This week…
We have just started a shitload of games in a row:
We had quite a few blowouts:
and IT’S SEXY AFL FRIDAY NEXT WEEK, BITCHES!!
Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!
Much like the Australian media, we don’t really have much time to reflect upon the Round That Was because there is another Round starting tonight!
Here are the results and highlights from Round Nine:
Thursday, July 30, 2020
Western Bulldogs 49 v Richmond Tigers 90 at Metricon Stadium
Blowout The First: The Doggies played poorly and were never really in it.
Friday, July 31, 2020
Melbourne Demons 32 v Port Adelaide Power 83 at The Gabba
Blowout The Second: The loss was so bad they’re talking about firing the Demons’ coach.
Carlton Blues 58 v Hawthorn Hawks 89 at Optus Stadium
Does winning by 31 count as a blowout? Yeah, I’d say so.
Essendon Bombers 28 v Brisbane Lions 91 at Metricon Stadium
Blowout The Fourth and Surprise The First: I really though this game would be close.
North Melbourne Kangaroos 119 v Adelaide Crows 50 at Metricon Stadium
Blowout The Fifth: And by 69 points too…
Saturday, August 1, 2020
St. Kilda Saints 101 v Sydney Swans 48 at The Gabba
Blowout The Sixth: I can’t believe the Saints played this well. If they can only do this come finals time.
West Coast Eagles 73 v Geelong Cats 64 at Optus Stadium
The Eagles are scary good at home but the Cats led for quite a bit. Not a bad loss at all.
Gold Coast Suns 35 v GWS Giants 61 at Metricon Stadium
Blowout The Seventh: Even with Toby Greene out of the game, the Suns couldn’t take advantage.
Sunday, August 2, 2020
Fremantle Dockers 61 v Collingwood Magpies 49 at Optus Stadium
This one came down to the last two minutes:
Here are the full-game highlights:
***
Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?
| P | TEAM | W | L | T | PTS | % |
| 1 | Port Adelaide Power | 7 | 2 | 0 | 28 | 146.0 |
| 2 | Brisbane Lions | 7 | 2 | 0 | 28 | 128.7 |
| 3 | St. Kilda Saints | 6 | 3 | 0 | 24 | 125.5 |
| 4 | West Coast Eagles | 6 | 3 | 0 | 24 | 114.8 |
| 5 | Richmond Tigers | 5 | 3 | 1 | 22 | 117.0 |
| 6 | Geelong Cats | 5 | 4 | 0 | 20 | 118.3 |
| 7 | GWS Giants | 5 | 4 | 0 | 20 | 104.5 |
| 8 | Western Bulldogs | 5 | 4 | 0 | 20 | 93.7 |
| 9 | Essendon Bombers | 5 | 3 | 0 | 20 | 88.2 |
| 10 | Collingwood Magpies | 4 | 4 | 1 | 18 | 111.7 |
| 11 | Gold Coast Suns | 4 | 5 | 0 | 16 | 101.8 |
| 12 | Carlton Blues | 4 | 5 | 0 | 16 | 97.6 |
| 13 | Hawthorn Hawks | 4 | 5 | 0 | 16 | 86.6 |
| 14 | North Melbourne Kangaroos | 3 | 6 | 0 | 12 | 91.8 |
| 15 | Melbourne Demons | 3 | 5 | 0 | 12 | 89.9 |
| 16 | Fremantle Dockers | 3 | 6 | 0 | 12 | 84.6 |
| 17 | Sydney Swans | 3 | 6 | 0 | 12 | 77.9 |
| 18 | Adelaide Crows | 0 | 9 | 0 | 0 | 56.7 |
Here is the Balls GraphTM:
[gview file=”https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/AFL-Ladder-2020R9.pdf”]
***
Footy Tipping Contest
Here is where we are after Round Nine:
| P | TIPPER | Round Tips |
Round Margin |
Total Tips | Total Margin |
| 1 | SonOfSpam | 6 | 49 | 53 | 218 |
| 2 | BFC | 5 | 41 | 52 | 171 |
| 3 | Dolph Ucker | 6 | 37 | 52 | 227 |
| 4 | Litre_cola | 6 | 44 | 51 | 192 |
| 5 | 5 | 54 | 49 | 293 | |
| 6 | BALLS | 6 | 36 | 48 | 212 |
| 7 | Sunrisesunrise | 6 | 52 | 48 | 300 |
| 8 | Yeah Right | 6 | 26 | 45 | 230 |
| 9 | BC Dick | 5 | 41 | 43 | 211 |
| 10 | WhyEaglesWhy | 6 | 39 | 43 | 225 |
| 11 | Game Time Decision | 6 | 56 | 42 | 291 |
| 12 | Reverend Mayhem | 5 | 41 | 36 | 197 |
| 13 | Maestro | 6 | 50 | 34 | 220 |
| 14 | Sharkbait | 5 | 34 | 33 | 355 |
It’s now SonOfSpam all alone at the top! Congratulations to all the tippers this week as everyone got either a 5 or a 6! Besides the top spot, there was no movement elsewhere on the ladder.
