Your “Do What We Mean, Not What We Say” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

• Well, today was Rules Committee day, and let’s see what passed: 
  • 4th & 15 – PASSED TABLED!
    • Not sure what the hell happened here, but apparently there was the belief that it would be the slippery slope towards eliminating kickoffs altogether.
      • Like how electing Obama would make the US more Muslim.
      • Or, more likely, there was hesitation because teams with good QBs could erase up to 16 points off a lead with little or no time having come off of the game clock.
    • So they tabled the motion for a later meeting, in hopes of convincing more teams of their idea.
  • Make permanent the expansion of automatic replay reviews to include scoring plays/turnovers negated by foul – PASSED
  • Expands defenseless player protection for KR/PR – PASSED
  • Prevents manipulation of game clock with multiple deal-ball fouls – PASSED
    • The Belichick/Vrabel rule.
• They also amended the rules on using Injured Reserve:
  • The number of players who may be designated for return increases from two to three.
  • The eligible date to return is now after eight “games” (rather than weeks) have elapsed since the date he was placed on IR.
    • This balances the time line for teams that may have already passed their bye week.

• The Chiefs & Patrick Mahomes (or Mahoney, as fucking autocorrect put it yesterday) have begun contract negotiations on his first non-rookie deal.
  • He’s expected to be the first QB to crack the $40 million /year barrier.
    • Sorry Dak. 
      • His contract negotiations have stalled, but they have until July 15 to sign a new deal & avoid committing to the franchise tag for the year.
        • Emmitt Smith says the Cowboys have to avoid “playing chicken” over the date & the cost.
  • The way the math will work is some pretty magical NFL accounting, so long as they get it done before the start of the 2020 season.
    • The way PFT breaks it down is pretty clear, so I’ll crib their writing: 
      • With two years left on his rookie deal (including the fifth-year option the Chiefs exercised), it won’t cost $40 million per year to get to $40 million per year, given the way the NFL and NFL Players Association values contracts.
      • A five-year, $200 million extension (i.e., $40 million per year in new money) would become, given the money he’s due to make in 2020 ($2.794 million) and 2021 ($24.837 million), a seven-year contract with an annual value at signing of $32.5 million.
    • There will also likely be language to protect his money in the (likely) event of a salary cap drop after this season, due to the corona virus.

Today’s good internet dog is Finlay Molloy, who qualified today for the Guinness Book of World Records, as the dog who can fit the most balls in his mouth, at six.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_7U3VnJD-F/?utm_source=ig_embed

His owners have been pursuing this for over a year, and they received official notification today. The basic qualification is that the dog has to be able to pick them up on their own; owners can’t stuff their mouth. It requires video evidence, which meant stalking the dog & recording any pickup attempts. I’m not sure if there had to be an actual Guinness visit to observe, but whatever.

Good dog. Please make your pornography jokes below.

Tonight’s … entertainment?:

• NASCAR Cup Series:
  • Alsco Uniforms 500 – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN
    • Was rain-delayed Wednesday
• Holey Moley II: The Sequel – 9:00PM | ABC
  • Eight mini-golf lovers from around the country compete on an all-new extreme obstacle golf course to win $25,000 and a trip to the finals on “Mt. Holey Moley.”
    • Rob Riggle, Joe Tessitore and Jeannie Mai host, with Stephen Curry as the resident golf pro.
• Top Chef – 10:00PM | BRAVO / Food Network Canada
  • Tom makes his final decision from Last Chance Kitchen on who should return to the competition. Then the chefs take off in a Quickfire with Padma and Jonathan Waxman making a two-course Business-Class dish for an airline.
  • For their final challenge in Los Angeles before jetting off to Italy for the finale, the chefs go to Michael’s Santa Monica.

That’s it for me. We will see who has Sexy Friday going forward, and I’ll be back with something pretaped for the weekend. Adios!