Your “Keep it Going!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Okay, if you’ve been with us since the start we’ll look the other way if you deem it necessary to take a nap. You just don’t have the staying power anymore. Hey, we all get older!

TO THE GAMES!

Lions/Raiders:

Chubby McGutbuster has been on fire recently as Detroit’s run game has gone in the shitter. One of the keys to his success is that he’s willing to wing it downfield. He leads all qb’s in percentage of total throws downfield at 20. Expect Waller to go nuts today because the Lions are down to three safeties, one of which is an UDFA. That’s no good. Actually, send in all your fantasy troops for this one. The number of defensive stops here can likely be counted on one hand.

Bucs/Seahawks:

I think we’ve got another high-scoring affair here as well. Although these run D’s are good, the secondaries are another matter altogether. You probably don’t want to fade Chris Carson here but maybe?… Nah, don’t do that, he’ll catch some out of the backfield and most likely get some goal-line action. He won’t be able to dine out on his yards per carry number after the game though.

Browns/Broncos:

Brandon Allen-step right up. It’s your time to shine! Rb Lindsay’s status was in doubt earlier in the week but he should be ready to go. Will we see an OBJ tantrum today? He was blanketed by the Pats D last week and he now gets shadow coverage from Chris Harris Jr.

Packers/Chargers:

Melvin Gordon has played like garbage since his return-he’s the 33rd ranked rb in fantasy. Yikes! There’s plenty of time to move up but when does it happen? Perhaps today vs. a Packers run D that gives up the 2nd-most ypc in the league?

You know what to do.

 

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Don T

Let’s be honest: Jim Tomsula looks uptown next to Freddie Kitchens. I’ve passed car sleepers with a brighter complexion.

yeah right

He looks like a wad of cookie dough that’s been rolled in cat hair.

King Hippo

What a world, we’ll get like the whole Q4 of Donks/#ThePauls

Spur

I hope Romo takes a swing at Rodgers. They are on the sideline. Nantz could do a play by play

King Hippo

You want him to make a pass? Dunno if Middle Murrica would stand for that.

yeah right

Let’s go Le Charges! Beat that ass!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I am on board with this, especially because I work with a couple of Packers owners and I can give them shit tomorrow.
In fact, I’ve already texted a couple of them to rub their noses in it.

yeah right

Eldest brother is from San Diego and he moved here to LA before the Chargers did so he’s allowed to keep his fandom organically.
It’s suddenly festive in the right house. Certainly takes a bit of the sting off from the early games.

Let’s drink more things!

Brick Meathook

Is it only the 4th quarter of the afternoon games? I feel like I’ve been watching football today for a week.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I spent half the day out tooling around in my convertible and drinking at a friend’s house, and nevertheless feel exactly the same way.

Senor Weaselo

My football team is still and eternally trash WOO!

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, went and drank home made liquor at my bud’s house for the early afternoon games. When we start living in the Mad Max world that the president clearly wants for us, I think I will go live at his ranch. Solar powered well and house, knows how to make whiskey, wine, and tequila, lots of guns. What could go wrong? All I need to do is get him to start growing marihoochie, he’s a real Renaissance man so will probably do very well at that too..
75 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, Corvette top-down driving out in the Hill Country took up the rest of the afternoon. Get home to find LAC beating the Packers. It’s been a very good day, starting with the Texans win in London, Clots loss to Steelers to keep HOU in AFC South first place (though I hate to see PIT win), and hopefully the climax will be a P*ts victory tonight.

yeah right

If your buddy needs a cook at his compound where can I apply?

Dunstan

It’s curling season, baby! South Korea and Japan battling on the Olympic channel.

litre_cola

Dunstan turned in to a rural Saskatchewan farmer so quickly I hardly noticed.

Dunstan

Well, I used to be a farmer, and I earned a living fine,
I owned a little stretch of land along the CP line…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN–bN0mCG4

litre_cola

Raiders with some trickeration!

Gratliff

Gotta delete everything after the ? and match the file extension with the format

Gratliff

You hate to see it
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Brick Meathook

I hate karaoke. I hate being anywhere near it.

However . . .

I’m in a Montreal bar watching GB/LAC and in the other room there’s karaoke. This is a tavern in a real working-class port neighborhood and a lot of these people are not bilingual. They’re singing classic country music songs in phonetic or heavily accented English and it’s amazing.

Dunstan

Reminds me of the time I heard a bar band in Thailand covering Bryan Adams songs.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Michael Schenker Group took over the stage at some bar in Pattaya Beach during a liberty call I had back in ’83. I think he (MS) told us in a heavy German accent that they were playing a couple shows up in Bangkok (most appropriately named city on the fucking planet) and came down to party at the beach. Nice free show for us squids.

