Your “Don’t Hurt Yourselves Jumping Off” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The NFL projects that the salary cap will go up next year. 
    • Currently at $188.6 million, the league projects the salary cap will be in the range of $196.8 million to $201.2 million for next season.
      • It all depends on year-end revenue.
    • Reminder: the first salary cap under the current CBA was $120 million in 2011.
      • That CBA expires after the 2020 season.
      • League-wide, salaries & benefits add up to $7.7 billion.
    • DAK! is reportedly the most expensive contract coming up for renewal.
  • People are jockeying to be the first on the bandwagon: Rapoport is raporting that Jason Garrett will indeed be not re-signed after this season.
    • He is 83-66 in his ten years in charge – averaging less than nine wins per season – and has only won two playoff games in that time.
    • JERRAH! is already denying rumours that he’s met with Urban Meyer.
  • On a different bandwagon? Troy Aikman, who is rumoured to be looking at trying to land a GM job.
    • He’s adamant it won’t be the Cowboys.
      • Because Jerry Jones is “real stubborn and steadfast in that he’s the one in charge.”
        • “I think in a lot of ways, until that changes, this team’s going to have some problems,” Aikman said.
    • Sitting beside Joe Buck all these years must have had him wishing he was somewhere else.
      • Time will tell if he’s either an Ozzie Newsome or John Elway.
  • Speaking of bandwagons, the fans hurt Kyle Van Noy’s feelings on Sunday.
    • During an interview with NBC Sports Boston this week, Patriots linebacker Kyle Van Noy said, “I thought it was disrespectful.”
    • Granted, as Patriots player he’s used to handjobs & high-fives from the townies, but it must be shocking to find out for the first time that love isn’t universal.

Finally, you may have heard – in amongst all the impeachment folderol – that the new NAFTA, or USMCA, was signed off on yesterday by the US House. It now goes to the US Senate and the Canadian Parliament for separate ratification. (Mexico approved the treaty prior to its 2018 election.)

Why is this significant for the Commentists of [DFO]? Well, aside from enshrining higher duty-free shopping allowances for cross-border shopping & mail-ordering (cheaper fleshlights!), one suggestible downside is that it eliminates previous SimSub (or “Simultaneous Substitution”) regulations on Canadian advertising during the Super Bowl.

In Chapter 15 of the USMCA, Canada “shall rescind Broadcasting Regulatory Policy CRTC 2016-334 and Broadcasting Order CRTC 2016-335,”  referring to the CRTC’s broadcasting order, made in August 2016, that banned SimSub for the Super Bowl’s broadcast on Canadian TV. At Roger Goodell’s insistence, Donald Trump had his negotiators add this in as part of the US platform for codifying broadcast standards as part of the trade agreement.

The USMCA makes clear that it sees the Super Bowl as not just a US product exported oversees, but as an economic asset. “With respect to simultaneous substitution of commercials during the retransmission in Canada of the program referenced in those measures,” says the USMCA, “Canada may not accord the program treatment less favorable than the treatment accorded to other programs originating in the United States retransmitted in Canada.” Because Bell has the exclusive broadcast rights, they – and their US partners – lose revenue if SimSub is prohibited, and the calculated value of those broadcast rights drops accordingly.

I’ve gone off on this topic before, but at this point there’s no reason to give myself a stroke about it. Roger Goodell got the US President to pressure the Canadian government to protect US broadcast re-transmission rates for a football game, going so far as to stroke the ego of the once-potential Bills owner:

“We greatly appreciate President Trump’s leadership and determination in bringing about a resolution to our intellectual property issue in Canada,” Goodell said in a written statement released by the NFL.

SimSub, according to the fact-checkers at “Awful Announcing“, has been around in Canada since 1972, the result of Canadian broadcasters who wanted to make money off rebroadcasting American programming instead of creating their own programming. In a perfect world, the profits from that US programming would be used to create Canadian TV shows. By the late 1990s, it meant that most Canadian networks with rights to U.S. series aired them at exactly the same time as the U.S. networks so they could capitalize off SimSub.

