Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field.  I’m your host, Wakezilla.

Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an absolute beast and is currently leading all NFL Linebackers in ratings through the first few weeks; Rookie Christian Wilkins has recorded four quarterback pressures and three defensive stops over the last two weeks. At this rate, both will be traded by next week for draft picks.

The thing is my fellow KSK refugees, I can’t write about this team.

Much like a 45 second sexcapade session with your pal Wakey, I came a little early and posted this a week ago. So, if you’re looking for any sort of Miami analysis at the bye, check that out.

However, since Calgary is covered in snow and I’m a full blooded Mother Canucker, I’m going to write about a Florida team that does deserve to be written about—the Ice Dolphins.

If you’re wanting to get into ice football because a lot of us talk about it in the open threads  and are looking for a team to support–which has a shot at winning, but isn’t THE sexy team that everyone is going to jump on the bandwagon– but you also don’t want to join a team that has a douchebag fan base, the Florida Panthers are for you. As for you degenerate gamblers out there, they are +1800 to win the cup, which are the 8th best odds.

Fast forward to this season.

The Ice Dolphins went out and signed a goalie, Sergei BOBROVSKY, who is one of the best goalies in the league, and IS arguably the best when he’s seeing the puck. Last year’s Ice Bucs players still have nightmares of getting shutdown in the playoffs by BOBROVSKY. This addition alone makes the Panthers a threat to go far in the playoffs.

On defense, Ekblad and Matheson will have another year experience under their belt and Keith Yandle ‘the Handle’ is still a talented defenseman. To reduce their load, the Ice Dolphins poached Anton Stralman from their rival, the Ice Bucs.

On Offense, the Ice Dolphins are stacked. They are lead by the first line of Alexander Barkov, an excellent two way centre who is likely going to get over 100 points this year (that’s excellent), despite being an excellent back checker. On Barkov’s wing, he’ll have Hubedreau–who if he stays healthy, should be good for 90-100 points, and Evegeni Dadonov; a player who should break through the 30 goal barrier this season (which is also very good).

The second line is equally terrifying if the centre, Vincent Trochek stays healthy. Mike Hoffman, a noted asshole that scored 36 goals last year and also stuck his dick in crazy, is a UFA after this season. You know he’ll be inspired to have a monster year. The line is topped off with Brett Connolly, who brings lots of playoffs experience with him. This doesn’t even include rookie, Owen Tippett who has a hard, deadly and accurate shot.

To add the cherry on top, the Ice Dolphins hired legendary coach and Soup Nazi extraordinaire, Joel Quenneville.

Prediction:

The Ice Dolphins are going to clinch the first wild card and have the fans of Miami rat-tricking their way to the Stanley Cup finals.

The last image we’re all going to see of the 2019-2020 Playoffs is Captain, Alexander Barkov skating with the Cup in the air, as Will Smith’s Miami plays in the background

Fun fact about this video: You can actually pin point the day, month and year when this video was made because that was as long as moonshoes were popular for.

Speaking of after thoughts, this has been your Miami Dolphins at the bye write up.