Your Buffalo/Houston Wild Card Game Open Thread

And all that work in the regular season to eliminate all those lousy teams except for the Eagles, smgdh. Hey, we’re here-let’s make the best of it.

TO THE GAME!

Bills/Texans:

-J.J. Watt is back! The usual recovery time from a torn pec is six months + (depending on severity of course) but he’s a Wonder Warrior and all that. I’m guessing he’s not in game shape but he’ll have an impact because Josh Allen reacts very slowly to collapsing pockets.

-There’ll be an interesting battle between wr Hopkins (68 of his catches have gone for a 1st down or a TD-that’s phenomenal!) and cb White, the Bills shutdown (over-used word but the guy hasn’t given up a TD the whole season) dude. So The Shaun will throw to the other side, right? Welp, it looks as though deepball fella Fuller’s continuing soft tissue ailments will cause him to miss out this week. So we’re looking at the very average Kenny Stills going up against Levi Wallace who, after a rough start to the year, has only given up 7 catches the last four weeks.

-Devin Singletary should have himself a game in this spot. He really underwhelmed the last 3 games he played in (he was supposed to help deliver me a champeenship) but I went back and had a look-they were vs. the Pats, Ravens and Steelers, all top 5 in defending the run. The Texans are in the bottom 5 in that category.

-Prediction Time! If Josh Allen keeps it to two turnovers or less the Bills win, more than that and things get dicey. I’ll say Bills 26 (that’s 2 scores and 4 field goals because multiple busted drives) Texans 20.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me how you think the game will unfold.

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Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN BROKEBACK!

Gratliff

oh bills redux

Gratliff

“This American Flag Of America is ready!” is a fucking deleted scene from Idiocracy

JustStopDude

Holy shit that catch….called back but still…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’s just a little airborne…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The seats in the MGM Grand sportsbook are unconscionably uncomfortable.

King Hippo

they want you up and back at the goddamned window!

Gratliff

No idea how he holds on to the ball by the nose like that. Thought for sure that was a hilarious touchback at first.

King Hippo

Jeebus, TheShaun is taking it to the next level.

WCS

Added bonus: wifey took Lil’ WCS and Lil’er WCS to a friend’s for a slumber party. It’s just the dog, the cat, my new bottle of bourbon, playoffs, and me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Honey, the cat drank half the bourbon”

Gratliff

How can you leave porn out like that?

WCS

That was twice earlier.

litre_cola

Does the ref looked really blazed?

JustStopDude

It’s from the refineries….

Lots of heavy metals getting ingested by the crowd….

JustStopDude

You know how the NFL controls everything. Like if an NFL player doesn’t have their socks pulled up just right, they get the shit fined out of them…

They have to have a list of no-no words for pre-snap cadance.

I mean otherwise….some of the QBs would be doing weird shit….

“KILL…..KILL…. EPSTEIN DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF….HIKE!!!”

King Hippo

5 minute break to put it at 6-inch line, will immediately sneak it in

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s more like it…

Mr. Ayo

WATT DOWN!

The Maestro

Deshaun Watson is a hoss.

King Hippo

can maybe has game?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Could’ve been you, Trubisky

litre_cola

Desean is lucky Talib isn’t around or that chain would be snatched.

Gratliff

“Fuck it. I’ll do it myself”

King Hippo

Best throw of the day

Doktor Zymm

Agreed, didn’t think he would make that!

jjfozz

Here’s my pitch for a new reality show: Put the Watt brothers and Gronkowski brothers in a party house in South Beach and let the cameras roll.

Really, that’s it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Add nitrous and I’m in

Doktor Zymm

I’m not sure if I would prefer that, or stick them in some middle of nowhere town with one hick bar

jjfozz

Well, that would cut down on the aggravated sexual assaults. But then again, they could find a few unlucky cows.

herodotus450

Cliffhanger at then end of the premiere: there’s only one course of antibiotics for the whoooole house.

Doktor Zymm

The hipster moustache Texans sideline guy!

jjfozz

Saw that too. I though hipsters were afraid of contact sports. Is he squirting that water ironically?

