Where were we? Okay, Dead Johnny, a WW2 vet (though he is only 24 years old or so) and hobo, wears a red bandana for ‘good luck’ and as a reminder of his dead war buddy. He’s headed to New Goshen, Indiana for a meetup. Let’s let another character in our story introduce himself now…
I don’t think it was even three days after I graduated from high school that my daddy told me, “Son, you’re going to serve your country.” and that was that. He marched me over to the recruitment office and three days later I was on a bus headed to camp. My unit didn’t see much heavy action as we got over there kinda late. We thought of ourselves as “The Cleanup Crew”. We’d run into pockets of krauts that had either broken off from the main force, or were trying to find their way home, or were just plain lost. It was usually between 5-25 guys and we, being a much larger unit, would eventually surround them and start picking them off. Whether they holed up in a bunch of bushes or at a farmhouse it didn’t matter much. Just like shooting squirrels as far as I was concerned. I caught hell a few times for not letting some of them surrender but what the hell were we over here for anyway? And really, it wasn’t that much hell-after all, Sarge sent me right back out there and I did end up with about 30 or 35 kills and quite a few souvenirs.
When I got back home I said all my helloes, caught up with some buddies and got bored real quick. So I had mom wash and iron my uniform and I put it on and I marched right down to the sheriff’s office and asked for a job. Sheriff looked at me and asked, “Why should I hire you, young fella?”. I replied, “Well, I served my country and now I think I can serve my community. I can take orders, I can handle myself and if things get rough I know how to handle myself.” He smiled and said, “Well son, looks like you got yourself a job.” I guess it didn’t hurt that my daddy and the sheriff were in the same hunting party and had known each other for more than 25 years. Two years as a deputy in New Goshen does fly by though…
…Sheriff called a meeting for the end of the day and I was surprised to see some squad cars from a coupla nearby towns like Tecumseh and Shepherdsville. Something had to be up-he hardly ever asked for help from them guys. “Now boys, I want to thank you all for coming. We’ve got some tramps gathering together outsidea town and they don’t belong here”. Sheriff hated anyone that didn’t live here, hated anyone passing through-he called them ‘interlopers’. He went on, “We’ll set up back here around 9 when the sun begins to set and if you happen to own a pair of shitkickers, you might want to wear them.” Shitkickers were steel-toed boots, it was plain what we were meant to do. As we got up he looked at me, “Deputy, you may also want to bring Betty along for the ride.” ‘Betty’ was a baton but not your everyday one, no sir. I had her custom-made at the sawmill by my uncle-it was longer and thicker than the usual and made from Black Ash. I once heard a fella deputy laugh and say that I was compensating for something and I told him, “I’ll ‘compensate’ the back of your skull if you talk like that again”. That shut him up quick-I had a bit of a temper and he’d already seen what Betty could do when some black folk insisted on eating at the diner here in town one time.
It was a windless night, birds were quiet but the voices of the hobos carried. We could see the fire they had made and went directly there. Most scattered but I caught one that happened to trip on a log. I kicked him in the chest and heard him wheeze. I got a look at him as he struggled to his feet, backing away with his hands up in front of him-I was surprised, he wasn’t much older than me but from what I could see he had lived a hard life already. I grabbed Betty and swung for his face and hit his forearm. I heard a bone crack and he wailed, turned and ran. I followed him for a short distance until he stopped at the edge of an embankment, there was a stream down below. “Mr, I didn’t do anything”, he said, holding his shattered forearm with his other hand. “That’s not really the point”, I replied. I swung and hit his shoulder as he ducked but when he raised his head again I Dimaggioed him right in the temple. He was out before his body started tumbling down towards the water. He ended up face down in the stream and that’s where I left him.
As I made my way back towards my Packard I could tell that everything was ‘in hand’-I happened to look down and spotted a bright red bandana in the grass. I picked it up and marveled at the odds that I had seen it at all on this mostly starless night. “Must mean something”, I thought to myself. This might just bring me a bit of luck. I tucked it into my back pocket.
TO THE GAME!
Packers/Saints:
Are we looking at ‘end times’ Brees? He seems to be headed downhill fast. On throws of a half yard or shorter (basically dumpoffs to Kamara) he is 12 of 27 so far this year. Some of that number will no doubt correct itself in the short term but one must wonder about his arm and its fitness for duty by wk. 12 or so.
Commence commenting!
fantasy football question:
that RB for JAX jags named James Robinson is a legit RB1 now rite?
Against Cincinnati this week? Absofuckinglutely
yes indeed. He’s a bowling ball. Good pass catcher, too.
Need the Packers and the over but the Nyquil has kicked in. See ya’s tomorro.
I wonder why he quit being a Freemason.
? Who controls the British crown … ?
I don’t know why, but this is absolutely killing me.
My game within the game for this site tonight is to try to figure out the score of the game, without actually, like, watching the game. Mrs GTD is watchin Love Island and too lazy to move to a different room
Pretty sure I have never seen anything this kinky on Pornhub…. AND I HAVE LOOKED.
C’mon 7 game Stanley Cup Final
I’ve stumbled upon the Spanish translation of the game on Universo. Its like looking at a computer program with a corrupted file, but at least I don’t get Al and Cris to listen to.
Is the mute button broken?
Yes, but someone could hit the mute button or the TV could turn off and then turn back on.
Actually I stumbled upon it channel surfing. Sometimes I like to watch a foreign language channel just for fun.