With the new compressed schedule, it will be more important than ever to enter in the tips in advance. Like now because the first game of Round Ten starts in a few hours. As always,
DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!
***
I’ve been providing, for your advanced Tipping reference, the schedule for the next few rounds (All times Pacific). Here then are the game schedules for Round Ten to Twelve:
Round Ten
Monday, August 3, 2020
2:10 AM – Port Adelaide Power v Western Bulldogs at Adelaide Oval
Tuesday, August 4, 2020
2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
12:40 AM – Geelong Cats v North Melbourne Kangaroos at The Gabba
3:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Melbourne Demons at Adelaide Oval
Thursday, August 6, 2020
12:40 AM – Collingwood Magpies v Sydney Swans at The Gabba
3:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v St. Kilda Saints at Metricon Stadium
Friday, August 7, 2020
2:50 AM – Essendon Bombers v GWS Giants at Metricon Stadium
Byes: Carlton Blues, Hawthorn Hawks, Fremantle Dockers, West Coast Eagles.
Round Eleven
Friday, August 7, 2020
11:35 PM – Port Adelaide Power v Richmond Tigers at Adelaide Oval
Saturday, August 8, 2020
2:40 AM – Brisbane Lions v Western Bulldogs at The Gabba
10:35 PM – West Coast Eagles v Carlton Blues at Optus Stadium
Sunday, August 9, 2020
1:10 AM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v Melbourne Demons at Blundstone Arena
Monday, August 10, 2020
1:10 AM – Geelong Cats v St. Kilda Saints at The Gabba
3:40 AM – Fremantle Dockers v Hawthorn Hawks at Optus Stadium
Tuesday, August 11, 2020
2:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Collingwood Magpies at Adelaide Oval
Wednesday, August 12, 2020
2:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v Essendon Bombers at Metricon Stadium
Byes: GWS Giants, Sydney Swans
Round Twelve
Thursday, August 13, 2020
3:10 AM – Sydney Swans v GWS Giants at Optus Stadium
Friday, August 14, 2020
2:50 AM – Geelong Cats v Port Adelaide Power at The Gabba
9:35 PM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v Brisbane Lions at Blundstone Arena
Saturday, August 15, 2020
12:10 AM – Melbourne Demons v Collingwood Magpies at The Gabba
3:10 AM – Fremantle Dockers v Carlton Blues at Optus Stadium
8:05 PM – Western Bulldogs v Adelaide Crows at Metricon Stadium
10:35 PM – St. Kilda Saints v Essendon Bombers at The Gabba
Sunday, August 16, 2020
1:10 AM – West Coast Eagles v Hawthorn Hawks at Optus Stadium
Monday, August 17, 2020
2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Gold Coast Suns at The Gabba
The postponed Essendon-Melbourne game will be made up after Round 12, but there is no schedule out yet.
***
Without further ado, it’s
Balls’ Sechs
1- I was shocked at how badly Brisbane beat Essendon. Something is gone wrong in Bomber-land. They’re not the same team they were a few weeks ago.
2- The usual suspects reasserted themselves with big wins as Richmond, Port Adelaide, and Brisbane all got blowout wins. The Eight is starting to take shape and it will include those 3 teams.
3- The Hawthorn Hawks are not dead yet. After a week full of controversy and speculation about Alistair Clarkson’s future, the Hawks came up with a great performance just when they needed it.
4- The Adelaide Crows are absolutely dreadful. It was 17th place North Melbourne against 18th place Adelaide and it wasn’t even close. This was probably their best chance to win a game this year.
5- I was pleasantly surprised how well Geelong battled West Coast in tough circumstances. It’s weird to say it was a good loss, but it could have certainly been a lot worse.
6- Next week’s games start right away with a big clash tonight between Port Adelaide and the Western Bulldogs. If the Doggies lose, their season may start falling off the rails.
***
That’s all for this week.
As discussed last week, Fox Sports has the rights to the AFL in the United States while TSN has the rights in Canada and the AFL is pressuring them to have more games available on the FS1, FS2, and TSN networks. Now is the perfect chance for you to see what all the fun is about!
