Breaking News: Wakezilla signs with the Miami Dolphins! (Your Miami Dolphins Preview)

Wakezilla - August 19, 2020August 19, 2020

/Scene begins in a press conference room in Miami. The media are already seated when a dopey looking guy walks up to the podium. Dopey guy begins to speak in a deep, but hoarse voice: Hello everyone, welcome to today's press conference of September 7th, 2020. As you know, we have

Your “Jesting At Scars That Never Felt A Wound” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob - December 18, 2019December 18, 2019

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NFL Noise: Greg Olsen sounds like a person done with all that shit, and has no intent on being part of a rebuild. "No one ever gets to write their ending, write their final script. As I told you guys on the day we found out about Ron [Rivera being

The Miami Dolphins at the Bye

Wakezilla - October 2, 2019

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field. I’m your host, Wakezilla. Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an

A Modest Proposal for the Miami Dolphins

Wakezilla - September 19, 2019September 19, 2019

"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns. For the second straight week, I will have answered

Your “Holy shit, the Dolphins still exist?” 2019 Preview

Wakezilla - August 14, 2019August 14, 2019

/Scene opens with Wakezilla laying in bed, his two hands behind his head and his eyes wide open. Underneath the sheets is another body that begins just below Wakezilla's waist, with a head bobbing up and down. The bobbing stops and the sheets are raised to reveal Mrs. Wakezilla, wearing

Miami Dolphins at the Bye: Limpin’ ain’t easy

Wakezilla - November 15, 2018November 15, 2018

As an older millennial . . . /Wakezilla dodges batteries, tin cans and feces thrown at him I was trained to hate MASH, particularly the theme song because it signified the end of two wonderful hours of Simpsons and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air syndicated episodes on CBC. Unfortunately, this song best describes

The 2018 Miami Dolphins Preview: Where Hope goes to Die

Wakezilla - August 14, 2018August 14, 2018

Do you like the national anthem controversy? Well then I have a team for you! In a desperate act to get people to stop associating their team with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, the Miami Dolphins have now become associated with fascism. Way to go guys! Last season, Kenny Stills, Donkey Kong

Offseason Qb Interviews! – Miami edition.

litre_cola - February 21, 2018February 20, 2018

Yeaahhhh Miami, I have to say I've been looking forward to this because I love smoking and hot women. Who wouldn’t want to play here? After an injury to Tannehill last year they brought in one of DFO’s favoUrites. I hope the cat hasn’t taken his laissez faire attitude elsewhere.

Bye Week Roadtrips 2017: Pt I – Miami Dolphins

theeWeeBabySeamus - October 20, 2017October 20, 2017

[Exterior Day, Miami, Florida] tWBS stands and looks across a huge and nearly empty parking lot. He looks at the slip of paper again, and double checks the address. Satisfied it is correct, he begins hiking across the lot. After checking his watch again, he begins to run. As he picks

Your ‘Why don’t you just kill yourself because you’re already dead’: Miami Dolphins Preview

Wakezilla - August 30, 2017August 30, 2017

Scene begins with a view of worn down home in Vancouver. Is it a crack shack or a mansion? nobody knows. The door opens, to reveal Wakezilla wearing a white Cam Wake jersey and no pants. He waves to the camera and signals for the camera crew to come in