Under ideal conditions, SimSub shouldn’t be a pain in the ass. Why it is is because it leads to delays in returning from commercial breaks, and errors in feed substitution when Joe Buck tosses to a 15-second in-game ad for Verizon (because the Canadian feed either goes black or cuts to a 30-second Canadian ad). Also, if the US feed switches to another game due to a blowout or the scheduled game ends early, the Canadian feed doesn’t switch. It’s an irritant that builds up quite a bit over the years, and makes me want to punch Canadian sports broadcasters square in the mouth.

Anyway – it’s the law now, and I have to accept it.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Capitals – 7:00PM | NBCSN
    • Sens at Habs – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Flyers at Avalanche – 9:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Lakers at Magic – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Clippers at Toronto Raptors – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • There is NO OTHER sports story in Canada today. None.
        • Don’t believe me? Here is TSN’s front page:

 •   Pelicans at Bucks – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN5

 •   Knicks at Warriors – 10:30PM | Sportsnet1

  • NCAA:
    • Women’s College Basketball:
      • Iowa at Iowa State – 8:00PM | FS1
  • Wrasslin’:
    • AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
    • NXT – 8:00PM | USA
  • A good walk spoiled:
    • 2019 Presidents Cup Golf: Day 1 – 5:30PM | Golf Channel / TSN3
      • Team matches from Royal Melbourne GC in Australia.

Enjoy your evening.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Fronkenshteen

[angry rant redacted]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m impressed that you’re watching the sausage being made – the witness testimony was fascinating, this stuff not so much.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This sausage factory tour you’re talking about…they give samples, right?” – Andy Reid

LemonJello

“What are the dumpster pickings like?”
-Ryan Leaf and Jim Tomsula, talking over each other excitedly

Fronkenshteen

Fatt Gaetz just yielded the entirety of his time to Matt Gaetz. This is awful. Now he hands off to Jordan. Christ almighty, this is tough duty.

Fronkenshteen

GOP congressmen railing out at failsons inspires a new word. An emotion which is an amalgam of humor and horror. Do the Germans have a word for it?

LemonJello

Schiessekrieg?

Fronkenshteen

Swalwell fucked up. Now GOP will ask for MOAR articles of impeachment.

Fronkenshteen

Did Matt Gaetz get his upper lip trimmed?

Fronkenshteen

DEM/Common Sense: Here is an elephant. It’s a large elephant. Here are several scientists who will testify to the fact that this is an elephant in every way, and many witnesses who will testify that they have seen this elephant doing all of the elephant things the science people said it would. Also, we have invented a device whereby this elephant will be able to speak English and identify itself as an elephant beyond a shadow of a doubt.

GOP: WHY CANT MY PASTOR SPEAK?!

Fronkenshteen

Jesus, after looking at and listening to Ohio’s congressional representatives, I’m starting to think “Gummo” was a documentary.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

South Park was fucking incredible tonight. We all need a little X-mas Special, after all.

yeah right

If you encounter someone, anyone during the holiday season that starts their sentence with “Tis the season”, you are allowed to smote them with a sweaty gym sock filled with Salvation Army quarters and not a jury in the land will convict you, especially if I’m the foreman.

“Tis” my ass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just muted the tv to try and quiet a fart. I should go to bed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As you lay yourself down to sleep tonight, don’t forget: the President is going to be impeached tomorrow.

Sharkbait

Whether anything comes of it is another question, but at least its progress.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, but so was Clinton. And neither will have been removed from office.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And so continues a long line of false equivalencies.

TheRevanchist

Stop! You’re giving me a boner.

nomonkeyfun

Troy as GM would make Matt Millen look like Ozzie Newsome.

Fronkenshteen

McKinnon with the hospital assist.

Gratliff

Avs speed is fucking terrifying

Gratliff

Carter Hart with the save of the year. So do they trade him mid season or does he completely collapse after he gets paid. Let’s spin the Flyera Goalie Wheel of Despair!

Fronkenshteen

GLOVE SAVE ENNA BEAUTY

Sharkbait

That was a disgusting save.

Wakezilla

I’m calling it now: Hart will get a groin injury in two years’ time. Despite the minor setback, everyone but Flyers’ management will know Hart will be fine. Then, Philly will trade Hart away and he will become a multi-time Vezina winning goalie.