Not only that, but ESPN has jumped back into the AFL pool! They’ll be broadcasting one game per week live on an ESPN network and streaming another live on ESPN3.
You can find the latest broadcast information on the Australian Football Association of North America website here.
Here is your Round 10 live broadcast schedule with North American broadcast partner:
Round Ten
Monday, August 3, 2020
2:10 AM – Port Adelaide Power v Western Bulldogs at Adelaide Oval (FS1, TSN1)
Tuesday, August 4, 2020
2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium (FS1, TSN1)
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
12:40 AM – Geelong Cats v North Melbourne Kangaroos at The Gabba (FS1)
3:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Melbourne Demons at Adelaide Oval (ESPN2)
Thursday, August 6, 2020
12:40 AM – Collingwood Magpies v Sydney Swans at The Gabba (FS1)
3:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v St. Kilda Saints at Metricon Stadium (TSN4)
Friday, August 7, 2020
2:50 AM – Essendon Bombers v GWS Giants at Metricon Stadium (ESPN3, TSN5)
The new AFL schedule will also change the publishing times of the AFL Beat. AFL Beat Round 10 will publish on Friday, August 7, 2020 in the Sexy Friday slot. AFL Beat Round 11 will publish on Wednesday, August 12, 2020. Finally, AFL Beat Round 12 will publish at the normal day/time on Tuesday, August 18, 2020.
See you next time!
Terence Trent D’Arby should have ha’d more hit s’ongs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynIHsHYaig0
I guess I picked a good week to fuck up hitting “submit” on the tipping page
Yeah, you got totally lucky!
Thanks to Balls posting that Lost in Translation clip below, I’ve been on a Roxy Music binge. And is Slave to Love better than anything Roxy Music did? Hard to say. Bryan Ferry was a chameleon musically and it’s tough to compare early RM with his solo “suave fuck” career. Either way, I kinda wanna dance wordlessly with a slim Euro girl, who will then leave without a word. Because I’m a bad dancer. But I will smoke a cigarette artfully on the balcony and have a second chance with a sloppy drunk Belgian chick. Does anyone know whether 80s Flemish chicks wore deodorant? Need this to be a proper flashback, even if it never happened.
Never deodorant.
Ok, time to recalibrate. Luckily I have limitless resources in this fugue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_yBUfMGvzc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uYWYWPc9HU
Let’s chill with that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46zVBkgWT9g
TV just died. 10-15 years old. Spent $500ish on it. Gonna replace it with a TV of similar size with SMRT features and much better everything for like $300.
TECHNOLOGY.
Meh, TV is for suckers. Projectors are where it’s at.
Way ahead of you
These are great for showing “odd” pictures on your neighbors bedroom wall at 3:00 am and turning it off so they think they were dreaming it.
So I WASN’T dreaming about a Fire Island wet t-shirt contest?
Whew, what a relief.
String puppets are very entertaining.
Reduce the cost of what you watch it on, increase the ongoing costs of the mediums to have something to watch.
My Mazda 2 is perfectly adequate and far more reliable than any little vintage 2-seater convertible I could get up and running. But damn if I wouldn’t mind running around in one of those ’67 or ’68 convertibles
I feel the same way about my ’98 Accord with over 200k miles on it.
/sheds single tear, then realizes would totally waste being single
//drinks another Lite in prep for a long work day
Time to spend $20 to get another 30 episodes of Get Smart. I’m pretty pissed at the creators of Rick and Morty for their value proposition.
WORTH IT!
100%
And I’ve never watched them in order before!
Agent 99 definitely was a childhood crush
What do you think Snowden is up to nowadays?
Looking at TikTok videos,
Acting in enema ads
On TikTok.
Wow, I’m really missing out on an anal health trend in short-form video!
Balls; she needs a link here, I’m just going for the pun continuation.
Traitoring. It’s what he does.
Brick selfie with Bolex on Plus-X reversal, many years ago:
*Artist’s depiction
I’m sure your mom thinks that is very special, as she should.
My mother died when I was 13
Well, she WOULD have thought it was special.
fuck off
Fantasic.
What’s going on here? What’s the point of this comment?
Things are getting tense. I recommend weed.
And anal.
And gin.
I didn’t notice the drawing for orange metallic confetti before, and now I need that.
How do you file your confetti?
Listen; don’t rain on my parade, okay.
Sorry, didn’t realize it was your wedding day, and isn’t it ironic?
Way to double down on that joke.
Horrible song, horrible joke. Speaking of which, why aren’t there horrible pandemic songs that are popular now?
You asked for it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAZQaYKZMTI
I think those are made in Canada.
