Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

It was mid-July and I got the bug again. Usually I never know when, specifically, it’ll hit but this one is a bit different. There’s only one chance to see friends you’ve made along the way and that’s in Britt, Iowa in the early part of August. I was almost sorry to give this gig up-it was one the best I’d ever had. It might even be better than that stint I had in California, oh, probably about eight years ago. Huh, I guess not. Back then I was a groundskeeper for some rich folks that weren’t around very much but their daughter was and she took a shine to me. She said she was eighteen and that was good enough for me. When she wasn’t with her buddies she would wander over to my little cottage on the far side of the property. That was a hell of a summer…

Still, as I said, this gig is just perfect. I was wandering through Farmington out Deleware way and heard about an old lady that had a small ranch and was looking for help. Miss Edna was a widower and was doing okay funds-wise but needed help with the horses. She couldn’t get around much anymore, riding was out of the question but as she said, “I’ve been around these beautiful creatures my entire life and I’m not going to stop because I’m a bit infirm”.

We worked out a deal-I got a little setup near the barn. A cozy place that was to my liking. The money was okay but I didn’t have anywhere to spend it so my bankroll was better than it had been in some time. Food was there for the taking and I had my own burner as well. I had as much or as little privacy as I wanted. Miss Edna wasn’t nosy except for when I was feeding and watering her ‘precious ones’. She always made it to the porch at the proper times and made sure as well to give me proper instructions. That and Sunday dinner where pretty much my only obligations. She was hurt when I told her I had to meet up with friends-“Are you coming back?”. I replied, “Uh, sure. I’ll just be away for a little bit, maybe get a kid in here for a few weeks”.

I figured it would take at least fourteen days or so to get out to Britt by train and by thumbing it. Rodeo Dave, Hatchet, Stumps, Fat Harry, Fireman-I looked forward to seeing them and so many others. I’d crossed paths with all of them over the fifteen years since I’d left Nancy. It’s not a perfect life but it’s better than working construction day after month after year. I think she figured it out shortly before I did. I’ve no doubt she wouldn’t have been surprised to see the note I’d left the day the itching got too intense to ignore.

There had to be at least 150 of us there at the grounds where the meetup took place. Plenty more observers too. I was hoping I could hook up again with Sidecar Sally. It was sort of a tradition we had going on five years now-a great way to get the weekend started. Thing is, I was told she slipped under the wheels of a cattle car last winter. Ah well, I imagine it didn’t hurt much, would’ve been over with right quick.

This being Friday, the highlight is the bonfire and the fiddle music which gets everyone in a good mood. Me and Pennsylvania Slim were jawing off to the side and I noticed a fella looking at us. There’s all sorts that show up here and seeing a new face was to be expected. Slim called him over and he had some whiskey on hand. He just wanted to be there when the stories started flowing and he brought just the thing to loosen our lips and memories.

Wasn’t long before Slim was telling the old yarn about sleeping with the wife of a switchyard boss back in Chicago in the late ’70’s. It never gets old. As the dark closed in around us I thought Slim’s voice was more slurred than it ought to have been but I wasn’t feeling that great myself. I wasn’t drunk, I was slow. Couldn’t think quick. Gotta get outta here. Gotta take a leak. I opened my eyes. Leaning against a tree. All the sounds. So far away. I heard, “You okay?”. Sharp pain in my side. Piss going everywhere. It took me forever to put my hand on my side. Warm. Sticky. Opened my eyes again. Stars. On my back. Hands on my throat. Strong. No stars anymore. The horses… Nancy…

TO THE GAME!

Vikes/Cowboys:

Wr Amari is listed as questionable but is expected to gut it out and why wouldn’t he? In the ten home games he’s played since the trade he’s gone for 10 six spots. The Vikes lockup secondary has disappeared this year and even Rhodes can be taken for a ride, never mind Hughes and Waynes. Their run D is still exemplary but you’re playing Zeke because you’re no fool.

Let’s keep it going.

 

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JustStopDude

Veterans joke….how many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

YOU WOULDN’T KNOW MAN….YOU WEREN’T THERE!!!!

