Your “The Devil You Know” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Shockingly, the owners approved the new playoff format.
    • It’s one extra wild-card game per conference.
    • Using MATH, nfl.com worked out that the move to 14 playoff teams means 43.7 percent of all NFL teams would qualify for the postseason, compared to 33.3 percent in MLB (33.3), 51.6 in NHL and 53.3 in NBA.
  • Even more shocking, Tom Brady has ended up with the #12 in Tampa.
Hopefully something like this.
  • Despite long odds, the league is still planning on starting on time, running a full 16-game schedule plus the international games.
    • The schedule of games will likely be released on or around May 9.
    • The only concrete date is the Super Bowl, which is fixed for February 7, 2021 in Tampa.
  • Speaking of undelayed timelines, the draft is still scheduled for three weeks from now.
    • Friend of the site DrawPlayDave has some very good opinions on this:


Today’s good internet dog is Sunny, a six-year-old Golden Retriever who delivers groceries from her owner’s house to the senior next door.

Again, using the notion that dogs cannot transmit the disease between humans, Sunny’s owner does the shopping for the neighbour, who delivers her list via Sunny, who then returns later once the owner has done the shopping.


In the absence of actual sports, I’ve decided that we need to relive the glory that was MXC.

For those of you too young, or too old, to remember, MXC was a show on SpikeTV where mainly Japanese people compete is various obstacle course like activities. The events were very challenging and often involve people taking some very nasty bumps. The show was called Takeshi’s Castle in Japan and episodes of this show have been dubbed over in English with hilarious commentary and other voice work. (Urban Dictionary)

Anyway, let’s start with Episode 1 – Meat Handlers vs. Cartoon Voice Actors.

Oh yeah, that takes me back. Future episodes will pop up on [DFO]’s newly christened “MXC Mondays”.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • Wrasslin’:
    • AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
    • NXT – 8:00PM | USA
      • a few more “Raod To Wrestlemania” matches plus storyline builds.
  • Forged in Fire – 9:00 PM | HIST
    • In a throwback to the Iron Age, four smiths must forge daggers as if they were in 650 B.C., relying solely on coal forges and brute force to get the job done.
  • Very Cavallari – 10:00 PM | BRAVO  
    • Kristin and Jay’s friends show up in Italy and bring the party with them. The crew embarks on a wine-fueled romp through the Italian country-side, having a fabulous time along the way. But conflict erupts when a drunken Justin starts flirting with another man.

In Canada, running all day but starting at 8:00PM ET, TSN3 will be replaying some of the “The Ocho” broadcasting, including Dodgeball, Highland Games coverage from Vegas, and the World Tetris Championships.

Now – go forth & commentate!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Shit just got REAL!

Gratliff

I've seen this 'Hammer and Dance' diagram a lot, so I am taking the liberty of marking the point where people are going to start ignoring advice to stay socially distant, and render the rest of the diagram moot. pic.twitter.com/U4RzggSCYh

— Pinboard ? (@Pinboard) April 2, 2020

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Unsurprised

Suicide apparently is not painless and sounds a lot like drowning in your own phlegm.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m planning ahead, mental exercises only at this point, but examining options. Drink a fifth of really good scotch, go sit in the Corvette or Impala, eat a few Zanax, smoke a bunch of strong weed, start the engine of both cars, go to sleep permanently. Have the dogs in the garage as well.
I hate that I am thinking this way. Thank You, Mr. Trump, you fuckhole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Mr Whipple died for our sins.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OF COURSE I started in on the comments.

Gratliff

The stupid has definitely ramped up. Whitmer did like a 2 minute interview with a kid on youtube the other day and comments are basically 120% people screaming that this is how she ushers in the new world order.

Gratliff

People are so busy tripping on their dicks to be crazy that they’re forgetting to be racist. It’s pretty crazy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Calmer klan heads will prevail.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The US administration is using it for deregulation that has noting to do with fixing things, but hey.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Having visited Laredo and Nuevo Laredo 30 and 40 years ago, all I can say is “It’s about fucking time!”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Georgia’s speaker of the house complaining that absentee ballots will hurt Republicans because it means more people will vote. Local republicans are falling into the trap of thinking they can just say the quiet parts loud because Dear Leader keeps getting away with it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Reporters hearing this have to be alllll, can you repeat that?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

You and I both know that the capture of the ad you posted was propaganda put out by naMBla. (Milton Bradley, that is).

BC Dick

Ohh my new personal ad has arrived!

