Hello everyone! Welcome to the Dolphins at the bye—also known as the one week where Miami can’t lose on the field. I’m your host, Wakezilla.
Since this diarrhea-inside-a-dumpster-fire-outside-of-an-abortion-clinic season is going according to plan, there isn’t much to talk about, except for two positive stories: Raekown McMillan has turned into an
"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns.
For the second straight week, I will have answered
/Scene opens with Wakezilla laying in bed, his two hands behind his head and his eyes wide open. Underneath the sheets is another body that begins just below Wakezilla's waist, with a head bobbing up and down. The bobbing stops and the sheets are raised to reveal Mrs. Wakezilla, wearing
As an older millennial . . .
/Wakezilla dodges batteries, tin cans and feces thrown at him
I was trained to hate MASH, particularly the theme song because it signified the end of two wonderful hours of Simpsons and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air syndicated episodes on CBC. Unfortunately, this song best describes
Do you like the national anthem controversy? Well then I have a team for you! In a desperate act to get people to stop associating their team with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, the Miami Dolphins have now become associated with fascism. Way to go guys!
Last season, Kenny Stills, Donkey Kong
Yeaahhhh Miami, I have to say I've been looking forward to this because I love smoking and hot women. Who wouldn’t want to play here? After an injury to Tannehill last year they brought in one of DFO’s favoUrites. I hope the cat hasn’t taken his laissez faire attitude elsewhere.
[Exterior Day, Miami, Florida]
tWBS stands and looks across a huge and nearly empty parking lot. He looks at the slip of paper again, and double checks the address. Satisfied it is correct, he begins hiking across the lot. After checking his watch again, he begins to run. As he picks
Scene begins with a view of worn down home in Vancouver. Is it a crack shack or a mansion? nobody knows. The door opens, to reveal Wakezilla wearing a white Cam Wake jersey and no pants. He waves to the camera and signals for the camera crew to come in