King Hippo

But I prefer soldiers who DON’T go missing. – Herr Fuhrer, Washington, DC

Doktor Zymm

My 11th place fantasy team is totally going to move up to 10th with this performance from Rudolph

ALXMAC
Brocky

Just when I think this fucking watchmen show can’t get any fucking weirder….

King Hippo

Mister Winkles awakes…

King Hippo

Give it up for Founding Fathers!

herodotus450

Only about half of them didn’t have qualms about owning slaves!

King Hippo

LOSERS!! – Herr Fuhrer, Washington, DC

/speaking of the ones WITH qualms

King Hippo

You know, with Zeke and Cooper as established GODDAMN STARS, you don’t need to be paying DAK! He has PROCESSED HAM for a head!! Send him to Denver instead.

rockingdog

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Gratliff

I feel like one day, he’s gonna just rip that hip out of its socket doing that

King Hippo

#IgglesFanFiction

Mr. Ayo

How much would Chi**** offer him?

King Hippo

all the spongy pizza he can eat?? Also, Leonard Cohen will sing him to sleep each night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No.

herodotus450
King Hippo

Dak Prescott is good at the footy. As is Amari Cooper.

Mr. Ayo

Cooper is having a night. Prescott wants his 40MM now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Hippo’s Opium Den is going to get a glowing weekly review from Yahoo’s robots!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Must be nice. All I can say is praise be to Lamar. He’s the only reason I still have a shot this week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

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The Maestro

Fun fact: I know the cartoonist. He lives 5 minutes away from me. And I was buddies in high school with both of his sons.

Doktor Zymm

That’s awesome! Tell him random internet stranger likes his work!

King Hippo

Hey now, you is an Imaginary Doktor. That is no small beer!

Wakezilla

Fake news! Macduff lives in Macbeth!

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT! I read quite a bit, and always have. NEVAR cared for Shakespeare. Any of it.

Brocky

Surprised to not see romeo and juliet in that collection. Plenty of deaths there

The Maestro

Currently writing report cards. This is the absolute worst part of the job. Anyone wanna come write ’em? I’ll pay you in booze and/or other intoxicants as desired.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m happy to grade/judge anyone, any place, any time.

The Maestro

I would pay virtually any sum to just copy/paste “YOU LITTLE FUCKS NEED TO PRACTISE YOUR GODDAMN INSTRUMENTS OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES”. Because that’s basically what I’m doing for every single one, albeit in more polite language.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Deal

Senor Weaselo

Hey, at least they bring their instruments. As opposed to my third graders last year, who didn’t. I’m pretty sure that kid never got one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Sure, if you want to write up a couple of experiment designs for me

Gratliff

*restarts the SIS servers at 1 am to install a critical fix 5 days after marking period ends*
Every teacher in the district: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK YOU

Mr. Ayo

Oh hell yeah. Nothing’s more fun than roasting a bunch of kids.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kids are so cute:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Just flunk ’em all. They probably did something to deserve it.

Gratliff

FLYERS WIN SECOND CONSECUTIVE SHOOTOUT WE ARE IN THE END TIMES

Gratliff

Very clever trick of using a sure-thing review to show more commercials. Fuck you, NFL.

Spur

Cousins is going to fuck up here

Mr. Ayo

And Diggs is going to rescue him.

Gratliff

Flyers to OT. As is tradition.

Spur

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Spur

Tie Gamecomment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Done with NFL for the night. Time to find out if Runaway Jury still holds up

Gratliff

Apparently, someone archived only the Tawmmy articles. Better way to spend halftime than with Dungy.
http://quinzee2.rssing.com/chan-66793597/all_p2.html

NOOOO!!! NAWT YOU, SENATAH KENNEDY! WHY AHHHH WE THE ONLY ONES SADDLED WITH SUCH SUDDEN LAWSSES?!!!

THIS IS A STOMACH PUNCH DEATH!

You people from othah faggot states don’t get it. He may have been a drunk who let a garl die, but he was OW-UH drunk who let a garl fackin’ DIE! You can’t appreciate the history this man had with his votah base! We lifted him up! If it had nawt been far the LEGENDARY BAWSTON VOTAHS, that highway bill nevah would have passed! FACKIN’ CHAHHHHLES SCHUMAH WOULD HAVE FACKED IT UP!