Dunstan

Had to look them up. Former Scorpions guitarist — nice.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Also, UFO.comment image

rockingdog

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rockingdog

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Gase does have 24 more games to catch up to Rich Kotite

rockingdog

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litre_cola

I am planning to go to their show in March in Phoenix which definitely isn’t a cash grab.

yeah right

You know what will make the day better?
Nachos!

And more beer.

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Donks WOO!!!! We can has pride??

Don T

Went out for ice cream. Returned with beer only. God bless critical thinking

yeah right

It was the right decision.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In Monterey before he even started, he felt hungry and stopped at Herman’s for a hamburger and beer. While he ate his sandwich and sipped his beer, a bit of conversation came back to him. Blaisedell, the poet, had said to him, “You love beer so much. I’ll bet some day you’ll go in and order a beer milk shake.” It was a simple piece of foolery but it had bothered Doc ever since. He wondered what a beer milk shake would taste like. The idea gagged him a bit but he couldn’t let it alone. It cropped up every time he had a glass of beer. Would it curdle like milk? Would you add sugar? It was like a shrimp ice cream. Once the thing got into your head you couldn’t forget it. He finished his sandwich and paid Herman. He purposely didn’t look at the milk shake machines lined up so shiny against the back wall. If a man ordered a beer milk shake, he thought, he’d better do it in a town where he wasn’t known. But then, a man with a beard, ordering a beer milk shake in a town where he wasn’t known — they might call the police.

So let’s be clear. In the 40s, the thought of a beer milkshake could warrant police activity. Later in the chapter, Doc goes ahead and takes the plunge and discovers what a beer milkshake tastes like:

Doc walked angrily to the counter of the stand.
The waitress, a blond beauty with just the hint of a goiter, smiled at him. “What’ll it be?”
“Beer milk shake,” said Doc.
“What?”
Well here it was and what the hell. Might just as well get it over with now as some time later.
The blond asked, “Are you kidding?”
Doc knew wearily that he couldn’t explain, couldn’t tell the truth. “I’ve got a bladder complaint,” he said. “Bipalychaetorsonechtomy the doctors call it. I’m supposed to drink a beer milk shake. Doctor’s orders.”
The blonde smiled reassuringly. “Oh! I thought you were kidding,” she said archly. “You tell me how to make it. I didn’t know you was sick.”
“Very sick,” said Doc, “and due to be sicker. Put in some milk, and add half a bottle of beer. Give me the other half in a glass — no sugar in the milk shake.” When she served it, he tasted it wryly. And it wasn’t so bad — it just tasted like stale beer and milk.
“It sounds awful,” said the blonde.
“It’s not so bad when you get used to it,” said Doc. “I’ve been drinking it for seventeen years.”

I read this Steinbeck passage as a teenager. I wonder if it had anything to do with my proclivity for beer margaritas.

litre_cola

Cleveland is an absolute joke. Nice place to visit though.

King Hippo

Well, this clinches the NFL West for the Fightin’ Tomsulas!

King Hippo

Noah Fant…not fucking up?????

King Hippo

Fat Stafford is all bad again

LemonJello

Well, his internal clock is telling him that its time to hibernate

blaxabbath

Damn it! My FF team is all kinds of underperforming this week!

yeah right

Well that fucking sucked. Play the Vikings set a franchise record. And so it goes.

blaxabbath

Who is Aaron Rodgers “banging” these days?

hippofant

Stephanie, from State Farm.

Dunstan

Well, judging by the commercials, he’s hanging around Patrick Mahomes and that State Farm agent a lot. And he and the agent-agent seem to have a Dom/sub thing going on.

King Hippo

Danica Patrick, bitch, agent boy just watches in the corner.

rockingdog
Gatoraids

Should be someone in the Royal Family to satisfy his love of family drama

rockingdog
ballsofsteelandfury

Ugh. My opinion of someone drops 50% if I see them wearing Birkenstocks.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Thankfully, I have switched over from the Birkys to Merrell sandals.

King Hippo

is fucking Jacobs ded again??

litre_cola

Oh Christ, again?

King Hippo

he ain’t play that drive, at least

King Hippo

I switched off Team MRSA to Clippers du Merde in Loser Pool. It’s between two of us for 2nd place.

/yes, my life is even sadder than it sounds

Covalent Blonde

But… but… I am already in the sky! How is the delay from Dish so bad??

blaxabbath

Why is every Young Sheldon commercial about some little girl and never even shows Sheldon?

Dunstan

Because the main character is completely unlikeable? It’s a bold strategy that hasn’t been attempted since The Single Guy.

Dunstan

Oh shit, unless you consider what’s-his-name to be the main character on How I Met Your Mother.

hippofant

There was exactly one likeable character on that whole show.

Rachel Bilson’s character was also likeable, because Rachel Bilson is great. (Someone post that gif of her dancing.)

Dunstan

I only saw a couple of episodes, but I thought Cobie and Alyson’s characters were ok. Maybe just because I lust after both of them. And Barney seemed like a “limited doses” character.

hippofant

Everybody’s characters got irreversibly more and more awful as the show went on. That show sucked me in S1, and I ended up watching it through to the end, largely regretting it the entire way.

