[kicks empty vodka bottles under couch, turns around]
Oh hey, didn’t see you there. Gotdamn! A lot of stuff happened today and I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it all so I think youse folks should take care of that down below.
To those folks that are wandering in for the first, second or third time, this is a spot where you can yak about what went down today/yesterday. Or you can chat about the game. We here at DFO welcome all kinds of respectful, funny, observant, cool, thick-skinned typers from all corners of the cube. (take that, flat-earthers!) Do you want to chat about Trent Williams failing his physical? Or maybe Josh Gordon getting off the weed and the I.R.? We’re all ears.
TO THE GAME!
Niners/Cards:
Breida is a go but David Johnson is not. If you’re like me and have to play Kyle Murray because you’re in bye week hell be aware that since San Franny have come off their bye week they’ve given up 11.5 fantasy points to opposing qb’s. That’s a total, not a per game average. Krikey! Expect te Kittle to get off big time-Arizonny has given up 8 TD’s to that position so far this year. The magical Kenyan is up to bat but he’s going nowhere vs. this insane D.
My game intros on Sunday will be much better-I promise! Just so you’re aware of what’s coming up in the next few days-Friday night we’ll have pics of scantily-clad ladies. Saturday morning we’ll have an open thread where we chat about the soccer games on offer and then transition to the college football games on offer. On Sunday there’ll be quadruple open thread action because of the early London game. If you happen to be a day drinker you’ll be in very, very good, non-judgmental company.
That’s it for me, now it’s you.
Kittle didn’t look too ded thar
Yep, he looks better now.
/no shutout WOO
Not in the particular mood for football, so I’m finishing up season 2 of stranger things.
I’m so fucking lazy I can’t even go get alcohol
Just open your mouth and pour some sugar in there, and let the natural yeasts do their thing.
Sounds like a good way to get diabetes.
I’m in
Man, fuck Joe Buck with Milton Berle’s dick.
/I feel better now
/Milton Berle too
That quality Ball So Hard University education paying off for Suggs there.
Hey, I want to thank you for the drink ideas. The Lady LemonJello and I went on a 7 day cruise for our 25th and I made sure to take full advantage of our deluxe drink package and tried all sorts of cocktails. The bourbon Old Fashioned and Tom Collins were big hits with me!
Hey, did that baseball game ever end?
Nope. We’re at the top of 487th inning. No score change.
Fuck yeah, Kommentariat Party endorsement
And like 3 replies before the stoolie snitch tagging. I swear to god these fucking cretins. HOW WOULD SENPAI NOT NOTICE ONE OF THE TOP PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES COMMENTING ON DEADSPIN, YOU INBRED FUCK
I don’t get the stoolies at all.
Imagine if the person you really wanted to fuck in high school/college was actually some dude’s wallet.
They’re losers
I dont have any candy to pass out. i’m hiding out in the back room
just left the big bowl outside hoping some late teenager will clean it out and not sit around the house tempting for a few months
If she is “late” she is going to need the candy
Or none at all.
Or maybe a raccoon or possum might snack down.
We have too much. We’re going to have leftovers.
Hand out Tylenol.
God the British feed on Amazon prime makes it almost okay to tolerate Bezo being insanely rich.
What is a “googaly smiggen” because it has happened twice this last series…
We need MOAR British announcers
Pharoah Cooper buried by that coverage, he’s got to hate that.
Haven’t seen a bird take a hit like that since the last time I was at the metrodome
Nick Bosa trying to kill a young defenseless black man.
I guess it must be nice to get paid for something he’d gladly do for free.
Hey, do what you love and it’s not even like working.
Everytime I think about the Cardinals as one of the founding teams of the NFL….I brain fart.
They are on their 55th year of being an expansion franchise
Qards good? Or Kliff has figured out that his receivers are mediocre and he can run teh ball?
Shhh… Quiet down, man. You’re gonna hurt Fitty’s feelings!
He’ll be alright, he can always fall back on his degree in… communications!? Well at least it’s from a reputable institution…
If watching Maury has taught me anything, its that Univ of Phoenix is a far superior institution to Pitt.
That is a fat grounds keeper….
“You know what they say, never trust a skinny chef.” – John Elway, looking up from grazing.
Yeah, feed teh Emmanuel.
Uhh….
…p FOAR whatever!!
Yikes…
Hello? CPS?
Pumpkin seeds in all kinds of uncomfortable places.
Fucking hipsters….