ALXMAC
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

So will they.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

American Cornhole League Championship #2, too, also. Sad!
https://www.iplaycornhole.com/nationals/16

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Lee Marvin was such a badass he would have made Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris both pick out and eat the corn and peanuts from his turds. Lee’s turds, to be clear. To be sure, both Lee and Clint served in their respective wars, but Lee was wounded as a Marine on Saipan in 1944, Clint served as a soldier in the Army as a lifeguard at the swimming pool at Fort Ord in northern California for his entire stint in the military during the Korean War.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

See, here’s what’s annoying: I thought a lack of going out to eat and fast food lunches and shit would equal weight loss, but now I’m just making big meals and while everyone else’s anxiety has them eating less, mine has me constantly picking at food when I’m doing shit around the house. Also find myself stress eating candy which is super not great. I will fuck up a bag of swedish fish. Just have to not buy it, but I never claimed to be an intelligent person.

Gratliff

I also got a full hour in on my elliptical the other day, which is about 20 minutes longer than I’d ever done before, so very mixed bag!

herodotus450

“Just don’t buy junk food, then you won’t eat it!”
“BUY all the food you can, it might be gone tomorrow!!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Substitute “booze” for “food” and that’s where I am, psychologically.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Based upon recent personal experience, this comes as no surprise at all to me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I imagine it would be especially hard when you can get Amazon to bring you a 5 pound bag for less than 20 bucks.comment image

Gratliff

You only buy 5 pounds of candy when you plan to eat 5 pounds of candy. Any talk of good deals is just a lie your brain tricked you into believing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I only intended to eat 4 lbs, 11 oz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You didn’t say anything about trash. SMGDH. Nothing quite like a two day old yogurt top…..mmmmmm, crusty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

I haven’t seen a Jean Sebastian this sick between the pipes since (checks notes) 18th century (checks notes again) Germany.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5WZBfRWH94

ALXMAC
herodotus450

I haven’t seen a Nabokov grab something that young since… well.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, more believable pederast: James Mason or Jeremy Irons? The Sting guy from the Police would be interested in y’all’s opinion.comment image

ALXMAC

Yes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Pete Townsend gives you two thumbs up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know it’s funny memewise, but he was abused as a kid and was writing a book about it and some British police looking to bust a name fucked up his reputation.

Senor Weaselo

That is a well-tempered joke right there.

ALXMAC
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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BugEyedBoo

A real letdown from Physical Graffiti.

(I heard it called “Physical Graphite” somewhere, and now I have to pause to stop myself from saying it automatically)

ALXMAC
ALXMAC
Viva La Tabula Raza

FF to 1:40 if you are short on time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zimsUDzOiSM

ALXMAC

THEY TURNT ‘THE HOLY MOUNTAIN’ INTO A MUSICAL??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

That thar’s prepper breeding stock, raht thar. Propose marriage immediately.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

What’s that shit on the bottom half of the wine bottle?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fancy handle. All that delicious butter makes your hands slick. THINK!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought those were paint roller brushes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You asked about the wine.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah. but you answered with the corn on the cob…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No I didn’t; it was my JOKING theory about the thing on the wine bottle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also just noticed; the spare butter appears to be on a Roomba. That’s just smart.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Lyke in the Tyme of The Black Buboes back in 1348, it is now a tyme of grate confuzion.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

One leg salad coming up!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Delicious!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unfortunately this guy will probably live.

Viva La Tabula Raza

yeah. (sigh…)

Viva La Tabula Raza

Oh, and will vote Trump in November, if we actually have elections (HA!)

litre_cola

Hippo I found a stream for teh futbol.

litre_cola

Lady ref, how exotic Nicaragua.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Bartlett is a town that still exists, between Austin and Temple. I imagine these Tailoring guys are no longer in business, though.

Gratliff

On this week’s AEW, Matt Hardy infiltrated Chris Jericho’s house with a drone, and Jericho sicked his chihuahua on it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

Why was he wearing pants in that hot tub?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not watching football?

Sharkbait

PSA:

Stop using Zoom. For this reason, and many more:

https://mashable.com/article/zoom-vulnerability-windows-passwords/

Gratliff

I’ve personally set up 3 or 4 solutions in house over the years for our employees to do video conferencing and collaboration, and all anyone’s using now is fucking Zoom and I hate everyone.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My Navy Corner buddies and I had a Zoom Happy Hour last Friday. Worked pretty good, not any glitches at all considering the youngest person on the “call” was 55 years old.

clint greasewood
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

This deserves many upvotes.

ballsofsteelandfury

The information means well, but is unaccurate. Surgical masks do not offer the same protection as N-95 masks.

Per the CDC website: Facemasks should only be worn by caregivers or those who are sick.

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/prevention.html

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On the other hand to your point; a lot of people won’t look at the FACTS you linked because ‘gubermmint ‘spiracy.’ Which…..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There are not enough N-95 masks for healthcare workers and it will be worse if the public is out there buying them. Surgical masks offer good protection combined with minimal contact. Surgical masks also keep people from spreading it.

ballsofsteelandfury

If someone with COVID19 sneezes on you and you’re wearing a surgical mask, you will have the same chance of getting infected as if you were not wearing one.

