Welcome to July (or Jew-LIE!!!! if from Mississippi), with Lesser Footy now back in full swing. Most of the fixtures are even watchable now!
First, a tribute. Pretend Man City (2048-49 season) just signed a shit-hot new Keeper, England’s #1 at the age of 23. He’s 6’4″ and Black Like Me (in the game), with the first name Ricardo. This reminded one of a certain, beloved Portland Commentist….so he has earned the moniker Big Black Ricardo! More on how he develops as Pretend Time marches on.
Back to reality, you say? U noe u setting your alarm for Norwich/Brighton (7:30, NBCSN). Yes, is the Trash Birds Derby! 20th and 15th in the Table (respectively), so while it ain’t quite a “Classic Six Pointer” – is close enough.
Palace and Leicester (10:00) are your only NBC Gold matchup, with Manure/Cherries the NBCSN choice. Fuck, how I love that the Premiership is spreading out start times better, for MOAR teevee exposure. We need the content!
In the Spotlight Dance timeslot, you get a fun, important tie (Gooners v. Wolves, 12:30). But alas, it’s on NBCSN only. Hey, no need to flip channels to stick with Rebecc-ur and the boys! Moose Hornets are away to reeling Chelski (3:00, NBCSN) to wrap up your day. It’s a good, full slate.
You also get 4 matches for Sunday Funday, all on NBCSN except City/Saints (2:00, NBC), which should be a bloodening.
Enjoy the action, even if you have to wait for Monday Night Footy for one’s Toffee fix (away to Spurs, 3:00, NBCSN). Don Carlo Ancelotti has been an absolute wizard on Merseyside, especially after the #NuAIDS layoff. And how one loves seeing Mourinho in his managerial death throes.
Washington [redacted’s] big fan “Go back to where you came from!”
https://twitter.com/EEBormett/status/1279194435742502913?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1279194435742502913%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadstate.org%2Fwoman-yells-go-back-to-where-you-came-from-to-native-american-protesters-at-mount-rushmore%2F
G’evening ya pervosaur-y sods and sodettes 😀
I repeat for your benefit – your handsome manager done fixed y’all Gooners’ shit
Addendum – does your wife watch the Arse matches with you now, to drink in Arteta??
Whoa dude; PERSONAL INTIMATE question.
She watches them regardless of who’s coaching us, probably ’cause she REALLY loves trolling me about my bloody Gooners 😀 Ironically, she’s probably the only person I know (regardless of gender or sexual preferences) that doesn’t get why people say he’s great-looking…
Yep, that’s the sentiment in a Gooner discord I’m currently losing my shit, ’cause we found a new way to be miserable – “What IF”-ing sacking Emery earlier 😀 Not only would’ve we had a better looking sideline, but someone actually knowing how to light a fire under certain malcontents’ arses
Bow wow
WHY THE SWEET JEEBUS TITTYFUCK DO I KEEP BETTING ON BOHEMIANS?????
As a non-better I also wonder.
I should say that completely, as I have a 401k-201e.
Anthem of a lefty Christian who is tired of all the fucking evangelicals’ bullshit stream:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK9EImqaKvI
https://olivetreeviews.org/radio-archives/rage-and-revolution/
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/michele-bachmann-blames-trump-administration-middle-east-peace-plan-for-covid-19-civil-unrest/
Her mind is a terrible wasted thing.
Looks like Bayern’s in good shape to win the German Pokemon Cup.
Lewandoski…ah choose YEEEWWWWW!!!!
Most productive Pole since Chopin. Or the one in the Vegas Spearmint Rhino.
It’s equally inspiring and dispiriting to know that one (imaginary) person can be this goddamned funny.
Rene Magritte will insist, ‘that is not a bowler hat’.
DERBY!!
*Hippo bets on hat.
#GenuinelyDisturbing
/that is highest order of #HippoPraise
Well, did you think Mickey would no age??
#birdlaw
Saddens me that Orange Slice* is no longer a going beverage concern. Would have made a GREAT sponsor for these “drinks breaks.”