Who did they talk into taking that photo?
Trestman, Marc
I guess Anne Geddes has had to make accommodations due to the changing economy.
Kittle and bits of knee
How the fuck ya doing??
Oh, hell.
He be a’ight.
as long as y’all have Janeane, it’ll work out
-a genuinely surprised Trump, after passing away
The new King Princess Album es Bueno
Best run by a Kenyan since 2008!
Heh
Bravo.
End of the month is done. The Sales Fucks even managed to salvage the month. Let’s get shit faced!
Quick question before I get lost in the collective effervescence of this Niners game… I have to be in Saint Louis on Sunday morning. Any recommendations for a good place to watch the games and possibly chug down several Caesars?
due u want 2 borrow my navy #BFIB cap??
Is The International House of Provel still open?
Top O’ The Arch
Ceasars? Did you become Canadian Cov?
(she means bottles of Caesar dressing)
Does that go with that weird St. Louis pizza?
It’s just a common beverage in the greater Midwest.
One of us. One of us. One of us.
I mean, only if Alberta counts
Blueberry Hill on Delmar opens at 11AM on Sunday. I’ve been there a number of times, it’s like a fucking museum of sports, music, and pop culture. Chuck Berry used to play there once a month, I caught his show on his 86th birthday. Not sure about the plenitude of TVs, IIRC there were a few but not like BBWW or anything; just go and drink and watch on your phone if they ain’t showing the game you want. Good food too.
benched Matt Ryan for Jimmy Garapholo
hopefully Jimmy G lights em up tonight!
goooooo 9ers!
What is everyone imbibing?
Fetal blood (duh, it’s Thursday).
GINGER BEER ‘N PILLS!
I have a little cold, so some store brand Nite-quil for MEEEEE!!!!!!!
Cocktail of the week earlier, now Narragansett.
I’m drinking beer, scotch and gin. I’d like to say it’s because it’s been a hard week but it’d be the same if it was a good week.
Crown and ginger here. Or The Cringer as we call it back home.
I still do not understand a world where the 49ers are not garbage. What the fuck happened?
They were great less then 5 years ago.
BUT UPPITY
Shut your whore mouth!
More like kneelity amirit
Every day I am both delighted and terrified that I have fallen unbeknownst into a wormhole
new site who dis
I think that the Bengals/Browns/Redacteds have convinced us all that you can’t get better but clearly *some* teams can
Agreed
– Buffalo Bills
Is it wrong to want Larry Fitzgerald to catch a TD, run into the tunnel, and never look back? He deserves better than to play for the cardinals.
Does he owe someone money? I don’t understand why he’s still playing.
FRESH FISH FRESH FISH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60_bX2V4HZg
HATE the Drake!
That hits me In My Feelings
Drake ducks his way to a 36 yard gain.
My last deadspin rant …anyone bitching about the death of deadspin and uses AdBlock….fuck off.
To make tonight interesting I picked up Robbie Gould in 2 of my money leagues. Expect missed field goals.
Evening Folks
Great reply to Big Daddy Drew today, when is the change bucket goin around here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U74s8nFE7No
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cIQ4Oqs-6A
I used to live a mile or two away from where I currently reside. It was a starter place that I bought when I worked in the oilfield and was home one week out of four; single wide 14×80 on 2/3 of an acre, in the more trailer-trashy part of the county. There was some turnover as many of the retirees that were there when I moved in punched their clocks over the years, and their heirs sold their places to younger families. One halloween night, after being there over 10 years, I heard a knock on the front door, and lo and behold a couple little Hispanic kids dressed up and asking me for some candy. I had none, but managed to find a bag of Hall’s Mentho-Lyptus in the medicine cabinet. After depositing a few of them in each kid’s basket, I decided I’d best not risk having my place burned down, told them to wait, and gave them each a couple of dollars. Must have worked, no soaped windows, TP-ed trees, or arson occurred.
Scotchy handles that situation way differently…
They were the neighbors’ kids, not transient hobos, so no.
Let’s get this party started right. Give me your Pornhub search terms!
Futanari!
Manifest Cosplay Destiny.
Fuck Baylor University
I think this would be a good one.
In honor of Baylor, nonconsenting sports
Treaty of Versailles
War of the roses
Piano sluts
Yhivi
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
In honor of tonight’s game: Bird Blasting
Fuck dead spinners
Lunch lady
power-puff girls
Larry Fitzgerald
Germany vs Brazil in the world cup from a few years ago. Cuz that qualifies as rape
I hope this doesn’t turn out like last time, when I had to start the “No Footsteps Falcos Allowed” website.
