Seriously. It really is. I thought I got all my stuff done weeks ago. I was wrong.
I’m cooking today. Cooking a lot of stuff.
We discussed what to cook. We bought a pork loin. We bought a buttload of ground beef (tacos and chili next week….woooooo!!!!).
We bought a turkey. We bought a ham.
But what we landed on was a beef roast. So why did we buy the rest of that stuff?????
(ahem)
Pot roast. Carrots. Red skin potatoes. Onions.
Crock pot. Usually I’d go with the ceramic stew pot, but this year it’s just too much.
Shit, I forgot. I gotta make gravy.
Some assorted breads and sundries will accompany, of course.
Later I’ll have people whom I do not like, but who are allegedly related to me, in the house for much longer than I’d like.
Eating my food and tearing shit apart.
And then I’ll have to kick them out later.
God help them if one of them walks into my house with a sidearm on their hip (spoiler alert….at least one will). But I’m better armed and faster. And sneakier.
/checks ammo supply
//yup we’re good
Frankly, I wish they’d all stay home and I could have each and every one of YOU good people (you people?) here with me. Family. It’s what we are.
It figures itself out.
Think about that.
(no, I want to shoot them, not youse)
–
I know most of you will laugh at this one, but it’s a good cover.
–
In spite of not being particularly religious, I do have to admit I do get a little emotional at this time of year. When people are compelled to be nicer to one another, or just more compassionate. It’s a good thing. It moves me to want to help others as well.
Beginning a few months ago, I began donating to several charities. You can’t take it with you.
Help someone else if you can. It doesn’t have to be a donation of money. Just be kind to one another. Even that is enough.
Enjoy your people. Family, friend or whomever.
You never know who may not be here next year.
Yes, they’re a pain in the ass more often than not. Trust me, I get it.
BUT THEY’RE YOUR PAIN IN THE ASS.
That’s important.
Think about that, too.
Love ya’s.
Yes, I know I link this every year. But it never hurts to hear it again.
–
tWBS, you out there? My daughter is watching a 13 year old golden that isn’t going to make 14. Could use some advice.
Also, HEY MERRY XMAS EVERYONE. MINE’S GOING FUCKING GREAT!!!
Got all my waiver picks! Rolling in week 17 for all the marbles ($500) with Daniel Jones, Noah Fant, Matt Gay, and Travis Homer. YAHOOO!!!
I was told there would be punch, pie, and a Die Hard live-brog?
Jake Tapper is a cheap imitation
https://twitter.com/jaketapper/status/945475213797584896?s=19
I envy all of you cooking, because I love food and I wish I could make anything at the moment.
I misplaced a page and started the Gloria at the Kyrie. Fittingly this was because the Mea culpa threw me off.
/And nobody got any of that
I got it Senor. They didn’t so move forward as if everyone else didn’t fuck up.
No, I fucked up because talking about fuck-ups fucked me up.
/Is immediately hit by lightning for church swears
Just think about a specialized fetish….. like; Karate Trample Femdom Girls – Face Kicking Black Belt
BANANACAKES BOWL GAME ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
It’s 11:47, so shit, cut one of the songs, gotta be done by 12 for Jeebus!
If you happen to run into him, I hear he’s not crazy about shaking hands.
Finger palm tickle flirt.
Wait, the carol program is beforehand? Eh, we’re playing three numbers in it, which is why I’m commenting from the choir loft!
Finally used up the last of my wrapping paper I bought like 5 years ago. 100% going to forget I need more next year and he’ll have to do without like the bows and tags this year.
Good evening from midnight mass rehearsal! Hey, my ass and the rest of me is getting paid $300 for it so I’ll take it.
As someone who attended midnight mass the first 10 years of my life, I’m not sure how they expected me to end up anything other than atheist
See, the key is they pay you to go there!
Eh, usually the Catholic Church is willing to pay $300 just for the ass.