The problem is the false sense of safety people would feel while wearing them. They will also touch their faces more which will increase the risk of infection via contact with surfaces.

The best option is social distancing.

Gratliff

The change is coming one way or the other. Homemade will be the way they say to go, but dipshits will be dipshits and keep trying to get the n95 and surgical masks, and many who aren’t doing that will feel invincible in the homemade ones and get infected via stupid. There’s also going to be a portion who don’t realize you have to actually have a way to sanitize them and get infected by fucking about with contaminated masks (An issue already seen with glove use in public), but the CDC will ultimately make the recommendation to mask and it’s going to be normalized faster than you think. Just in the last week, the number of people masking in public has increased dramatically.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So far I’ve only used gloves at the ATM, HEB checkout, and gas pumps. Thrown away straightaway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s time for my housecleaning lady to come clean, getting a bit grungy. Guess I’ll send her a text asking her to come if/when she feels it’s safe to do so. My house has two levels; I can hide upstairs for maximum distancing while she does the downstairs, which is the part of the house that I actually inhabit. I always have all clutter and in-the-way shit (dog bowls, all bathroom sink articles, etc) put up out of the way when she cleans anyway; all she has to do is clean, not clean up my mess.
It will be interesting to see her response.
My “Honduran exchange student” was by yesterday to do the yard. Gave him 20 bucks (25%) more than the usual.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The same? That is not true and it is an exaggerated example. I agree about the false sense of security as a problem and that is why I said minimal contact. The other thing is proper use of the mask; taking it on or off one should only touch the mask. Social distancing is great if possible, but there is situations all over in which it is impossible. The point is if you have to have any contact you need to reduce the risks as much as possible while not depriving healthcare/ FRs, etc. from the equipment they need.

King Hippo

Bad night to be #TeamWalt (in NicaGAMBLOR, obvs)

litre_cola

Managua up 1 though!!! Vamos La Maquinaria Azul!!!!

King Hippo

Caught up on Better Call Saul and Westworld now. My brain hurts, and I am out of shit to do.

King Hippo

Their conclusion was mine going into the season.

litre_cola

How didja like the first episodes of Sunderland til I die season 2? Absolutely superb IMO.

King Hippo

oh yeah, top stuff

Redshirt

Here’s some classical music to listen to after a long day being essential or quarantined.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2npdnuT8xfA

scotchnaut

Myself and a wonderful lady did a sex experiment (several times) to this tune.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r30D3SW4OVw

Senor Weaselo

They did that in Juno too apparently.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was it in the spring time?

Unsurprised

Finally, a use for the Navy. Target practice.

Mega-rich take to superyachts to avoid coronavirus https://t.co/WhaiZehwJU pic.twitter.com/115kANWre7

— Page Six (@PageSix) April 1, 2020

Redshirt

I’d be okay with them going onto their own island, but they could’ve at least left their superyacht as a floating hospital.

This is why I would be a great rich person. As soon as I reach $20,000,000, which should be enough for me and my family and descendants to live comfortably, I would use the extra to figure out how to help other people. If my family can’t live off of $20,000,000, we don’t deserve it.

Bloomberg spend nearly half a billion dollars trying to win an election he had no chance of winning. The population of the United States is 327.17 million. He could’ve given everyone a million dollars, which would be life changing money.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You are definitely a RINO.

Redshirt

/ found a funny

Jesus Christ: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Disciple: “What about money?” / “What about toilet paper?”
Jesus Christ: “…I’ll talk slower.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Top Heavy is my fave James Bond female villain.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Villainess or on the side of good, Bond still gets to bang her, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s very religious …..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She deserves nicer sleeping quarters.

Unsurprised

Emrata has a non-union Mexican equivalent. https://www.instagram.com/olivialarodriguez/

Gratliff

A red letter day for dipshits

1. The head of Resmed medical device maker appeared on Cramer today and said the 1000 machines Musk said he would be donating were five-year old Resmed BiPap breathing devices, usually used to treat sleep apnea, which I presume were bought in bulk at deep discount.

— Russ Mitchell (@russ1mitchell) April 2, 2020

Unsurprised

^^^^^^^

Gratliff

———, but at least you won’t be snoring

King Hippo

FIRE ELON MUSK INTO THE SUN, FFS GRIMES, YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER

scotchnaut

Jerry Sandusky’s new favourite NFL team? The one that drafts Chase Young.

litre_cola

I really think his brother Lure Young will be good. His dad must have been into fishing.

scotchnaut

How you holding up, btw? Things still good in the household?

litre_cola

We are close to snapping but I still have a lot of wine and edibles!