SonOfSpam

I am Anthony Rendon. Can’t wait to be SonOfSpam’s neighbor.

Sharkbait

Testing out this week’s cocktail. I’m not sure I can finish it. I topped off my glass and that was a bad idea.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

Gratliff

Capitals are getting tiresome

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I hate Trump’s twitter Feed as Much as you Do.

Gratliff

Princeton’s record makes Elisha’s sub-.500 record all the more damning

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But less damning at the same time, because two of Elisha’s many (inexplicable) playoff wins were Super Bowls.

rockingdog

Those raptors throwback jerseys are frickin sweet….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love and Life both have an expiration date. Accepting that fact is difficult.

– Gavin Rossdale

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOllF3TgAsM

litre_cola

I have a friend who lives in Wollstonecraft and has a view of the harbour bridge, and Opera house and he hasn’t seen it in weeks. He said it is a hellscape.

litre_cola

Which is why we were looking at flights to become freedom fighters in Sierra Leone. 3000 AUD from Sydney to Freetown and 2 grand for me. We haven’t looked into visas, we are just going to shoot our way over the border.

Gratliff

A PissPigGranddad for the next generation

herodotus450

The Red Wings have a -62 goal differential on the season so far, and the Islanders have a league low 69 goals against. If they hadn’t scored a goal all season they’d barely be worse than Detroit.

Wakezilla

Nice.

Except, fuck the Ice Jets because they play too much a defensive style of hockey.

herodotus450

All these hockey teams firing their coaches, San Jose the latest, they should try having the worst record in the league and an historically abysmal point pace to not get fired.

Sharkbait

Fun fact: There have been 5 coaching changes since the last time Detroit won a game.

herodotus450

Somehow I think that undersells the fact that they are 0-10-0 in the last ten. Ten regulation losses, ten games without a point. At some point it’s harder to lose that badly that much than to stumble into an overtime point.

litre_cola

I hope Ice Lions lose again tomorrow too.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Its infinitely grosser when spelled ‘Pizzarrhea’

rockingdog

LOLcomment image

Sharkbait

Nowhere near enough foot shots.

Gratliff

comment image

HOW THE FUCK YOU SHOOTIN’ BOYS!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not well.” – Plaxico Burress

Brick Meathook

I just started reading The Art of War by Sun Tzu so that I may crush my co-workers, most of whom went to art school.

LemonJello

Those fools will never know what hit them. Unless…do you think they’re reading The War of Art ?

scotchnaut

“You want to crush me? MORE WEIGHT!”

-Giles Corey

SonOfSpam

This is great stuff hobokiller.

Redshirt

My boss says I should kill my incompetent co-workers with kindness. Now, I’m searching the Dark Web for a hit man named Kindness.

herodotus450

The sequel The War of Art about Cristo wasn’t quite as good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I find that book to be more fun if you add random consonants and turn it into, say, The Fart of Gwar.

Sharkbait

Fuck Trump. Fuck all his nonsense. Can we pool our money together and buy an island to escape all this nonsense?

Redshirt

Yes, but how do we trick Trump onto the island?

Redshirt

That’s your answer to everything!

Redshirt

No, Sensei.

herodotus450

It worked out so well for Sealand

Brick Meathook

Fuck islands, let’s secede from The Union! We’ll give ourselves a new name and print cool new money, and Europe and England will recognize us and side with us because they need our cotton. They need all the cotton there is, because they eat it and if they don’t have cotton to eat they’ll die. We can’t lose, man.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Well, boiled cotton certainly explains British cuisine…

Redshirt

But picking cotton requires a lot of labor! Where can we find a cheap, unending supply of labor?!

Dunstan

I think some of the Deadspin writers are still looking for work.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brick Meathook changed into Milo Minderbinder so gradually I barely even noticed.

Don T

?

Redshirt

“Excellente idée! Ça marche toujours!” – Napoleon I, L’Empereur des Français

herodotus450

My Local 301 Autoworker’s Union is the only as GM job Troy is qualified for.

Senor Weaselo

That might be a bit much for him.