not understanding how to tank
Damnit Jets, I wanted a safety there.
Oh for fuck’s sake
Howdy folks. Haven’t even had the chance to check the score yet. What have I missed?
I, uh, wow. OK then. Just saw the score.
Jest on their 3rd string QB
Le’Veon is next up.
Let’s do this!
[slaps cornerback’s helmet] “I’m receiving over here!”
-Browns wr Damion “Rizzo” Ratley
Fitzpatrick to the Steelers for a first. No, not you Ryan.