Nah, I’m too old
Is it mean that I just told my niece if she wasn’t asleep by the time Santa came that he’d skip the house?
Not enough
Needs more Krampus.
I thought that’s just what you did to get kids to go to bed on Christmas Eve.
Oh no, he won’t skip the house. He’ll stop by and take away the things she already owns
Got me a goose for tomorrow. A mashed potato and sage stuffing, perhaps some roasted carrots on the side. French onion soup to start. Time to start eyeing the wine fridge and picking the starting lineup….
Jealous
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH37hqsSdIs&ab_channel=SpringCreekProductions
Die Hard to follow after the Hawaii Bowl.
Who the fuck is calling me at this time?
[drunk and stoned]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00Ig33jctXs
Mary Christmass.
Well, it is the season of giving so….
Yeah, Imma stop right there.
100% accurate.
I spent 38 years thinking my shoelaces were just there to keep my shoes on. It wasn’t until I got cats last year that I realized the laces are plotting against me and need to be attacked as often as possible to deter them.
Working tonight but the g/f is coming up for dinner tomorrow. Got the rib roast dry-brining, already made the roasted garlic/horseradish/mustard rub to go on it, and got the stock reduced to make au jus. Just got the actual cooking left to do when I get up tomorrow afternoon. Also spent all night making a huge pot of bolognese, so that may have to make its way into an appetizer of some sort.
Nice!
Should be. Usually comes out fantastic. I’ve also got a 6 lb strip roast in a dry-aging bag going in the fridge. I’ll have some nice 6-week aged strip steaks in a couple more weeks. Into the sous vide, under the torch, and into my face.
Sounds amazing. I’m doing baked ziti on Saturday when my daughters and the little ones stop by. I used short ribs instead of ground beef and cooked them down in the red sauce.
Oh yeah.
I haven’t done ziti in years. That sounds good.
Did a pretty good lasagna a few days ago. Used cottage cheese instead of ricotta. All the ricotta has been pulled off the shelves around here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQXx8z0ERbQ
Go after Christmas, the week between Christmas and New Year’s is ripe for sales.
I commented to the g/f that I should have grabbed a small rack of ribs to simmer in the sauce. It’s already got about 7 lbs of meat in it, so I’ll live with it: beef, pork, veal, moratdella, pancetta, and chicken liver. Lots of red wine, stock, and almost no tomato. Makes for an awesome lasagna if you thrown in a nice bechamel.
The superior meat is just the way to go.
Are we still talking about….
Never mind.
IT CAN BE BOTH!!
*actually; it can be all four.
I was trying to use up as much as I could from my freezer. I like to throw in ribs or even a chuck roast, but I was going the cheaper route since I got a very un-christmas-like note from my uncle AmEx explaining that he’d like me to actually pay for things.
Needs so much Italian sausage.
BTW, if you have a vacuum sealer, those Umai dry-age bags are fucking awesome. Not cheap, but they work really well.
There’s a Bob’s Burgers marathon on Adult Swim. It’s a very merry Christmas.
Yup, my dvr is working its ass off.
(shit i’m down to 40% free….DAMN YOU BOB)
It’s all Christmas episodes.
I’m gonna bang you.
Yes I know you are the only one who will get that reference.
In the ass?
See, I knew you’d get it.
Evening gents. And Zymms if it applies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EznGGYQ-Tv8
Since its Christmas Eve Night, I feel compelled to say that we all should refrain from making sophomoric jokes for cheap laughs and respect the magic of the season.
Now if you’ll excuse me, the family is now asleep, so I’m going to sneak down, pull down each of their stockings and give them all a little present.
So then I should light a fire in the fireplace and try to fry Satan….errrrr I mean Santa.
First stocking; ALL CLEAR!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MrRqsDZSag
Horatio Hornblower audiobooks nerd alert.
Because Horatio Cornblower audiobooks are not available.
They were available until those spoilsports in legal put the kibosh on them.
Damn their oily hides.
