Your “Holy shit, the Dolphins still exist?” 2019 Preview

Wakezilla - August 14, 2019August 14, 2019

/Scene opens with Wakezilla laying in bed, his two hands behind his head and his eyes wide open. Underneath the sheets is another body that begins just below Wakezilla's waist, with a head bobbing up and down. The bobbing stops and the sheets are raised to reveal Mrs. Wakezilla, wearing

Miami Dolphins at the Bye: Limpin’ ain’t easy

Wakezilla - November 15, 2018November 15, 2018

As an older millennial . . . /Wakezilla dodges batteries, tin cans and feces thrown at him I was trained to hate MASH, particularly the theme song because it signified the end of two wonderful hours of Simpsons and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air syndicated episodes on CBC. Unfortunately, this song best describes

The 2018 Miami Dolphins Preview: Where Hope goes to Die

Wakezilla - August 14, 2018August 14, 2018

Do you like the national anthem controversy? Well then I have a team for you! In a desperate act to get people to stop associating their team with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, the Miami Dolphins have now become associated with fascism. Way to go guys! Last season, Kenny Stills, Donkey Kong

Offseason Qb Interviews! – Miami edition.

litre_cola - February 21, 2018February 20, 2018

Yeaahhhh Miami, I have to say I've been looking forward to this because I love smoking and hot women. Who wouldn’t want to play here? After an injury to Tannehill last year they brought in one of DFO’s favoUrites. I hope the cat hasn’t taken his laissez faire attitude elsewhere.

Your ‘Why don’t you just kill yourself because you’re already dead’: Miami Dolphins Preview

Wakezilla - August 30, 2017August 30, 2017

Scene begins with a view of worn down home in Vancouver. Is it a crack shack or a mansion? nobody knows. The door opens, to reveal Wakezilla wearing a white Cam Wake jersey and no pants. He waves to the camera and signals for the camera crew to come in

A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall – Dolphins 2016

Team Previews

Warthog - August 26, 2016August 25, 2016

Hello everyone, I’m Warthog, you may remember me for such posts as... nope, nothing to remember me for. I mostly lurk, which is probably for the best. I'll skip the history lesson this time and get straight to the hard hitting analysis of the upcoming season for the Dolphins. Uhm...

Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro - November 27, 2015

Mmmm. Tryptophan. A hell of a drug. Hope everybody enjoyed their Thanksgivings yesterday, and kept the hand-to-hand combat to a minimum between yesterday's family gatherings and today's moronic Black Friday deals! Anyways, enough shoehorning topical #content into the intro. We need to talk essentials here. My takeaways from yesterday's matchups: Chip

Campbell Comes Clean

pickettschargeksk - October 15, 2015October 15, 2015

Interim Miami Dolphins head coach Dan Campbell did not conduct a press conference Thursday to clarify remarks he had made the previous week, in which he claimed that during his days as a player for the Dallas Cowboys his appendix had "exploded" on a plane ride and that he had

America’s Wang’s Team (well, one of them) Dolphins 2015

Team Previews

Warthog - August 3, 2015August 3, 2015

Welcome to the life of a Dolphin fan. Not a dolfan. Keep your face paint to yourself, I just want to drink beer and scream at the TV. In real life I teach history, so my fallback is the old-man-on-a-bus-bench-with-an-onion-tied-to-his-belt-because-it-was-the-style-at-the-time narrative form. To those of you seeking insightful, quantitative analysis