So Brees arm is shot.
Bet he’ll kneel for that shooting.
I had a weird laugh at this, good work.
Can a reply make the banner? Asking for Sharkbait.
It has before.
Good thing they’re not letting fans into the Saints game. They’re better off being assholes to elbows on Bourbon Street.
I could get behind this.
Especially when self driving cars become the norm
All cars are self driving with enough confidence
Later, goobers. I’ve got a hot date with a machine that makes waterfall noises! zzzzzzzz…
bahahaha
LOL
Sorry, this simply doesn’t happen.
—Ben Shapiro and his wife.
You going to watch piss gargling videos online?
…. but it does help him sleep.
Wal Mart you ain’t fucking fooling no one.
This made me smile.
I want to force feed Colinsworth a bushel of oyster shells.
Indeed.com is not here to help. Well, it aint’ fucking helping me. Maybe other people, but Indeed is on my shit fucking list.
Indeed had people emailing me about chief residency positions in hospitals. My background has nothing to do with anything in the medical field.
Indeed is a joke
Parscale is a coward.
Rittenhouse is the GOP’s vision of toughness because he’s the only one of them who isn’t too much of a coward to pull the trigger.
Also fuck everything about Green Bay.
Except Lombardi.
Laughs in Curly Lambeau
It’s always important that SNF get exciting as I am getting dressed for work. Always a favourite of mine.
Never fails. My wife and I were an hour late to a party because of a late afternoon Ravens game. Showing up hammered didn’t help either.
Losing badly in all 4 of my money leagues. [farts] At least I have my dignity.
Until the NYT gets your tax history.
I am only winning in 1 out of 4. It’s against you…..
[shakes fist that was already shaking]
If alcohol is a depressant and you’re drinking while depressed, shouldn’t those two cancel each other out?
Yeah, that’s science.
Or magnify
Hot fucking, Lazard. Don’t mind if I do.
Nice throw
“Its footlong season” said Jared
Sacked Breesus
Collinsworth just said Brees won’t throw a ball like Russell Wilson. Ya rly
It’s that kind of insight that brings me here
This football player just wants to play football.
Greatest trophy in sports? Probably the FA Cup.
Purty
That’s the America’s Cup for the sailing world.
Rich assholes sailing boats isnt a sport
I have sent in a petition to upvote this again.
GAMBLOR winnings almost making up for leaving Rex on the bench vs. Hippo
They’re rebooting Weakest Link? Now I can’t ironically respond to people on Twitter with “you are the weakest link, goodbye” anymore.
How rotund has Sean Payton gotten
Saints DC covering his masked mouth with a sheet of paper while he calls signals JUST TO BE SURE.
Cameradown!
i call this piece “Andy Reid’s Leftovers”.
I was going to go with some friendship joke, but this is way better.
This Sunday, on NBC! Learn what white ppl think jazz should be!!
With your host, Glib Calloway!
They love telling Gene Zkrupa he cant go “Bub bup pap papap bub bup pap pa pap”.
Still alive in survivor. If only there was some way to celebrate it…
REAGAN SMASH!!!
/he was really good at the net ,, ppl forget that
great storytellin’
Is it Nyquil time? It’s Nyquil time.
-Bill Cosby, switching tactics
Channeling my inner Sharper.
My mistake was channeling a Sharpy inwards.
Also NEW SPONSOR!
COME OOONNN!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4LTCWRc8_o
Love the SuperDome cost savings by keeping the lights off in the stands. NO BS, LOVE IT
Jesus Christ, Scotchy, that is dark as fuck. Love it.
It’s not Sunday Night without a hobo story!
“The Waltons” theme music starts playing every time.
Care nothing about either team, but give Brees’s off-field persona (basically, a right-wing religious asshole) versus that of Rodgers (an asshole, but not a horrible asshole); gonna go against my regular instinct and root for GB.
This story on Joe Montana’s wife fighting off a home intruder trying to kidnap their grandkid is amazeballs
Sounds legit.
Maybe the would-be kidnappers were BLM or AntiFa.
Hox and Bears won playing with house money
♬ THAT ONE NIGHT (ONE NIGHT) MADE EVERYTHING ALRI-HIGH-IGHT ♬
Aaron should be pretty loose for this game having gotten his post-McCarthy-failure jerk in
FOUR consecutive political ads leading up to the bad singing. John James->Donald Trump-Gary Peters->Joe Biden. Come, sweet annihilation
I appreciate them offering up their SSI and, of course, committing to keeping my BIG PHARMA stocks high in return for a $200 gift card.
America’s Stupid Generation is an abject failure. Stupid fucking baby boomers.
After all that bullshit, the Eagles are only a half game out of first in the east. They’d be zero games out of first if Doug hadn’t caught meningitis at the end of regulation.
The NFC 2020.
Murdered her husband
WTF? Is that Collinsworth’s son? WTF? What did he do to deserve any broadcasting slot at all?
Pedigree.
Gonads and strife
oooh that’s a good callback
HA
That duty drove my grandfather completely insane. He lived more than 50 years afterwards. His car smelled like stale beer. He’d walk around the parks in Tucson, AZ and collect cans. If he found a nickel in the hot tar he’d pry it out with a screwdriver. He loved hippos cardinals. Except that Bastid Andujar.
cool animal battle
Where’s Simba?
Mask Singer tonight