I can’t find the gif, so this will have to do.
1) Anal
2) Non-Anal
c: See 1 and 2
Confetti enema ads.
or drawer, perhaps.
In case of you were wondering how concerned the federal government was about foreign powers stealing data through social media apps, turns out Trump’s TikTok thing was just an attempt to strongarm ByteDance into selling it to Microsoft, presumably so they can have even more intensely targeted Windows 10 ads.
Long live sexy Friday!
I too, find the enema ads amusing.
I have a Mac so I don’t give a shit.
You obviously need something stronger, but you being backed up explains quite a bit.
Don’t hate me because I’m handsome and wealthy.
That does not enter into the equation for obvious reasons.
It’s cute that you think it’s 20 years ago and Macs are inherently safe
HA!
I’m inherently safe. I don’t give a shit about Tik Tok or Windows. Or Twitter.
So you have no apps on your phone and don’t go to any other website besides this one. Well done! No one is tracking you other than Apple.
other than Apple.
They know I like asses, Australian football, and anal sex. I’m not sure what that does for them.
The same thing as for every internet company, targeted advertising. It depends if you think that’s concerning or not.
Bills paid, any political or special interest group you support, all surfing, communications, etc., etc. Everybody can buy that data and not too many people are very secure and virtually no privacy laws, except protecting those who gather and sell the data.
how concerned the federal government was about foreign powers stealing data through social media apps
Those are words I know, just not in that order.
If I ever have a chauffeur and he doesn’t already have a name, I will name him Larrabee
Bentley or Rolls? [Hippo twitches]
If it’s between those two I’ll go with the Rolls. At least it’s not a Mercedes or a ZIL. https://www.motoringresearch.com/car-news/most-notorious-world-leaders-cars/
I would probably go with an Airstream though, poor fuel economy, but great savings on hotels.
Wonder which on has Billy Idol on the stereo and Thin Mint crumbs under the seat.
Get your work week planned.
I often think of how many times I nearly killed myself working in a sawmill. 5 am and moving blades is not always the smartest combination.
[counts to ten]
Wait a minute! [counts to 21]
I plan on selling that man a large piece of elastic
You will have to wait until Friday and take the HRTN time machine.
I wouldn’t mind owning a shotgun, but I would much rather own a crutchgun, or a gun cunningly hidden in a hammer, or a wrench, or have a 50 caliber machine gun in the hood of my vintage convertible with an ejector seat controlled by the cigarette lighter (not sure how this would interact with a phone charger), or perhaps a small caliber gun in a zippo-style lighter
Not to mention the foot grenade
Have you been perusing Brick’s bookshelves?
Remington 870 12-gauge. Best investment in America.
Matt Dumba again the only player on the ice to do anything in solidarity with BLM because NHL players are incredibly brave except when it might make a fan mad at them
Look, if we’re just gonna do prerecorded anthems for the whole thing, just alternate between Hendrix and Houston
Roseanne
Always happy to see the Leafs lose, although in this instance that does mean a win for John Torterella.
I’m not sure how I ended up following so many Leafs fans on Twitter, but the agony on the timeline is exquisite
You must really like the fall.
Strangely, these Leaves fall mostly in the spring.
Late freeze.
I want to drink like ten beers tonight but I will probably only drink three.
I wanted to eat an entire Egyptian mezze and drink two bottles of wine, but I’ve only managed about 1/3 of a mezze, 1.4 bottles, and a popsicle
I bought a tangerine beer. I did not care for it.
Time to break out the Bolex!
That’s a very nice lightmeter!
That’s an even nicer lens. Angenieux 25mm f/0.95
Modern TV shows are full of slackers, I’m 59 episodes into Get Smart and I’m just finishing up the 2nd season out of 5.
Fun fact, the shortage of nylons and stockings in WW2 is what started the practice of women shaving their legs.
https://owlcation.com/humanities/When-Did-Women-Start-Shaving-The-Painful-History-of-Female-Depilation
https://www.bustle.com/articles/196747-the-sneaky-manipulative-history-of-why-women-started-shaving
https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/625/who-decided-women-should-shave-their-legs-and-underarms/
Good links! Not sure where I heard it, but with the ‘liquid stockings’ apparently some women would also use a makeup pencil to draw a fake seam down the back of their legs. I also wasn’t as aware of the underarm portion, although I had a vague notion that deodorant for both sexes was popularized in the 20s, as that’s when marketing took hold and armpits became a part of the body people were aware of
Wonder if this was the inspiration for those stocking seam tattoos. Can’t wrap my head around that one. May as well tattoo on some pockets.