Just finished making a pastry shell for TAJ. He’s making pecan pie. Tomorrow is a New York strip roast, potato latkes and a massive cheese selection. Had some tamales tonight and a really nice pinot noir. Drinking a pinot grigio now. Just me and all of the right brothers.
I’ll take it.
Merry Christmas to all of you good folks.
Good on you. I don’t have the patience for fucking with pastry.
The joys of the food processor. Just a few pulses and bingo. Make sure your butter is COLD.
I actually do that for making biscuits. So much faster than cutting in the butter by hand.
Plus the butter doesn’t get warmed up by your body temperature.
It’s the little things.
Myself and some family members were watching an episode of Family Feud after dinner tonight. One of the fast money questions was “what would you do if you were alone at home at Christmas?” Me being me, I shouted out…
MASTURBATE!!!!
I think I broke the family.
I thought it was funny.
Me too.
That is just great work! WELL DONE!
Can I go to sleep yet?
No.
A few relatives……
Ah this game stinks.
am glad I decided not to GAMBLOR on Original Recipe Team Big Love
Pungent or acrid?
Went to my wife’s aunts house for dinner. She “made” Wendy’s Junior bacon cheeseburgers for everyone. she got them plain and the all the condiments on the side so you can make it however you like it. Not sure if genius or lazy but in either case a tasty dinner.
The aunt has the same hair, just less orange. Oh and the same size hands
Does she know Putin?
Remember that Clark Griswold lost his shit because he didn’t get a large Christmas bonus that would cover the check he wrote to have an in-ground pool built
oh, deffo a “White Ppl Problems” scenario, gotta keep it relatable
And he was the SYMPATHETIC character in that situation.
But he got a one-year subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club! That’s the gift that keeps on giving!!!
May everyone have a happy Zombie Beaver Mutation Christmas.
It’s Christmas in Australia already, right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCNvZqpa-7Q
And you, my baby girl
My jetlagged infant daughter
You’ll be handed round the room
Like a puppy at a primary school
And you won’t understand
But you will learn someday
That wherever you are and whatever you face
These are the people who’ll make you feel safe in this world
So regarding people who carry guns everywhere…are they in a constant state of fear that they’ll need a gun for some reason? Or is it that they are constantly fantasizing about being a hero thanks to their trusty gun?
I’m not unsympathetic, as my experience with a bidet has taught me what it’s like to visit a relative’s house and feel desperately uncomfortable about being separated from such a prized possession, but it’s easy to explain my motivation as “I like having my butthole be cleaner and less stinky than it otherwise would.”
Probably a penis thing.
My law school, PA-redneck buddy has like 200 guns, but I never saw him just around town with one. Then again, he’s also a liberal.
About half the people I work with are gun nuts, but I am not aware that any of them ‘carry and confront’. Several have multiple assault weapons, and I am absolutely be sure that they would feel naked without owning them. Granted I am a gun owner too, but shooting which I used to enjoy quite a bit has lost its appeal somewhat.
Portable bidets…..
On the other hand I wish all men who are even close to being predators had the fear of being shot.
Portable bidet would make us millions
Of Yen.
Got a peanut butter cheesecake going and starting the cranberry sauce which I will eat like 90% of because it’s a step removed from candy how I make it. The wrapping is getting old but the only child is 12 so like 1 more year and then it’s all cash
I’m just hearing weird noises that I know are in my head.
I’m hungry; time to eat.
This movie is incredible. Best film of the year in my honest opinion.
Sitting alone, except for two cats. LOVE IT. Of course, it’s not Xmas Eve without:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrbv40ENU_o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frAEmhqdLFs
And since it’s the season:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw
We’re at my sister’s tonight, so I didn’t have to make shit. On top of veggies tomorrow for other sister’s house. Hope all have a festive and well lubricated Christmas.
Happy hannuoch!
I’ve had some Rumchata and a few White Claws. Man I am feeling Christmas-y.