Your Minnesota/New Orleans Wild Card Game Open Thread

Well, now it’s the NFC’s turn to show us what they’ve got.

TO THE GAME!

Vikes/Saints:

-I don’t know, man. Poking around here, there and everywhere it just does not look that good for Minny. I guess an extremely heavy Derrick Henry-like dose of Dalvin Cook and a smattering of Mattison might slow the game down a bit. Perhaps another Diggs miracle at the end to for the win? I can’t see the score being close enough to matter.

-Hey, you know that fantasy thing you employ when you have Brees? You know, play him at home and forget about him on the road? Well, I did a wee bit of maths and his completion rate at home this year is 77%. Wr Thomas will likely be covered by Xavien Howard and that fella allows a catch rate of…. 84.3%. That spells disaster. The Vikes don’t have a cb in PFF’s top 50.

-“But Minny’s D has shut down a number of qb’s!” says yeah right. Well, yes-they’ve done quite well vs. backups and strugglers like Chase Daniel, Daniel Jones, Case Keenum/Haskins, Matt Moore, Kyle Allen and David Blough. They’ve been torched by the more capable tossers like Wentz (400), Stafford (433), DAK! (443) and Wilson (444).

-Shall we speak the name of Cousins and his enormous struggles in national spotlight games? His won/loss record for games on Sunday/Monday nights and playoff games is 2-16. It begs the question-has he been to a therapist? If so, he should think about switching it up and going to a more effective one. And he want to trade in that therapy badger, he’s so cranky!

-Prediction Time! Saints win going away 37-20.

Hit me with yours down below. Or just hit me.*

*tire irons are excluded from this offer

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LemonJello

Coach Zimmer may just release Mr Winkles into the locker room regardless of the outcome of this game.

King Hippo

oh man, that would have been PEAK Dingleberry

Gatoraids

Got to think Drew’s doctor recommended limited exposure to Vikings football

herodotus450

Moar like Tenzing NOgay amirit

Horatio Cornblower

Mario Edwards is alive!?

Gratliff

Hilarity ensues!

litre_cola

This weekend has been very strange.

Fronkenshteen

The Saints will now ride Latavius Murray to a GOD DAMNED SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP.
/still guilty I benched him foar this
//sorry for music
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1FZIw1J7yHc

King Hippo

have to go for this

Gratliff

Happy Saints Sideline Meltdown day, everyone!

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t tear myself away from this game for fear that I’m going to miss the brewing prison-riot-style brawl that’s brewing over there.

Gratliff

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Horatio Cornblower

Saints Fans React Reasonably

Bortleback

Unrest in the superdome? Someone call the national guard

herodotus450
Old School Zero

okay, the coffee just kicked in, and I had a realization: The Minnesota Vikings made the playoffs?!

Horatio Cornblower

An Asian kid of about 6 years old asking how they make Addidas sneakers is exactly why her parents emigrated: if they hadn’t not only would she know the answer to that question, she’d be trying to hit her quota of 8 pairs a day.

Horatio Cornblower

It’ll play in New Orleans, but don’t be thinking about taking that shit to Baton Rouge.

herodotus450

“Don’t make us call in Ed Hochuli’s muscles to enforce integration.”
-NFL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Build the damn wall!

*of yellow

Horatio Cornblower

The overhead view did not look like a touchdown.

King Hippo

agreed, just not conclusive

Senor Weaselo

Maybe Enough Cook!

Mistborn Impossible

Iguess I’m the only Kirk Cousins fan here? I’ve been a fan of his since day 1. I saw a picture of him taken right after he learned he had been drafted to Washington, and he was trying to smile and look happy but totally failing at it. He was not happy about getting drafted there, and that’s how I knew he was a smart guy.

Anyway I think he’s been a solid player his entire career.

King Hippo

in other words, YOU LIKE THAT!

herodotus450

Funny that RGIII had the same look about Kirk getting drafted to DC.

Gratliff

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Mistborn Impossible

That’s horrible advice and I won’t listen to it. Drugs are as good as drugs!

Doktor Zymm

I mostly don’t like him because Jay Gruden pretty much purposely broke RG3 because he could only coach to Kirk Cousins’ style. Totally not his fault, but meh

Bortleback

RG3 was pretty thrilling to watch his rookie season. Cousins has always just been meh to watch, aside from the “you like that” game

Mistborn Impossible

I think RG3 was ruined by Shannahan when he was left in that playoff game against Seattle. Shanny the Elder has a history of playing injured QBs and getting them hurt even worse (see: Brian Griese)

Gatoraids

If I was Rosetta Stone I’d run commercial s during Buck Aikman games touting learn Spanish to enable SAP.

Gratliff

AHAHAHAHA

Gratliff

Cousins adding an annual Actually Good playoff game to his repertoire now

King Hippo

Lattimore having a ‘mare today

litre_cola

I honestly thought the Saints would kick the shit out of SKOL. Does Yeah Right have a perma-erection right now?