Wasn’t aware of that, although seems better than the makeup tats
“Shortages” and other created things are great marketing tools.
Think the entire Leafs team just had a stroke
It freezes right when it hits the ice.
Nonsense, leafs dry out and crumble
Gamefly still trying to do the physical media subscriptions, bless their hearts
Adventures in nuking:
Doug Pederson’s got the ‘Rona. Not great.
Was mostly referring to not wanting Doug to die, but also, the fact that we’re a long way from the teams even being in close quarters and we’ve already got fucking coaches testing positive. Doesn’t bode well for the season.
Open the schoolz!
I guess most people with school-aged kids are young enough to have more kids if the ones they have now die from getting sent back to school too soon.
It’s the other way around. The kids will be fine as far as health. They will just grow up without grandparents and possibly parents.
Boomers don’t need to be influencing any more generations.
Fortunate enough to have a school district offering full virtual options for this year. However, working for said school district, all office staff is required to be in the office full time starting next week, which seems ill-advised as our numbers are getting progressively worse.
Are they not doing re-seeding between rounds in this tourney? It looks like they aren’t, so you could end up with 4 vs 12 and 1 vs 8 in the first round. Very weird.
The NHL? According to the graphic NBC just posted, they will re-seed after the qualifying round/round robin. I think after that it’s set, though.
Ah, okay. Was looking at early ones that were just # vs. whoever wins, which seemed weird. Either way, I’ll be a lot happier with it than I bet Bruins fans are right now. Assuming St. Louis fans are similarly concerned.
Holy shit, the Red Wings only had 39 points. Fucking lol.
Bill Parcells caught Bill Walsh cheating (Wasaaaaa… Via Bob Glauber)
Bow wow
AVS!
Did they board somebody else?
Walk off goal!
HEY! HEY! HEY!
Brian Burke has not aged well since leaving the league
I know we have Leafy types on here. How hated is he in Ontario at this point? I’ve had a soft spot for him for a long time with how he handled his kid, but goddamn were the Leafs just awful under him. Anyway,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lbRpNIK4dk
Fuck the Leafs
This guy gets it.
There are six ways to Sunday and they should all be used to screw the Leafs.
Blue Jackets have had players named Rick Nash and Boone Jenner on their team, and their mascot is a big gun. If that doesn’t push hockey to the mainstream I dont know what will.
Awfully mean of the NHL to make Tronto play in the same building where they were embarrassed by the emergency backup goalie earlier this year
After 4 plus months of lockdown I’m going to San Diego county in a little over a week. I know the county well and I purposely picked one of the least crowded beach towns to stay in. I’ll wipe the everloving fuck out of the hotel room surfaces and I’m only seeing 3 folks. I need some serious decompression time after working every day in this insanity. I will make a point of getting a carne asada burrito.
safe travels
Thank you.
Of those three people — look to your left. Now look to your right. You just gave both those 90 year old single mothers of toddler twins the rona.
Why is it I always need a drink after finishing Lost in Translation? Damn that movie hits me…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjvVNyBTSP8
Some jackass has a broken car alarm, but it’s not broken enough that it goes off all the time. And of course every time I walk out to the parking lot to try and ID the car it doesn’t go off.
My lifelong obsession with picking AFL games is finally paying off – I can taste that used Fleshlight already! (This “Fleshlight” is some kind of food item, yes?)
Saints in the finals. Bahahahaha. Oh Balls, how long we been friends?
I know. I know.
I can only assume it’s because I stopped wearing my St. Kilda scarf. Either that or dwarf tossing confers some sort of long-term performance enhancement during pandemics.
Holy fuck is this “Ultimate Tennis Showdown” thing a travesty. They’ve turned a great sport into Magic: The Gathering, what with the cards and special powers and everything.
LEAVE TENNIS ALONE!
“Please, Dunstan, do not test me with your tennis diatribes”.
-Günter Parche, brandishing something sharp.
Wow, that reference is a deep cut.
Happy to break the news that the Bruins suck shit and the Flyers are going to be the top seed
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>My son is wearing a MAGMA cap and a Vote Trump 2020 button. He’s been spat on, punched and verbally abused. I hate to think what will happen when he leaves the house.</p>— Humanist. (@kennuck) <a href=”https://twitter.com/kennuck/status/1289675491792715776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Some good hockey happenings today
I say seconds before Raffl gets hurt
All day hockey is awesome
After seeing Essendon struggle to beat an 0-7 team, I am not the least bit surprised they got the shit kicked out of them by a good one. They are leaking oil like you wouldn’t believe.
Like Old School Zero’s avatar leaks blood…