Gratliff

Hopefully this stop the unfortunate trend of people stanning Cuomo, and begins one of people throwing him into the Hudson

THE LATEST: New York State Lawmakers Reach Tentative Budget Agreement

+ Spending reduced; no tax hike
+ School aid held flat
+ Billions in Medicaid reductions
+ ⁦@NYGovCuomo⁩ has power to do mid-year cuts
+ Bail law pared back
+ Pot not legalized https://t.co/VKBxv7NZq8

— Jimmy Vielkind (@JimmyVielkind) April 1, 2020

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

This is foreplay for the dipshits who like him

Senor Weaselo

It still makes him the third-worst executive branch politician currently in power from New York City.
/Yes, de Blasio is 2nd

Gratliff

It is largely my understanding that most New York Dems’ core liberal value is being from New York.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

Cold blooded.

scotchnaut

[Robert Irsay swings and hits a pinata, yellow glitter falls to the floor]

Colts Fans: “WOO! We’re getting a QB!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Given the footage, I feel that CC had un-diagnosed assburgers syndrome.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

[a time-traveling Benny Cumbersnatch poses for a daguerrotype]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, if he and Bruce Springsteen had a love child.

Gratliff

jfc

I did it.#AprilFools

— OJ Simpson (@The_OJSimpson32) April 1, 2020

King Hippo

It’s almost like he lacked an authority figure to teach him the difference between “good attention” and “bad attention.”

litre_cola

Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
And they’re young and alive

NOT NOW MORRISSEY YOU PRICK.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAePmwWbsXM

BC Dick

I liked that. And a good choice of video so we get to see the ageless Zoey D

scotchnaut

/I would suggest that for the draft each position be colour-coded so that each team could have a “Player Reveal”

For example, when it’s the Pats turn to pick, the barely legal Filipino giving Kraft a handjob would wear purple gloves.

Fans: “Purple? It’s a defensive lineman! Woo!”

SonOfSpam

I like it, but the gloves would be purple and white (or blue and white or what have you).

Great idea.

Gratliff

Apparently, the new Vice Dark Side of the Ring is on New Jack: The craziest motherfucker you should absolutely never wrestle against. He accidentally killed a minor in the ring after his dad lied about his age to help him get in (mass transit incident), intentionally overthrew a guy off of scaffolding so he’d miss the tables stacked to break his fall, and answered a shoot punch to the face with a receipt that involved a shoot fucking stabbing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rla6xX-IQU0

Gratliff

Oh, he also was on The Daily Show once to help convince kids that they should avoid college

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/q35d99/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-stay-out-of-school

Gumbygirl

I don’t know how many of you are old enough to remember it, but today is the 35th anniversary of George Plimpton’s epic April Fools prank, “The Curious Case of Sidd Finch” in Sports Illustrated. It was about a strange, french horn playing monkish dude who could throw a 168 mph fast ball. My husband fell for it, and got sooo pissed off when he found out it was a joke he cancelled his subscription. Still makes me laugh!

SonOfSpam

I remember reading it as a teenager in a doctor’s office waiting room (of course). Incredible article and incredible prank.

ballsofsteelandfury

I remember this. It’s funny how many people got offended at that joke.

Sharkbait

Everyone knows the best fake athlete is Taro Tsujimoto

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought it was Mante Te’o’s girlfriend.

King Hippo

#ImaginaryThreesome?

King Hippo

For the record, I expect the international NFL fixtures don’t happen, and the season starts without fans (at least). But TV money rules, and we will have at least close to a full season.

I don’t see how a “virtual draft” isn’t safe. We will all watch it at home, and be grateful.

SonOfSpam

Maybe with all the players on home video, we’ll have more candid moments like with Michael Sam.

King Hippo

Cut to that 3rd round pick, and there he is blowing some guy. HAWT!!

SonOfSpam

CBS has a 3 round mock; the Jets’ pick in the 3rd is Willie Gay Jr.

IT’S HAPPENING!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone out there needs to name their child “Willie B. Gay”.

Don T

Hear hear. It’s teams picking college players. All you need is a phone. Maybe a chess timer with a taser, if you’re the Vikings.

King Hippo

That taser combo device would raise ratings at least 15-20%!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is this for the record?

King Hippo

well, I guess I shoulda been all woke and said digital album release

litre_cola

Nicaraguan futbol, feel the heat.

/really need Jalapa to hold on here.

//no, YOU have a problem.

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!! MXC MONDAYS!!!

YOU’RE THE BEST, BEERGUYROB!

BC Dick

I will enjoy seeing this again. Those disappearing rocks are my favourites. And so little padding

scotchnaut

The rapid fire jokes on that show were next level-entertaining in a way that I’d never been entertained before.