*TRUE HIPPO STORY – There was this one gas station on the way to my grandparents’ that I made my parents stop at on every trip. For the sole purpose of buying an Orange Slice.
He was 43 years old.
In fairness, ain’t nobody that comfortable with the way I drive.
*TRUE scotchnaut STORY- I was once offered the opportunity to purchase this company.
https://www.canmuseum.com/Detail.aspx?CanID=4985
“Orenthal, get me a Slice”
– famous last words
Little ashamed my fellow Yanks (so named because jerkin it) have not posted our national anthem yet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_tyWt_9Bfs
I like this’un fer anthem del nacional:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4LdUQzCPPM
Definitely my favorite, (no ‘u’ for you fucking Canucks on this, the birthday of the greatest country in the world), song by ‘X’, and I do not say that lightly. Just fantastic.
You forgot to italicize ‘greatest country in the world’, smgdh…
Tough, but ‘fair’
It would seem that Los Gooners done fixed they shit.
This is a solid win. Wolves are legit.
If WCS were here, he’d post that Pam from The Office “Ayep” gif.
Professional job, for sure.
Happy Fourth, People!
It seems as though the ref has put a few quid on Wolves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uke3ydakdjQ
It must be hell for Adama Traore to buy pants.
He probably gets his from the same store Bruce Banner shopped at.
Stretch waist, gussets.
Loose pieces of rope.
I can’t believe they charge so much for that.
These are from Duluth Trading Post:
Shoutout to Tug McGraw? RIP
Roaring at your Amazon package is not a good look. Banner?
Package…..
Yeah, this lead is not going to last
Luiz…did a good?
True Anecdote Time:
I played a shit ton of pickup basketball back in the day. One summer day in Ottawa things were going my way and I was doing well. There was a mix of folks at this park watching and during a water break a kid (he was maybe 15?) walks up to me and says, “Shit, I hope we don’t play against you guys this year. What high school do you go to?” I was 26 years old…
So which high school was it?
Scotchy kept getting older, but the punks on the basketball court stay the age!
“Our Lady Of Really Late Bloomers”, if you must know.
11th grade is very hard.
Arsenal with a 1-0 lead against a top-tier team. “Well, we’ve certainly got this one in the bag” I say, as I pour myself a big cup of bleach and settle in for the second half.
Stop sniffing each other’s buttholes and play some footy, Wolves y Gooners.
Beautiful goal.
Only 31 baseball players tested positive for The Covid. You’re on deck soon, NFL.
NFL will just put teh #NuAIDS on the naughty list, alongside the demon weed. Test positive? 4 weeks sans pay.
Heat warning in my area-I’d better stay inside and drink. #staysafe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPz7F2xSYZc&t=229s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S7HAvibdvc
COME ON WOLFYS DO THIS. MAKE NO DOUBT BY GETTING 4TH.
Traore to Jimenez all day, baby!
Both of you go to hell.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Mnw9uiYggU
I present Blade Dog
Just read that Little Feat were originally Captain Beefheart’s backing band. Sort of a west coast version of The Band. I always thought they were from the Deep South. Huh.
Speaking of The Band, the documentary on Hulu (“Once Were Brothers”) is awesome. It’s all from Robbie Robertson’s point of view, but the multitude of pictures and video clips of them playing are tremendous. Fucking heroin, man…
I took that doc with a grain of salt after having read Levon’s autobiography. It certainly seemed like he had to grind it out on the road long after he wanted to because he was robbed of royalties. The passage describing him finding Richard Manuel’s body and having to untie the knot and bring his body to the ground was hard to read.
Oof. I never heard about that. Just ordered Levon’s book. I already have Robertson’s.
NoT Proven b/c he wasnt a fan of Soundgarden, but this is for tWBS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91rHFP0OtTE
The Bulls just get the Old Lady the horn right before halftime. Should be a good second half.
Dybala is having one heck of a bounce back season this year.
Sent ya a message on slack.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THIS SHIT!!!!!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner!
Last night, I began writing something for today’s post when Mrs.Zilla entered the room and was all “my water has not broke, but things are definitely moving, so be ready.”