I’ll let my Cards preview post speak for itself.
Now, I am off to Halloween….
Watching the Motown documentary “Hitsville” and it is fantastic.
If tonight were sports-less, I’d probably be watching this:
Holy fuck, looking up that image, I have discovered that that DVD is out of print and worth a bit more than I paid for mine.
But it’s free on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz_oZ5xlF5I&list=PL517952F86DA11B8A
I have to admit, I love today, it’s like PBS Telethon week here at DFO!
But instead of $200.00 for a tote bag, it’s free dick jokes. Subscribe today and support the arts!
If Eli had comment editing powers he’d change that to “support the farts”.
Since we are based out of Puerto Rico we do also have paper towel rolls for everyone!
plus we get asked a SECOND TIME to do the Humpty Hump ,, ppl forget that
We’re supporting the arts! Woo, maybe Scotchy won’t murder me!
Would Janeane Garofolo become the first woman to quartered back to a victory on TNF? Assuming the Tomsulas don’t cock it up tonight.
“Mmmm…quartered back…” – Andy Reid, thinking of a slab of baby back ribs cut into bite-sized pieces
for those days he’s earned a special #SixthMeal
#SixteenthMeal
When Andy Reid talks about “elevensies” it has nothing to do with the time of day at which the meal is eaten.
Though it is, in fact, often eaten at or around eleven a.m.
Tell you what though, if trick lr treater kid does show up, theyre getting half the dang candy bowl
DM me your address.
-Ghost of Mama Cass
Its freezing on Halloween and i am not enjoying being a homebody
It was 81 in North Cakalaky today, and I am too damned old to put on a costume. I feel stupid enough when I put on my Chubb 55 Donks jersey.
Chubb 55 sounds like my future sex life.
/near future
I just want you to know that last year, you could have said “that’s a scary costume for Derrick Carr!”
You know, I think I may have myself an alcohol or two tonight.
Working from home tomorrow, so get to sleep in until 0630 instead of 0400 like on go-to-office days. Gate is closed, porch lights off, so no chance of disturbance from costumed brats (most people out here in the exurbs take their kids closer to town where the subdivisions offer much better loot-per-distance-walked averages than out here where the smallest lots are 2 acres. So maybe I will join you. You’ll know if I get more incomprehensible than usual.
Take some edibles too!
Tempt me not, running low on edibles, gonna conserve what remains for after my foot surgery in December. The smokables guy was by earlier this week, though, and I have an ample supply of Dutch Treat and Green Jewel at my disposal, as well as half a Naked J pre-rolled; stopped at the packy this afternoon and reloaded the rum and scotch. I’m golden.
“One night I had 18 alcohols. Totally embarrassed that I didn’t fight against the dying of the light.”
-D. Thomas, NYC, 1953
What Baylor is going to do to WVU tonight is easily the scariest part of Halloween this year.
They won’t ask for consent, even.
Has anyone from Baylor ever requested consent?
Ken Starr did, when he asked a Republican congress to appropriate half a million dollars for photocopies.
He’d have spent the money anyways, but he *did* ask.
Wow, even Kurt Warner isn’t picking the Qardinals tonight.
No one picked the Jets over Cowboys the other week, either. My fingers, toes, and testicles are crossed for the upset, because I fucking like upsets. Unless it’s the P*ts being upset.
halloween jam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTgFtxHhCQ0
The best Disney cartoon there ever was!
That’s pretty badass but not the best, most surreal and trippy cartoon there ever was in that era (especially when you are stoned), and it’s remake in color. (Porky in Wackyland and Dough for the Do-do).
ahem…the early London fixture means Most Glorious Mandatory 14-Hour Viewing Window. We don’t want to send the specter of Uncle Joe Stalin to your place of dwelling. But, you know, tough love and whatnot.
I have the CPL final then a stag Saturday Hippo. Good thing is I will be waking up at a casino!
that is good! Got a little on Deportivo Capiata tonight.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1mt-3guVJlQ
man, can you imagine Uncle Joe with Twitter access? He would own those pig-dog Trotskyites
It would be just like our current orange raccoon-eyed wannabe Stalin owns the Do-Nothing Democrats in Congress, as well as anyone else who triggers his lifelong feelings of inadequacy.
How cliché of me, but…
FIRST