Bortleback

They’re making Kirk Cousins look competent. Is there any more damning indictment of a football team?

Gratliff

This entire season existed as a middle finger to saints fans and I’m here for it

Senor Weaselo

Here comes the PI anger!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now Mom wants to talk about her healthcare issues. Sonofabitch!!!

MOM COULDN’T WE HAVE DONE THIS EARLIER OR DO IT LATER…. THE GAME IS BACK ON FFS!!!

But I can’t say that. And she is anything but concise when she gets in the talky talky mood.

Maybe she’ll be done before the next game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And I didn’t even get any meatloaf.
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Unsurprised

This could’ve been avoided if you took my advice about the squirrel

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking from experience here, just because she’s talking doesn’t mean you have to listen.

King Hippo

Is Teddy Ballgame active?

Mistborn Impossible

Teddy Footballwater

Bortleback

Teddy Bigdick

Senor Weaselo

Will there be Brees/Hill debates? Find out next!

King Hippo

Shit, the Vikes are gonna take this.

King Hippo

impress your cleaning lady!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I already did.”

-Arnold S., Ventura, CA

Mistborn Impossible

Huge game by 97

litre_cola

Spiced Rum and coke is what I have settled on after experimental cocktails this morning.

litre_cola

Yep, sherry Cask Cap’n

Fronkenshteen

Payton sporting the Warby Parker’s!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Oooh, I got a political survey in my email!

Doktor Zymm

They want my opinion on legalizing sports betting in CA. Yes, obviously

herodotus450

Poll results: 90% of Californians agree that they have enough extra money to throw away on sprots betting, so they can’t get mad when we raise taxes.

Fronkenshteen

MOAR LATAVIUS PLEEZ

blaxabbath

I expect the next president to say nothing about it but full-on go after Fox News.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, guess how tWBS gets to spend halftime?
If your answer is anything other than going onto Amazon and ordering books to be shipped to his jailbird brother, you’ll be wrong.

I hate this shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t even spend this much on books for myself.
Fucker better hope our mother doesn’t die soon.

LemonJello

Can you order books that only deal with dying in prison?

blaxabbath

100 Global trips to mage before you die

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prison rape would be another good subject.

Petronel

Would one of the cheap bulk booksellers on eBay be useful in this circumstance?

blaxabbath

Can’t he write letters to the state like Andy Dufraine?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s North Carolina. Prison Officials can’t read.

Bortleback

Could you “accidentally” order a copy in a language he doesn’t speak?

Mistborn Impossible

Or worse: something by Chuck Tingle
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Gratliff

Love watching people sleep walk through Mega Man speed runs when as a full grown adult, I struggle to beat a single boss

Old School Zero

THIS

Bortleback

I’ve taken to playing games on the easiest difficulty, because fuck having to repeat sections over and over again. Some of them even call it “story mode”. Am I officially an old now?

Gratliff

In my thirties, I’ve found that my ability to systematically pick games apart casually has improved, and my ability to be actually good at playing sucks shit. Have completely abandoned online play at this point.

Horatio Cornblower
Doktor Zymm

Damn, my internet is slow today, I’m like 2 plays behind live

Gratliff

HUZZAH

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Gratliff

ffs vikes

Old School Zero

helluva catch

King Hippo

how the FUCK did Thomas catch that??

King Hippo

Man, what a bad beat for anyone with a HT moneyline bet on SKOL.

King Hippo

or NOT

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice D there NO. Not only did no one touch him, but no one got within two feet of him.

Horatio Cornblower

Thielen’s decision to play this game while wearing roller skates seems questionable at best.

Mistborn Impossible

He’s a pioneer, an idea man. Some ideas work and some don’t, you never know until you try

King Hippo

Outside of TheShaun, this really has been the quartered back equivalent of Chernobyl this weekend.

Doktor Zymm

Josh Allen’s meltdown was truly spectacular

Mistborn Impossible

Josh Allen played an all-time classic last night. I doubt we’ll see anything quite like it ever again. I’m actually sad the Bills lost, because I would love another week of that.

Horatio Cornblower

It’ll be screened on short buses for years.

LemonJello

Darnold will see it a lot, then.

King Hippo

I really couldn’t describe it for Hippo Thoughts. Had to be seen to be even a little bit comprehended.

Old School Zero

I can’t even believe it happened, let alone that it was playoff football.

Mistborn Impossible

It’s not to be comprehended, only appreciated

Horatio Cornblower

They should inscribe that over Allen’s locker next year.

LemonJello

He’d think it was Latin, or Klingon.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve never seen such a hunted look in the eyes of a QB

litre_cola

Next game should be better.

Fronkenshteen

With wentz still on tap.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

SUDDEN CHANGE

Fronkenshteen

sudden change?

theeWeeBabySeamus

They should put Trent Green and Richie Incognito in the booth together. I’d even take off the headphones and turn the tee vee box sound back up foar that.

Old School Zero

Richie: [foul, incoherent screaming]

Green: [long strings of vowel sounds]