Doktor Zymm

Maybe he’s writing a whiny blog?

jjfozz

Maybe doing research for a paper on toxic masculinity?

Doktor Zymm

How old is JJ Watt? Is it medically advised to get that hype?

JustStopDude

I’m shocked that the return of an injured rattled JJ Watt hasn’t led to success …

jjfozz

do they keep a stun gun on the sidelines in case Watt completely loses his mind?

The Maestro

SUPER HARBAUGH RIVALRY BROS makes its season debut on Thursday, Jan. 9th. Get ready, people.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

45 minutes of craps and I’m down exactly 1 dollar.

I knew I shouldn’t have tipped.

Doktor Zymm

Shoulda left when you were up, cause you almost always are at some point in 45 minutes unless you’re a total doof

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was up, but only $150 or so, wasn’t worth it

WCS

Liquor store run completed. Hello Knob Creek.

Doktor Zymm

I suspect not being at home is actually an advantage for the Bills

The Maestro

Frank Gore is the Highlander.

Doktor Zymm

THERE CAN BE ONLY FUN

King Hippo

BUF playcalling has been exceptional

Doktor Zymm

I hope they are not depleting their competence totally in this game

King Hippo

I have $30 (at 46 to 1) on them winning the Owl, so I’m with ya

Doktor Zymm

Bestest of luck!

jjfozz

Just because your name is Texans doesn’t mean you guys have to go around shooting yourselves in the foot

Bortleback

+1 good guy with a fumble

King Hippo

very impressive 1-yard run

Bortleback

At this point I’m not even paying attention when the Texans have the ball, they’ll do fuckin nuttin with it

JustStopDude

Has there been a more bipolar team this year than Houston? Like one game, they look great and then a game or two later, they look more fucking inept than the fucking Dolphins…

Viva La Tabula Raza

So I’ve got a feeling that both of my favorite AFC teams are going to lose tonight. Fortunately, good buddy of mine brought me a liter of his homemade whiskey this afternoon, so I’ve got that going for me. I might get a little more incomprehensible than usual later tonight.

Or maybe I’ll just start the binge of the new James May travelogue of Japan over on Amazon Prime now.

Mr. Ayo

The James May thingy is great so far. I’m 3 episodes in.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve got two to go, Bim. (You’ll get that when you watch the fourth one).

Doktor Zymm

I was not aware of your positivism towards the Tejanos!

Viva La Tabula Raza

In addition to my birthplace team (P*ts), I’ve gotta have a local team to root for. It used to be the OIlers, but Bud Adams, and I’ve hated DAL for more than 50 years, so it’s HOU by default.

Senor Weaselo

Was Seamen any good?

Doktor Zymm

What, the Dreamcast game?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Interesting, but they had a very difficult time, and it ended up more an exercise in “suffering porn” than I would like.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A little salty

Doktor Zymm

Fumble bee is the less popular version of the bumble bee

The Maestro

I can’t believe a team that’s not the Bills is out-Billsing the Bills.

The Maestro

Fittingly, the team that’s out-Billsing the Bills is led by another Bill. The circle of ineptitude is complete.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And that Bill of the team that’s out-Billsing the Bills used to work for another guy named Bill, who historically has owned the Bills for almost two decades.

Senor Weaselo

I should feel bad for the Texans, but fuck the Rockets and super fuck the Astros. So haha!

Gratliff

Bill O’Brien gonna get called to HR for browsing monster.com during the third quarter

Mr. Ayo

NUK OVER

Brocky

Lol Texans

King Hippo

Going out on a limb, but think Booger has been pretty good today

Mistborn Impossible

He’s been pretty good all season, honestly.

jjfozz

The Answer for the Texans Offense is: Stop fucking sucking so much

Doktor Zymm

That’s the answer for everything except vacuums and blow jobs

jjfozz

That’s fucking so clutch

Game Time Decision

Ref down lol

But right back up

King Hippo

this crew having one of those days

Mr. Ayo

BLEE’RGH will not abide that.

jjfozz

Thanks NFL for choosing footage of dirt bike riders in the streets of my city for your promo commercial of the playoffs.