King Hippo

the paedos have spoken, and they want GIRLS!

blaxabbath

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blaxabbath

Wait – is Romo doing the GB/LAC game? I think I just heard some commentary that was actually of value to me as a viewer.

ballsofsteelandfury

Romo is the only thing saving the NFL. He’s refreshing.

blaxabbath

CBS gave me LAC/GB for this tilt.

Now why would a 3-5 team vs a 7-1 team seem like the best programming available here?

hippofant

Your other options are 3-3-1 vs 3-4, 2-5 vs 6-2, and 2-5 vs 2-5. Soooooooo

blaxabbath

2-5 vs 2-5 ANYDAY

hippofant

Browns vs Flacco-less Broncos?

(Also the Broncos are 2-6, sorry.)

blaxabbath

There should be a Jets/Fins style game nationally every week.

hippofant

Jets-Fins was way more entertaining than Browns-Broncos is likely to be. The Jets and Fins are all-around bad. You never know when incompetence will strike. Are the Jets going to snap the ball into their own endzone for a safety? Will the Dolphins give up a 60 yard touchdown on the last play of the half? WHO KNOWS.

The Browns and Broncos are just bad on offense. It’s just going to be a punt-fest.

Beerguyrob

First Bucs TD – shit ass roughing call.

Second Bucs TD – shit ass deflection.

I await the majesty of their third TD.

Horatio Cornblower

Winston will force it in without the other team’s consent.

Sharkbait

What a grab by Sutton

King Hippo

Courtland Sutton be good.

Horatio Cornblower

I really wanted the Cowboys to take him.

King Hippo

let us have ONE good footballist!!

Don T

Woof. What a catch

King Hippo

no celebratory ciggy today

King Hippo

Don’t Pay The PerrimanDOWN!!

Sharkbait

What went scorched earth in the middle of the Donks field?

hippofant

All their Super Bowl hopes went up in flames with Joe Flacco’s neck injury.

Sharkbait

Delusion is a hell of a drug

Dunstan

Let me get this straight: the Dolphins did not lose.
They did not tie.
They were not on a bye week.
The game was not cancelled due to natural disaster.
The Dolphins…. one? Whon? Woan? Doesn’t sound right.

LemonJello

The front office isn’t happy about it, either.

blaxabbath

The Rosen Blessing

hippofant

You know, Rivers just hasn’t been as funny in recent years as he used to be. I can’t even remember the last glorious Riversface or the last time he threw a massive shitfest on the sidelines at his teammates.

It’s like he doesn’t have it in him any more to get inexplicably irrationally angry, just resigned. It’s sad.

LemonJello

I imagine he still calls his heretical teammates “Cockwallet” when they miss an assignment.

hippofant

Yeah, but when was the last time you actually feared that Rivers might stab Austin Ekeler for missing a pass pro pickup? It’s just not the same.

Beerguyrob

So many daughters; so little return

TheRevanchist

He isn’t HOF material, but if he does get voted in, I’d like to see his bust being him screaming with that whiny face.

Gumbygirl

Yup. And Eli Manning’s patented dumb look. They should have a special section for all the fugly whiny-ass tittie babies!

Gatoraids

I Call these New York Jets the A-10 Warthog because nothing busts a tank like them

Beerguyrob

I may not be as drunk as Fozz reviewing movies, but I am having as much fun at the Seahawks game.

Sharkbait

Nice. Live Action BOTG?

Don T

Every Baker Mayfield commercial sweetens Pauls’ Ls.

Sharkbait

Glad Redzone cut to that Donks Incompletion there.

King Hippo

Donks 3 and out, knock me down with a feather.

litre_cola

So the Bengals are teh worst now?

Sharkbait

Clearly.

hippofant

They might have the worst record, but the Dolphins had to play the Jets twice, so I think the Dolphins might still be worse.

We’ll find out for certain in 3 weeks.

King Hippo

I think Cincy would beat the Falcons right now. And maybe the Jest.

entropy

I’m pretty sure that at least five high school teams would beat the Jets right now.

King Hippo

Personal foul, roughing the rapist

ArmedandHammered

That was a lame roughing. If you are going to rough rapey, get your money’s worth.

Don T

“15 yards, Thx!”

WCS

PRAISE BE TO SHA’NKLOR!

King Hippo

good use of apostrophe to the left

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which thread do I use to complain about the cocktease that is the Bears’ inevitable failed comeback attempt?

litre_cola

Feel free, to vent here. You are in the trust tree.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A thong would have been better than that ending.

Sharkbait

Vent away.

Don T

A cocktease with Trubisky? That’s an “I’m horny, hiv+”.

Sharkbait

I started with the Houston Jaxoff, Switched to Spurs-Blues, Now KC v. Min/Ind v. Pit. I’m in it to win it bitches.