No water has been broke. Lesson learned.
Shit defense aside, Bruno and Pogba still being on the field when the game has been determined isn’t a good decision. Rest your big dogs Ole.
I don’t know nuthin’ about soccer or birthin’ no babies, but here’s some real bitchin’ American atomic explosions captured with all-American high-speed photography:
Fission for some, miniature American flags for others!
Can you drink beer ironically? This case of Coors says: yes.
I was drinking Pabst before it was cool.
Because I was underage, and it was all we could get.
Ours was Meister Bräu. Disgusting.
Rolling Rock or Vitamin I. When we had keggers, it was usually Genny Cream.
Well, I’m going outside to lay in the sun and work on my tan/melanoma.
Or, as Bournemouth calls it, “play defense”
“Way ahead of you.” – Jay Cutler, stretching out in a sunbeam
Somehow forgot about the story arc in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where they have to change the name of the team, but they still want to piss off people for publicity, and so the Washington Gun-Takers was born.
2079 called, you’re dead and no one remembers you.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=YSToKcbWz1k
And Ferrari engines are the new Renault engines. What a shitshow.
What is a
catchhandball?Wakey continues to make stink eye towards Ole Gunnar
That was a rocket!
Nathan’s should have a joint venture with the Westminister Dog Show and feature a contest to see which canines can wolf down the most hot dogs in one minute. Break it down by breeds because obviously Great Danes would have an advantage over the Terrier group. If the dogs barf within one hour they’re disqualified-unless they eat it all up again. The judges would have to rule on this.
/you know, I feel as though I’ve been very productive this morning!
Gimme $50 on the Basset Hound.
Sir Gulp A Lot is getting good odds.
Maximum bonus points if they later eat their own shit.
Terriers have jaw-speed.
Plus you can sell the losers to a local Chinese place to recoup some costs.
Considering the amount of dead woodchuck my Lab mix got down before I could haul him off the carcass last night, gimme $500 on the Labs.
/and oh yes, I did indeed get to see it again later last night
//fucking Labs, man.
Yeah! Got the goal AND the assist!
There you go Fronk.
Bruno Fernandes is amazing. He and Pogba setting everyone up is tough to defend.
Whoa. Shit just got real. Come on, manure. I need this.
That was a hell of a goal.
Made McGuire look stupid.
Well he is weighed down by his massive head
After he scored with a header on a corner kick before the layoff, Robbie Earle said, “They don’t call him Slaphead for nothing”. And oh how I laughed.
Wakey Reacts Reasonably whilst yeah right dances madly and nakedly around his living rooUm!
Oh jesus we’re getting relegated aren’t we?
If soccer had been invented a few hundred years earlier, we could have just played a soccer match for independence instead of having to convene and Declare and Constitute and all that.
And then later they had to give us their empire so they wouldn’t get conquered by the Nazis, and we took it and completely fucked it up. Yet Canada remains a colony. Hmmm.
Sooo, EPL player of the year. Does Kevin The Broom stand a chance? Will the Liverpool votes get all split up or no?
Methinks VVD gets it, sadly.
Kevin The Boomeyr is pretty good.
Found a funny:
Ghislaine Maxwell showing up in the background of various historical scenes through the decades like some kind of sex trafficking Forest Gump
OMG
Momma always said FOAR hire pussy was like a bawx of chawklates.
So, like some kind of Highlander pimp/procurer. There can be only one!
Fucking Nottingham Forest. Bloody Robin Hood and his crew are taking care of business.
Spoke too soon. 10 man Rooneys with the equalizer at the death.
Thank fuck I forgot to bet on Robins Hood today.
Trash Birds Derby sure ’nuff done lived up to its moniker.
Oh, and it’s TOO GODDAMNED LATE for Li’l Danny to step back from his Napoleon Complex. As far as Hippo/Hippo Thoughts be concerned?
Redacteds today, Redacteds tomorr-ah, Redacteds FOAREVER
For those keeping track, yes I have now used both Langston Hughes and George Wallace allusions within this pill-addled column.
Nice!
morning jamin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnE-zRYxGFM