/drinks six pack of Cider Jack

AH, CIDAHHHHH!

/drowns girl

FACK YOU!

Spur

FREE PLAY!

Spur

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Spur

Jarwin all in me!

Senor Weaselo

Evening all, I committed Andy Reid’s cardinal sin of not ordering too much barbecue. But it’s okay because Senorita Weaselo and I are definitely coming back for lunch when they aren’t on the cusp of running out of everything.

Mr. Ayo

Andy’s lunch order:
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herodotus450

It took us 3 seconds to review the play, why do the refs need 2 minutes. They should be allowed to review via Jumbotron without having to shut the whole fucking game down.

Mr. Ayo

I think a few of you here are getting a healthy fine from the league office this week.

King Hippo

they better take imaginary dollars

Mr. Ayo

Take my National Disgrace Bucks!

Dunstan

MOAR TV TIMEOUTS = MOAR COMMERCIALS = MOAR $$$$$

King Hippo

That was a fumble TD for PIT earlier today. Almost identical.

Gratliff

Were the refs just not watching the play or?

Unsurprised

Probably.

Dunstan

To be fair, this might be part of the new mandate of “when in doubt, let the play continue.”

Mr. Ayo

They don’t want to get roasted for blowing a play dead incorrectly again.

Instead they’re getting roasted for being incompetent assholes.

herodotus450

Kryzeqwski and Dak Prescott, a fitting duo, the two pantheons of under the table payments.

Dunstan

I had really hoped that by not watching either basketball or college sports, I would be able to avoid “Coach K.”

If Dick Vitale shows up, I’m done.

Spur

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herodotus450

50% of players on the field Strongly Approve of that Gallup TD

Spur

Yeah!

King Hippo

GALLUP WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

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Spur

Who’s off tomorrow?

herodotus450

I sure hope I am, cause I ain’t goin’ and I might be too drunk to even try.

ArmedandHammered

I once called in as too drunk to come into work. My boss just laughed and told me he would see me the next day. I miss having a cool boss.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This guy.

King Hippo

I plan to honour veterans by giving maybe 1/4 of my usual half-assed effort.

litre_cola

Canada.

Game Time Decision

Not me. Kids are in school too

Spur
King Hippo

Dingleberry has made real Dingleberry throws. Non-Gendereds just ain’t making him pay.

King Hippo

Go go Founding Fathers!!

/reminder, Fronk wins Nickname of the Year

Gratliff

Won’t pretend to know enough about Bolivia to know who’s the villain in the coup that just took place (hunch says it’s “all parties involved”), but what I do know is having cops in full riot gear leading the celebration party is a very good, non-authoritarian look.

Gratliff

Jesus christ there are some takes happening

“You can’t call it nonviolence when MLK does it in the U.S. and a coup when we do it in #Bolivia. What we need now is pro-Morales forces to stop attacking civilians for their peaceful protests.” HRF’s own @JhanisseVDaza on @CNN pic.twitter.com/pkRUALTpwY

— Human Rights Foundation (@HRF) November 11, 2019

Unsurprised

A CIA front invoking a socialist anti-imperialist.

Gratliff

The most American of all traditions

Unsurprised

Fuck it

Spur

h
ttps://i.imgur.com/1tne8qw.jpg

Unsurprised

Unexpected

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Why was that hit on Cobb not a penalty for hit on a defenseless receiver? I ask not as a Dallas homer, but because I genuinely do not understand that rule.

herodotus450

The dice roll came up even, so no call.

Horatio Cornblower

Makes as much sense as anything else in the NFL.

Gratliff

Hockey shouldn’t be allowed to have producers
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Gatoraids

Dolly and Kenny duet so far so good watchmen

litre_cola

Hi, I am here, so Dallas is going to win. Adjust your bets accordingly.

Spur

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Redshirt

Why in the hell are the Cowboys wearing their blue jerseys at home?

Its one of the constants of the NFL:

– The Patriots will cheat.
– Roger Goodell is evil.
– The Browns will Browns.
– The Cowboys only wear their blue jerseys on Thanksgivings or when forced to as the away team.

Spur

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